What is the name of your state? Colorado
Hi all, I just need a little advice, encouragement, some idea of what is going to happen here.
I've been here asking about the situation with my step daughter before... I've already heard the legal stranger, too involved, stay out of it story, it is understood. Right now I am just concerned about my step daughter as a child who seems to be in trouble.
She is seven years old. As I stated previously, she has said some things that have caused some concern, but nothing solid enough to really know for sure what was going on. A bad headlice infestation left untreated until she came for a visit with us, a mention that her Mom smokes pot, and something about her moms boyfriend slapping her on the back after she scraped it. We were concerned, but nothing we could prove, not enough to report.
We have had her all this week, and she is set to go home Wednesday. As the week has gone on she has been talking more and more about her family.
She talked a lot about her mom's third husband who is now in prision for several counts of incest. She says his son is "getting out of the hospital and coming to live with them." Her Mom told her she wasn't allowed to tell us about him. She actually told my son about him first, and when he came and told me she was screaming at him not to tell me the secret. She told me the rest of the story on her own today.
A few nights ago the subject of drugs came up again. I was telling my kids something about how bad drugs are, and she said no they aren't, they just make you like drunk. I told her I didn't know who told her that, but that drugs are dangerous and can kill people. Two of my daddies died using drugs. She got very quiet, and didn't say anything else about it.
The next night (night before last) she had a panic attack and was crying saying she needed to go home, she kept saying her Mommy was going to die. We saw the connection, but didn't press the issue.
Today she told me that her Mom is making her 13 year old sister "quit the pipe." I asked her what she meant, and she said her Mom used to smoke pot with her sister, but now she is making her quit because she smoked some with one of her mom's guy friends and it made her Mom mad. She said her Mom smokes Pot and sometimes powder but she is going to try to quit after she quits chewing.
Through that conversation she said her mother has "blacked out" in the hallway and she laid with her Mommy all night until she woke up. That her Mom just drinks too much Bud Light and can't stop.
She said her mom's boyfriend and their male roommate have physically abused her, The boyfriend swelling her eye shut, and leaving her butt black and blue. She said the roomate came home one night and beat her Mom up because her boyfriend wasn't home...
She also said both the boyfriend and the roomate have kids, but they aren't allowed to see them. She said the boyfriends wife was dead, and his kids lived with her family. She said the roommate can't see his because "he is too nice, but he isn't nice he's really, really mean" which is a concern, if they can't see their own kids, there may be a good reason for it.
She is only seven, and she has told us some pretty big whoppers from time to time. She told my kids that she was born in the twin towers while they were collapsing. But the words she used in this situation "Quit the pipe" and "Blackout" aren't a part of a normal 7 year old vocabulary.
We have not reported it yet, I did try to call my Psychologist who used to be a social worker but he was out of town, I talked to one of his associates and told her a little of what she had told me and she agreed it should be reported. It was after five so we could not call anyone else today.
When her Dad got back I told him what she had told me, and he asked her to tell him. She exaggerated the swolled eye and bruised butt story quite a bit from what she had told me. The stories changed a little bit, but not much. We feel there is some truth to it, if not all.
We discussed it after the kids were in bed, and neither of us knows what happens next. Tomorrow we are going to call and report it... We feel we have a responsiblity to do so.
1. Her mother is going to know who reported it... there is no doubt of that. Everytime we have made her mad before she has taken off with her for months even years at a time. We are just to a point where there was some semi-regular visitation. They even came to a temporary agreement earlier this month. We aren't sure a temporary visitation agreement is enough to hold up the visitation if her Mom takes off.
He knows it is the right thing to do, he is just worried that he may never see her again after he reports it.
2. The psychologist said we may be given temporary custody of her after we report. He never intended to fight for custody until this came up.
However as I mentioned in an earlier post, we are both disabled at the moment. My husband will hopefully be able to return to work as soon as he can have surgery . Our financial situation is really bad. The first surgery in October was 45k, since we can't pay that... nobody will even talk to us about the second which will require a full rebuild and it is estimated to be 80k.
I am considered fully and permanantly disabled at this time, I am working very hard on beating my illness but I can't return to work until I can promise an employer that I wont get sick again.
We have been cut down to a bare minimum income, food stamps, housing assistance... They've already taken everything we had of value, we are down to bankruptcy point.
If it does come down to custody... are they really going to look at two disabled people with our financial issues at the moment. The last thing we want is for her to end up in the foster care system.
We are both working with the department of vocational rehabilition for job retraining/placement but that is a long process as well. We are trying but is that enough?
3. My husbands record. When he was drinking he was hell. In 2004 he was arrested on a domestic violence charge after kicking in the front door. The DA took it down to criminal mischief, but it is still on his record. In 2006 he spanked my son and left a bruise. I turned him in and left him... He was charged with misdomeanor child abuse, but the court has yet to rule. He quit drinking that day, started going to counseling, and went on anti-depressants. The court records just show it as an open case, the judge said when he finishes counseling they will drop the charges. I said as long as he never took another drink or hurt me or the kids I would stay. He has kept his word.
Doesn't this being on his record make him look almost as bad as the situation she is in? This whole situation does not make us look like fit parents as far as I can see. The finances, my husbands criminal record, disability... I don't really see them asking why it happened or how good he is doing since then. I don't want to see her go into foster care... we are good, loving parents and have many reliable people who can attest to that.
Will they care?
As I said, we are going to report it no matter what, we feel we are obligated to do so... I don't even want legal advice in this case. I just want to be prepared for the consequences of this decision... It is very scary to think we might lose her totally...
