Clarification Please?

[Ohiogal]

Hi again everyone,

Things have taken a bad turn in the last 2 weeks or so.

Dad is taking son on his own now for 2 hour visits.



The problem is, when he has our son, he is doing things that aren't appropriate for a 10 month old. He feeds him MEGA junk food (Three Muskateers Bars, Oatmeal cream cookies, chocolate chip cookies, oreos). He was returned with Hawaiin Punch in his bottle one day.Chocolate COW'S milk just this last Sunday. He allows son to eat solid foods in the car (Hello choking hazard). We both discussed and agreed to extended rear facing, and son is now forward facing in his dad's vehicle.

I send everything our son needs for every visit. (Diapers, wipes, clothes, formula, baby food, etc..) Instead of using the Pampers I send, dad puts him in cheap walmart brand diapers that give son super diaper rash. Son is always returned in filthy clothes and his legs are covered in dirt(I always send 2extra sets of clothes) After every visit son is either vomiting or has diarrhea. (I can only suspect that this is because of all the poor food choices.)

I'm NOT trying to be some control freak, but perhaps it comes off that way?
When I try to talk to Dad about son being sick after every single visit, he blames HIS dad, saying he just feeds him whatever. Son is suffering because of this.

Is there anything to be done? I realize a lot of this is probably considered a parenting decision, but shouldn't he be acting in our son's best interest? Son having diarrhea and vomiting twice a week is not a good thing.

It is two hours. Junk food is NOT going to kill him. Nor is Walmart Diapers. Dad is trying to provide for his child. Are you sure that it is not HIS dad? You need to actually sit down and have a conversation (when you are not upset) with dad regarding how BOTH OF YOU can make sure child is not getting sick. And how both of you can do things.

The major situation is facing the child forward in the car. How big is he?

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

It is two hours. Junk food is NOT going to kill him. Nor is Walmart Diapers. Dad is trying to provide for his child. Are you sure that it is not HIS dad? You need to actually sit down and have a conversation (when you are not upset) with dad regarding how BOTH OF YOU can make sure child is not getting sick. And how both of you can do things.

The major situation is facing the child forward in the car. How big is he?

I understand I am emotional when son gets sick, so I do wait until I am calm enough to not flip out before I talk to Dad. I also understand that the junk food will not kill him, but it IS making him sick. Dad did not visit with son for 10 full days. In that 10 days, son did not get sick at all.

Dad and I sat and had a long conversation before he started taking son on his own. I allowed him to lead the conversation about what we wanted for our son. One of HIS major things to talk about was how son eats. He told me about how his dad severely damaged his little brothers teeth by just feeding him whatever. And that was something he did NOT want for our son. But it is already happening.

I really am trying here, OG.

Oh, and son is 20lbs 2oz and 29in.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Am I doing the right thing?

Our CO states that visitations with dad are 2-3x a week for 2 hours at a time until son turns one (Next month!) Which then will start 10 hr visits every other Saturday.

In MY opinion (and we all know what they say about opinions) it would probably be better for son to somewhat ease him into those longer visits...
So my suggestion to dad was that we up the visits by an hour a week, until Son turns 1. That way he doesn't just go straight from 2 hours to 10 hours all at once. We both think it would be better for son.

But am I shooting myself in the foot here?
A friend of mine thinks dad will later come back and say I was "pawning" the little guy off because I wanted free time. Which is NOT the case at all. I figured the extra time would be helpful for Son AND dad. I want everything to be as smooth as possible for the little guy..

Thoughts?

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Also..

I will be getting some time off work at the end of this month-beginning of next month. I had planned on just having a staycation, but my own father in California has offered us a trip to visit.
I asked son's dad about it. As he would be missing 2 visits. I offered him extra time the weeks before and after (if our vacation DOES happen) and Dad said he had no problems with it.
I'm just worried that he may come back later and say I denied visits.

I know some of you saw what I was dealing with, with the SMom issue. Things can turn ugly really fast, and I just want to protect myself.

 

[LdiJ]

I will be getting some time off work at the end of this month-beginning of next month. I had planned on just having a staycation, but my own father in California has offered us a trip to visit.
I asked son's dad about it. As he would be missing 2 visits. I offered him extra time the weeks before and after (if our vacation DOES happen) and Dad said he had no problems with it.
I'm just worried that he may come back later and say I denied visits.

I know some of you saw what I was dealing with, with the SMom issue. Things can turn ugly really fast, and I just want to protect myself.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with increasing the hours for the next month to help ease the child into the longer period on Saturdays. No, it will NOT look like you pawning off the child. In fact, if he normally takes the child on Saturdays now, you might even make the Saturday visit be 4 or 5 hours to help the transition.

In addition, there is also nothing wrong with you taking a vacation, so even if dad says yes and then tries to use it against you later, its unlikely to cause you any real grief in court.

You just explain that you asked dad before you made your plans, and he said that he didn't have any problem with it...and that it was a vacation to visit your father. Odds are that dad would come off looking like an idiot in court.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

I personally don't think 2 to 10 hours is such a big deal. The child will adjust . This is dad.

I agree with you. The baby WILL adjust. But if we (his dad and I) can possibly make things easier on him, shouldn't we?

Everyone wins in this equation.
Dad gets more time with son.
Son gets more comfortable with Dad.
Mom gets a nap! Kidding.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with increasing the hours for the next month to help ease the child into the longer period on Saturdays. No, it will NOT look like you pawning off the child. In fact, if he normally takes the child on Saturdays now, you might even make the Saturday visit be 4 or 5 hours to help the transition.

In addition, there is also nothing wrong with you taking a vacation, so even if dad says yes and then tries to use it against you later, its unlikely to cause you any real grief in court.

You just explain that you asked dad before you made your plans, and he said that he didn't have any problem with it...and that it was a vacation to visit your father. Odds are that dad would come off looking like an idiot in court.

Thank You.
I thought about asking dad for a "permission slip" for me to be able to take vacation. Its probably overkill. If I get to go, hopefully dad will stay true to his word.