Help understanding Joint Legal Custody

[melanie679]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My husband was recently awarded Joint Legal Custody but it seems nothing at all will change (as far as he having a say in major decisions). His son's legal last name is the same as my husband's (his father)... However, the child's mother insists that he go by her new husband's last name. She even went as far as petitioning with the courts for the change stating "I would like him to have the same name as I do." My husband filed his objection and the petition was denied. Regardless of the Judge's opinion that it is in the child's best interest to keep his father's surname, mother continues to have him go by his stepfather's last name in his classroom and had his last name put on the back of his tee-ball jersey.
My husband contacted his son's school and even sent them a copy of the court orders stating that he now has Joint Legal Custody but he is not getting a response. Seems they don't want to get involved.
My husband and I were talking about this last night and want to know if there is anything else he can do? He feels it's psychologically harmful for his son to be confused this way and is afraid he will develope an identity crisis or something.
I told him that I would ask on here for an opinion.
Thank you.

 

[melanie679]

OK. Thank you. The same thing happened last year. My husband had no idea that his son was going by his stepfather's last name until a few months into the school year. He then contacted the teacher and she told him that, although he is enrolled under his legal name, mother told teacher on the first day of school "He doesn't go by his legal name, he goes by 'this name' instead." Teacher didn't question it and did as she was told.

The first day of school is tomorrow and so far, my husband has not been able to get ahold of the principal directly. He spoke briefly with the secretary and told her the situation. She had him send the new orders. He sent an email last week but has not gotten a response. We live in another state so, unfortunately, he has to do all of this by phone and email for now.

 

[proud_parent]

OK. Thank you. The same thing happened last year. My husband had no idea that his son was going by his stepfather's last name until a few months into the school year. He then contacted the teacher and she told him that, although he is enrolled under his legal name, mother told teacher on the first day of school "He doesn't go by his legal name, he goes by 'this name' instead." Teacher didn't question it and did as she was told.

The first day of school is tomorrow and so far, my husband has not been able to get ahold of the principal directly. He spoke briefly with the secretary and told her the situation. She had him send the new orders. He sent an email last week but has not gotten a response. We live in another state so, unfortunately, he has to do all of this by phone and email for now.

I think there is little likelihood that the child will experience an "identity crisis". If Mom is engaging in alienating behaviors, however, that CAN be psychologically harmful, if Dad permits it to go unchecked.

Dad needs to follow up with the principal and/or superintendent of schools to ensure that they have received a copy of the custody order and that Jr. is registered under his own legal name.

Moreover, Dad should make himself known to Jr.'s teachers and coaches if he hasn't already done so. I doubt Jr.'s teacher would have gone along with addressing him by anything other than his correct name if Dad had formed a friendly relationship -- even a correspondence relationship -- with her from the outset. The more Dad makes a visible effort to support Jr.'s education and extracurricular activities, the better. Nothing reinforces a child's positive identity of himself more than the love of a committed, involved parent.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My husband was recently awarded Joint Legal Custody but it seems nothing at all will change (as far as he having a say in major decisions). His son's legal last name is the same as my husband's (his father)... However, the child's mother insists that he go by her new husband's last name. She even went as far as petitioning with the courts for the change stating "I would like him to have the same name as I do." My husband filed his objection and the petition was denied. Regardless of the Judge's opinion that it is in the child's best interest to keep his father's surname, mother continues to have him go by his stepfather's last name in his classroom and had his last name put on the back of his tee-ball jersey.
My husband contacted his son's school and even sent them a copy of the court orders stating that he now has Joint Legal Custody but he is not getting a response. Seems they don't want to get involved.
My husband and I were talking about this last night and want to know if there is anything else he can do? He feels it's psychologically harmful for his son to be confused this way and is afraid he will develope an identity crisis or something.
I told him that I would ask on here for an opinion.
Thank you.

i have got to agree with the others regarding the identity crisis. that is absurd. my mom did the same thing to me when she was married. none of my problems revolve around a name confusion.

as long as the child is legally refered to in all legal education records, emergency forms, insurance paperwork, doctor records, legally, child will be just fine.

 

[BL]

Here's some good reading .

Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA)

The FERPA Compliance Office would have the contact for the school district as well as the Director Of Pupil Personnel .

Dad needs to nip this at once .

Obtain a copy of the registration .

If has wrong info. have it corrected .

You can also request a time to review the child's file at the school.

 

[melanie679]

Thank you all for the advice. Dad just had a nice long conversation with son's teacher and she told him that his name is listed under his legal name on her roster, so that is the name she will use in the classroom... no matter what mom says to try and convince her otherwise.

