Communicating phone call time to child

[penelope10]

It's what she does with her mother at home apparently and what her mother has told her to do if she can't sleep while with us -- go get her dad to come lay down with her. It apparently works -- she goes right to sleep. I agree there should be other things explored, but the extent of the insomnia in her life is just coming to DH's view, Mom wasn't forthcoming about the details.

I don't think it's over the top, necessarily, but the frequency of it is and that there doesn't seem to be a lot of effort to help the child work it out on her own. Which is one of the frustrating things of how I feel the child is being taught to be emotionally crippled with regard to some things like this.

Is kiddo old enough to go to a sleep clinic? (Cause going to a sleep clinic can often get to the root of the problem if it's physical)

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

http://www.dukemagazine.duke.edu/dukemag/issues/010207/parents1.html

In Millennials Rising, the authors observe that this generation has grown up under the close eye of parents, teachers, coaches, and child-care providers, rarely left to their own devices for hours at a time. For those parents who, as children, spent whole weekends away from home, riding bikes in packs, or exploring nearby woods, the thought of not knowing what their nine-year-old is doing for eight hours at a stretch is unfathomable today.
One advantage of such persistent oversight of a child's activities is that the majority of Millennials report feeling very close to their parents; that's particularly true of mothers and daughters. Ironically, many of the baby boomers who rebelled not only against their parents but also against the notion of in loco parentis when they were in college are now actively engaged in their Millennial children's day-to-day lives into the college years and beyond—and expect the colleges to provide the same sort of oversight and attention to their children's needs that they do.

But there's a fine line between reasonable parental concern and overbearing interference, she says. The term "helicopter parents" is used to describe those moms and dads who constantly hover over their child, ready to swoop in whenever there's a perceived crisis.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/20/AR2006032001167.html

They are needy, overanxious and sometimes plain pesky -- and schools at every level are trying to find ways to deal with them.

No, not students. Parents -- specifically parents of today's "millennial generation" who, many educators are discovering, can't let their kids go.
They text message their children in middle school, use the cellphone like an umbilical cord to Harvard Yard and have no compunction about marching into kindergarten class and screaming at a teacher about a grade.

To handle the modern breed of micromanaging parent, educators are devising programs to help them separate from their kids -- and they are taking a harder line on especially intrusive parents.

helicopter parents," so dubbed because of a propensity to swoop in at the slightest crisis.

Educators worry not only about how their school climates are affected by intrusive parents trying to set their own agendas but also about the ability of young people to become independent.
"As a child gets older, it is a real problem for a parent to work against their child's independent thought and action, and it is happening more often," said Ron Goldblatt, executive director of the Association of Independent Maryland Schools.

Wiley, I think you get the jist here.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

"The desire to be needed is very powerful in parents," says Adele Faber, a Long Island, N.Y., author of parenting books. "To go from that all-powerful parent whose kids desperately need you to someone who sees a child as a separate individual is a very hard journey. We need to help our kids be separate and independent people who can function on their own."

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-04-03-helicopter-study_n.htm

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/helicopter%20parent
Definition: a mother or father that hovers over a child; an overprotective parent; also helicopter mom, helicopter dad

Somewhat related are the tied-at-the-hip parents. These parents are saddened by their child’s independence and miss the close connection they felt when their child depended on them entirely. They often consider themselves to be their child’s best friend, and probably suffer more separation anxiety than their child. Once the child does leave, they may feel a lack of connection with their spouse, and they strive to remain in constant contact with their child despite the distance.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21146846/

 

[wileybunch]

Wiley, she's the youngest, right?

Yes.
DH spoke to her tonight and said he knew Mom had asked her to call and check in each day (DH was assuming and DD didn't deny), but that it wasn't her responsibility, etc. like proud_parent mentioned. Talk went fine.

Sometimes I want to puke at the amount of coddling that goes on. This is a 13 year child/woman. She thinks she's much older than she is a lot of the time, but then it's almost like her parent think she still eats baby food.

 

[penelope10]

Yes.
DH spoke to her tonight and said he knew Mom had asked her to call and check in each day (DH was assuming and DD didn't deny), but that it wasn't her responsibility, etc. like proud_parent mentioned. Talk went fine.

Sometimes I want to puke at the amount of coddling that goes on. This is a 13 year child/woman. She thinks she's much older than she is a lot of the time, but then it's almost like her parent think she still eats baby food.

Does her Mom have any kind of life herself? (Like a really good set of girlfriends that she talks to and does things with?). Cause she sounds like a really lonely insecure woman.

Since Dad has now had the talk, I'd just let it go if kiddo still calls Mom. If it cuts into the plans the child has with her friends, etc. then it is HER choice. Lil Bit used to feel guilty about not immediately calling Dad back. Now that she's older, she's becoming more independent. Plus she has figured out that she's entitled to a life too. (Dad's good about calling when he's bored or sad about something. When things are going his way, no calls.)

