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Update and Question re: supervised visitation

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CJane

Senior Member
No. I know exactly what thread you are referring to and you, for some reason, took it as a personal insult. You also failed to understand the point. And yes. It was REALITY based on what the op was spewing.

If you have an issue with your life choices that is YOUR problem. Stop blaming others for your insecurities.

No, it's been stated in several threads, to several posters, over many years.

I have no issue with my life choices. I simply fail to see how calling people names because they've ticked you off, and then using their life choices as the basis for those names is "legal reality".

Pretty sure it can't be backed up with case law or statute, anyway.
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
I had a heck of a workday today and haven't read this thread since I left for work this morning, but I have to say that I ditto what CJane has said in her last few posts and want to add the following:

What would a fit/innocent parent have done if they woke up one morning and changed the baby's diaper and seen what dad MUST have seen? Would a fit/innocent parent have simply turned the child over to the other parent or would the fit/innocent parent have immediately been on the horn to the other parent stating that "we have to get this baby to the doctor immediately, something is very wrong"?...or heck, even rushed to the emergency room or an emergency clinic while calling the other parent to let them know what was going on?

Can any one of you who feel that mom is "off" here state that you would have handled things the way that dad handled them?

Even if dad and his household is totally innocent of abuse and it was an allergic reaction that somehow got past 4 doctors and responded to treatment as a burn even though it was an allergic reaction :rolleyes: dad is at least guilty of medical neglect.

Doctors are NOT going to diagnose severe diaper rash as burns...come on people...get some logic going here. So either the child was burned and needed immediate medical attention or the child had a severe allergic reaction and needed immediate medical attention, neither one of which dad made any effort to obtain.

I don't think anyone is questioning that. If it really happened as stated, I don't think anyone would say that Dad was behaving as a normal parent would.

That doesn't seem to be the question, though.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I don't think anyone is questioning that. If it really happened as stated, I don't think anyone would say that Dad was behaving as a normal parent would.

That doesn't seem to be the question, though.

Again, I haven't read much beyond when I went to work this morning and the last page since I got home, but the bottom line is the following...

The child had something seriously wrong going on in his nether regions...seriously enough that 4 doctors (including 2 emergency room doctors) determined that it was a serious burn. Dad did not seek medical attention.

CPS thought it serious enough to restrict dad's access to the child since it happened under dad's watch and he and his household clammed up. As a result its difficult to bring charges against anyone (which dad, as a cop knows).

However, suddenly, a mom who was previously praised on this forum for doing the right thing, is suddenly being vilified even though what she did was seek NECESSARY medical care for her child and mandated reporters called CPS.
 
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Proserpina

Senior Member
This OP has an attorney.

An open CPS investigation.

And an ex who as far as we know may still be perusing the site, if for no other reason than to keep tabs on what she's thinking, feeling, doing.

All we're doing now is creating even more drama and heaven only knows there's been enough of that already.

If OP needs further legal advice, given the complexity of her situation she really needs to be asking her attorney.

If OP is wanting emotional support, then there are avenues - off board - for that too.

But seriously - how many more of these multi-page bicker-fests are there going to be?

:confused:


OP - I'm not saying don't post. But honestly, you can see where this keeps going. It's not healthy.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
I am a single mother of two. I have NEVER seen one comment toward an op, by OG, that is against a person having a child outside of wedlock.
For the record, I've made MANY a comment against people having children out of wedlock....

after I had a child out of wedlock. Some would call that hypocritical. Others would call it growth which is why I only had one child out of wedlock. Some folks have no problems having kids out of wedlock. Me? I think otherwise.

And I for SURE don't ride OG or anyone else's coattails. The only person's bandwagon I ride is my own.
 

CJane

Senior Member
For the record, I've made MANY a comment against people having children out of wedlock....

I have also said that people shouldn't have children out of wedlock and then complain later that their life is hard because they had a child out of wedlock. But I do not believe I have every called anyone a XXXX specifically because they had a child out of wedlock.

Though none of that is actually the point. OG hates CPS. Because CPS is involved in this case, OG is suspicious. She turned her anger towards CPS on OP. That's her right.

It's my right to call her on it.
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
No. The baby has never been tested for allergies. Dad said he uses Target brand unscented hypoallergenic wipes, I use the cucumber and green tea wipes from Huggies.

I am going to repeat what I said then -- get the child tested for allergies. I have pointed out allergies that have affects that mimic 2nd degree burns on contact. Cinnamon and Aloe are just two. Get your child tested. Okay?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
That was seriously beneath you. You are far better than that comment.

So CJane is NOT better than a comment such as people being on a bandwagon? Hmmm...because she was the one accusing people of being on a bandwagon. As were you actually, weren't you? Apologies if I am wrong.
 
I am going to repeat what I said then -- get the child tested for allergies. I have pointed out allergies that have affects that mimic 2nd degree burns on contact. Cinnamon and Aloe are just two. Get your child tested. Okay?

I am going to have the regular MD refer the baby to an allergist. I find it odd it wouldn't be everywhere the product was sure to touch, but what the hell, we'll go with it!

As far as CPS, they made their official case decision on Monday and they are meeting with Dad, in person, on Thursday to go over their decision and recommendations with him.

Not to worry about Dad, Dad is promising to fight me and CPS to the moon and back! I tried to talk to him and say that I simply wanted safety precautions in place until these issues are resolved, but he will hear no part of it and had a string of profanities to explain why. :eek:
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I am going to have the regular MD refer the baby to an allergist. I find it odd it wouldn't be everywhere the product was sure to touch, but what the hell, we'll go with it!

As far as CPS, they made their official case decision on Monday and they are meeting with Dad, in person, on Thursday to go over their decision and recommendations with him.

