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[sipa]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Fast answer needed: short version this is Sipa's husband.

1 year ago my daughter got physically agreesive with the other children in my house including her own sister.

To review split scheduled Wednesday 6pm through Saturday 6pm- Me

At that time daughter went to stay with Mother, when asked to return for visitation I have been told several more times then I can count by daughter that she did not have to return here her Mom said so.

I did not pursue this in court.

Neither did her Mother she has just remained with her mother ever since.

Mom went out of town last week child was here and had a physical confrontation with me. I removed her three hours prior to pick up.

Mom is going out of town 4/15 and expects me to keep my child, however I can not gaurentee the safety of the kids in my house.
What to do? Mother seems to think I am obligated to have daughter here.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Fast answer needed: short version this is Sipa's husband.

1 year ago my daughter got physically agreesive with the other children in my house including her own sister.

To review split scheduled Wednesday 6pm through Saturday 6pm- Me

At that time daughter went to stay with Mother, when asked to return for visitation I have been told several more times then I can count by daughter that she did not have to return here her Mom said so.

I did not pursue this in court.

Neither did her Mother she has just remained with her mother ever since.

Mom went out of town last week child was here and had a physical confrontation with me. I removed her three hours prior to pick up.

Mom is going out of town 4/15 and expects me to keep my child, however I can not gaurentee the safety of the kids in my house.
What to do? Mother seems to think I am obligated to have daughter here.

Poor kid...

 

[Isis1]

um, dad, are you saying this is YOUR daughter you cannot keep control of?

mom needs your help with YOUR daughter. take the child to a hotel and have a daddy/daughter day if you are so concerned about everyone else's well fair.

 

[wileybunch]

What would you do if you didn't have a custody situation to have child trade off?

Do that.

P.S. More than anything, people of all ages want 2 things -- to be heard and understood. I think people would even give up on wanting to be *loved* if these 2 needs were met. Do that with your DD. Unless she has psychological needs that can't be met by you, there are many things you could probably be doing. And, if there are needs beyond that, get her help.

That's the best I can do with the information given.

 

[stealth2]

If you're concerned about the safety of the other kids, then you need to find a place to spend the time elsewhere with her. If your daughter is on spring break, you could also make some arrangements with friends for an overnight or two.

And frankly, you make a bit more of an effort that "taking a break" from each other, as it was phrased in another thread. Like.... joint counseling. You need to find out what is going on with her.

(ETA) If you do not do something to save both your child and your relationship with her now, while she's only 13, I can guarantee that you will have lost her within two years.

 

[sipa]

This is a more complicated issue then all this.

My daughter is raging at me for taking her mother to court for a court appointed arrangement in reference to her Mother's move out of state which Mother has been discussing with my 13 year old daughter.

I will take her to a hotel for 3 days while her mother is out of town thanks for the suggestion.

 

[stealth2]

Frankly, if you haven't bothered to spend time with her and fix things for the past 10 months, why *shouldn't* the court allow the move?

 

[wileybunch]

This is a more complicated issue then all this.

My daughter is raging at me for taking her mother to court for a court appointed arrangement in reference to her Mother's move out of state which Mother has been discussing with my 13 year old daughter.

I will take her to a hotel for 3 days while her mother is out of town thanks for the suggestion.

That's a great idea. Please do not fault the DD when she's been thrown to the wolves, so to speak. She's old enough to be manipulative, but not necessarily old enough to know when SHE is being manipulated (fixed spelling) And, she needs to know she has 2 parents that have backbones or she will always cling to her mother warrior.

 

[sipa]

Frankly, if you haven't bothered to spend time with her and fix things for the past 10 months, why *shouldn't* the court allow the move?

I am not fighting the move I am not fighting at all, what I will not do it go back and forth with patronizing emails from her mother telling me what I will agree to and not agree too.

I have attempted with dinner after dinner and time and time again showing up for pick up at visitation time and been told by both her and her mother she does not want to be here.

I am certainly not going to bring her here against her will as then she physically takes it out on everyone else that lives here.

This started when last year Mom was telling them she was moving them to another state.
The point is this can not continue to be physical, this weekend I was bite, hit and punched over a simple parental statement like not throwing a ball in the house.

