Mom wants to see daughter after three year absence.

[gtzdad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I received an email from my ex a few days ago asking if she could see our daughter again. We do have a court order for visitation, however, she has not been in contact with me for nearly three years. (with the exception of 2 times in 2009, but I don't even count those days) I don't know where she lives, how to get in contact with her outside of email, and she married the person that was ordered not to be around our daughter until she reaches 18.

I want to tell her no, because she did see her twice in early 2009 after about a 6 month disappearance, then disappeared again. That really hurt my daughter because she thought she was going to be able to see her mom again, and then her mom left.

I don't want her to go through that drama again, where her mom just disappears. I think through the custody case and all of the other crap she's put my daughter through, I believe that it's in her best interest to continue as we have, but this is just my personal opinion.

I don't want to get in trouble with the court for disallowing her visitation, but I also don't want to allow her to harm my daughter again.

I need guidance in this situation because I'm lost.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I received an email from my ex a few days ago asking if she could see our daughter again. We do have a court order for visitation, however, she has not been in contact with me for nearly three years. (with the exception of 2 times in 2009, but I don't even count those days) I don't know where she lives, how to get in contact with her outside of email, and she married the person that was ordered not to be around our daughter until she reaches 18.

I want to tell her no, because she did see her twice in early 2009 after about a 6 month disappearance, then disappeared again. That really hurt my daughter because she thought she was going to be able to see her mom again, and then her mom left.

I don't want her to go through that drama again, where her mom just disappears. I think through the custody case and all of the other crap she's put my daughter through, I believe that it's in her best interest to continue as we have, but this is just my personal opinion.

I don't want to get in trouble with the court for disallowing her visitation, but I also don't want to allow her to harm my daughter again.

I need guidance in this situation because I'm lost.

Is there actually an order restraining Mom's husband from being around the child?

If she wishes to, Mom WILL be given the chance to be a consistent part of your mutual child's life.

Even if that means supervised visitation without the husband present.

 

[gtzdad]

Yes, there is a permanent injunction written into our order prohibiting him from being around her.

I figured that it would probably go the direction of supervised visitation if anything. I guess just seeing the damage that she's already caused, it really makes me want to prevent her from even having the opportunity to do it again.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, there is a permanent injunction written into our order prohibiting him from being around her.

I figured that it would probably go the direction of supervised visitation if anything. I guess just seeing the damage that she's already caused, it really makes me want to prevent her from even having the opportunity to do it again.

Not your decision, I'm afraid.

As you likely know.

I haven't checked your post hx - so for the sake of others reading this (and myself!), WHY is he restrained from being around your daughter?

 

[gtzdad]

My daughter accused him of molesting her in 2007, and he is a convicted sex offender, so they issued the injunction.

So what should I do in regards to her request. Should I wait until she takes it to court, or start allowing her visitation now?

 

[mistoffolees]

My daughter accused him of molesting her in 2007, and he is a convicted sex offender, so they issued the injunction.

So what should I do in regards to her request. Should I wait until she takes it to court, or start allowing her visitation now?

I would tell her that you're uncomfortable until the new hearing, however, you wouldn't object to her having supervised visitation in the meantime - as long as her husband is not there.

But that's just me.

 

[mariasusa]

Another idea;
I would find a good counselor in your area who specializes in reunification. Have your daughter get to know her, and then let counselor facilitate visits (still supervised by counselor). That way if mom disappears again, daughter has someone involved who can process that with her.

I would also be clear with mom your concerns, what happens when she is sporadic, etc.

 

[garrula lingua]

It all depends on the Judge if someone files, but ...

I wouldn't allow Mom to have access.

If you feel so guilty about not allowing access, or believe it would benefit your daughter, then only allow visitation in your presence, at your choice of time, date, and duration.

Mom being married to a registered sex offender, who also was accused by daughter of molestation, changes everything.

The fact that Mom abandoned daughter and has not informed you of Mom's address, work info, etc. also militates against any unsupervised visitation.

That injunction is still in force. Your daughter should not be around the convicted, registered sex offender.

Your first duty is to keep your daughter safe - screw reunification (she abandoned the girl for three years and reappears married to the molester; why should the daughter be 'reunified' and possibly hurt more).

How old/mature is your daughter ? If she's 16 or 17, I'd be open with her, and discuss this to see what your daughter would like. If she's younger, I'd tell 'Mom" to pound sand. How mature is your daughter ?

District Judges in Tx run for re/election.
None wish to be branded as light on registered sex offenders.
They may order some protected form of visitation, but they should NOT hold you in contempt for not allowing visitation without a court order which includes protection for your daughter.


Changing topics:
Was Mom ever ordered to pay child support ????? Did she pay ??

 

[janM]

They may order some protected form of visitation, but they should NOT hold you in contempt for not allowing visitation without a court order which includes protection for your daughter.

He said:

We do have a court order for visitation, however, she has not been in contact with me for nearly three years.

OP, what does the order say? I would take it back to court and ask, as Mariasusa suggested, for some sort of supervised visits with a counselor to start with. At any rate, a counselor would be a good idea for your daughter when Mom is around or not, to help her deal with the absenses.

 

[gr8rn]

My daughter accused him of molesting her in 2007, and he is a convicted sex offender, so they issued the injunction.

So what should I do in regards to her request. Should I wait until she takes it to court, or start allowing her visitation now?

Based on this information I would let Mom visit only in your presence. If she wants more, let her file.

And I would hope that your daughter is already in counseling based on all this. If she is not, please do her a favor and get her into counseling asap. She needs it. no matter how well she appears to be doing.