Evidence for Sole Custody Modification

[proud_parent]

What is the name of your state? Iowa

I apologize for the length of what follows.

My husband (H) and his ex-wife (X) have joint legal custody of their 7 year old daughter (D). H has filed for sole custody. I'm seeking advice as to additional evidence to gather for trial [now five weeks away], as H has heavy burden to prove continuing joint custody is not in D's best interest.

H and X separated in 2001 and divorced in 2002. X moved out taking D four hours away to IL. H received joint legal custody with visitation every other weekend plus spring breaks and 6 weeks each summer. Both parties were ordered to provide transportation to halfway point for exchanges; H was ordered to pay child support, provide medical insurance, and pay 75% of uncovered health expenses.

Since then, X has shown increasingly contemptuous behavior: withholding information, preventing H's participation in decisionmaking (especially involving medical treatment), and interfering with visitation. She also moved with D at least five times, often keeping her specific location from H.

H has filed Rule to Show Cause three times: in 2004 (judge who heard the case urged mediation; H agreed to dismiss without prejudice in exchange for compensatory visitation and regular scheduled phone contact), in 2005 (case never went before the Court, with X agreeing to admit contempt on earlier charge and additional compensatory visitation as part of settlement), and in 2006.

Leading up to Third Rule to Show Cause, X:
- Called on two consecutive visits to "cancel", claiming D was too ill to travel
- Admitted only when pressed for info that D had been seeing a psychologist for 2 months
- Alleged I had physically abused D in our home two months earlier [no one had reported to authorities]. As evidence, she claimed D had returned from summer visitation with bruises; D has continually maintained that she got them playing with our dog.
- Refused to discuss D's treatment; psychologist also refused H's request to discuss and to provide treatment notes
- Insisted H excercise visitation only in IL, claiming psychologist's recommendation [H refused to agree]

After Show Cause was filed, X then:
- Filed (or urged psychologist to file) false report of suspected abuse/neglect [investigated and determined to be unfounded]
- Continued to respond to H's emails documenting his intent to exercise visitation by stating she would not allow D to come to IA
- Moved D to new city and school without informing H [H learned when D revealed this during their weekly phone visit]
- Withheld D's new address and school info for several weeks despite repeated requests from H
- Withheld that she and D had moved in with X's new boyfriend (having moved out of previous boyfriend's three weeks earlier)
- Withheld that she was planning to move overseas with D and new boyfriend [D again revealed this, and X's attorney confirmed]

The day of the hearing, H filed for modification seeking physical care. The judge stayed the contempt to be heard at such time as trial. Judge verbally admonished X for ignoring the Court's order, and entered a new order barring X from removing D from IA or IL. Three weeks later, X's attorney offered a "trial home placement" of D with H, stating that X found D's behavior increasingly difficult to control and suggesting it was D who lied about the abuse. The parties signed a stipulation giving H temporary physical care through end of 2006-2007 school year, with X to receive visitation, and neither party to pay child support until a permanent order is entered.

Since that time, X has:
- Remarried
- Announced in February she would move overseas April 2, instructing H to say nothing to D for a month
- Twice declined to exercise visitation, citing "too much that needs to be done" and "not a lot for [D] to do in our house" pending the move
- Maintained once-weekly telephone contact with D
- Indicated that X's mother wished to "take over" visitation after X's move
- Given no indication what she herself expects as visitation, except weekly phone contact and language anticipating D will one day attain an age when she will be permitted to travel overseas
- Failed to answer interrogatories

One week before she moved, X sent an irate letter to her own and to H's attorney, demanding an order to sign before she left. H's attorney drafted a consent order for change of primary care that included language that H would support grandparents' relationship with D, agree to discuss the possibility of D visiting X overseas, and granting X telephone visitation and summer visitation to be exercised in IA/IL. The order also would have required X to admit contempt. X replied by email, "What the hell do you think you are doing? I am not your child and you have no control over me. Asking me to cut off all contact with my child is insane!" Regarding the contempt, she wrote "I listened to [D] and tried the best I could given information I had to figure it out. I did not know that [D] was lying about it and had know way of guessing that she would do that." Following this, H's attorney has modified the application asking sole legal and physical custody.

