hospitalization help please

[wileybunch]

I am going to agree with wileybunch. I don't think you should agree to be gone a whole 10 hours, but there is no reason you should not be able to go home, go through the mail, take a nice hot shower, knowing Dad is there and he will provide comfort to your child.

Exactly.

Mom, you aren't leaving child AT ALL during this time? You don't have things to attend to? Or do you just not want to leave the hospital for any reason if DAD is with the child? I have inferred that what you are most reacting to is the fact Dad wants to bring his legal stranger wife and family with him and in the process are acting a little controlling about Dad's time with his own child.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Exactly.

Mom, you aren't leaving child AT ALL during this time? You don't have things to attend to? Or do you just not want to leave the hospital for any reason if DAD is with the child? I have inferred that what you are most reacting to is the fact Dad wants to bring his legal stranger wife and family with him and in the process are acting a little controlling about Dad's time with his own child.

I dont think that is her thought at all. When my child around the same age was in the hospital for a week I didnt leave the hospital for five minutes( great things about hospitals now they have showers in the room). When your baby is very sick you dont want to leave them for a minute in case something goes wrong. Just because you may feel comfortable leaving your child doesnt mean she would plus she doesnt need to leave her child so why should she. There are lobbys and sitting areas in the hospital for her to be at while dad visits as for legal strangers they shouldnt be there for health reasons anyway hospitals dont want a ton of people going in and out and dragging in germs. You are being unfair in your response.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Exactly.

Mom, you aren't leaving child AT ALL during this time? You don't have things to attend to? Or do you just not want to leave the hospital for any reason if DAD is with the child? I have inferred that what you are most reacting to is the fact Dad wants to bring his legal stranger wife and family with him and in the process are acting a little controlling about Dad's time with his own child.

Yes. Wiley, of course I have things to tend to at home. Home is 35 miles away. I have a job and a 7 year old daughter that are also priorities to me. It took me all of about 3 minutes to get things taken care of so that I can be her with the little guy for a few days. "Boss, I can't work." "Grandma, can you keep little girl for a few days?" everything else is unimportant to me right now. I won't be leaving the hospital at all. However while the nurse was checking his vitals, I did run to the pop and vending machine at the end of the hall. I have a bag being brought for me tomorrow that contains some clothes and toiletries.

This is all rather a moot point now anyway. Unfortunately, I no longer need the answer. About 90 minutes, son showed bad signs of cyanosis (blue hue to the skin due to lack of oxygen). Son is now in pediatric ICU. I was given a little yellow bracelet that essentially, if ya don't have one, you can't get into PICU. I'm the only one who received one because I am the only one here. I am allowed to take one person in with me for no longer than 30 minutes and person must be immediate family member to the child. Anyone who goes in must wear protective gear. (face mask, gloves) its really NOT pretty in here.

Anyway, as soon as they took Son away to get his oxygen level back up I texted dad (I'll admit, it was late, but I felt it an emergency) to let him know about Son getting worse that first reply was "dam that sucks". I told him he may want to make arrangements to get to the hospital sooner. Then wife started texting sorts of nonsense. They will be here Saturday. Not to text her hubby anymore. They are in bed (MUCH more graphic that that). Its a very sad situation. My heart shatters seeing my son like this.

 

[maryjo]

Exactly.

Mom, you aren't leaving child AT ALL during this time? You don't have things to attend to? Or do you just not want to leave the hospital for any reason if DAD is with the child? I have inferred that what you are most reacting to is the fact Dad wants to bring his legal stranger wife and family with him and in the process are acting a little controlling about Dad's time with his own child.

Have you ever had a child in the hospital?? My son was born premature and spent the first month of his life in the NICU. I was there every second I was allowed but you just arent allowed to be there all the time in that situation. So I stayed at the Fisher House right next door so I was as close as possible at all times. (Fisher House is like the Ronald McDonald house for military hospitals.) Its a horrible situation. I wouldnt have cared what happend in the world during that time, I was going to be there for my child!

