ex to sell property in my absence

[4AI]

What is the name of your state?
CA and FL

Hello and thank you for this forum.
Ex and I, have been legally separated for about a year.
We lived in CA for 12 of the 13 years of our marriage.
We own a house there, which I have put a lot of effort into renting, to pay the mortgage.
I recently had to be out of the country due to my mother's deteriorating health and family issues.
We had agreed to proceed with the divorce upon my return.

Oct 2008 ex took the kids (8,11) to FL, following our separation, and is refusing to return them to CA.
I filed in CA last April, ex counterfiled in FL.
I dropped the CA case, with the agreement that we would pursue mediation.
Ex is now trying to sell our home in CA in my absence.
I cannot leave my mom at this point, she is close to her end.
Can my ex sell our home ?
I have asked ex to give me a couple of months to return.
The kids want to see grandma before she dies, and the ex is refusing.
What can ex legally do to force a sale?
I am currently unemployed and this will be the last opportunity I will have to see my mother

Thanks again

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?
CA and FL

Hello and thank you for this forum.
Ex and I, have been legally separated for about a year.
We lived in CA for 12 of the 13 years of our marriage.
We own a house there, which I have put a lot of effort into renting, to pay the mortgage.
I recently had to be out of the country due to my mother's deteriorating health and family issues.
We had agreed to proceed with the divorce upon my return.

Oct 2008 ex took the kids (8,11) to FL, following our separation, and is refusing to return them to CA.
I filed in CA last April, ex counterfiled in FL.
I dropped the CA case, with the agreement that we would pursue mediation.
Ex is now trying to sell our home in CA in my absence.
I cannot leave my mom at this point, she is close to her end.
Can my ex sell our home ?
I have asked ex to give me a couple of months to return.
The kids want to see grandma before she dies, and the ex is refusing.
What can ex legally do to force a sale?
I am currently unemployed and this will be the last opportunity I will have to see my mother

Thanks again

If your ex took the kids to FL in October of 2008, its far too late for you to be able to force them to return to CA. It was probably too late even in April of 2009.

If both of you are on the deed to the house, she cannot sell it without your approval/signature on the paperwork, but she can probably put it on the market. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Do you want to keep the house? Are you going to be able to refinance and buy out her share of the equity? That doesn't seem likely since you are currently unemployed. She could force the sale of the house via the divorce if you cannot refinance the house for enough to buy out her share of the equity and get her off the mortgage.

Unfortunately, in a divorce situation/separation, most people would not allow their children to leave the country without any solid custody orders being in place. You are unemployed and currently living in another country. What guarantee would she have that you would return the children to the US if she allowed them to travel to visit your mother? Its very sad, but unfortunately its reality.

 

[mistoffolees]

Unfortunately, in a divorce situation/separation, most people would not allow their children to leave the country without any solid custody orders being in place. You are unemployed and currently living in another country. What guarantee would she have that you would return the children to the US if she allowed them to travel to visit your mother? Its very sad, but unfortunately its reality.

However, stbx can get a temporary custody order from the court which would be just as binding as the permanent order. That might give her the assurances to let the kids see their grandmother since even the temporary order could be enforced by the Hague convention.

 

[nextwife]

If your ex took the kids to FL in October of 2008, its far too late for you to be able to force them to return to CA. It was probably too late even in April of 2009.

If both of you are on the deed to the house, she cannot sell it without your approval/signature on the paperwork, but she can probably put it on the market. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Do you want to keep the house? Are you going to be able to refinance and buy out her share of the equity? That doesn't seem likely since you are currently unemployed. She could force the sale of the house via the divorce if you cannot refinance the house for enough to buy out her share of the equity and get her off the mortgage.

Unfortunately, in a divorce situation/separation, most people would not allow their children to leave the country without any solid custody orders being in place. You are unemployed and currently living in another country. What guarantee would she have that you would return the children to the US if she allowed them to travel to visit your mother? Its very sad, but unfortunately its reality.

If Mom were any sort of mentsch, she'd take the kids herself, then, to see their dying grandparent, if dad would foot the bill.

 

[mistoffolees]

If Mom were any sort of mentsch, she'd take the kids herself, then, to see their dying grandparent, if dad would foot the bill.

Absolutely true --- but unfortunately, it seems that good behavior is the exception in earlier stages of a divorce.

 

[LdiJ]

If Mom were any sort of mentsch, she'd take the kids herself, then, to see their dying grandparent, if dad would foot the bill.

I don't know....it really depends on what country and the relationship between mom and the grandparents/extended family there. Being completely out of your comfort zone, in another country, with maybe not the means to extricate yourself and the children if the other parent pushed things. I am not sure that I could absolutely say that I would have done it.