It is my educated but non-professional opinion that X suffers from an undiagnosed personality disorder of the borderline / narcissistic / histrionic type. H has emails documenting her inability to cooperate and her unwillingness to allow H more than minimal contact, going back to 2003. H also has email correspondence with D's teachers in both IL and IA demonstrating his attempts to stay involved despite poor information from X. He has two audiotapes of X's outbursts over the phone. He has a (redacted) copy of the IL DCFS report, in which the investigator concludes X likely supplied false information to the therapist in order to get her to phone the hotline. He has documentation that he and I have each completed Iowa's transparenting course. Finally, he has requested D's medical records, and D has been seeing a new therapist since January, who will be deposed for trial.

Is this evidence enough to make a case for sole custody? Should the IL psychologist be deposed? (She terminated treatment, apparently after X failed to pay.) Although D was seen on 10 occasions, the psychologist has produced only two pages of notes, claiming she does not keep records as she is concerned about patient privacy; clearly, she is either lying or is in violation of professional ethics. Is it worth subpoenaeing her records to verify whether more exist? [H intends to file an ethics complaint once trial is over.] Will the redacted copy of the DCFS report be admissable? What about copies of medical records sent directly to H; must these be certified? Should H seek affidavits from D's current and former teachers? Finally, is a psychological evaluation of the mother an option, or advisable under the circumstances? Who would need to request/order such an evaluation?

 

[proud_parent]

Anyone?

*crickets chirping*

Too much information? Not appropriate for this forum? Or are the senior members rolling their eyes thinking, "Another stepmom with an inflated sense of involvement..."

Truly, I know I have no legal rights in this case, whatever my emotional attachment. I also acknowledge that my husband has an attorney who is both competent and experienced, but he does not specialize in family law. I'd really appreciate any insights from this group that might help them make a solid case, as we are all committed to providing a stable future for this wonderful little girl.

 

[GrowUp!]

Or are the senior members rolling their eyes thinking, "Another stepmom with an inflated sense of involvement..."

Well since tossed the bait, don't be surprised at what it catches.

I also acknowledge that my husband has an attorney who is both competent and experienced, but he does not specialize in family law.

Well then there's a problem. Why NOT hire an attorney specialized in Family Law since this deals with it. That's like hiring a FL attorney for an asbestos lawsuit.

 

[proud_parent]

Well since tossed the bait, don't be surprised at what it catches.

I was fully expecting that, and deserve it.

As to why my husband hasn't hired a different attorney, I can't explain his decision. I presume he feels comfortable with his present attorney, who knows him and the child well and is very familiar with the history of the case. Perhaps as his ex's attorney is state-appointed, a recent law-school grad, and (IMO) overmatched, he feels that changing counsel now would be like going after a gnat with a sledgehammer.

Obviously, as I'm the one asking the questions, I tend toward the sledgehammer-wielding approach.

 

[Ohiogal]

I was fully expecting that, and deserve it.

As to why my husband hasn't hired a different attorney, I can't explain his decision. I presume he feels comfortable with his present attorney, who knows him and the child well and is very familiar with the history of the case. Perhaps as his ex's attorney is state-appointed, a recent law-school grad, and (IMO) overmatched, he feels that changing counsel now would be like going after a gnat with a sledgehammer.

Obviously, as I'm the one asking the questions, I tend toward the sledgehammer-wielding approach.

Underestimating a new attorney is stupidity. You may be very surprised when your h's attorney gets trounced.

 

[proud_parent]

Underestimating a new attorney is stupidity. You may be very surprised when your h's attorney gets trounced.

No, I would not be surprised. No matter my opinion of her skills (based on her handling of the case over the past two contempt charges), I understand the burden rests with H to prove his case, and I assume the Court will presume in favor of the status quo.

I can't make H's decisions or argue his case for him, only give him whatever help I can. That's why I'm seeking the advice of the seniors here.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Iowa

Okay I trimmed all the BS not needed.

Since that time, X has:
- Remarried

Irrelevant.

- Announced in February she would move overseas April 2, instructing H to say nothing to D for a month

Say nothing for a month as in march or not until after she left? While that may not be the best idea it doesn't really impact much.

- Twice declined to exercise visitation, citing "too much that needs to be done" and "not a lot for [D] to do in our house" pending the move

Visitation is a right not an obligation.