There is no reason why dad cant visit and mom cant step out for awhile. But this is a 15 month old. That baby is sick, scared and no matter how involved dad would have been in the child's life that baby is going to want mama...no matter what. And for mother to leave for 10 hours would be detrimental to the child's well being at this time. I am not saying dad shouldnt be there or couldnt handle what might happen. But this is not a time to play games. It has nothing to do with controlling dad's time. If dad really cared he would
be there with or without all the legal strangers (not to mention germ carriers). Dad is nuts to even think that bringing in all those people to a hospital room of a very sick 15 month old child is an acceptable idea.

And, lets face it, a sick child in the hospital is NOT fun and the novelty of dad rushing in to the rescue at the hospital with his new family wont last for 10 hours! My guess is, once they make an appearance, they will get bored with the situation real quick and find a reason to leave.

I dont, for a second, think this is mom controlling the situation but rather dad taking taking advantage of the situation to play games. This should be about the child. Not who gets what time and when and who stays and who goes. And if the child's well being was the most important thing, this wouldnt even be an issue.

My question is, for as insane as the threat is, was possible legal action could dad take at this point considering mom has sole legal and physical? Is that even a possibility?

DAWN: I hope your baby gets better very soon! Hang in there! We are all thinking of you.

 

[mmmagique]

My little boy had RSV when he was a baby, and he ended up in ICU as well. It was not a fun time.
I remember my ex's mom coming to visit him and telling me that he didn't look anything like their family.
Just hang in there and ignore ignorant people. You have more important things to worry about than an insecure new wife who doesn't know her place, or what's important.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes. Wiley, of course I have things to tend to at home. Home is 35 miles away. I have a job and a 7 year old daughter that are also priorities to me. It took me all of about 3 minutes to get things taken care of so that I can be her with the little guy for a few days. "Boss, I can't work." "Grandma, can you keep little girl for a few days?" everything else is unimportant to me right now. I won't be leaving the hospital at all. However while the nurse was checking his vitals, I did run to the pop and vending machine at the end of the hall. I have a bag being brought for me tomorrow that contains some clothes and toiletries.

This is all rather a moot point now anyway. Unfortunately, I no longer need the answer. About 90 minutes, son showed bad signs of cyanosis (blue hue to the skin due to lack of oxygen). Son is now in pediatric ICU. I was given a little yellow bracelet that essentially, if ya don't have one, you can't get into PICU. I'm the only one who received one because I am the only one here. I am allowed to take one person in with me for no longer than 30 minutes and person must be immediate family member to the child. Anyone who goes in must wear protective gear. (face mask, gloves) its really NOT pretty in here.

Anyway, as soon as they took Son away to get his oxygen level back up I texted dad (I'll admit, it was late, but I felt it an emergency) to let him know about Son getting worse that first reply was "dam that sucks". I told him he may want to make arrangements to get to the hospital sooner. Then wife started texting sorts of nonsense. They will be here Saturday. Not to text her hubby anymore. They are in bed (MUCH more graphic that that). Its a very sad situation. My heart shatters seeing my son like this.

I am so very sorry. I hope that he gets better very soon. I will add him to my prayers.

 

[frylover]

Oh, NO, Dawn.

I hope your little guy gets better quickly. ANd if dad's only response to HIS son being in PICU was "darn, that sucks" then I find it hard to believe he'd be a huge help and/or comfort to your seriously ill baby.

 

[profmum]

I am so sorry.. prayers and thoughts coming your way.. Dad has no legal recourse here.. NONE whatsoever, you stay parked in that hospital room for as long as you need to...

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Have you ever had a child in the hospital?? My son was born premature and spent the first month of his life in the NICU. I was there every second I was allowed but you just arent allowed to be there all the time in that situation. So I stayed at the Fisher House right next door so I was as close as possible at all times. (Fisher House is like the Ronald McDonald house for military hospitals.) Its a horrible situation. I wouldnt have cared what happend in the world during that time, I was going to be there for my child!

There is no reason why dad cant visit and mom cant step out for awhile. But this is a 15 month old. That baby is sick, scared and no matter how involved dad would have been in the child's life that baby is going to want mama...no matter what. And for mother to leave for 10 hours would be detrimental to the child's well being at this time. I am not saying dad shouldnt be there or couldnt handle what might happen. But this is not a time to play games. It has nothing to do with controlling dad's time. If dad really cared he would
be there with or without all the legal strangers (not to mention germ carriers). Dad is nuts to even think that bringing in all those people to a hospital room of a very sick 15 month old child is an acceptable idea.

