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Stepparent Adoption - Abandonment Changes?

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aoi_neko

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I apologize in advance for the long thread, but I want to give as much detail as possible. Thank you for your time.

My daughter will be 9 this Saturday, and has not seen biodad since she was a year old, though he text messages every now and then and calls once in a blue moon. I was 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when I had her, and during the entire pregnancy and 5 months after he birth he refused to help, or come see her. My mother and I filed for joint-custody at 5 mos so she could receive health insurance, and after that my mother filed for child support. It called for paternity testing and it was established. Shortly after, biodad sued me for custody without ever having attempted to visit in the first place. 1 year later, my mother and I still held joint-custody, biodad none, but with visitation rights in place and a child support order.

No support received until 2 years later via wage garnishment, and at a lesser rate than the already low rate that was ordered due to job ditching, and was fully steady another 2 years after that because he went into the military. Still, the same low rate and involuntary. All attempts at visitation were initiated by me, and canceled at the very last minute (usually either the day of when I called asking for his flight info, or after the fact...once again, I called). The last attempt made was in May of 2010.

I got married this past January to my bf/fiance who has been around since my child was an infant. She knows that he is her stepdad, but she calls him daddy. Husband wants to adopt her, so even though I felt that I had grounds to terminate without his permission, I called him anyways to try to do things civilly and give him a chance to save face. He refused, and is mostly doing so to spite me as he has not tried to care for this child.

I went to a lawyer this morning and was told I had grounds for abandonment, but because my husband is in the army and we don't know where he's going to be stationed (within the next 2 months, he just went in and is going to AIT now), he advised me to wait until we got settled in the new place for jurisdiction reasons, and that's fine.

What I would like to know, is if biodad suddenly decides to actually make and keep a visit within the next 6 months or so (he said it takes 6 months after we move to be considered a resident in that jurisdiction), will that cancel my grounds for abandonment?
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I apologize in advance for the long thread, but I want to give as much detail as possible. Thank you for your time.

My daughter will be 9 this Saturday, and has not seen biodad since she was a year old, though he text messages every now and then and calls once in a blue moon. I was 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when I had her, and during the entire pregnancy and 5 months after he birth he refused to help, or come see her. My mother and I filed for joint-custody at 5 mos so she could receive health insurance, and after that my mother filed for child support. It called for paternity testing and it was established. Shortly after, biodad sued me for custody without ever having attempted to visit in the first place. 1 year later, my mother and I still held joint-custody, biodad none, but with visitation rights in place and a child support order.

No support received until 2 years later via wage garnishment, and at a lesser rate than the already low rate that was ordered due to job ditching, and was fully steady another 2 years after that because he went into the military. Still, the same low rate and involuntary. All attempts at visitation were initiated by me, and canceled at the very last minute (usually either the day of when I called asking for his flight info, or after the fact...once again, I called). The last attempt made was in May of 2010.

I got married this past January to my bf/fiance who has been around since my child was an infant. She knows that he is her stepdad, but she calls him daddy. Husband wants to adopt her, so even though I felt that I had grounds to terminate without his permission, I called him anyways to try to do things civilly and give him a chance to save face. He refused, and is mostly doing so to spite me as he has not tried to care for this child.

I went to a lawyer this morning and was told I had grounds for abandonment, but because my husband is in the army and we don't know where he's going to be stationed (within the next 2 months, he just went in and is going to AIT now), he advised me to wait until we got settled in the new place for jurisdiction reasons, and that's fine.

What I would like to know, is if biodad suddenly decides to actually make and keep a visit within the next 6 months or so (he said it takes 6 months after we move to be considered a resident in that jurisdiction), will that cancel my grounds for abandonment?

I haven't looked up the IL law for it, but in most states, yes.

Conventional adoption wisdom says your marriage should be a year old or older before you attempt a stepparent adoption. And moving the child without permission of the court is not allowable --> THAT is what you should work on obtaining, ASAP.
 

Antigone*

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I apologize in advance for the long thread, but I want to give as much detail as possible. Thank you for your time.

My daughter will be 9 this Saturday, and has not seen biodad since she was a year old, though he text messages every now and then and calls once in a blue moon. I was 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when I had her, and during the entire pregnancy and 5 months after he birth he refused to help, or come see her. My mother and I filed for joint-custody at 5 mos so she could receive health insurance, and after that my mother filed for child support. It called for paternity testing and it was established. Shortly after, biodad sued me for custody without ever having attempted to visit in the first place. 1 year later, my mother and I still held joint-custody, biodad none, but with visitation rights in place and a child support order.