- Maintained once-weekly telephone contact with D

Okay.

- Indicated that X's mother wished to "take over" visitation after X's move

Visitation is NOT transferrable in this way.

- Given no indication what she herself expects as visitation, except weekly phone contact and language anticipating D will one day attain an age when she will be permitted to travel overseas

How old is D? And one day D will be allowed to travel overseas.

- Failed to answer interrogatories

Different issue. Dad's attorney if he had a clue would file a motion to compel.

One week before she moved, X sent an irate letter to her own and to H's attorney, demanding an order to sign before she left. H's attorney drafted a consent order for change of primary care that included language that H would support grandparents' relationship with D, agree to discuss the possibility of D visiting X overseas, and granting X telephone visitation and summer visitation to be exercised in IA/IL.

Dad was asking for quite a bit actually. Agreeing to discuss D going overseas? Ummm...
Yeah.

The order also would have required X to admit contempt. X replied by email, "What the hell do you think you are doing? I am not your child and you have no control over me. Asking me to cut off all contact with my child is insane!"

Yes it is actually.

Regarding the contempt, she wrote "I listened to [D] and tried the best I could given information I had to figure it out. I did not know that [D] was lying about it and had know way of guessing that she would do that."

While she may have done the wrong thing, if the child was lying then that may be good enough reason for a court to admonish her for it but not do much else. She would be a fool to admit it if these ar ethe actual facts.

Following this, H's attorney has modified the application asking sole legal and physical custody.

You can ask for anything but that may not happen.

It is my educated but non-professional opinion that X suffers from an undiagnosed personality disorder of the borderline / narcissistic / histrionic type.

You are a non professional therefore your opinion matters not. Unless there is a diagnosis it doesn't count -- oh and if H asks for X to get a psych eval that will happen to H as well.

H has emails documenting her inability to cooperate and her unwillingness to allow H more than minimal contact, going back to 2003.

Mom only has to allow what is in the court order. As does dad.

H also has email correspondence with D's teachers in both IL and IA demonstrating his attempts to stay involved despite poor information from X.

Okay so he was acting as a father. Prove that X was interfering.

He has two audiotapes of X's outbursts over the phone.

Did X know she was being taped? Did she consent to it? If not that brings up credibility issues as well as possible legal issues.

He has a (redacted) copy of the IL DCFS report, in which the investigator concludes X likely supplied false information to the therapist in order to get her to phone the hotline.

That is an assumption which will NOT hold up in court.

He has documentation that he and I have each completed Iowa's transparenting course. Finally, he has requested D's medical records, and D has been seeing a new therapist since January, who will be deposed for trial.

Okay and what will those show?

Is this evidence enough to make a case for sole custody?

Not necessarily.

Should the IL psychologist be deposed? (She terminated treatment, apparently after X failed to pay.)

Again an assumption.

Although D was seen on 10 occasions, the psychologist has produced only two pages of notes, claiming she does not keep records as she is concerned about patient privacy; clearly, she is either lying or is in violation of professional ethics. Is it worth subpoenaeing her records to verify whether more exist?

H can try however if none exist then none exist.

[H intends to file an ethics complaint once trial is over.] Will the redacted copy of the DCFS report be admissable?

For what purpose? All it shows is that abuse was not indicated.

What about copies of medical records sent directly to H; must these be certified?

They should be.

Should H seek affidavits from D's current and former teachers? Finally, is a psychological evaluation of the mother an option, or advisable under the circumstances? Who would need to request/order such an evaluation?

A psychological evaluation of both parents would be called for and expect H to pay for both of them which can run several thousands of dollars. Affidavits ARE NOT admissible in school. Deal with it.

 

[proud_parent]

Thank you for the responses.

Say nothing for a month as in march or not until after she left?

Say nothing until March; i.e., wait for X to break the news on her last visit before leaving the country. H urged X to discuss with D sooner to give her time to ask questions and to begin adjusting to the news. He also urged X to speak privately with D's therapist to discuss. X declined both suggestions, so H told D what was about to happen.

Visitation is NOT transferrable in this way.

Precisely. X appears not to understand that she cannot "will" her rights as parent to whomever she chooses.

How old is D? And one day D will be allowed to travel overseas.

D is now seven. Who determines at what age D shall be allowed to travel unaccompanied?