And, lets face it, a sick child in the hospital is NOT fun and the novelty of dad rushing in to the rescue at the hospital with his new family wont last for 10 hours! My guess is, once they make an appearance, they will get bored with the situation real quick and find a reason to leave.

I dont, for a second, think this is mom controlling the situation but rather dad taking taking advantage of the situation to play games. This should be about the child. Not who gets what time and when and who stays and who goes. And if the child's well being was the most important thing, this wouldnt even be an issue.

My question is, for as insane as the threat is, was possible legal action could dad take at this point considering mom has sole legal and physical? Is that even a possibility?

DAWN: I hope your baby gets better very soon! Hang in there! We are all thinking of you.

Thank you.

You make a good point in your second paragraph.... About children wanting Mama when they're sick. My mom has been around son every single day since he was born. They are very close to one another. 9 times out of 10 he would pick her over me LoL. So I asked her to see if she could come over and calm him a little yesterday before his Dr appt. She got here and he RAN from her straight to me. He wouldn't let me out of his sight no matter what! Then when the X Ray tech took him from me to get those done, he screamed like you wouldn't believe. So out of character for the baby. He normally will let anyone hold him or talk to him.

Quite honestly I don't trust dad's judgement at all. Just a little over 2 weeks ago, he allowed Son to sit in poop for 2 or 3 HOURS, because he doesn't change diapers and no one was around who would do it. And he actually ADMITTED it! Just floored me. The rash that came from that was not pretty and son was at the doctor for it because OTC creams wouldn't help.

Let me tell y'all... There is no other feeling in the world that would compare to seeing your baby turn blue right before your eyes. It was like that nightmare that when you try to scream for help and ya open your mouth and nothing comes out. Everything went black in my eyes. I couldn't see to press the nurse button so I wound up in the hallway flapping my arms around. Absolutely horrifying.

The fun with Dad has already began this morning and it is just after 7. He texted, asking how the baby is. I told him that nothing had really changed since last time we spoke and I was waiting for the doctor to come in. He told me again that THEY would be here Saturday at 8. I said ok and filled him in on the PICU rules. (immediate family only, 30 min visits, must be wearing the yellow bracelet or WITH the person wearing it). He flipped out. I got called every name in the book. He said I am only making those up in order to keep HIS son from seeing his OTHER family. I told him to call the hospital and ask for the rules himself. Makes him so mad that I refuse to engage in the 4th grade name calling. I finally told him that he is welcome to come up anytime he wants. He doesn't have to wait til Saturday. He said he would have his lawyer contact the head of the hospital to ensure step family gets to visit. I said ok, and that I'd keep him updated on any changes and said goodbye.

Its all so ridiculous. The kiddo is very sick. Fighting amongst the parents should be the LAST thing happening right now.

I want to thank you all for your well wishes and prayers. Son is a little fighter, I have faith he will be back to his old self soon.

 

[sometwo]

Dad has no legal recourse here

In fact I would hope the Judge would really lay into dad for contributing to the problems instead of being there for his child.

I hope your baby is better soon!

 

[wileybunch]

I dont think that is her thought at all. When my child around the same age was in the hospital for a week I didnt leave the hospital for five minutes( great things about hospitals now they have showers in the room). When your baby is very sick you dont want to leave them for a minute in case something goes wrong. Just because you may feel comfortable leaving your child doesnt mean she would plus she doesnt need to leave her child so why should she. There are lobbys and sitting areas in the hospital for her to be at while dad visits as for legal strangers they shouldnt be there for health reasons anyway hospitals dont want a ton of people going in and out and dragging in germs. You are being unfair in your response.

Don't make assumptions about me and my life. I've said NOTHING in here to give you any info to make judgments about my life. And, you're entitled to your opinion, but Sat's many days away and unlikely child will be so unstable at that point so I was not transposing Weds onto Sat with my response nor telling OP she HAD to do it any certain way, but if you want to jump on an extreme bandwagon, go for it. A little bit of reasonableness in her perspective with the child's father should be injected into the picture. Take it for what it's worth (as with all opinions here).

