Fair Schedule?

[LdiJ]

Rushia,

I think that you should look at the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines (they pop right up on a google search) there is a pretty good holiday schedule there, although I wouldn't use the Christmas/New Year's part because it doesn't work for a lot of school districts (unbalanced), make up your own for that. Otherwise though its very comprehensive and balanced.

Also, I think that his weekend schedule with the kids should be the same weekend schedule that he has with his other child, so that your kids get to see their sibling and vice-versa. I know you have a great relationship with the other mother so maybe that won't be a problem, but since there is already one gpv order that muddies things up, you probably still want to make sure that dad's scheduled time with all the children is the same for weekends.

I am so sad for everybody that things have gone this way, because I know that you all had a really great relationship.

Make sure that EVERYBODY knows that dad is welcome to see your mutual children. You might even consider begging grandma for help convincing dad to spend time with the children, so that grandma knows that you are not the problem.

If, heaven forbid grandma does get the itch to file for GPV, please emphasize to the court that your children are already going to have scheduled time in three separate households, and that adding a fourth would simply be too hard on the children. Ask that the judge order standard visitation for dad and make dad responsible for making sure that his parents get time with the children.

Again, I am so sorry that its all fallen apart, because I know that you guys really had a great thing going.

 

[Proserpina]

Rushia,

I think that you should look at the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines (they pop right up on a google search) there is a pretty good holiday schedule there, although I wouldn't use the Christmas/New Year's part because it doesn't work for a lot of school districts (unbalanced), make up your own for that. Otherwise though its very comprehensive and balanced.

Also, I think that his weekend schedule with the kids should be the same weekend schedule that he has with his other child, so that your kids get to see their sibling and vice-versa. I know you have a great relationship with the other mother so maybe that won't be a problem, but since there is already one gpv order that muddies things up, you probably still want to make sure that dad's scheduled time with all the children is the same for weekends.

I am so sad for everybody that things have gone this way, because I know that you all had a really great relationship.

Make sure that EVERYBODY knows that dad is welcome to see your mutual children. You might even consider begging grandma for help convincing dad to spend time with the children, so that grandma knows that you are not the problem.

If, heaven forbid grandma does get the itch to file for GPV, please emphasize to the court that your children are already going to have scheduled time in three separate households, and that adding a fourth would simply be too hard on the children. Ask that the judge order standard visitation for dad and make dad responsible for making sure that his parents get time with the children.

Again, I am so sorry that its all fallen apart, because I know that you guys really had a great thing going.

What a great post.

Co-sign, please.

 

[CJane]

My order is fairly unconventional in a lot of ways, but this is how the holidays work out...

Every Year:

Him -- Easter, New Years Day (actually from Dec 28 @ 8pm-school starting after break), his Birthday, Father's Day

Me -- Halloween, Christmas (again, first half of Winter Break is mine, so from whenever school gets out until Dec 28 @ 8pm), my Birthday, kiddos' Birthdays, Mother's Day

Even Years:

Him -- First half of Spring Break (which we've never had, but will this year)
Him -- Memorial Weekend
Him -- Thanksgiving Weekend (from when school gets out til it resumes)

Me -- Second half of Spring Break
Me -- Labor Day weekend (from when school gets out til it resumes)
Me -- July 4 (this is a little more complicated in that it's written that if the holiday falls during the week, the kiddos are with the exercising parent from 9am-9pm. If the holiday falls on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday, the parent gets the whole weekend)

Odd Years are the reverse.

We don't address Monday holidays that fall during the school year at all. But then, we don't have as many as a lot of other districts do, and they take them away if we have to make up snow days.

Regarding summer when he doesn't take a vacation anyway... I would simply state that each parent can choose to exercise one uninterrupted week during the time that school is not in session, and must notify the other parent by May 15 of the week they wish to utilize.

 

[Rushia]

Rushia,

I think that you should look at the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines (they pop right up on a google search) there is a pretty good holiday schedule there, although I wouldn't use the Christmas/New Year's part because it doesn't work for a lot of school districts (unbalanced), make up your own for that. Otherwise though its very comprehensive and balanced.

Thanks for the suggestion. I will take a look at it.

Also, I think that his weekend schedule with the kids should be the same weekend schedule that he has with his other child, so that your kids get to see their sibling and vice-versa. I know you have a great relationship with the other mother so maybe that won't be a problem, but since there is already one gpv order that muddies things up, you probably still want to make sure that dad's scheduled time with all the children is the same for weekends.