Different issue. Dad's attorney if he had a clue would file a motion to compel.

How much time does the respondent have to answer if compelled?

Dad was asking for quite a bit actually.

Unsure what you mean. Are you saying that the terms of the consent order were unreasonable (keeping in mind that neither X nor her attorney have indicated what parenting time she is seeking)? In what way?

Yes it is actually.

Yes, asking her to cut off all contact would be insane and not in D's best interest. No one is asking that.

You are a non professional therefore your opinion matters not.

Granted.

Okay so he was acting as a father. Prove that X was interfering.

What kind of evidence might constitute such proof?

Did X know she was being taped? Did she consent to it? If not that brings up credibility issues as well as possible legal issues.

No, X neither knew nor consented. My understanding is that IA is a one-party state, and H knew the conversation was being taped. I do not know whether H's attorney is planning to introduce the tapes into evidence.

That is an assumption which will NOT hold up in court.

I suspected as much. Would a judge be likely to give DCFS's conclusions any weight in determining if there was contempt?

Okay and what will those show?

That D's therapist finds her to be well adusted to living with H, not suffering from anxiety or panic disorder as X has repeatedly claimed, and that X demonstrates signs of being "parentified" by X while in her primary care.

Again an assumption.

An assumption based on billing records the psychologist turned over to X's attorney, and a copy of a letter psychologist wrote to X indicating she was terminating treatment for failure to pay.

H can try however if none exist then none exist.

Do you see any merit in pursuing this? H is wondering whether additional records might demonstrate malpractice or indicate that X failed to obtain appropriate care for D.

For what purpose? All it shows is that abuse was not indicated.

On the chance that the investigator's conclusions might influence the judge's decision. Do you feel this is a no-go?

They should be.

What do you recommend as the fastest way to obtain certified records? Requests from H for personal copies have taken several weeks to several months.

A psychological evaluation of both parents would be called for and expect H to pay for both of them which can run several thousands of dollars.

May H's attorney request this, or must the Court order it?

Affidavits ARE NOT admissible in school. Deal with it.

Admissable in school? or in Court? Are you saying there is no benefit to seeking teachers' testimony that H is involved parent and that D is thriving in school since he has had primary care?

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for the responses.


Say nothing until March; i.e., wait for X to break the news on her last visit before leaving the country. H urged X to discuss with D sooner to give her time to ask questions and to begin adjusting to the news. He also urged X to speak privately with D's therapist to discuss. X declined both suggestions, so H told D what was about to happen.

Okay not a parenting decision that I agree with but it was a parenting decision by X. Differences in parenting decisions are allowable. And not illegal.

Precisely. X appears not to understand that she cannot "will" her rights as parent to whomever she chooses.

X will find that out. However it is in D's best interest to have a continuing relationship with her extended family.

D is now seven. Who determines at what age D shall be allowed to travel unaccompanied?

The court will determine when she should be allowed to travel overseas to mom. The airlines have also set it up so that children younger than D can travel alone in the US. So when an airline allows D to fly alone overseas a court most likely will also. Unless there is something major prohibiting it (as in D is mentally deficient).

How much time does the respondent have to answer if compelled?

the court will order her to answer and give her a specific amount of time before they find her in contempt.

Unsure what you mean. Are you saying that the terms of the consent order were unreasonable (keeping in mind that neither X nor her attorney have indicated what parenting time she is seeking)? In what way?

The whole part about agreeing to discuss D going overseas and that summer visitation would be exercised in IA/IL. If mom lives overseas then visitation would take place overseas. The child can fly overseas accompanied by a parent at any age. So if mom comes back to pick up child, mom should be able to exercise summer visitation wherever she wants provided dad knows where she is and how to get in touch with her. Also, dad should have reasonable phone conversation and unlimited email correspondence with child and since mom moved, mom should pay for the child to call dad once a week if child goes overseas. I would also state that the country must be a member of the Hague convention and not be considered war-torn or dangerous to travel to by US Government Standards. Dad is trying to control far too much.

Yes, asking her to cut off all contact would be insane and not in D's best interest. No one is asking that.

That is good. But limiting mom to visit only in Iowa and Illinois is limiting her quite a bit.