Another question. The last time dad spoke with mom about all of this, she told him that she is considering "compromising" and having her new last name hyphenated (since she was denied the actual name change). Can she do this without dad's consent?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you all for the advice. Dad just had a nice long conversation with son's teacher and she told him that his name is listed under his legal name on her roster, so that is the name she will use in the classroom... no matter what mom says to try and convince her otherwise.

Another question. The last time dad spoke with mom about all of this, she told him that she is considering "compromising" and having her new last name hyphenated (since she was denied the actual name change). Can she do this without dad's consent?

Why would dad have to consent with anything that mom did with HER name?

 

[melanie679]

Sorry. I meant to say that she wants to add the hyphen to their son's name. My wording was wrong. We'll say child's legal last name is "Smith" like his father's. Stepfather's last name is "Jones". She wants to add stepfather's last name to father's last name so it would be Child Smith-Jones. Dad does not want that to happen. Can she add the hyphen to their child's name without dad's consent?

 

[BL]

Sorry. I meant to say that she wants to add the hyphen to their son's name. My wording was wrong. We'll say child's legal last name is "Smith" like his father's. Stepfather's last name is "Jones". She wants to add stepfather's last name to father's last name so it would be Child Smith-Jones. Dad does not want that to happen. Can she add the hyphen to their child's name without dad's consent?

The school should go by the name in the court orders .

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry. I meant to say that she wants to add the hyphen to their son's name. My wording was wrong. We'll say child's legal last name is "Smith" like his father's. Stepfather's last name is "Jones". She wants to add stepfather's last name to father's last name so it would be Child Smith-Jones. Dad does not want that to happen. Can she add the hyphen to their child's name without dad's consent?

No, she cannot do that and a judge would be highly unlikely to disagree with dad on that one. If she retained her maiden name and wanted the child's name to be hyphenated with her maiden name it could be a different story.

 

[Ronin]

My husband contacted his son's school and even sent them a copy of the court orders stating that he now has Joint Legal Custody but he is not getting a response. Seems they don't want to get involved.

It has been my own experience that a nicely worded letter from an attorney to the school can be very helpful in getting the desired response.

 

[BL]

It has been my experience a letter written by the FERPA Compliance Office got results to access and record copies , then correction of records with a postage stamp or two.

 

[CJane]

It has been my experience a letter written by the FERPA Compliance Office got results to access and record copies , then correction of records with a postage stamp or two.

There's nothing wrong with the records. Child is and has been enrolled using the correct legal name.

My opinion? Dad is making a mountain out of a molehill and letting Mom get under his skin and therefore win this stupid little battle.

WHO CARES if Kiddo goes by Joey Smith or Joey Jones INFORMALLY? Is it really THAT different than if his name were Alfred and he asked to be called Jack instead?

I'll never get the hullabaloo over names. But I am happy to be able to use that word.

 

[Isis1]

There's nothing wrong with the records. Child is and has been enrolled using the correct legal name.

My opinion? Dad is making a mountain out of a molehill and letting Mom get under his skin and therefore win this stupid little battle.

WHO CARES if Kiddo goes by Joey Smith or Joey Jones INFORMALLY? Is it really THAT different than if his name were Alfred and he asked to be called Jack instead?

I'll never get the hullabaloo over names. But I am happy to be able to use that word.

hulabaloo....at least i think that is how baloo spelled it.

and what type of response was OP expecting? "we received the court order and have changed our records accordingly. here is verification"

i'm the custodial parent. i've submitted court orders to at least 5 schools in the past 4 years. i never received a response from any of them. just gave them info. that was my concern.

 

[mommyof4]

There's nothing wrong with the records. Child is and has been enrolled using the correct legal name.

My opinion? Dad is making a mountain out of a molehill and letting Mom get under his skin and therefore win this stupid little battle.

WHO CARES if Kiddo goes by Joey Smith or Joey Jones INFORMALLY? Is it really THAT different than if his name were Alfred and he asked to be called Jack instead?

I'll never get the hullabaloo over names. But I am happy to be able to use that word.

hullabaloo

Nice word.

My ex actually threw the complaint out in court that he felt that Thing 1 should never be referred to by my last name, not even in a collective setting (such as when we were at church and known as the "Jones family"). The judge rolled his eyes and told him to get over it. As long as Thing 1's name was her legal name on all necessary forms there was nothing wrong with including her in our family name.

So yeah...while I think that Mom is being a royal pain in the patootie, there's not a chance that kiddo's legal name is going to be changed and Dad is just handing Mom more peas for her pea shooter. It may be annoying, but it's not going to kill or psychologically harm anyone.