No support received until 2 years later via wage garnishment, and at a lesser rate than the already low rate that was ordered due to job ditching, and was fully steady another 2 years after that because he went into the military. Still, the same low rate and involuntary. All attempts at visitation were initiated by me, and canceled at the very last minute (usually either the day of when I called asking for his flight info, or after the fact...once again, I called). The last attempt made was in May of 2010.

I got married this past January to my bf/fiance who has been around since my child was an infant. She knows that he is her stepdad, but she calls him daddy. Husband wants to adopt her, so even though I felt that I had grounds to terminate without his permission, I called him anyways to try to do things civilly and give him a chance to save face. He refused, and is mostly doing so to spite me as he has not tried to care for this child.

I went to a lawyer this morning and was told I had grounds for abandonment, but because my husband is in the army and we don't know where he's going to be stationed (within the next 2 months, he just went in and is going to AIT now), he advised me to wait until we got settled in the new place for jurisdiction reasons, and that's fine.

What I would like to know, is if biodad suddenly decides to actually make and keep a visit within the next 6 months or so (he said it takes 6 months after we move to be considered a resident in that jurisdiction), will that cancel my grounds for abandonment?

I suggest that you listen to your attorney.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
I agree with Antigone.

Here's IL law; I googled it :cool::
http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs3.asp?ActID=2098&ChapterID=59
 

aoi_neko

Junior Member
Just to clarify, I have every intention to listen to this lawyer as I know he has my best interests and my child's best interests in mind, I just wanted to know about the abandonment thing changing based off of one visit. But thank you very much.
 

aoi_neko

Junior Member
I just noticed what you said about relocation, Silverplum. The courts knew I was moving. They were notified, as was biodad. I was a minor at the time, and dependent on my parents, so he didn't have much say in contesting the matter. I guess what I need to find out now is who I need to notify when we move again. I haven't moved since we've been here, but my husband is in the Army now.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
I haven't found any law yet, but I've copied and pasted here a couple of pertinent pieces of info from IL attorney sites on moving away with your child:


In Illinois, moving across state lines or more than 100 miles away requires 30 days notice (sent by certified mail with a return receipt requested) to the non-custodial parent. These deadlines cannot, we repeat, cannot be missed.

Parental relocation notices should also include any relevant documentation and explanations as to when, where, why and how it will affect current custody and visitation terms. The non-custodial parent then has 21 days to challenge the proposed move and show that it would not be in the best interest of the children. If the move is challenged, the parent seeking to relocate will have a limited amount of time to respond, after which the matter will be resolved by the court after a hearing.

In Illinois, the primary questions the court considers in cases involving removal (relocation) are:

Is the move in the best interest of the child?
Does the move impair the non-custodial parent's ability to exercise visitation rights and participate in joint decision-making?

++++++++++++++++++

I don't think you'll have ANY trouble showing that you need to move and take the child, and that Dad is not "fatherly."

But you MUST take care of business BEFORE you move the child, who is under the Court's jurisdiction, out of state.
 

aoi_neko

Junior Member
Gotcha. I think I'll notify the courts in both states before we go, but I highly doubt I'll get a full 30 days :/ At the same time, he probably won't contest it, as you've said, he's not fatherly...didn't even contest it when we left VA after he dragged me through a custody case for a year. His only concern was to go and lower the child support order after we were gone. He's also moved several times himself and has not notified me, nor the courts once and he is required to do so also.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Gotcha. I think I'll notify the courts in both states before we go, but I highly doubt I'll get a full 30 days :/ At the same time, he probably won't contest it, as you've said, he's not fatherly...didn't even contest it when we left VA after he dragged me through a custody case for a year. His only concern was to go and lower the child support order after we were gone. He's also moved several times himself and has not notified me, nor the courts once and he is required to do so also.

I'm sure you only need to notify Dad and the court that currently holds jurisdiction. If he doesn't object in time, you're good. If he does, you'll need to put your move on hold till it's settled. IMHO, you'd win, given his lack of interest up till now.

Dad doesn't need to notify the courts or you for objection when he moves -- he's not the custodial parent. *edit -- unless your court order says he does -- in which case, you could've/should've filed for contempt, but if you didn't, let it go.*
 
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aoi_neko

Junior Member
It does say that both parties have to, but no, I haven't bothered, and I won't. I agree that it's a little silly to do so after this long. Thanks for the help, Silverplum. :)
 

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