Adopting a child who isn't mine

[occtuc]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

Ok, so I know a 13 year old girl through friends who is going through a really rough time right now. She's homeless, her father is in jail, her mom is a pos, she has been raped and molested multiple times (she had a 29 year old live in 'boyfriend' at 11..), she saw her best friend shot to death about a year ago. She also has some medical issues, and recently broke her leg.

I would like to assume legal custody of her asap, and eventually adopt her legally.
I am setting her up with a room in my house, and am going to start providing everything a growing teenage girl needs to live and thrive. No one has given this poor girl half a chance, and I would like to help her be sucessful in life.
I am a financially independent (although not 'wealthy') 26 year old male. I am sort of affraid to mention this whole thing to people until the ball gets rolling, because I am worried that they will assume this is a sex thing, or something like that. Its not, but until I can get custody, I don't know how people will take it.
She is totally into the idea, and is very excited to move into a stable, sober, (one of her biggest goals, besides to walk again, is to get sober.) safe home. She was planning on filing for emancipation (is that the correct word?) At 16, but if we do this, she won't have to.
She believes that it will not be an issue to get her mother to sign over custody, and as I said, her 'real' father is in jail.

So my question is, how do I go about legally obtaining custody, and eventually adopting her outright. I have 0 idea what the process is or how to begin. If possible, i'd like to go about it as inexpensively as possible, but again, I will do whatever I have to, to make sure she is safe and cared for. I'm hoping the first step is just to get her mother to sign something that gives me legal rights, without having to involve a lawyer.
She really is a good, smart girl who was handed a really crappy childhood. I want to do everything in my power to make sure she has a successful life from here on out.

She's already started jokingly calling me 'dad' even though I keep telling her not to.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

Ok, so I know a 13 year old girl through friends who is going through a really rough time right now. She's homeless, her father is in jail, her mom is a pos, she has been raped and molested multiple times (she had a 29 year old live in 'boyfriend' at 11..), she saw her best friend shot to death about a year ago. She also has some medical issues, and recently broke her leg.

I would like to assume legal custody of her asap, and eventually adopt her legally.
I am setting her up with a room in my house, and am going to start providing everything a growing teenage girl needs to live and thrive. No one has given this poor girl half a chance, and I would like to help her be sucessful in life.
I am a financially independent (although not 'wealthy') 26 year old male. I am sort of affraid to mention this whole thing to people until the ball gets rolling, because I am worried that they will assume this is a sex thing, or something like that. Its not, but until I can get custody, I don't know how people will take it.
She is totally into the idea, and is very excited to move into a stable, sober, (one of her biggest goals, besides to walk again, is to get sober.) safe home. She was planning on filing for emancipation (is that the correct word?) At 16, but if we do this, she won't have to.
She believes that it will not be an issue to get her mother to sign over custody, and as I said, her 'real' father is in jail.

So my question is, how do I go about legally obtaining custody, and eventually adopting her outright. I have 0 idea what the process is or how to begin. If possible, i'd like to go about it as inexpensively as possible, but again, I will do whatever I have to, to make sure she is safe and cared for. I'm hoping the first step is just to get her mother to sign something that gives me legal rights, without having to involve a lawyer.
She really is a good, smart girl who was handed a really crappy childhood. I want to do everything in my power to make sure she has a successful life from here on out.

She's already started jokingly calling me 'dad' even though I keep telling her not to.

Yeah, this is really not a joking matter.

There is NOTHING that can be done without involving the court.

Before you go further, ask yourself this:

If she has been abused so badly, why haven't you - with your knowledge - contacted child services to rescue this poor child?

 

[occtuc]

Honestly, because she asked me not to.
And because for a while she was living with her brother(during which time we lost touch for a while), which seemed to be working out pretty well, but then when she broke her leg, he decided that he didn't feel like 'dealing' with her anymore and kicked her out.


Frankly, neither one of us wants to see her sucked into a system that's notorious for abusing and raping kids. Not including taking them away from their friends and placing them god knows where.

