adopting boyfriend's son

[dannyt]

no

or...... hoopd is somehow related to my real name. i didnt realize the indepth analysis i would receive lol


so ...... if boyfriend dies (not that he is dying or anything purely hypothetical), what are chances of me getting custody vs bio mom who doesnt really see him?

zero. you are a legal stranger with no rights to this child at all. if dad dies, kiddo goes to mom. and she is not bio mom she is just plain mom. the only mom this child has. nor will you be able to adopt when you and dad arent married

 

[Proserpina]

zero. you are a legal stranger with no rights to this child at all. if dad dies, kiddo goes to mom. and she is not bio mom she is just plain mom. the only mom this child has. nor will you be able to adopt when you and dad arent married

Do you EVER read?

MN recognizes the "de facto" parent.

 

[cyjeff]

OP, I am continually and habitually amazed at the number of people that will come on here all willing to adopt a human being but don't want to get married because you aren't a fan of a legal commitment.

Dammit... grow up or don't. Grow up, get married and form a stable home for your adopted child. Don't, stay single and "loose", form a home that by the very nature of your relationship can be parted on a whim and DON'T adopt a child.

After all, that is just another commitment, right?

Be a parent or don't. You can't do this half way.

 

[davidmcbeth3]

OP, I am continually and habitually amazed at the number of people that will come on here all willing to adopt a human being but don't want to get married because you aren't a fan of a legal commitment.

Dammit... grow up or don't. Grow up, get married and form a stable home for your adopted child. Don't, stay single and "loose", form a home that by the very nature of your relationship can be parted on a whim and DON'T adopt a child.

After all, that is just another commitment, right?

Be a parent or don't. You can't do this half way.

Does not sound like the child would be benefited from such an adoption? Thats what the focus should be on ... I agree with cyjeff.

 

[hoopd]

thank you for everyone for your responses, especially the individual that sent me the link on de facto parenting.

and to dannyt.

if this child were to be returned to bio mom then to him it would be as if he were taken from his mom and returned to a virtual stranger.

on that end i dont give a rats ass about what the law feels

obviously you didnt read my second post so dont post on threads before reading fully please.

and yes adoption is out for now. the bio mom seems anxious to get this done so i know it is about her not wanting to pay child support. Couldnt she just sign away all rights to the father?????

 

[dannyt]

you are not mom

thank you for everyone for your responses, especially the individual that sent me the link on de facto parenting.

and to dannyt.

if this child were to be returned to bio mom then to him it would be as if he were taken from his mom and returned to a virtual stranger.

on that end i dont give a rats ass about what the law feels

obviously you didnt read my second post so dont post on threads before reading fully please.

and yes adoption is out for now. the bio mom seems anxious to get this done so i know it is about her not wanting to pay child support. Couldnt she just sign away all rights to the father?????

you are not this child's mother. no matter how much you love him or what youve done for him. and for the last time, she is mom. not bio mom real mom or anything else. she is this child's ONLY mother. and youre going to cause dad problems.

 

[Proserpina]

OP, please ignore dannyt. He's a regular little troll who parrots the same couple of phrases even when they're not relevant to the situation.

He obviously ignored/couldn't comprehend the "de facto" parenting post; and while it's true that you're not Mom and outside of adoption never will be Mom, in certain circumstances you would have standing to petition the court for custody should anything happen to Dad. Your position would probably be stronger if you were married, but according to the MN statute marriage is NOT an essential requirement.

Third party custody cases are difficult, can become very expensive and often result in heartbreak but there are instances where someone in your position is able to keep the child in the home and actually be awarded custody.

It's never a slamdunk - and you'd absolutely NEED an attorney - but it would be irresponsible of us to say "you have no chance whatsoever", when the law says otherwise.

With that said, it would also be irresponsible for me to raise your hopes. That's not my intent, so bear that in mind.

I'm just clarifying the whole legal side of things

(As opposed to dannyt spouting nonsense).


(And I realize most of this is moot since Dad is still alive - but the info might help others, too)

 

[Proserpina]

thank you for everyone for your responses, especially the individual that sent me the link on de facto parenting.

and to dannyt.

if this child were to be returned to bio mom then to him it would be as if he were taken from his mom and returned to a virtual stranger.

on that end i dont give a rats ass about what the law feels

obviously you didnt read my second post so dont post on threads before reading fully please.

and yes adoption is out for now. the bio mom seems anxious to get this done so i know it is about her not wanting to pay child support. Couldnt she just sign away all rights to the father?????

And now to answer your question.

She can sign over custody and visitation rights, yes ..but in MN, she cannot terminate her parental obligations (to pay child support) unless there is indeed a stepparent adoption.

 

[hoopd]

Thank you for your informational and rational responses.