Zigner
Senior Member, Non-Attorney
The spelling comment is part of my signature line - has nothing to do with you personally.
As for "what should you do"...re-read the above posts. We've already answered the question.
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I want to adopt my friends daughter.
- Thread starter eddykalinowski
- Start date
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The spelling comment is part of my signature line - has nothing to do with you personally.
As for "what should you do"...re-read the above posts. We've already answered the question.
Banned_Princess
Senior Member
And I want to point out to you, that unless there is a court order in place making dad dad, and ordering him to visit and pay child support, he doesnt have to do either.
its not abandonment if dad is not legally established. and if he was never established, you would have another 32 steps involved with a step parent, or any adoption process.
its not abandonment if dad is not legally established. and if he was never established, you would have another 32 steps involved with a step parent, or any adoption process.
eddykalinowski
Junior Member
I also agree that getting married just so that i can become the childs legal father is not a good idea. Thats why i wanted to do it without doing so but from what i can see that is really the only way or me to accomplish it. ( so once again that is why i came to this forum before doing anything at all, and so that i would have a much better legal understanding of why or why not it would work or be a good idea to go through with this action). But i really do appreciate all the legal and " moral" advice that i have been given here.
eddykalinowski
Junior Member
to banned princes
As far as i know all the bio father did was sighn the birth certificate. Does that count?
As far as i know all the bio father did was sighn the birth certificate. Does that count?
Banned_Princess
Senior Member
I think he said, mom wasnt all on board with this ...
eddykalinowski
Junior Member
I agree but right now there are extenuating circumstances preventing her from being here herself or i would have her on here asking her own questions but she is the one giving me 85% of the questions to ask on here its just via phone.
eddykalinowski
Junior Member
Mom is actually the one that started this whole adoption idea as a matter of fact so yes she is on board 100%.
mistoffolees
Senior Member
Legally:
1. You will almost certainly not be able to adopt if you're not married to Mom.
2. Adoption creates rights AND obligations. If you and Mom divorce later (which is quite likely), you could get custody and Mom end up paying child support. Or Mom could get custody and you would end up paying child support for years.
3. If Dad has not been established legally as father, then the whole exercise is moot - he has no rights anyway.
Now, in a non-legal sense:
You are apparently operating under the misguided belief that being a legal father enables you to be a better caretaker and model for the child. That is not true. Without adopting the child, you can be the best model in the world (assuming that you have Mom's permission, of course). You can love her. You can tuck her in at night and read her bedtime stories. You can take her camping. You can take her to DisneyWorld. You can teach her to ride a bike. You can be there when she falls off her bike and scrapes her knee. She can call you 'Uncle Eddy' or anything else (except "dad" or some derivative thereof).
There is only one thing you gain. If something happens to Mom, you would be able to keep the child. But the risks of that are pretty low since you're apparently young.
Of course, on the other side is that if you were to marry solely so you could adopt, you would be sending all sorts of messages to the child - about how marriage is about convenience and that it's OK to marry someone for the wrong reasons.
eddykalinowski
Junior Member
Misstoffilous you are absolutely correct on all of that and you make an extreemly good point and after todays new information alone i think that i have made up my mind. And i already have one child of my own that i am the bio father and i take care of her just as i should " A good dad " and i also feel that the child would be just as well off thinking of me as a father figure and me being around to act as such.
Banned_Princess
Senior Member
Smart man.
hopefully you don't go for years acting as a father figure, or role model, for mom to turn around and say, you cant see kiddo anymore.
stay friends, and know your role in child's life is extremely fluid, and mom could at any moment get a boyfriend or decide she doesn't like you that week, and cut you from kids life.
eddykalinowski
Junior Member
thats true but thats why we have only been friends and nothing more was out of fear that something might happen to jepordize our relationship. But once again thankyou for the advice and concern. And even if she did get BF i honiestly dont think that would affect her's and or my feelings on anything because if he stays in her life he will also be a good male role model in the childs life
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mistoffolees
Senior Member
Gee, it's nice to win one for a change......
eddykalinowski
Junior Member
lol as few as it may seem to win it just may be those few those few that make the differance that we all need
My son's dad left years ago.
We lived next door to the same guy for 14 years. He and my son would fix cars, pound nails and do things of that nature. We moved away, but they still talk on the phone now and then.
No reason you can't do likewise with that child.