Legal rights of NCP

[gatorfan1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida


I would like to know what my options are regarding issues w/my daughter and her schooling.

In our divorce decree, it gives both my ex (the custodial parent) and myself (NCP) joint decision making in the areas of school, religion, healthcare, etc. We have joint custody with my ex having primary residence.

Our daughter has had issues with school since the first grade due to her mother keeping her home for any reason from a stomach ache, headache, sore throat to well because she couldn't get out of bed to get our daughter ready and to school. From the first grade to now (seventh grade) she has averaged 20 plus days of school absent each year-not since but each year she has been out of school from 20-30 days.

Obviously her grades are suffering due to the excessive absences. She has scored at below grade level every year on the FCAT since the third grade. I just went to the school to get her grades for her progress report for the first four weeks of school and she has two 50's and two 30's. She has missed 5 days of school already. My ex has gone off on the school system repeatedly when they try to let her know that missing so much school is unacceptable and I have a very good rapport with not only the elementary school she attended but the middle school she is in now as well as the county truancy officer. The school, the truancy officer and myself are all trying to work together to resolve these issues but my ex blames everyone else for our daughter's issues.

I just found out that she is trying to have our daughter enrolled in to a private school. I believe she is doing this to circumvent the public school system thinking she can continue to do as she is and sweet talk someone new into believing that it is not her fault or our daughter's fault that our daughter is performing so poorly. My question is, what can I do to prevent her from trying to get around the system to suit her needs? Can I file for contempt since we have joint decision making and she is not informing me of her plans? If so, do I have to wait until she actually enrolls her and takes her out of the public school? BTW, I found out about her plans via her other daughter's myspace page. She has not mentioned it to me.

Sorry this went on so long and I appreciate any assistance you can provide.
Thanks!!

 

[Ohiogal]

She is NOT allowed to change your daughter to private school without your agreement IF you have joint custody. If she attempts to enroll your child in private school take mom back to court for contempt. Why have YOU allowed your child to miss 20-30 days a year for so long and DONE NOTHING about it through the courts? Why haven't you filed for a change in custody?

 

[gatorfan1]

Up until two years ago I was living out of state. When I moved to Florida in 2007, I was traveling for my work and would be gone for three weeks out of the month. I have recently started a new job (April of this year) where I am now home. I didn't try for custody prior because I didn't figure the judge would award me custody when I was gone so much.

I would desperately love to get custody because I know that if I had our daughter for one school year, things would be ALOT different. I was also unsure if excessive absences would warrant a change in circumstances. Do you think that it a judge would consider that? I also have several other issues that I believe to be unhealthy for our daughter to be around regarding my ex but I know that the family law courts in my area are very pro-mother and I'm not sure if I would have enough to warrant a change in custody.

I appreciate your response and welcome more.

 

[Ohiogal]

Up until two years ago I was living out of state. When I moved to Florida in 2007, I was traveling for my work and would be gone for three weeks out of the month. I have recently started a new job (April of this year) where I am now home. I didn't try for custody prior because I didn't figure the judge would award me custody when I was gone so much.

I would desperately love to get custody because I know that if I had our daughter for one school year, things would be ALOT different. I was also unsure if excessive absences would warrant a change in circumstances. Do you think that it a judge would consider that? I also have several other issues that I believe to be unhealthy for our daughter to be around regarding my ex but I know that the family law courts in my area are very pro-mother and I'm not sure if I would have enough to warrant a change in custody.

I appreciate your response and welcome more.

So you were just as neglectful of your daughter's education as mom because you did nothing. Sorry but that is the truth. You living out of state is NOT an excuse. You traveling is NOT an excuse. You should have done something -- you should have filed or attempted to force the situtation. That is going to be an issue. Pro mother? Pro child is what family law courts are. Your lack of doing anything however will not help you.

 

[gatorfan1]

So you were just as neglectful of your daughter's education as mom because you did nothing. Sorry but that is the truth. You living out of state is NOT an excuse. You traveling is NOT an excuse. You should have done something -- you should have filed or attempted to force the situtation. That is going to be an issue. Pro mother? Pro child is what family law courts are. Your lack of doing anything however will not help you.

