Would a judge agree to this arrangement?

[Pearl72]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

I have a daughter that is 4 years old, and i am the primary physical custodian. My daughter will be attending preschool here shortly, but my ex is wanting me to sign papers agreeing to the following: If she goes to school with me, he would have her every weekend, and we would split the holidays of christmas break, thanksgiving, spring break and july 4th, and mother's/father's day, split the summer in half, and there would be no child support from either one of us. Or otherwise, it would be the opposite, she would go to school where he lives, and i would have her every weekend, etc... He works on the weekends, and so "if" i agreed to this, she would be with her stepmom and 4 half sib's, that are all teenagers. Even during the week he works 10-12 hour days, plus he coaches football... so her father wouldn't really have time for her, in which he wants 50/50. The current arrangement we have is every other weekend, and every other tuesday for 12 hours. And he gets 2 weeks during the summer, (which he hasn't used). Her stepmom works 3rd shift 12 hours days as a nurse as well. I really don't feel it is in her best interests to agree to this arrangement... am i being unreasonable in denying this sort of request of his? And would a judge agree to something like this if he decides to take it to court?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

I have a daughter that is 4 years old, and i am the primary physical custodian. My daughter will be attending preschool here shortly, but my ex is wanting me to sign papers agreeing to the following: If she goes to school with me, he would have her every weekend, and we would split the holidays of christmas break, thanksgiving, spring break and july 4th, and mother's/father's day, split the summer in half, and there would be no child support from either one of us. Or otherwise, it would be the opposite, she would go to school where he lives, and i would have her every weekend, etc... He works on the weekends, and so "if" i agreed to this, she would be with her stepmom and 4 half sib's, that are all teenagers. Even during the week he works 10-12 hour days, plus he coaches football... so her father wouldn't really have time for her, in which he wants 50/50. The current arrangement we have is every other weekend, and every other tuesday for 12 hours. And he gets 2 weeks during the summer, (which he hasn't used). Her stepmom works 3rd shift 12 hours days as a nurse as well. I really don't feel it is in her best interests to agree to this arrangement... am i being unreasonable in denying this sort of request of his? And would a judge agree to something like this if he decides to take it to court?

What is your current parenting time schedule? What is the distance between your homes? If there is a significant distance, who created that distance?...you or dad?

There is little chance that a judge would agree to a schedule that give either parent ALL the weekends.....and its pretty apparent that dad's schedule doesn't lend itself to him having primary custody. If dad lives too far away to exercise midweeks visits but not so far as to make travel onerous, a judge might give dad 3 weekends a month....but that is fairly rare since its generally recognized that kids need weekend time with both parents.

 

[Pearl72]

The current arrangement is Every other weekend, and every other tuesday from 9am til 8pm, 2 weeks in the summer, and we alternate the holidays. Neither of us have moved since court, he lives an hours drive from us right now.

He has already said he won't agree to weekly visits (like after school til 7 or 8pm.) due to it doesn't allow her to go to his house for a great period of time and he can't bring his kids with due to their school activities. But he doesn't want to go more than a week from our daughter seeing his wife, or his kids or him...

I am trying to come up with a reasonable plan, but he wants nothing less than 50/50... (not to be blunt, but i feel it is because he doesn't like, or want to pay child support)

Any ideas of what would be reasonable for a 4 year old?

 

[bononos]

From another parents point of view, I think it's great you are trying to work to give him a good amount of time, but it's time to stop thinking about him, and think of your child.
What happens in a year or 2 and further down the line, starts attending school, wants to have sleep overs, has friends birthday parties to attend, wants to play sports, etc...
If dad has child EVERY weekend, either he must agree to these things or the child is left out of events and activities.
I know it's "mom's time" and "dad's time", but I think you are overlooking that it's also the "child's time".