No, X neither knew nor consented. My understanding is that IA is a one-party state, and H knew the conversation was being taped. I do not know whether H's attorney is planning to introduce the tapes into evidence.

This is easily discredited. H could have purposely pushed X's buttons. Are both states one party states? Was X on a cell phone? Where was X when she was on the phone with H?

I suspected as much. Would a judge be likely to give DCFS's conclusions any weight in determining if there was contempt?

Nope. Unless the conclusions were released to mom BEFORE the allegations of contempt. If mom actually believed that the child was abused because of daughter's statements then mom may not be found in contempt.

That D's therapist finds her to be well adusted to living with H, not suffering from anxiety or panic disorder as X has repeatedly claimed, and that X demonstrates signs of being "parentified" by X while in her primary care.

But if X's therapist or someone else with adequate professional background diagnosed D with such problems then D's therapist just has a different diagnosis and X can't be faulted with believing a diagnosis of a professional. Parentified? What the heck does that mean? Again that could be chalked up to differences in parenting styles. Not illegal and not something a court will rule upon.

An assumption based on billing records the psychologist turned over to X's attorney, and a copy of a letter psychologist wrote to X indicating she was terminating treatment for failure to pay.

I dont understand what her failure to pay will show.

Do you see any merit in pursuing this? H is wondering whether additional records might demonstrate malpractice or indicate that X failed to obtain appropriate care for D.

Because a psychologist failed to keep proper records is on the psychologist not on mom. And malpractice is a completely different case and not relevant to this case.

On the chance that the investigator's conclusions might influence the judge's decision. Do you feel this is a no-go?

I truthfully would because unless you can prove that mom was being completely malicious it doesn't go anywhere. And the investigator's conclusions won't do that. They can be useful if mom accuses you of abuse to back up that you aren't. But to use them on the offensive is not going to go anywhere.

What do you recommend as the fastest way to obtain certified records? Requests from H for personal copies have taken several weeks to several months.

Go to the hospital/doctor's and request them in person by signing the release in writing or getting a subpoena served on them.

May H's attorney request this, or must the Court order it?

The attorney requests the Court to order it then the Court has a hearing to decide if it should be ordered.

Admissable in school? or in Court? Are you saying there is no benefit to seeking teachers' testimony that H is involved parent and that D is thriving in school since he has had primary care?

Affidavits not admissible in court. There is a benefit if the teacher wants to come testify

 

[proud_parent]

Thank you again, I truly appreciate your input.

At the risk of being a pest...

However it is in D's best interest to have a continuing relationship with her extended family.

Admittedly so. Unfortunately, H is having great difficulty working with X-MIL on that front, as X-MIL is attempting to go around him to arrange visits directly with D, who at seven has no authority to decide when and where visits will take place. X and X-MIL apparently presume H will continue to provide transportation to exchange point whenever the grandparents wish it.

The child can fly overseas accompanied by a parent at any age. So if mom comes back to pick up child, mom should be able to exercise summer visitation wherever she wants...

X has given no indication if or when she intends to return to the States. I'm quite certain she would consider the cost of traveling with D prohibitive. X seems to be anticipating that D will travel in the company of X's parents...but again, she refuses to state what specifically she expects, or what amount of the transporation costs X expects to shoulder.

...provided dad knows where she is and how to get in touch with her.

Therein lies the rub. X has history of moving D without notifying H or the Court, and also of refusing to disclose D's whereabouts when in her care. But you make excellent suggestions.

Are both states one party states? Was X on a cell phone? Where was X when she was on the phone with H?

Yes, I believe IA and IL both are. X was on cell phone, presumably in IL. H was on our landline. I think the tapes would demonstrate he was addressing her calmly and respectfully, but of course others might disagree.

Nope. Unless the conclusions were released to mom BEFORE the allegations of contempt. If mom actually believed that the child was abused because of daughter's statements then mom may not be found in contempt.

Ah yes, and there would be no way to prove what she believed. *sigh* H has only X's email in which she first mentioned bruises and stated that D said she got them playing with the dog; "I'm not sure about that", was X's comment. H also has the DCFS report in which investigators report that D repeatedly denied any abuse and continually maintained bruising was a result of playing with the dog. We know of no evidence to show there ever WAS any bruising; the investigators never saw it, as the report came in fully 12 weeks after the alleged incident. If bruising ever was present, I can only assert that it was not a result of any abuse in our home.