 

[wileybunch]

Ginny, sorry, didn't see the helicopter references earlier. Mom is a helicopter parent only when it comes to the kids and Dad. She's pretty self absorbed in many respects, but have the kids spend too much time with Dad, be too close to him, etc. she finds all kinds of time to hover, but she's also intensely mean to DH, just rude, over the top, etc. Otherwise she's belle of the ball (in her mind), galavanting here and there, does not spend the type of time with the kids that we do. She is an extremely jealous person and likes to put up pretenses and that sort of thing. When she was frustrating normal visitation, DH could always count on getting extra time if she had to go here or there and needed him to take care of the kids. Ex. 2 years in a row she went out of town, once to her hometown in Canada so she could ride on the high school float for a pioneer day type parade in the small town, the other time to her son and daughter in law's in the north of the state on her son's birthday. We were happy to have him, though it made me ill. Her whole affairs during their marriage was just one big "I'm the center of attention" blitz. One of the paramours was a married man that owned a business in a neighboring state that had a change of heart and cut it off w/her and he tried to contact DH on many occasions and finally last summer DH was willing to talk to him (guy wanted to apologize) and he found out even more of what she'd done back then (including introducing this guy to their kids as "this is your potential future father" about a month after they separated). OK, I really have to stop.

 

[penelope10]

Ginny, sorry, didn't see the helicopter references earlier. Mom is a helicopter parent only when it comes to the kids and Dad. She's pretty self absorbed in many respects, but have the kids spend too much time with Dad, be too close to him, etc. she finds all kinds of time to hover, but she's also intensely mean to DH, just rude, over the top, etc. Otherwise she's belle of the ball (in her mind), galavanting here and there, does not spend the type of time with the kids that we do. She is an extremely jealous person and likes to put up pretenses and that sort of thing. When she was frustrating normal visitation, DH could always count on getting extra time if she had to go here or there and needed him to take care of the kids. Ex. 2 years in a row she went out of town, once to her hometown in Canada so she could ride on the high school float for a pioneer day type parade in the small town, the other time to her son and daughter in law's in the north of the state on her son's birthday. We were happy to have him, though it made me ill. Her whole affairs during their marriage was just one big "I'm the center of attention" blitz. One of the paramours was a married man that owned a business in a neighboring state that had a change of heart and cut it off w/her and he tried to contact DH on many occasions and finally last summer DH was willing to talk to him (guy wanted to apologize) and he found out even more of what she'd done back then (including introducing this guy to their kids as "this is your potential future father" about a month after they separated). OK, I really have to stop.

Sounds like she's extremely selfish and insecure. OMG a female version of the Great and Powerful OZ!(Although I don't think he's ever had the opportunity to be on a float)

 

[wileybunch]

Sounds like she's extremely selfish and insecure. OMG a female version of the Great and Powerful OZ!(Although I don't think he's ever had the opportunity to be on a float)

She has many identical relations, I think.
Oh, did I say float? I meant a flat bed truck with some hay bales on it. I think he could rustle one of those up if he really wanted to!

 

[Bloopy]

Mom is a helicopter parent only when it comes to the kids and Dad. She's pretty self absorbed in many respects, but have the kids spend too much time with Dad, be too close to him, etc. she finds all kinds of time to hover, but she's also intensely mean to DH, just rude, over the top, etc.

The term “helicopter parent” seems too light hearted for this scenario.

However, “projecting” seems spot-on.

Mom’s games are disturbing and manipulative.

What is Dad doing because I really only see you trying futilely to light a fire under his arse.

If he does not have it in him, you’re only making it worse hon.

 

[penelope10]

She has many identical relations, I think.
Oh, did I say float? I meant a flat bed truck with some hay bales on it. I think he could rustle one of those up if he really wanted to!

What a shame I didn't know about this sooner.He had a milestone B-Day today. Could have had it rigged where a big sign dropped down behind him that stated his age for all to see. (He's having a problem dealing with being 50).

 

[wileybunch]

The term “helicopter parent” seems too light hearted for this scenario.

However, “projecting” seems spot-on.

Mom’s games are disturbing and manipulative.

What is Dad doing because I really only see you trying futilely to light a fire under his arse.

If he does not have it in him, you’re only making it worse hon.

What is Dad doing about Mom's behaviors? He's fought the good fight with her since their court date last August, but is preparing to return to court. Appt w/attorney tomorrow morning. I agree "projecting" is much more accurate.

 

[wileybunch]

What a shame I didn't know about this sooner.He had a milestone B-Day today. Could have had it rigged where a big sign dropped down behind him that stated his age for all to see. (He's having a problem dealing with being 50).

Oh, love it! My ex turned 50 this month and while I don't hold animosity towards him, I did wonder how he was taking it when I realized it was the big 5-0. I stopped wanting to state my name when I turned 40 -- was very shocked how it impacted me. I still felt so young, felt good, etc., so the number just didn't seem right!

 

[penelope10]

Oh, love it! My ex turned 50 this month and while I don't hold animosity towards him, I did wonder how he was taking it when I realized it was the big 5-0. I stopped wanting to state my name when I turned 40 -- was very shocked how it impacted me. I still felt so young, felt good, etc., so the number just didn't seem right!

Age really is just a number. The only age I was concerned about was turning 18. (Back when I was a kid 18 was the legal age to buy alcohol in TX).