we will fight this if we can

[Zigner]

He is a good man, just beat down by lifes heavy blows.

And then you go on to explain the he's a drinker and a pot-head that buys alcohol for minors. Seriously mom - get your head out of the sand.

Or, even better for the child...don't! Just from what you've written, he sounds like he's with the better parent for him already.

 

[Lolie]

Responsible people don't wait until a court orders them to fulfill their obligations.

In the last 6 years, how many times has your son sent your grandson Christmas and birthday presents? How many times has he bought him clothes? How many times has he given the mother any money at all towards your grandson's upkeep? How many times have you done any of those things either?

The absence of a child support order does not prevent your son from contributing towards his child's upkeep - he has chosen not to do so. I refuse to believe that since your grandson was 9 months old your son has never been in a position to provide anything at all for your grandson. It sounds far more like he's chosen to put his own wants before his child's needs. It sounds like you have also made no serious efforts to be an involved grandparent.

Likewise, what steps has your son taken in the last 5 years to obtain any kind of visitation? How many times have you made efforts to arrange seeing your grandson?

Honestly, it sounds like your priority is trying to screw up the life of your son's former partner and not helping your son to step up to the plate and belatedly assume his responsibilities as a parent. Do you have any idea how pathetic your criticisms of the child's mother sound alongside your justifications for your son's actual unfitness as a parent? Do you think that they'll sound any different to a court?

You say your son has realised his mistakes and wants to start setting them right. Why then is it you and not him who is asking these questions? Is this just another instance of you enabling him by assuming responsibility for his problems?

As stealth said earlier, the best interests of your grandson may well lie with a court terminating your son's parental rights altogether and those rights being given to the person who has stepped up to the plate. None of the information you've given suggests that your son is in a strong position to oppose any such move.

If he had to "prove" tomorrow that he's been working on getting his act together and becoming a responsible adult, what evidence would your son be able to offer supporting that notion? What has he actually done which demonstrates that he's turned his life around?

Do you honestly believe that a court should give more consideration to your son's hurt ego than to the welfare of your grandson - because that is effectively what you're asking us to advise you how to accomplish.

Your son's going to do whatever your son's going to do. I'd suggest that you let him wear the consequences of whatever that is and focus on whether you're willing to let his irresponsibility determine whether you ever have a relationship with your grandchild. It may already be too late for you to assume any role in this child's life, but whether or not you even tried is something by which your grandson has every right to judge you in the future.

 

[proud_parent]

Perhaps it's due to the day and hour, but does anyone else get the impression that this thread punches just a few too many of the hot buttons at once? Interfering third party, lack of court orders, stepparent adoption, drug use, unemployment...

If someone mentions relocation out of state, I'm breaking out the margarita mix.

 

[Proserpina]

Perhaps it's due to the day and hour, but does anyone else get the impression that this thread punches just a few too many of the hot buttons at once? Interfering third party, lack of court orders, stepparent adoption, drug use, unemployment...

If someone mentions relocation out of state, I'm breaking out the margarita mix.

Well..you know, it IS Friday...

 

[proud_parent]

Well..you know, it IS Friday...

And it's nigh on 5:00pm here. Care to join me?

 

[Lolie]

Perhaps it's due to the day and hour, but does anyone else get the impression that this thread punches just a few too many of the hot buttons at once? Interfering third party, lack of court orders, stepparent adoption, drug use, unemployment...

If someone mentions relocation out of state, I'm breaking out the margarita mix.

You left out "playing victim".

 

[mollymatters]

I dont understand how everyone can make light of this situation. has my son done right, of course not. Has my son made many mistakes yes he has. I looked up and read family law in our state, I know it looks bad for him yet he does have rights. So when he goes to court to fight this if he is honest about his mistakes and shows a genuine interest in his son will they still terminate his rights? If he agrees to drug testing, alcohol testing, aa and na, will he at least get the introductory visitis. I know my mistakes as a mother, I am fully aware of how I have enabled him but he is my son and I love him that is my only defense, i love him despite his flaws and mistakes. A mothers love is constant and never ending, we love our kids no matter what they do or dont do and we make mistakes like everyone else. No I haven't seen my grandchild regular, no I dont send gifts and such but i do love him and wish him well. It is hard for me to see my sons ex so happy and married when she spent so many years with my son, i loved her like a daughter but then she just gave up on him something you dont do if you truly love somebody. She seems smug and happy that he is still the same as when she left him, she gets satisfaction out of his failures and it angers me. I just cant be around her very much or else i would say something out of line. So is it final my son dont stand a chance?