Parentified? What the heck does that mean?

Role reversal of parent and child, or compelling a child to perform the role of the adult at the expense of her own developmentally appropriate needs. This goes to support H's assertion that X is unwilling or unable to place D's needs and desires above her own.

I dont understand what her failure to pay will show.

Alone, nothing. In concert with other evidence showing X's financial irresponsibility, it may be (no guarantee, of course) a contributing factor in influencing a judge's decision as to which parent is better able to minister to D's needs on an ongoing basis.

I truthfully would because unless you can prove that mom was being completely malicious it doesn't go anywhere.

Any suggestion where we might look for support of malicious intent? Perhaps the X's ex-boyfriend, with whom she was still living at the time the report was filed? Does the fact that the psychologist (a mandatory reporter) reported nothing over the entire range of dates she provided treatment (July 20 to Oct 28) tend to discredit X's assertion that she was only protecting D?

There is a benefit if the teacher wants to come testify.

Do you recommend the teachers be deposed? There is a great distance factor, not to mention that date of trial is certain to conflict with their professional duties.

 

[proud_parent]

Sorry, another followup...

Should the IL psychologist be deposed?

I anticipate she may be unwilling to stick her neck out for X, especially when X has left the country with an outstanding bill in excess of $1000. I also wonder whether her recommendation (if she did indeed recommend D not be produced for visitation in IA) would carry any weight with the court if H can show that the psychologist made no attempt to contact him to discuss D's well-being. Remember, X only alleged abuse on my part, not on H's. I sincerely believe X underestimated D's attachment to me and thought she could convince D to tell the investigators I had harmed her. [Yes...I know what my personal beliefs are worth in court. ]

 

[stealth2]

Yes, I believe IA and IL both are. X was on cell phone, presumably in IL. H was on our landline. I think the tapes would demonstrate he was addressing her calmly and respectfully, but of course others might disagree.

Well, oops!

720 Ill. Compiled Stat. Ann. 5/14-1, -2: An eavesdropping device cannot be used to record or overhear a conversation without the consent of all parties to the conversation under criminal statutes. An eavesdropping device is anything used to hear or record a conversation, whether the conversation is in person or conducted by any means other than face-to-face conversation, such as a telephone conversation.

 

[Ohiogal]

At the risk of being a pest...


Admittedly so. Unfortunately, H is having great difficulty working with X-MIL on that front, as X-MIL is attempting to go around him to arrange visits directly with D, who at seven has no authority to decide when and where visits will take place. X and X-MIL apparently presume H will continue to provide transportation to exchange point whenever the grandparents wish it.

They can presume whatever they want but nope. Grandparents have no dog in this fight. They get to see the child on mom's time -- as in when mom is seeing the child. Or when dad decides to allow them too on his time under his terms.

X has given no indication if or when she intends to return to the States. I'm quite certain she would consider the cost of traveling with D prohibitive. X seems to be anticipating that D will travel in the company of X's parents...but again, she refuses to state what specifically she expects, or what amount of the transporation costs X expects to shoulder.

Okay there is assumptions again. YOu can't do that. It doesn't matter what you assume. And truthfully, a court wouldn't find it a problem for the child to be escorted overseas by X's parents. And if dad were to fight that he may very look like a dang fool. Unless the grandparents are dangers to the child a court is not going to prohibit the child being escorted to mom by them. She would be attended by responsible adults known to both parties and to the child.

Therein lies the rub. X has history of moving D without notifying H or the Court, and also of refusing to disclose D's whereabouts when in her care. But you make excellent suggestions.

And dad can get contempt on her for that. And why is she going overseas? Is bf in the military? because the military doesn't play games.

Yes, I believe IA and IL both are. X was on cell phone, presumably in IL. H was on our landline. I think the tapes would demonstrate he was addressing her calmly and respectfully, but of course others might disagree.

Stealth already quoted that what he did was illegal. You were wrong by the way. You can't presume. Since the recordings were done illegally they are inadmissible and could actually open up dad to harm. Even if they were admissible you have a problem with credibility. Of course he was addressing her calmly and respectfully because he knew it was on tape and he didn't want it to come back and bite him in court. He could press her buttons and still be speaking nicely because hey if he gets her to strike out he could use it against her. Advantage him would be his thought. Too bad it was done illegally.