Ohiogal,

I understand what you are saying. I feel I have done what I could while I was away. I would call the school, call her teachers and get whatever information I could. If not for me calling the schools, I would never have known anything about what was going on. Like I said in my previous post, I have a very good rapport with the school system. They know the attempts I have made for following our daughter's progress and they know my ex's history of threats and basically acting like a lunatic in front of them. The school truancy officer has told my ex that if I were to go for custody, she would fully support me. If I believed I had a chance in Haiti for getting custody of her due to her absences, I would have tried that. I have had several lawyers in the past due to my ex taking me to court every couple of years for more child support. I have always filled them in on what was going on and not once did they mention I would have a shot at custody. So yes, I suppose I am to blame to an extent for doing nothing but I can honestly say I have done all that I believed I could since I was not told otherwise by my counsel.

So in your opinion, do I have a valid point to constitute a change of circumstances? Again, I do have other points I could bring in as well but I feel these excessive absences should be able to stand for themselves. But that is only what I feel and not what a judge may decide.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal,

I understand what you are saying. I feel I have done what I could while I was away. I would call the school, call her teachers and get whatever information I could. If not for me calling the schools, I would never have known anything about what was going on. Like I said in my previous post, I have a very good rapport with the school system. They know the attempts I have made for following our daughter's progress and they know my ex's history of threats and basically acting like a lunatic in front of them. The school truancy officer has told my ex that if I were to go for custody, she would fully support me. If I believed I had a chance in Haiti for getting custody of her due to her absences, I would have tried that. I have had several lawyers in the past due to my ex taking me to court every couple of years for more child support. I have always filled them in on what was going on and not once did they mention I would have a shot at custody. So yes, I suppose I am to blame to an extent for doing nothing but I can honestly say I have done all that I believed I could since I was not told otherwise by my counsel.

So in your opinion, do I have a valid point to constitute a change of circumstances? Again, I do have other points I could bring in as well but I feel these excessive absences should be able to stand for themselves. But that is only what I feel and not what a judge may decide.

I would have told you to go for custody of your child due to the fact that mom was keeping her home without reason. That would mean that mom would have to prove that the absences were due to some adequate reason.

 

[gatorfan1]

I would have told you to go for custody of your child due to the fact that mom was keeping her home without reason. That would mean that mom would have to prove that the absences were due to some adequate reason.

Ohiogal,

Thank you for your responses. I feel it's going to be hard for her to prove the absences were warranted due to the fact there are VERY few actual doctor notes. About 90 percent are notes from my ex stating various excuses. The most recent was Friday, Sept 25 stating that our daughter was late due to personal reasons and to call if the school needed more information. I happened to be at the school talking with her counselor when my daughter came walking in 3 1/2 hours late. She stated that she had lice and her mom treated it, that's why she was late. However, it was picture day that day and low and behold her hair was a different color than normal. I wasn't aware that hair dye was a treatment for lice. That is just an example of what goes on.

My next question is should I wait for her to enroll her in private school w/out notifying me to file for contempt or should I go ahead and be proactive and file for modification of custody? I will have to do this w/out an attorney but my county has a very could self-help website with the forms and explanations. I just would like some advice at what the best route to take would be.

Also, should I go for permanent custody or ask the judge to grant me temporary custody pending the remainder of the school year to show the courts her attendance would increase therefore her grades would improve. I wouldn't ask for child support from my ex, that's not important. What is important is trying to get my daughter back on track and hopefully giving her a chance at finishing school and going on to college. I'm afraid that if things continue the way they are, she won't even make it out of high school.

Also, is there any way to make my ex take her to tutoring? There is free tutoring here that she desperately needs but instead of getting her into it, my ex decides to put her in drama (an extracurricular, after school program) I believe with her grades as low as they are she shouldn't be in anything after school unless it is a tutoring program. But every time I go to the school to take her out of the drama program, my ex puts her right back in after a couple of weeks. (This happened last year)

Again, I appreciate any and all advice you can give!

 

[Ohiogal]

How important is her education and attention? File for custody citing lack of school attendance AND ask for temporary custody. Also ask for a GAL to be appointed.

 

[gatorfan1]

How important is her education and attention? File for custody citing lack of school attendance AND ask for temporary custody. Also ask for a GAL to be appointed.

Thank you once again. I have already dowloaded the forms I will need to file. When submitting my petition should I attach her attendance record for the last several years? Should I get affidavits from the school to support my position and attach those as well? Print out any and all records of doctors visits from the last several years? Or should I file the petition and submit all of that when it goes to court?

Also, will a GAL be able to see through the BS that may come? My concern is that my daughter has been brainwashed for lack of a better word to do and say anything to protect her mother. She feels it is her job to take care of her mother and only tells me what she thinks I want to hear because I am the disciplinarian

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you once again. I have already dowloaded the forms I will need to file. When submitting my petition should I attach her attendance record for the last several years? Should I get affidavits from the school to support my position and attach those as well? Print out any and all records of doctors visits from the last several years? Or should I file the petition and submit all of that when it goes to court?