 

[legalcuriosity]

I am trying to come up with a reasonable plan, but he wants nothing less than 50/50... (not to be blunt, but i feel it is because he doesn't like, or want to pay child support)

Yeah....so?? There are just as many CP's out there who don't want to agree to joint legal/physical custody because they don't want to lose that extra $$ in support. It's a two-way street.

Any ideas of what would be reasonable for a 4 year old?

That is a question only you AND the father can answer. None of us honestly can. What kind of relationship does the child have with the father, etc. You both can answer this question better than any of us.

Yeah, people can give suggestions, but they are just that -- none of us are under yours or his roof.

 

[CJane]

My ex and I have 50/50 visitation of our two girls (8 & 5 now) and it works pretty well. BUT, I'm willing to commute a LOT in order to facillitate the visitation.

I have the girls from 8pm every Sunday until 8am every Wednesday. We alternate the weekends (from 8am on Friday to 8pm on Sunday). We alternate Thanksgiving, 4th of July, Labor Day and Memorial Day, he has every New Years and Easter, I have every Christmas and Halloween.

The children attend school in his school district, so on the three mornings a week that I have them, my commute to work is just over an hour and a half if traffic is cooperating.

50/50 custody works, and is working VERY well for my kids (the physical aspects anyway), but both parents have to be committed to making it work.

 

[LdiJ]

The current arrangement is Every other weekend, and every other tuesday from 9am til 8pm, 2 weeks in the summer, and we alternate the holidays. Neither of us have moved since court, he lives an hours drive from us right now.

He has already said he won't agree to weekly visits (like after school til 7 or 8pm.) due to it doesn't allow her to go to his house for a great period of time and he can't bring his kids with due to their school activities. But he doesn't want to go more than a week from our daughter seeing his wife, or his kids or him...

I am trying to come up with a reasonable plan, but he wants nothing less than 50/50... (not to be blunt, but i feel it is because he doesn't like, or want to pay child support)

Any ideas of what would be reasonable for a 4 year old?

With your situation, 50/50 is neither possible, nor reasonable. The two of you live too far apart for 50/50 to work. What's more, every weekend is not 50/50.....nor will a judge give him every weekend. Like I said, a judge might give him 3 weekends a month, MAYBE, but a judge won't give him every weekend.

He could certainly come to your town once a week to have dinner with the child. I think that you can also demonstrate that he isn't really spending any time with the child himself on his Tuesdays currently since he works 10-12 hours a day.

He has no basis to get primary custody himself. Her starting school/preschool does not change things enough to demonstrate a change in circumstance that would require a custody change.

Personally...I would advise that you insist on sticking to the current schedule, but that he now has the right to get her after school until 8PM on Tuesdays. I personally wouldn't recommend giving him three weekends a month. A judge might order you to do that...but its really not fair to you or the child. Stick with the current holiday schedule, and offer him every other week during the summer (instead of the current two weeks).

 

[casa]

With your situation, 50/50 is neither possible, nor reasonable. The two of you live too far apart for 50/50 to work. What's more, every weekend is not 50/50.....nor will a judge give him every weekend. Like I said, a judge might give him 3 weekends a month, MAYBE, but a judge won't give him every weekend.

He could certainly come to your town once a week to have dinner with the child. I think that you can also demonstrate that he isn't really spending any time with the child himself on his Tuesdays currently since he works 10-12 hours a day.

He has no basis to get primary custody himself. Her starting school/preschool does not change things enough to demonstrate a change in circumstance that would require a custody change.

Personally...I would advise that you insist on sticking to the current schedule, but that he now has the right to get her after school until 8PM on Tuesdays. I personally wouldn't recommend giving him three weekends a month. A judge might order you to do that...but its really not fair to you or the child. Stick with the current holiday schedule, and offer him every other week during the summer (instead of the current two weeks).

I agree due to father's schedule, stepmom's schedule and the future re; school and social aspects.

I do, however, think that 2 weeks in the whole summer isn't very fair. Have you considered splitting the summer or at least giving Dad 30 days? sharing holidays is similar to rotating holidays- so I am not sure what the gripe is there on Dad's part.