It's out of hand

 

[Drake01]

When physical violence is involved you do need to exercise due caution. It maybe she has some deep rooted anger issues that require professional help. Of course, she may well have learned that she gets her way when she uses phyiscal violence. A weekend getaway instead of normal visitation is a further reward for her violence and shouldn't be the couse of action. You should proceed with a normal visit. If a situation arises where she is a threat to others take her to the lowest end motel you can find and she and yourself can sit down and discuss why phyiscal violence is never acceptable.
In the end the sort of consistancy that is required to deal with behavior issues of this range require significant time, it's not something that will be accomplished without the custodial parent also working to correct the behavior. It sounds like you need to sit down with the child's mother and start addressing methods to correct this problem. I would remind her that there will be future business trips and if she will not assist with the child's aggression problems she may have to find other care as you are not obligated to exercise visitation.

 

[stealth2]

I am not fighting the move I am not fighting at all, what I will not do it go back and forth with patronizing emails from her mother telling me what I will agree to and not agree too.

I have attempted with dinner after dinner and time and time again showing up for pick up at visitation time and been told by both her and her mother she does not want to be here.

I am certainly not going to bring her here against her will as then she physically takes it out on everyone else that lives here.

This started when last year Mom was telling them she was moving them to another state.
The point is this can not continue to be physical, this weekend I was bite, hit and punched over a simple parental statement like not throwing a ball in the house.

It's out of hand

I didn't realize that counseling was such a difficult concept.

And please - create your own account. It gets confusing otherwise.

 

[Lockheart]

Can't guarantee the safety of the kids in your house?

Parents sometimes have to play referee among their children. It's part of the job description. Seems to me like things got hard and now you're just in search of an easy way out, since letting her stay with her mom and failing to work on your relationship with your daughter didn't work out so well.

I don't really know Sipa well but so far my assessment would be Sipa > Sipa's husband.

And yeah I know. Blah blah you don't care to hear my response blah blah. Be a parent and deal with your child's behavior. Then I'll be happy to sit back and shut up.

 

[wileybunch]

I am not fighting the move I am not fighting at all, what I will not do it go back and forth with patronizing emails from her mother telling me what I will agree to and not agree too.

I have attempted with dinner after dinner and time and time again showing up for pick up at visitation time and been told by both her and her mother she does not want to be here.

I am certainly not going to bring her here against her will as then she physically takes it out on everyone else that lives here.

This started when last year Mom was telling them she was moving them to another state.
The point is this can not continue to be physical, this weekend I was bite, hit and punched over a simple parental statement like not throwing a ball in the house.

It's out of hand

This is a perfect example of what happens when children are given the power to make choices that adults should be making. And, the decision has already been made (ie. read your CO if you forget what it was).

 

[sipa]

I will create my own acct. thank you for your feed back. Drake I would love to work with my ex in reference to this and every matter regarding my kids, however with out slamming her, this is not going to happen. In a perfect world this would work in this real world it does not.

I found this sight a year to late, actually 8 years to late.

And yes Wiley you are correct this is what happens when children make a choice. And I don't mind being the example if it helps one other person not make the mistake, that is fine with me.

And by the way SIPA my wife, has been on this sight long enough to know not to post for me...she is a step mom and when I go to her for guidence she points to the laptop

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Fast answer needed: short version this is Sipa's husband.

1 year ago my daughter got physically agreesive with the other children in my house including her own sister.

To review split scheduled Wednesday 6pm through Saturday 6pm- Me

At that time daughter went to stay with Mother, when asked to return for visitation I have been told several more times then I can count by daughter that she did not have to return here her Mom said so.

I did not pursue this in court.

Neither did her Mother she has just remained with her mother ever since.

Mom went out of town last week child was here and had a physical confrontation with me. I removed her three hours prior to pick up.

Mom is going out of town 4/15 and expects me to keep my child, however I can not gaurentee the safety of the kids in my house.
What to do? Mother seems to think I am obligated to have daughter here.

YOu need to get your daughter help -- counseling. Attempt counseling and a mental evaluation to determine what is happening with your daughter. She might have ODD or something that is causing violent outbursts. If that does not work you are obligated to keep your children safe. Which means separating them.