 

[stealth2]

I dont understand how everyone can make light of this situation. has my son done right, of course not. Has my son made many mistakes yes he has. I looked up and read family law in our state, I know it looks bad for him yet he does have rights. So when he goes to court to fight this if he is honest about his mistakes and shows a genuine interest in his son will they still terminate his rights? If he agrees to drug testing, alcohol testing, aa and na, will he at least get the introductory visitis. I know my mistakes as a mother, I am fully aware of how I have enabled him but he is my son and I love him that is my only defense, i love him despite his flaws and mistakes. A mothers love is constant and never ending, we love our kids no matter what they do or dont do and we make mistakes like everyone else. No I haven't seen my grandchild regular, no I dont send gifts and such but i do love him and wish him well. It is hard for me to see my sons ex so happy and married when she spent so many years with my son, i loved her like a daughter but then she just gave up on him something you dont do if you truly love somebody. She seems smug and happy that he is still the same as when she left him, she gets satisfaction out of his failures and it angers me. I just cant be around her very much or else i would say something out of line. So is it final my son dont stand a chance?

I suspect your son will have an uphill battle.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

I dont understand how everyone can make light of this situation. has my son done right, of course not. Has my son made many mistakes yes he has. I looked up and read family law in our state, I know it looks bad for him yet he does have rights. So when he goes to court to fight this if he is honest about his mistakes and shows a genuine interest in his son will they still terminate his rights? If he agrees to drug testing, alcohol testing, aa and na, will he at least get the introductory visitis. I know my mistakes as a mother, I am fully aware of how I have enabled him but he is my son and I love him that is my only defense, i love him despite his flaws and mistakes. A mothers love is constant and never ending, we love our kids no matter what they do or dont do and we make mistakes like everyone else. No I haven't seen my grandchild regular, no I dont send gifts and such but i do love him and wish him well. It is hard for me to see my sons ex so happy and married when she spent so many years with my son, i loved her like a daughter but then she just gave up on him something you dont do if you truly love somebody. She seems smug and happy that he is still the same as when she left him, she gets satisfaction out of his failures and it angers me. I just cant be around her very much or else i would say something out of line. So is it final my son dont stand a chance?

Whoa... back the truck up. NO ONE except YOU is making light of this subject. You're overstepping several boundaries here. First being that YOU are asking the questions and DAD (presumably, since you are claiming him as your grandson, but I'm not a mind reader and don't know if he's actually adjudicated as Dad) can't get off his posterior to support the child he helped create and hasn't seen since he was 9 months old. Second that YOU are enabling your son to sit on his posterior and NOT take the steps to ensure that he be able to have some part in this childs life in the future. Thirdly, take a look at the bolded... you're kidding right? Your SON couldn't take the time to help himself and YOU begrudge her a little happiness??? Its a long shot to say that she gets satisfaction out of his failures.... now you're a mind reader? OP, get YOUR head out of your posterior.
Your son, if he truly wants any part in his childs life needs to take the necessary steps to getting his life straightened out. Which means getting a job, getting and staying sober, taking the necessary court actions to ensure that Mom has to abide by visitation AND actually abiding by those visitations after the fact. YOU on the other hand, need to cut the umbillical noose you've never fully severed and step back and allow your 33 year old son to be a man. Time to put on his big boy pants.

 

[gr8rn]

It is hard for me to see my sons ex so happy and married when she spent so many years with my son, i loved her like a daughter but then she just gave up on him something you dont do if you truly love somebody.

With all due respect, she did not give up, she got smart. She realized she was in a relationship that was going nowhere and she moved on for her sake and for the sake of her child.

 

[stealth2]

It is hard for me to see my sons ex so happy and married when she spent so many years with my son, i loved her like a daughter but then she just gave up on him something you dont do if you truly love somebody.

Ya know... sometimes one has to give up to save oneself and the children. Sounds like your son's ex saw the writing on the wall and decided to do what she had to for herself and her child. If that wasn't a wake-up call for him (and you)? Then nothing will be.

 

[>Charlotte<]

If that wasn't a wake-up call for him (and you)? Then nothing will be.

Even if it was, he's been hitting the snooze button for five years.

 

[Antigone*]

I think that sonny boy is right where he deserves to be.

Still clinging to mommy. So Mommy are you still breastfeeding baby huey

Mom YOU raised this, these are the fruits of your labor...enjoy the fruit salad

 

[AHA]

Troll smell.

 

[Isis1]

I think that sonny boy is right where he deserves to be.

Still clinging to mommy. So Mommy are you still breastfeeding baby huey

Mom YOU raised this, these are the fruits of your labor...enjoy the fruit salad

oh that is gross. i got a picture of a 33 year old man on his mom's boob!!

does anyone have any acid??