 

[occtuc]

Edit to add:
So court will happen? Even if both parents are willing to give up custody without a fight?

 

[Proserpina]

Edit to add:
So court will happen? Even if both parents are willing to give up custody without a fight?

Custody cannot be changed without a court order.

Call child services. Then, go through the process of being vetted as an approved foster parent.

IF you want what's best for this child, that's what you'll do.

 

[mistoffolees]

Custody cannot be changed without a court order.

Call child services. Then, go through the process of being vetted as an approved foster parent.

IF you want what's best for this child, that's what you'll do.

I agree. Child services should have been called a LONG time ago.

There is, however, one other option. If OP can get Mom and Dad's permission to adopt, it may be possible to do so without going through foster care. It won't be easy (especially if Dad isn't married), but it might be possible. Even so, it's going to require the services of a lawyer.

And call CPS immediately when the child is in danger. You're sending her the message that you won't protect her, either.

 

[stealth2]

Before you go further, ask yourself this:

If she has been abused so badly, why haven't you - with your knowledge - contacted child services to rescue this poor child?

Honestly, because she asked me not to.

Frankly, anyone who would listen to the wishes of an abused child and NOT contact the authorities is not fit to be caring for that child (or any other, IMO).

In any event, you will not likely accomplish what you want to do without the services of a lawyer and a trip or five to court. Even then, expect the court to give serious thought regarding this little plan of yours. What are your qualifications to raise an abused, addicted and likely unstable child?

 

[mistoffolees]

Frankly, anyone who would listen to the wishes of an abused child and NOT contact the authorities is not fit to be caring for that child (or any other, IMO).

Yep. There are two possibilities:

1. If the situation was as bad as OP claimed, then OP is negligent, as well.

2. If the situation is NOT as bad as OP claimed and OP was exaggerating for effect, then there probably isn't any justification for a change.

In any event, you will not likely accomplish what you want to do without the services of a lawyer and a trip or five to court. Even then, expect the court to give serious thought regarding this little plan of yours. What are your qualifications to raise an abused, addicted and likely unstable child?

Especially when you're willing to let that child dictate to you not to report a rape and other abuse.

 

[NellieBly]

You are not the only one who is able and willing to provide this girl with a safe, stable environment.

Call CPS and she will be removed from that unhealthy, dangerous situation and sent to a place where she is safe and well cared for.

Then you may look into adopting her.

If you are wondering how people will "take it", judging from my own reaction, they will not take it well.

 

[Zigner]

Is anybody else as creeped out as I am by this 26 year old guy wanting a vulnerable & abused 13 year old to move in with him and call him daddy?

 

[stealth2]

Is anybody else as creeped out as I am by this 26 year old guy wanting a vulnerable & abused 13 year old to move in with him and call him daddy?

Yep. If I were OP's mother, I would really wonder about him. Sorry.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Is anybody else as creeped out as I am by this 26 year old guy wanting a vulnerable & abused 13 year old to move in with him and call him daddy?

My thoughts were that the 26 yr old already knows she will put out for a 29 yr old, so I know where our "adoption" will be going. I was trying to refrain from being negative until one of the ladies said something.

 

[Zigner]

My thoughts were that the 26 yr old already knows she will put out for a 29 yr old, so I know where our "adoption" will be going. I was trying to refrain from being negative until one of the ladies said something.

* Ahem *

 

[kimberlywrites]

Is anybody else as creeped out as I am by this 26 year old guy wanting a vulnerable & abused 13 year old to move in with him and call him daddy?

YES, double yes! Even if his intentions are pure, would he be able to say NO if she hits on him????? She will see him as her savior.

ETA: Then he gets to go to jail for rape.

 

[stealth2]

YES, double yes! Even if his intentions are pure, would he be able to say NO if she hits on him????? She will see him as her savior.

And that is more likely to happen than not, given that it is what she knows, and how she feels she "pays" for love.

Even assuming OP's pure intentions, this is not likely to play out nicely. For either of them.