Ah yes, and there would be no way to prove what she believed. *sigh* H has only X's email in which she first mentioned bruises and stated that D said she got them playing with the dog; "I'm not sure about that", was X's comment. H also has the DCFS report in which investigators report that D repeatedly denied any abuse and continually maintained bruising was a result of playing with the dog. We know of no evidence to show there ever WAS any bruising; the investigators never saw it, as the report came in fully 12 weeks after the alleged incident. If bruising ever was present, I can only assert that it was not a result of any abuse in our home.

So she said she wasn't sure about that. It doesn't say why she wasn't sure. And I have had kids state that their parent abused them and then change their story when it came time to officially tell it because they didn't want to get the parent in trouble.

Role reversal of parent and child, or compelling a child to perform the role of the adult at the expense of her own developmentally appropriate needs. This goes to support H's assertion that X is unwilling or unable to place D's needs and desires above her own.

Truthfully this may not help. I say this because I have had people say that making a six year old do chores is making them be an adult and not fair. So the role reversal has to be something quite SEVERE.

Alone, nothing. In concert with other evidence showing X's financial irresponsibility, it may be (no guarantee, of course) a contributing factor in influencing a judge's decision as to which parent is better able to minister to D's needs on an ongoing basis.

And it may not because you see that could be remedied by having dad pay a greater percentage of the medical costs.

Any suggestion where we might look for support of malicious intent? Perhaps the X's ex-boyfriend, with whom she was still living at the time the report was filed? Does the fact that the psychologist (a mandatory reporter) reported nothing over the entire range of dates she provided treatment (July 20 to Oct 28) tend to discredit X's assertion that she was only protecting D?

You would have to show that there was NO legitimate reason. There were NO bruises on the child and the whole story was concocted out of thin air. Since there were bruises apparently from playing with the dog I don't think you would be able to prove it. The ex-bf would NOT be a credible witness for obvious reasons. As for the psychologist -- is this the same psychologist dad said wasn't behaving ethically and you think should be sued for malpractice?

Do you recommend the teachers be deposed? There is a great distance factor, not to mention that date of trial is certain to conflict with their professional duties

Depositions are expensive. And they are only allowed to be admitted under certain circumstances -- as in the teacher who was deposed died before being called to testify or to impeach what a witness says -- depositions don't just speak for themselves. If you want their testimony, you subpoena them and have them there. Or rather dad does.

 

[proud_parent]

But limiting mom to visit only in Iowa and Illinois is limiting her quite a bit.

Perhaps I failed to make clear that in December (three weeks prior to X signing consent order for temporary change of primary physical care), the judge [incidentally, the same one who ruled in the divorce and who awarded X primary care in the first place] entered an order "that [X] shall not remove the child [D] from the State of Illinois or Iowa without prior Order of Court, upon notice to [H]." Does this make the drafted consent for permanent change of primary physical care seem less an attempt on H's part to be controlling? Or is this type of wording commonly applied only to the parent with primary physical custody?

 

[proud_parent]

You can't do that. It doesn't matter what you assume.

That X would find it prohibitive to return to US isn't mere presumption; it's based on X's own statements to that effect, her sporadic employment history, and her outstanding debts in excess of $12,000 that have gone to collection (that figure includes only those accounts for which H has proof). It’s also based on the Financial Affidavit/Application for Appointment of Counsel X filed to obtain her attorney, on which she seems to have lied (answering no to “Does anyone who lives with you have a job?” although she was at the time living with previous boyfriend who was continually employed throughout their relationship, and in which she also listed rent as an expense, although the boyfriend owned the home).
Having vented I concede that NONE of that is likely relevant, since H doesn't plan to contest D's travel as long as she's accompanied by a parent, guardian, or close family member.

And why is she going overseas? Is bf in the military? because the military doesn't play games.

No, new husband hails from there and has adult children still living there. X identifies new husband as her soul mate (of course, she similarly described previous bf with whom she was still living at end of October). For whatever reason they have now chosen to relocate rather than remain in proximity to D. For all I know, X's husband's visa may have expired; we have been able to discover little about him, except that he purports to be a pagan minister. H only learned his name when he found it in on the mailbox of the apartment where he went to pick up D once X finally disclosed her whereabouts.