Yeah, the little guy has been coming over. I've been helping with some babysitting when she has to work. Color me selfish, but I think that his weekends should be the ones that include the gpv order. It was his father who sued after all and I shouldn't have to suffer any more than I already do for it.

I am so sad for everybody that things have gone this way, because I know that you all had a really great relationship.

So am I. I just can't deal with the drama. He's attempting every trick in the book to gain sympathy from everyone. He's gone so far as to blame me for her leaving him. Telling the children that I won't let him see/talk to them was the final straw for me. He brought OUR CHILDREN into it and that really ticked me off.

Make sure that EVERYBODY knows that dad is welcome to see your mutual children. You might even consider begging grandma for help convincing dad to spend time with the children, so that grandma knows that you are not the problem.

Oh yeah, did that. I called and left a polite yet nasty message that he better stop his lying and that if SHE wanted to see them then she could call me herself.

If, heaven forbid grandma does get the itch to file for GPV, please emphasize to the court that your children are already going to have scheduled time in three separate households, and that adding a fourth would simply be too hard on the children. Ask that the judge order standard visitation for dad and make dad responsible for making sure that his parents get time with the children.

She got denied last time because he lives with her. I don't see that changing in the immediate future but it did take the judge a year to rule on that. I don't want to waste the time and money again.

Again, I am so sorry that its all fallen apart, because I know that you guys really had a great thing going.

I know, it sucks.

 

[Rushia]

Thanks Cjane.

Thank you everyone. I have bunches of great suggestions and a lot to think about.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the suggestion. I will take a look at it.



Yeah, the little guy has been coming over. I've been helping with some babysitting when she has to work. Color me selfish, but I think that his weekends should be the ones that include the gpv order. It was his father who sued after all and I shouldn't have to suffer any more than I already do for it.



So am I. I just can't deal with the drama. He's attempting every trick in the book to gain sympathy from everyone. He's gone so far as to blame me for her leaving him. Telling the children that I won't let him see/talk to them was the final straw for me. He brought OUR CHILDREN into it and that really ticked me off.



Oh yeah, did that. I called and left a polite yet nasty message that he better stop his lying and that if SHE wanted to see them then she could call me herself.



She got denied last time because he lives with her. I don't see that changing in the immediate future but it did take the judge a year to rule on that. I don't want to waste the time and money again.



I know, it sucks.

I absolutely agree with the bolded. Your weekends should not be interrupted to carve out time for any of the paternal extended family. That should be dad's issue to deal with, even if that means new orders for the grandpa.

 

[mistoffolees]

My order is fairly unconventional in a lot of ways, but this is how the holidays work out...

Every Year:

Him -- Easter, New Years Day (actually from Dec 28 @ 8pm-school starting after break), his Birthday, Father's Day

Me -- Halloween, Christmas (again, first half of Winter Break is mine, so from whenever school gets out until Dec 28 @ 8pm), my Birthday, kiddos' Birthdays, Mother's Day

Even Years:

Him -- First half of Spring Break (which we've never had, but will this year)
Him -- Memorial Weekend
Him -- Thanksgiving Weekend (from when school gets out til it resumes)

Me -- Second half of Spring Break
Me -- Labor Day weekend (from when school gets out til it resumes)
Me -- July 4 (this is a little more complicated in that it's written that if the holiday falls during the week, the kiddos are with the exercising parent from 9am-9pm. If the holiday falls on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday, the parent gets the whole weekend)

Odd Years are the reverse.

We don't address Monday holidays that fall during the school year at all. But then, we don't have as many as a lot of other districts do, and they take them away if we have to make up snow days.

Regarding summer when he doesn't take a vacation anyway... I would simply state that each parent can choose to exercise one uninterrupted week during the time that school is not in session, and must notify the other parent by May 15 of the week they wish to utilize.

If anyone else is considering using this as a basis, the only significant change I'd suggest is a 2 week uninterrupted period in the summer (it doesn't matter to you, but it might to others). A lot of people take a 1 week vacation and if you only have 1 week, it's hard to schedule. If you have 2 weeks, you can take a couple of days before to get ready and a couple of days after to unwind.

 

[CJane]

If anyone else is considering using this as a basis, the only significant change I'd suggest is a 2 week uninterrupted period in the summer (it doesn't matter to you, but it might to others). A lot of people take a 1 week vacation and if you only have 1 week, it's hard to schedule. If you have 2 weeks, you can take a couple of days before to get ready and a couple of days after to unwind.

I agree. I only put in the 1 week because he doesn't use it anyway, and Rushia said she only takes a 1 week vacation each year.

My ex and I actually alternate 2-week periods in the summer, and before that we each had 2 uninterrupted weeks.