Also, will a GAL be able to see through the BS that may come? My concern is that my daughter has been brainwashed for lack of a better word to do and say anything to protect her mother. She feels it is her job to take care of her mother and only tells me what she thinks I want to hear because I am the disciplinarian

A GAL should be able to see through the BS. Affidavits and records are HEARSAy. You would eventually need to call those people to testify so that they can be cross examined.

 

[LdiJ]

Ohiogal,

Thank you for your responses. I feel it's going to be hard for her to prove the absences were warranted due to the fact there are VERY few actual doctor notes. About 90 percent are notes from my ex stating various excuses. The most recent was Friday, Sept 25 stating that our daughter was late due to personal reasons and to call if the school needed more information. I happened to be at the school talking with her counselor when my daughter came walking in 3 1/2 hours late. She stated that she had lice and her mom treated it, that's why she was late. However, it was picture day that day and low and behold her hair was a different color than normal. I wasn't aware that hair dye was a treatment for lice. That is just an example of what goes on.

Believe it or not, hair dye does kill lice, almost more effectively than the lice treatments. I discovered that by accident.

My next question is should I wait for her to enroll her in private school w/out notifying me to file for contempt or should I go ahead and be proactive and file for modification of custody? I will have to do this w/out an attorney but my county has a very could self-help website with the forms and explanations. I just would like some advice at what the best route to take would be.

Well, you cannot use enrolling her in private school against her, unless she actually DOES it.

Also, should I go for permanent custody or ask the judge to grant me temporary custody pending the remainder of the school year to show the courts her attendance would increase therefore her grades would improve. I wouldn't ask for child support from my ex, that's not important. What is important is trying to get my daughter back on track and hopefully giving her a chance at finishing school and going on to college. I'm afraid that if things continue the way they are, she won't even make it out of high school.

Asking for temporary custody to prove that the child's school performance would greatly improve is a good strategy. Although, to be honest, I am not sure that the child is missing enough school that you can be certain that the missed school is the major problem.

Also, is there any way to make my ex take her to tutoring? There is free tutoring here that she desperately needs but instead of getting her into it, my ex decides to put her in drama (an extracurricular, after school program) I believe with her grades as low as they are she shouldn't be in anything after school unless it is a tutoring program. But every time I go to the school to take her out of the drama program, my ex puts her right back in after a couple of weeks. (This happened last year)

Again, I appreciate any and all advice you can give!

While I think that tutoring would be great, there ought to be a way that she can do both tutoring AND drama...particularly if she enjoys drama. Also, if you take her out of drama without mom's agreement, then YOU are violating the joint legal custody.

 

[gatorfan1]

Believe it or not, hair dye does kill lice, almost more effectively than the lice treatments. I discovered that by accident.

That may be true but I find it a little sketchy that she came down with lice and decided to treat it with hair dye on the day of pictures at school.



Well, you cannot use enrolling her in private school against her, unless she actually DOES it.

That is true.


Asking for temporary custody to prove that the child's school performance would greatly improve is a good strategy. Although, to be honest, I am not sure that the child is missing enough school that you can be certain that the missed school is the major problem.

That may be true as well but my thought is that in order to learn, one must be in school. I honestly think that because she missed 20-30 days in the early days of school, she does not have the foundation and knowledge she needs to get the work done. Her grades have continually gotten worse and worse as the years went on. Like I said, we are only in the first month of school and she's making 50's and 30's because (I believe) she doesn't know how to do the work because she wasn't in school to learn how to do the work.



While I think that tutoring would be great, there ought to be a way that she can do both tutoring AND drama...particularly if she enjoys drama. Also, if you take her out of drama without mom's agreement, then YOU are violating the joint legal custody.

I don't feel she should be rewarded for performing poorly in school. I understand she enjoys it and I'd like her to be able to do it but I think school work and grades come before extracuricular activities. Schools have the no pass no play for sports. I totally agree with that way of thinking. If grades suffer, then no extracuricular.

But LDiJ, I do thank you for your thoughts and suggestions.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't feel she should be rewarded for performing poorly in school. I understand she enjoys it and I'd like her to be able to do it but I think school work and grades come before extracuricular activities. Schools have the no pass no play for sports. I totally agree with that way of thinking. If grades suffer, then no extracuricular.

But LDiJ, I do thank you for your thoughts and suggestions.

While I understand the no pass no play theory, isn't drama just once a week or so, rather than the daily that constitutes a sport?