Would like opinions...

[stepmom&mom]

What is the name of your state?Oklahoma

September 8, my dh's lawyer requested a temporary order granting custody to my dh because bm moved without notification and had denied visitation since.

At the hearing, the judge did not grant the request, but stated that we needed to set up a relocation hearing to address the move.

Until then, the judge said that we need to find some way to "work it out" regarding visitation, travel, etc.

BM insisted that we drive there to pick up my dh's daughter and that she will pick her up at 7pm. My dh was not too pleased by this because he was losing one overnight per every other week (Sunday night) and was being required to cough up the money for travel for a move that he never agreed to.

My question is this...

In dh's current order, it grants him standard visitation (Friday night through Monday morning.) What is dh's obligation as far as returning her on Sunday night? The judge would not even hear the discussion and simply told dh and bm to work it out until the relocation hearing. Some facts you should know:

1. Even though bm said daughter was not going to school this year in original pretrial conference, she decided to enroll daughter in kindergarten anyways (even though she just turned five about 2 weeks ago.) So now she is stating that daughter HAS to be back Sunday night.

2. We orally agreed, between parties to pick up dh's daughter on Friday evening and BM said she would pick her up on Sunday night. Is such currently binding?

What would you do in this situation?

 

[stepmom&mom]

Also, we found out that before this relocation, and according to the current visitation schedule, my dh qualifies for "shared parenting" which means he gets a discount on child support because he is above a certain minimum on number of nights that daughter spends with him. If he agrees to cutting back the visitation to Sunday night, he will lose that shared parenting status.

 

[stealth2]

How far did she move?

 

[stepmom&mom]

About 130 miles away.

 

[stealth2]

If it were my kid, I would likely suck it up and have her back to be able to attend kindergarten.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Well, I guess it's kind of a catch 22. We cannot afford to drive back and forth four times every other weekend AND pay child support. So my dh taking her back on Monday is out of the question. BM will only pick her up on Sunday night, which is fine, except dh loses an overnight. Our lawyer believes that if we just accept this, then dh is, thereby, indicating to the courts that he is "voluntarily" offering to reduce his parenting time. This is not what dh wants the courts to think. He would like to either retain those overnights, or have them made up elsewhere.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, I guess it's kind of a catch 22. We cannot afford to drive back and forth four times every other weekend AND pay child support. So my dh taking her back on Monday is out of the question. BM will only pick her up on Sunday night, which is fine, except dh loses an overnight. Our lawyer believes that if we just accept this, then dh is, thereby, indicating to the courts that he is "voluntarily" offering to reduce his parenting time. This is not what dh wants the courts to think. He would like to either retain those overnights, or have them made up elsewhere.

Which will ultimately be addressed in the entire court process on this case.

What you are dealing with now is a temporary situation until the court makes new orders.

The child is enrolled in school. Its in the child's best interest to attend. What's important here is what's best for her, not for either of her parents.
If mom wins on the relocation do you expect the child to miss every other Monday at school for the next 12-13 years? Of course not. Obviously the child needs to go back on Sunday evening.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Yes, we understand that. And actually, we aren't even trying to stop the relocation anymore. The judge made it very clear at the temporary hearing that we wouldn't win that one. In fact, when we brought up all of the denied visitation SINCE her move, his only comment was "that's water under the bridge." So now anytime BM wants to deny visitation, I guess she has the judges blessing.

The only thing my dh ever wanted was for bm to provide the transportation and give him makeup time for the missed overnights. The judge would not make her provide the transportation. My dh asked bm for three extra weeks in the summer to make them up and bm said no way. I don't think what my dh is asking for is too much, especially since he's not even contesting the move. But this judge seems to be really biased.

BM showed up to the hearing 2 1/2 hours late and the judge didn't even flinch.