Have you considered going to a mediator with Dad and working out the glitches?

 

[Pearl72]

I have offered to go to mediation, and brought it up to him, but he refuses to pay for any of it, and requires me to flip the entire bill, he won't even offer to pay half the cost, which i was willing to do. Plus he said that when i agree to pay the bill, the mediator has to be in his town, and not mine, making me commute for an hour to where he lives... and i told him we could find one halfway if possible, and he refuses.

I have no problem in giving him 30 days in the summer, as opposed to his 2 weeks that he is supposed to get (but again, has never used). But I did ask if we agree to this, that our daughter be allowed to called me at least 2x a week, and let me have a 48hr period with her after 2 weeks, if it is a continous period of 30 days. He wants the entire summer, including weekends etc...

Also, I could care less about the child support anymore, I have learned to not depend on it for any reason, and make do with my income to support me and my daughter, if he sends something, it is an extra bonus for my daughter. Me and my daughter have the basics of what we need to live. Shelter, Food, Clothing... on my income alone. You learn to make do with what you have, and not worry about what you don't have.

 

[djohnson]

Which town, your or his, is the custody order currently in? That is where mediation should take place. I would stick to the original order as it stands and if he doesn't like it, let him take it to court. You have tried to be reasonable and he isn't going to be happy unless he gets his way. Let him foot the bill and take it to court. Because it is preschool, he can still take her during his times, let him explain to the court when he pushes it why the child is absent from real school in a year every wednessday. It won't look good to him. Tell him you are ok like it is now and it's his responsiblity to get her to school on time and if he doesn't like it he can take it to court or mediation, but that will happen where jurisdiction is currently at.

 

[note4me]

Since he doesn't want to pay child support, then he should be more considerate and compromise more. I suggest if you haven't already, get all your receipts that you have paid for her, and your bank stub, and if you have to take him to court, then its to get financial aid to your daughter. Why should you have to struggle financially if he can help out, yet chooses not to? He expects you to do most of the compromising yet doesn't do any in return, is that fair? It's also shows he has no concern to support his daughter financially and the way to get out of it is 50/50. I think even with 50/50 he still has to provide financially for her. Your daughter is his responsibility to take care of when she's with him, not his wife. You should ask if they have financially aid to talk to a mediator or just get a free consultation.

 

[abstract99]

This might be a stupid question here. I know that you said the child is only 4 but have you even asked her when she wants. I know 4 is not very old but she can at least tell you if she wants to go over there that much. It won't matter too much in the courts but it only seems logical to at least ask her what she wants to give you an idea of what to try to fight for. The chances of him getting every weekend are slim to none. The chances of him getting every other weekend, which seems a lot more reasonable, are better but it will not guarentee that he will not have to pay child support. I am pretty sure that sice child support is something that can be changed any time the situation changes it is not something that even if you did sign on will hold much weight in court. In reguards to mediation you can ask that he have to pay for half but don't forget that a mediator doesn't have to be someone from the courthouse. A lot of people will use their lawyer or they will hire a lawyer that is impartial to the case to sit down with them for 3 hours to talk something out. No matter what I do not see this staying out of court. If you file for a mediator through the court system he will be ordered to go so it is not really even an option that he has.
With me being a working dad I feel it a bit wrong to throw the fact that he is working 10 hour days in his face. Once the child starts 1st grade it will meen little anyways and he needs to work to support his family. If the daughter is close with the step mom I find nothing wrong with her being watched my step mom until dad gets off work. If she isn't though it might be a problem but given her age she probably likes everyone.
Plain and simple you are gonna have to take this to court eventually whether it being now or a year from now. File for the mediation, if you cannot come to an agreement there it will automatically go to court where a judge will make the decision for you and he will more than likely side with you.

 

[saddadinpa]

Seems to me is he just doesn't want to pay child support