Since the recordings were done illegally they are inadmissible and could actually open up dad to harm.

I stand corrected; thank you and Stealth. In taping the conversations, H was acting on advice of his attorney, who indicated that as IA is one-party state and the calls were initiated here, IL statute did not apply. I doubt H’s attorney was ever planning to introduce these into evidence, but this is certainly crucial information.

And I have had kids state that their parent abused them and then change their story when it came time to officially tell it because they didn't want to get the parent in trouble.

Sounds sadly familiar. D has disclosed to her current therapist that she can’t discuss her feelings toward X because she doesn't want her mommy to get in trouble.

And it may not because you see that could be remedied by having dad pay a greater percentage of the medical costs.

Valid point, although X’s financial irresponsibility is in no way limited to unpaid medical bills [reference my spleen vent at top of post]. And H would have (or rather, I would have) paid for psychologist's treatment of D as she is under my policy, and counseling visits are covered except for a nominal copay. The psychologist has never sought payment from H (perhaps since H was given no opportunity to decide who would provide treatment, or whether it was needed?) HAD the insurance provider been billed, however, they would have required adequate documentation of what went on at those visits. [Ergo, my previous question whether to subpoena her records.] Perhaps not coincidentally, X has on occasion failed to furnish proof of D's insurance to other providers; these match up with times that she withheld from H that treatment/testing had occurred. As I am the one who receives all EOBs, H would have thereby found out about those visits.

You would have to show that there was NO legitimate reason. There were NO bruises on the child and the whole story was concocted out of thin air.

Not to resurrect a dead horse, but when the IA investigator came to our home, that person urged H to contact the principal investigator in IL. IL DCFS investigator expressed great relief that H had called, as X had tried on no fewer than six separate occasions to contact X for followup, without success. X had moved since the report was filed; apparently H and the Court were not the only ones she failed to notify. This constitutes no evidence of a concocted claim, but together with psychologist’s failure to report (prior to contempt being filed, anyway) would it not tend to discredit X’s story? [As a mother, if I had legitimate suspicion of abuse involving my child, I would follow up with DCFS for the outcome, not wait for them to track me down. Neither would I offer nor consent to change primary care without a Court’s ruling, despite a conclusion of unfounded. But perhaps that merely goes to differing parenting styles again?]

As for the psychologist -- is this the same psychologist dad said wasn't behaving ethically...

Yes. Actually, I'm the one who first raised this concern with H (I have a degree in psychology, but have never worked in clinical practice). When the psychologist refused H’s attempts to establish a rapport with her and to involve himself in D’s treatment, H consulted another psychologist who drew the same conclusion and suggested H take it up with the IL board.

…and you think should be sued for malpractice?

No, neither H or I take credit for that one; malpractice concerns were raised by D’s current therapist, who has also received no cooperation and no records from the psychologist, despite H having signed the necessary releases to transfer records.

While I’m on the subject of said psychologist [it’s late, and I’m punchy, but this has been bothering me], the two pages of notes she DID provide raise additional concerns. 1) Her intake from July 20 indicates that D’s anxiety was pre-existing (i.e., not diagnosed by her) and began at 3½ - 4 yrs old per X’s report; this corresponds to when X first began denying visitation, for which she later admitted contempt. 2) In her intake she also describes H with comments like “seems very nice”, although H did not know of psychologist’s existence until Oct 1 and so had no occasion to speak with or correspond with her before then. 3) Her only other note (Oct 25) documents a conversation she had with a local dog trainer concerning some unidentified technique of animal discipline; this harkens back to X’s stated reasons for denying visitation, in which she continually vacillated between our dog and myself being the cause of concern. That’s it for the notes. No mention of bruises. No insinuations of abuse. No assessment. No plan. Is it any wonder H and I doubt the appropriateness of the “care” she provided? Or that we tend to conclude (based on records H has obtained from other providers) that X has engaged in repeated attempts at doctor-shopping over the years, until she found someone that would support her own assertions that H, or I, or the dog, or [fill in the blank] were a danger to D, thus helping to clear the way for her to deny H contact with D?

Yes, I know: prove it. If I could, I wouldn't be on the internet at 1:00am.