 

[wileybunch]

About 90 minutes, son showed bad signs of cyanosis (blue hue to the skin due to lack of oxygen). Son is now in pediatric ICU. I was given a little yellow bracelet that essentially, if ya don't have one, you can't get into PICU. I'm the only one who received one because I am the only one here. I am allowed to take one person in with me for no longer than 30 minutes and person must be immediate family member to the child. Anyone who goes in must wear protective gear. (face mask, gloves) its really NOT pretty in here.

Anyway, as soon as they took Son away to get his oxygen level back up I texted dad (I'll admit, it was late, but I felt it an emergency) to let him know about Son getting worse that first reply was "dam that sucks". I told him he may want to make arrangements to get to the hospital sooner. Then wife started texting sorts of nonsense. They will be here Saturday. Not to text her hubby anymore. They are in bed (MUCH more graphic that that). Its a very sad situation. My heart shatters seeing my son like this.

I'm sorry your son is not doing well. I hope he gets good care and makes it through without too many bumps. It's very difficult having children hospitalized. And, I'm sorry you have others injecting themselves into this. Don't you wish you could block people from texting? Grr ...

P.S. Yes I have had little ones hospitalized -- one twin at 5w for breathing problems (was having stopping breathing episodes and turning blue) and the other twin at 9 mo for ear infection and rotovirus that dehydrated him. I didn't leave them, either, in fact my ex brought the other twin to me during the day when 5wo was at the hospital b/c he couldn't be bothered taking time off work and I was attempting to keep up my breastfeeding with him and pumping for her and when my 9m was in the hospital, we were already divorcing and Dad wasn't around. I also advocate people in the hospital ALWAYS have someone that project manages the situation. My previous post was with regard to the idea Dad couldn't ever be that person at all, ever, period, no way. If a situation is not stable or critical, totally understood. If person is on the upswing and situation is not dynamic, that's where my injection of other parent as sufficient project manager came in.

 

[sometwo]

I will have to say though when my stepson's little brother was in the hospital my sister n law and her husband had custody. He was 6. (my husband's sister and her husband raised him from about 4 weeks old until he was 6 years old) All of our family was stopping in to see him and sis n law and her husband were staying there with him the whole time. Mom and her boyfriend were up there alot, and dad and his family stopped in just for a little bit. Dad and his family did not stay and dad commented he did not want to be around the mom. Even though the child was getting ready to be handed to dad (given custody after 6 years) he still was not ready to stand up and act like a dad and let things go to be with his child.

All of us who also did not want to be around mom (my gosh how much did our family go through with these two kids, (stepson and little brother and little brother wasn't even biologically related to us except by my stepson) and yet we ALL put our issues aside to be there for little bother and each other. I remember at one point I was sitting in the room with mom and her boyfriend. Mom was on the phone and her boyfriend and I just sat and talked. (just merely chit chat)

Even if all parties don't like each other you can still be civil to each other and still be there for the child. Sometimes it takes being the bigger person. The mom stayed up there in the room almost the whole time also. Even slept in the bed with the child most of the time. Sis n law still stayed there and slept in the room also. They got along for the sake of the child. (btw mom never got custody back and wasn't getting it back (continued neglect and abandonment) so our family had plenty of reason to act ugly. )

I think everyone needs to think about this and if situations like these arise. Even before it might arise.

 

[ecmst12]

At first I wanted to say, that if Saturday is supposed to be dad's day, then why NOT step back and let him be the primary parent for that day, as he would normally be? Then I read the rest of the thread....seriously, a FATHER that refuses to change diapers? That's not a parent, that's a friendly uncle that plays with the kid but gives him back back whenever he needs something. He isn't concerned about comforting the baby who must be so scared and confused, and certainly isn't putting his health first. Grr.

Though, I probably wouldn't have given him any heads up about the PICU rules. I would have let him bring the whole clan to the hospital and let the staff explain it to him.

 

[txmom512]

Dawn, I'm more of a lurker & have no advice. I just wanted to add my well-wishes and prayers to the others. I sure hope your baby's feeling better soon!