Not to worry about Dad, Dad is promising to fight me and CPS to the moon and back! I tried to talk to him and say that I simply wanted safety precautions in place until these issues are resolved, but he will hear no part of it and had a string of profanities to explain why. :eek:

It may be some other allergy as well. DO NOT ask the allergist to test the baby for aloe. Ask the allergist to do a full panel screen for all allergies. Okay?

Can you blame dad for being angry if he is innocent? Because if he did nothing wrong (and allergies can take some time to show so he may not have seen anything if it was an allergic reaction to something) then you are accusing him (or he may think you are accusing him ) of being abusive and neglectful.

Ask the allergist what items could cause blistering and sloughing of the skin. Ask the allergist if your baby if the full panel would test for those types of allergies. If nothing else you find out if your baby has any allergies. If your baby doesn't, then I will join the bandwagon that SOMEONE abused this child.

My only question is if that would be CJane's bandwagon?
 
It may be some other allergy as well. DO NOT ask the allergist to test the baby for aloe. Ask the allergist to do a full panel screen for all allergies. Okay?

Can you blame dad for being angry if he is innocent? Because if he did nothing wrong (and allergies can take some time to show so he may not have seen anything if it was an allergic reaction to something) then you are accusing him (or he may think you are accusing him ) of being abusive and neglectful.

Ask the allergist what items could cause blistering and sloughing of the skin. Ask the allergist if your baby if the full panel would test for those types of allergies. If nothing else you find out if your baby has any allergies. If your baby doesn't, then I will join the bandwagon that SOMEONE abused this child.

My only question is if that would be CJane's bandwagon?

Okay, OG! I will ask them for the full panel of allergy tests. My oldest son has horrible allergies (when he is tested with the full panel, they tell us what he ISN'T allergic to, which is a far shorter list than what he IS), although they cause asthma symptoms and not skin issues, but the little guy is his own person.

No, I cannot blame Dad if he is innocent. Not in any way. If he did nothing, my heart aches for him. I truly cannot imagine being in his shoes if this was some freak happening. I know, if Dad did nothing, knowing Dad this situation has done life long damage to the co-parenting relationship ahead of us. That is just who Dad is. And sadly, he can't see the fact that I am worried about what happened to the baby, and preventing it from happening again. He can't understand that I have these 4 doctors and social workers telling me one thing, and him telling me another, and I have to balance that. He only sees that "I am trying to take his share of custody from him." I've tried to tell him that I only want to continue supervised contact until these issues are resolved, and in no way am I saying I know what happened or that he did ANYTHING, but he simply isn't hearing incoming information right now. I told him last night, this is killing everyone involved, but nothing.

So, I will get the referral to an allergist and I will post an update when we have new information or the test results are back in.

Thank you...for both your information, and your criticism. Everything in life is an opportunity to learn something and grow in some way. Even if I'm not sure how the criticism has helped me to learn something or grow, I'm sure it must have! :cool:
 
Update

Who knew I could unlock a thread that the admin closed. So, here it is.

So, the emergency motion was granted about 2.5 weeks ago suspending the parenting plan and giving Dad supervised visitation. We had the hearing today, and the judge continued the supervised visitation, ordered the baby not be allowed to sleep in Dad's bedroom and ordered Dad to complete parenting services in order for her to consider unsupervised contact.

She asked me if I thought Dad had intentionally burned the baby, and I said "No, I can't see dad intentionally burning the baby." The judge questioned Dad and the MD intensely about the nature of the injury, why, how, so on and so forth. She also questioned both of them about whether or not I had, in any way, accused Dad of abusing the baby prior to any medical professional saying they were burns and both Dad and the MD said "No! I had in no way accused Dad of anything and that I was clearly shocked by the MD saying it appears to be non-accidental trauma."

The judge said that I had done everything right in taking the baby to the MD and in not jumping to the conclusion that Dad had intentionally hurt the baby, she told Dad that "Mom has not thrown you under the bus in any way, and in fact has come to your defense when it comes to defending his previous care of the baby and not accusing him of intentionally burning the baby." She told him I have a legal obligation to be sure this doesn't happen again. She further told dad "this happened on your watch" and said he was going to "have some punishment, that he is on a short leash and that he better mind his P's and Q's." She said that as a Judge, she cannot and will not ignore the testimony of medical professionals, and that some safety measures need to be put into place as the baby cannot talk for himself.

Social services recommended parenting services and Dad's attorney said dad will complete the parenting services as recommended. Social services said it appears Dad lacks parenting skills necessary and needs to develop those.

So, that is that. I came out very sad for the whole situation but at least feeling better that the baby will have another set of watchful eyes looking after him until Dad can get some learning under his belt.

As far as the doctors:

The MD said they will not recommend allergy testing because the baby has never had any other problems and they are known to be inaccurate in such a young child. If Dad wants the testing done, he would have to pay for it out of pocket as they won't refer the baby and insurance won't pay for it. I offered to take the baby if Dad wants to pay for it, but he does not.
 
What's the supervision 'look like'?

He has to be in his Father's (the baby's Grandfather's) view at all times while with the baby. His Father has to accompany him during all exchanges, and the baby's crib has to be moved out of his Father's room. Other family members can be present, but cannot act as the supervisors and the baby is not to be left with anyone else during dad's time.

As a practical matter, I am not sure how much they actually comply with as I have no way of verifying, but the orders are there and the judge told Dad he is on a short leash and if he doesn't listen to any one part of the order, he will lose his visitation. Grandpa has said he will make Dad comply, and for the most part I think he will, as he said he understood the courts orders and if something else (God forbid) happened, he wouldn't want it to be on him.
 
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