going crazy worrying. . . . .

[Ohiogal]

I agree with Cjane. Also, dad should probably count on it only being joint custody and he and mom have to figure out a schedule. They are the two parents. They will be the ones coparenting these boys. They need to deal with that. If the court has a mediation program they might do well to mediate a shared parenting plan through the court or through their attorneys.

 

[JacobJoel]

You just got the best...

You just got input/feedback from some of the best (my current fav phrase) this board has to offer.

take your time, but really, really take it to heart.

Your presence can do as much harm for dad's case as good and all it can take, if mom is intent and/or vindictive enough, is one mistake on your part, for all of dad's hopes to crash.

The court does look favorably on a parent that has completed their reunification plan and the court looks favorably on a parent that has stepped up to the plate in a time of need.

the court doesn't look upon a third party interfering well at all.

the trick for someone in your shoes is to learn to care 100% and stay in the shadows in the same percentage.

It's like peeing yourself in black pants.

all you get is a nice warm feeling.

i had a snappy little end to that saying for steps, but geez, i forgot it! so i leave you with the nice warm feeling.

research 'disengagement for step parents'. well worth your time.

 

[lily2467]

thank you all for your help. i know legally i am a nobody in this situation, but i still worry. and you're right, no sense worrying over something i can't change. . . .but easier said then done. for the most part we do all get along prety well. from reading some of the posts on here i have to say our situation is actually a prety good one thankfully, mom and dad can usually agree on most things. except the main one of who has phsyical custody. my husband doesn't want full custody, because there is no cause for full legal custody. he just wants the kids during the week with them going to her on the weekends and holidays, like it is now. like it was before dyfs got involved just switched.
i do try to be very cautious to keep my mouth shut, unless of course its just me and my husband. i was always present whenever the social workers came, but that was because i was always with the kids. and i did have to be present when mom/boyfriend would visit from august to january because they were not allowed unsupervised visitation. aside from that if i am in court i don't say a word and just answer the questions the social workers ask.

 

[lily2467]

is there anything he can do?

hello all. . . .i think i mentioned in either this thread or another that my husband did meet with a lawyer in the begining of july. the lawyer told my husband that the way the court order was worded at the end of the school year custody would go to joint legal and he would still have physical custody.

there was a hearing on 7/7/09, it was a civil action order terminating litigation. he was told that it was just to close out the dyfs case and decide if they were going to be criminally charged. he was told it had nothing to do with custody. he asked the lawyer about it when he saw him and he said that hearing shouldn't have anything to do with custody. he didn't go to the hearing, i know, looking back he should have.

he never got any paperwork from the court and didn't think anything of it. he just thought that they decided not to press criminal charges and closed out the dyfs case.

well the other day she asked him when they were going to be doing the transfer of schools and he said they wern't. she said she thought it said they were living with her at the last court hearing. he said no, it didn't say anything like that.

she came to get the kids today and handed him paperwork that says the children shall live with her and her boyfriend during the school year.

it says the litigation concerning the chldrend is terminated because:

the children no longer require the divisions care and suprervision, all conditions have been remediated.

if there is any apllication to the court for any changes in custody/visitation, the division must be notified and is authroized to release their records to the court for review.


it is further ordered that:
children will reside with mother and mother's boyfriend during the school year.

can they do that? i guess they can since it was done. . . .but is there anything he can do now?

 

[lily2467]

In my opinion:

If he was as worried as you make yourself out to be, about the kids he would have been at the hearing.

You don't just decide not to go to those things.

yes, i know. i could go into the reasons he didn't, but they don't matter now. you know what they say about hindsight. he didn't think it had anything to do with the custody. he knows he messed up. but, is there anything he can do at this point?

 

[Ohiogal]

yes, i know. i could go into the reasons he didn't, but they don't matter now. you know what they say about hindsight. he didn't think it had anything to do with the custody. he knows he messed up. but, is there anything he can do at this point?

No not really. He is almost out of time to appeal unless he can do it TOMORROW pretty much -- when was the order timestamped? Oh and he would need a MISTAKE OF LAW. And even then he chose not to attend the court hearing. The reasons why he didn't attend truthfully did NOT matter then. What should have mattered were HIS CHILDREN. He chose not to put them first and attend the hearing.

 

[lily2467]

No not really. He is almost out of time to appeal unless he can do it TOMORROW pretty much -- when was the order timestamped? Oh and he would need a MISTAKE OF LAW. And even then he chose not to attend the court hearing. The reasons why he didn't attend truthfully did NOT matter then. What should have mattered were HIS CHILDREN. He chose not to put them first and attend the hearing.

it is stamped july7th. how long do you have to appeal, 30 days? he thought it was just about thier charges, which he was told he didn't have to be there for. he already knew the state wasn't going to press criminal charges.

he thought the custody issue had already been decided in january.

 

[lily2467]

it is stamped july7th. how long do you have to appeal, 30 days? he thought it was just about thier charges, which he was told he didn't have to be there for. he already knew the state wasn't going to press criminal charges.

he thought the custody issue had already been decided in january.

could he go to the courthouse and file and appeal? he knows he should have gone, but he thought it was a hearing about thier charges.

 

[CJane]

he thought the custody issue had already been decided in january.

Sorry, not gonna fly.

The order dated January said that custody would revert at the end of the school year. WE ALL said HERE that custody would revert UNLESS DAD FILED IN COURT to keep the kids w/him.

Obviously, he chose not to take that advice, he chose not to attend a hearing and this is what happened. At this point, he'll need a significant change in the circumstances of the children in order to change custody.

An appeal isn't likely to be won, even if he had time to file one.

 

[lily2467]

Sorry, not gonna fly.

The order dated January said that custody would revert at the end of the school year. WE ALL said HERE that custody would revert UNLESS DAD FILED IN COURT to keep the kids w/him.

Obviously, he chose not to take that advice, he chose not to attend a hearing and this is what happened. At this point, he'll need a significant change in the circumstances of the children in order to change custody.

An appeal isn't likely to be won, even if he had time to file one.

he did go see a lawyer who told him he would retain physical custody. they (mom & dad) are going to get together to talk. but it is weird he never recieved any paperwork from the court. she gave him a copy today.

 

[CJane]

he did go see a lawyer who told him he would retain physical custody. they (mom & dad) are going to get together to talk. but it is weird he never recieved any paperwork from the court. she gave him a copy today.

I sure don't know why an attorney would tell him that when none of US have seen the temp order, and WE all knew this would happen if Dad didn't file to modify the order.

And the court is not obligated to provide him with a copy of an order for a hearing he didn't see fit to attend. All that happened is what the court had already said would happen. Custody reverted. Period. And he knew it would.

What are they going to talk ABOUT? If they want to modify the order - even via a stipulated agreement - they have to re-involve DYFS and Dad is going to have to explain the disparity between his 'concern' and his lack of action/accountability.

 

[lily2467]

even if the agree? if they are in agreement of changing it why would they need to involve dyfs?

 

[CJane]

even if the agree? if they are in agreement of changing it why would they need to involve dyfs?

Because the current court order demands it.

if there is any apllication to the court for any changes in custody/visitation, the division must be notified and is authroized to release their records to the court for review.

 

[Isis1]

even if the agree? if they are in agreement of changing it why would they need to involve dyfs?

because DYSF was originally involved. if something, anything were to happen and dad had done NOTHING like he was advised to by this ENTIRE board...DYFS can go after dad as well for not being proactive. and next time, if there is one, they won't be calling dad should they feel the need to pick up the children.