Hi all, I just need a little advice, encouragement, some idea of what is going to happen here.
I've been here asking about the situation with my step daughter before... I've already heard the legal stranger, too involved, stay out of it story, it is understood. Right now I am just concerned about my step daughter as a child who seems to be in trouble.
She is seven years old. As I stated previously, she has said some things that have caused some concern, but nothing solid enough to really know for sure what was going on. A bad headlice infestation left untreated until she came for a visit with us, a mention that her Mom smokes pot, and something about her moms boyfriend slapping her on the back after she scraped it. We were concerned, but nothing we could prove, not enough to report.
We have had her all this week, and she is set to go home Wednesday. As the week has gone on she has been talking more and more about her family.
She talked a lot about her mom's third husband who is now in prision for several counts of incest. She says his son is "getting out of the hospital and coming to live with them." Her Mom told her she wasn't allowed to tell us about him. She actually told my son about him first, and when he came and told me she was screaming at him not to tell me the secret. She told me the rest of the story on her own today.
A few nights ago the subject of drugs came up again. I was telling my kids something about how bad drugs are, and she said no they aren't, they just make you like drunk. I told her I didn't know who told her that, but that drugs are dangerous and can kill people. Two of my daddies died using drugs. She got very quiet, and didn't say anything else about it.
The next night (night before last) she had a panic attack and was crying saying she needed to go home, she kept saying her Mommy was going to die. We saw the connection, but didn't press the issue.
Today she told me that her Mom is making her 13 year old sister "quit the pipe." I asked her what she meant, and she said her Mom used to smoke pot with her sister, but now she is making her quit because she smoked some with one of her mom's guy friends and it made her Mom mad. She said her Mom smokes Pot and sometimes powder but she is going to try to quit after she quits chewing.
Through that conversation she said her mother has "blacked out" in the hallway and she laid with her Mommy all night until she woke up. That her Mom just drinks too much Bud Light and can't stop.
She said her mom's boyfriend and their male roommate have physically abused her, The boyfriend swelling her eye shut, and leaving her butt black and blue. She said the roomate came home one night and beat her Mom up because her boyfriend wasn't home...
She also said both the boyfriend and the roomate have kids, but they aren't allowed to see them. She said the boyfriends wife was dead, and his kids lived with her family. She said the roommate can't see his because "he is too nice, but he isn't nice he's really, really mean" which is a concern, if they can't see their own kids, there may be a good reason for it.
She is only seven, and she has told us some pretty big whoppers from time to time. She told my kids that she was born in the twin towers while they were collapsing. But the words she used in this situation "Quit the pipe" and "Blackout" aren't a part of a normal 7 year old vocabulary.
We have not reported it yet, I did try to call my Psychologist who used to be a social worker but he was out of town, I talked to one of his associates and told her a little of what she had told me and she agreed it should be reported. It was after five so we could not call anyone else today.
When her Dad got back I told him what she had told me, and he asked her to tell him. She exaggerated the swolled eye and bruised butt story quite a bit from what she had told me. The stories changed a little bit, but not much. We feel there is some truth to it, if not all.
We discussed it after the kids were in bed, and neither of us knows what happens next. Tomorrow we are going to call and report it... We feel we have a responsiblity to do so.
1. Her mother is going to know who reported it... there is no doubt of that. Everytime we have made her mad before she has taken off with her for months even years at a time. We are just to a point where there was some semi-regular visitation. They even came to a temporary agreement earlier this month. We aren't sure a temporary visitation agreement is enough to hold up the visitation if her Mom takes off.
He knows it is the right thing to do, he is just worried that he may never see her again after he reports it.
2. The psychologist said we may be given temporary custody of her after we report. He never intended to fight for custody until this came up.
However as I mentioned in an earlier post, we are both disabled at the moment. My husband will hopefully be able to return to work as soon as he can have surgery . Our financial situation is really bad. The first surgery in October was 45k, since we can't pay that... nobody will even talk to us about the second which will require a full rebuild and it is estimated to be 80k.
I am considered fully and permanantly disabled at this time, I am working very hard on beating my illness but I can't return to work until I can promise an employer that I wont get sick again.
We have been cut down to a bare minimum income, food stamps, housing assistance... They've already taken everything we had of value, we are down to bankruptcy point.
If it does come down to custody... are they really going to look at two disabled people with our financial issues at the moment. The last thing we want is for her to end up in the foster care system.
We are both working with the department of vocational rehabilition for job retraining/placement but that is a long process as well. We are trying but is that enough?
3. My husbands record. When he was drinking he was hell. In 2004 he was arrested on a domestic violence charge after kicking in the front door. The DA took it down to criminal mischief, but it is still on his record. In 2006 he spanked my son and left a bruise. I turned him in and left him... He was charged with misdomeanor child abuse, but the court has yet to rule. He quit drinking that day, started going to counseling, and went on anti-depressants. The court records just show it as an open case, the judge said when he finishes counseling they will drop the charges. I said as long as he never took another drink or hurt me or the kids I would stay. He has kept his word.
Doesn't this being on his record make him look almost as bad as the situation she is in? This whole situation does not make us look like fit parents as far as I can see. The finances, my husbands criminal record, disability... I don't really see them asking why it happened or how good he is doing since then. I don't want to see her go into foster care... we are good, loving parents and have many reliable people who can attest to that.
Will they care?
As I said, we are going to report it no matter what, we feel we are obligated to do so... I don't even want legal advice in this case. I just want to be prepared for the consequences of this decision... It is very scary to think we might lose her totally...