I did let my ex take out daughter to Italy while we were in the midst of our breakup, but I knew with absolutely certainty that my ex had absolutely no desire to ever live in Italy again. I was still terrified the whole time they were gone.

 

[4AI]

Thank you for all the replies.
The ex has no reason to believe that the kids are in any danger of remaining abroad.
It is merely a tactic to force me into agreeing to sell the house.

She could force the sale of the house via the divorce

Is this easily achieved?
Is there anything I could do to prevent her selling, or at least delaying the process until, my return?
The market is down and selling will take months.
The current rent covers the mortgage and some.
Risking a lengthy sale process, without the rent income, will mean foreclosure.
My position has been to wait for the market to rise, and ride it out for a year, while collecting rent.
She agreed, until now...

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for all the replies.
The ex has no reason to believe that the kids are in any danger of remaining abroad.
It is merely a tactic to force me into agreeing to sell the house.

Is this easily achieved?
Is there anything I could do to prevent her selling, or at least delaying the process until, my return?
The market is down and selling will take months.
The current rent covers the mortgage and some.
Risking a lengthy sale process, without the rent income, will mean foreclosure.
My position has been to wait for the market to rise, and ride it out for a year, while collecting rent.
She agreed, until now...

Why doesn't she agree any longer? We cannot give you advice how to overcome this without knowing what her reasons are.

 

[mistoffolees]

[selling the house in his absence]

Is this easily achieved?
Is there anything I could do to prevent her selling, or at least delaying the process until, my return?
The market is down and selling will take months.
The current rent covers the mortgage and some.
Risking a lengthy sale process, without the rent income, will mean foreclosure.
My position has been to wait for the market to rise, and ride it out for a year, while collecting rent.
She agreed, until now...

You never answered the question. Are both of your names on the title?

If both names are on the title, she's not going to be able to sell it without your approval. Alternatively, she can get a court order for it to be sold, but that will probably take a while.

If only her name is on the title, she will be able to sell it unless you get a court order to block it.

Either way, you need an attorney representing your side.

 

[4AI]

Good questions.
BOTH our names are on the title.
The home was actually purchased with most money coming from me.
I have a gift letter which proves 33% of the house was purchased with funds coming from my family. Other third came from the sale of our previous home.
Last third was the loan.
She now wants to split it in half...
She had agreed to the kids going to summer camp overseas, fully paid for by that government.
It was the kids' wish and they woud get a chance to see grandma.
Now she wants the divorce asap and to force the sale.
She resides in FL and our home is in CA.
Does she need to appeal to the CA courts to force the sale?
She needs money because she refuses to work.
Her attitude is that she is on medical retirement
(due to depression...)and does not have to work anymore.
She expects me to provide for her and the kids.
When I recently became unemployed her plan fell through.
She has exhausted our equity line of credit in one year.
I have every intention to support my children, not so an ex who refuses to work.
Legally she would have to give me child support, she is making more than I, at the moment.
I have never asked her for money, just for her to be fair and to have a civil relationship for the children's sake.

she can get a court order for it to be sold, but that will probably take a while.

It gives me some hope to read that to force a sale through divorce court may take a while.

How much time would a force sale court order usually take?
Is there a process that I could use to delay this?
Does the gift letter constitute proof that she is not entitled to half the property?
Your help is greatelly appreciated.
Thank you

 

[mistoffolees]

Good questions.
BOTH our names are on the title.
The home was actually purchased with most money coming from me.
I have a gift letter which proves 33% of the house was purchased with funds coming from my family. Other third came from the sale of our previous home.
Last third was the loan.
She now wants to split it in half...
She had agreed to the kids going to summer camp overseas, fully paid for by that government.
It was the kids' wish and they woud get a chance to see grandma.
Now she wants the divorce asap and to force the sale.
She resides in FL and our home is in CA.
Does she need to appeal to the CA courts to force the sale?
She needs money because she refuses to work.
Her attitude is that she is on medical retirement
(due to depression...)and does not have to work anymore.
She expects me to provide for her and the kids.
When I recently became unemployed her plan fell through.
She has exhausted our equity line of credit in one year.
I have every intention to support my children, not so an ex who refuses to work.
Legally she would have to give me child support, she is making more than I, at the moment.
I have never asked her for money, just for her to be fair and to have a civil relationship for the children's sake.

It gives me some hope to read that to force a sale through divorce court may take a while.

How much time would a force sale court order usually take?
Is there a process that I could use to delay this?
Does the gift letter constitute proof that she is not entitled to half the property?
Your help is greatelly appreciated.
Thank you

You can argue that the gift from your family is non-marital, but you've pretty thoroughly mingled it, so that's not a slam-dunk argument.

What you need to do to protect your rights and delay the process (if that's even in your best interest - which it may NOT be) is to hire an attorney to keep an eye on things while you're gone. Your ex would then need to notify your attorney of any actions so that things wouldn't happen behind your back.

 

[LdiJ]

Good questions.
BOTH our names are on the title.
The home was actually purchased with most money coming from me.
I have a gift letter which proves 33% of the house was purchased with funds coming from my family. Other third came from the sale of our previous home.
Last third was the loan.
She now wants to split it in half...

As Misto said, you might be able to separate out the gift, but its not very likely in my opinion and your only small chance would be if the gift letter specifically stated that the gift was to you only.

She had agreed to the kids going to summer camp overseas, fully paid for by that government.
It was the kids' wish and they woud get a chance to see grandma.
Now she wants the divorce asap and to force the sale.

Again, I have already commented on that.

She resides in FL and our home is in CA.
Does she need to appeal to the CA courts to force the sale?
She needs money because she refuses to work.
Her attitude is that she is on medical retirement
(due to depression...)and does not have to work anymore.

There is nothing wrong with her wanting her half of the marital assets.

She expects me to provide for her and the kids.
When I recently became unemployed her plan fell through.
She has exhausted our equity line of credit in one year.
I have every intention to support my children, not so an ex who refuses to work.

You are voluntarily unemployed. You left your employment to spend time with your mother in another country. Yes, you are going to have to support your children and with your length of marriage, you may have to pay some short term alimony as well.

Legally she would have to give me child support, she is making more than I, at the moment.
I have never asked her for money, just for her to be fair and to have a civil relationship for the children's sake.

She would NOT have to pay you child support, you do not have physical custody of the children. You also just stated that she refuses to work, therefore how can she be making more money than you?

It gives me some hope to read that to force a sale through divorce court may take a while.
How much time would a force sale court order usually take?

Since it would happen as part of the divorce, no longer than the divorce would take.

Is there a process that I could use to delay this?

Not without delaying the divorce and possibly costing yourself a ton more in legal fees.

Otherwise, you would need to convince her to agree to delaying the sale of the home.

Does the gift letter constitute proof that she is not entitled to half the property?
Your help is greatelly appreciated.
Thank you

I also addressed that above.

 

[4AI]

You are voluntarily unemployed. You left your employment to spend time with your mother in another country

Not voluntarily at all. The company I worked for, went bankrupt.
It just so happened that my mother became ill shortly after that.

You also just stated that she refuses to work, therefore how can she be making more money than you?

She receives medical retirement and I have no income.

you do not have physical custody of the children

Before I left the country, we had agreed on splitting custody.
I had the kids half the time.
Upon my return it was expected that the same joint custody agreement would exist.

Thanks for the replies.

 

[LdiJ]

Not voluntarily at all. The company I worked for, went bankrupt.
It just so happened that my mother became ill shortly after that.

She receives medical retirement and I have no income.

Before I left the country, we had agreed on splitting custody.
I had the kids half the time.
Upon my return it was expected that the same joint custody agreement would exist.

Thanks for the replies.

You are not in the country even attempting to get a job. Therefore you are still voluntarily unemployed and you would be imputed an income based on what you could reasonably earn. That is going to be more than her "medical retirement".

You don't have the kids half the time now, and if you are not planning on living in the same community as mom, no judge is going to award you a 50/50 timeshare.

 

[4AI]

You are not in the country even attempting to get a job. Therefore you are still voluntarily unemployed and you would be imputed an income based on what you could reasonably earn. That is going to be more than her "medical retirement".

You don't have the kids half the time now, and if you are not planning on living in the same community as mom, no judge is going to award you a 50/50 timeshare.

Very interesting.
My employment search is exclusively over the internet.
In my filed, it makes absolutely no difference where I live, as far as finding work.
Only the interview process is location specific.
Ex and kids know, that I have, and will continue to reside in the same community. I want to be close to my children.
I am asking ex to hold for a couple of months until my return, to proceed with an amicable solution to the divorce.
She had taken out nearly $25,000 from a line of credit between Oct 2008 to Apr 2009. April 2009 I filed in CA, she filed in FL.
I dropped the CA case, under the agreement that we would mediate amicably.
May 2009 I gave ex access to the line of credit, under the agreement that she would only use it for the children's needs.
She maxed it out in one month withdrawing $27,000. That is over $2,000/month for the last year.
There is no issue of me not supporting the needs of the children financially. The children were actually with me for more than half the time until my departure in late January.
Ex now wants more money to let the kids visit their dying grandma.

Can the divorce process continue in my absence?
Can I stop it, temporarily?

Thank you