WHat does it take to change a custody order?

[Nevergrowup]

I really don't appreciate you saying I'm lying. That is very not very nice. Since you do not understand what i was trying to say let me try again,he has never exercised hid visitation rights because he has never picked up our daughter and kept her overnight as it's ordered in the decree. the decree does not say come visit for 15 min and go on about your business, it says he is to have her with him two weekends a month and one day overnight per week. He has not even bothered to buy a carseat. If he is uncomfortable with a young child then he should not have asked for two weekends a month and one overnight period per week in our divorce mediation. he asked for this and he got it.. You don't even know the whole story so please ask before you call me a lie. Anything you wanted or needed to know I will tell you. This is totally uncalled for. Im not making the statement under oath I am simply looking for some help from people who know about the law. I did not post the question to be called a lie.I'm not trying to be a butt about this, but you were not right for calling me a lie. It's bad enough I've gone through this awful divorce and its aftermath, and I come here to get help and get dumped on by you. Thanks a lot.

You have to understand that a lot of people exaggerate to make their cases look better. While I understood that you were saying he wasn't taking visitation in the way the decree outlines it, he IS visiting, it isn't that he is having no contact. You shouldn't be so sensitive.

Put it this way. If a judge asked you "does Dad exercise visitation" and you said no, not at all, and then the judge finds out Dad DOES visit the child, the judge might be a bit cranky with you because you "lied", no matter what your intent was. I think now that you understand what the spirit of a visitation order is that you now understand that.

 

[ladynothappy]

You have to understand that a lot of people exaggerate to make their cases look better. While I understood that you were saying he wasn't taking visitation in the way the decree outlines it, he IS visiting, it isn't that he is having no contact. You shouldn't be so sensitive.

Put it this way. If a judge asked you "does Dad exercise visitation" and you said no, not at all, and then the judge finds out Dad DOES visit the child, the judge might be a bit cranky with you because you "lied", no matter what your intent was. I think now that you understand what the spirit of a visitation order is that you now understand that.

I see what you're saying, but this is frustrating.

 

[Just Blue]

I see what you're saying, but this is frustrating.

Welcome to life. Please don't "jump on" the volunteers because you don't understand how to phrase your comments.

 

[ladynothappy]

Welcome to life. Please don't "jump on" the volunteers because you don't understand how to phrase your comments.

Um excuse me they jumped on me by calling me a lie. I put in what needed to be put in and if you still don't understand then ask. Now please keep your comments to yourself you are not helping any.

 

[Just Blue]

Um excuse me they jumped on me by calling me a lie. I put in what needed to be put in and if you still don't understand then ask. Now please keep your comments to yourself you are not helping any.

But LEGALLY you were lying. That was what Misto was trying to point out to you. If you went to court and said that Dad doesn't EVER utilize his parenting time...that would be a lie. You should Thank him for saving you a "smack" from a Judge.

And I will comment on any thread I wish as long as Admin allows me the privlidge. Thanks!!

 

[ladynothappy]

You have to understand that a lot of people exaggerate to make their cases look better. While I understood that you were saying he wasn't taking visitation in the way the decree outlines it, he IS visiting, it isn't that he is having no contact. You shouldn't be so sensitive.

Put it this way. If a judge asked you "does Dad exercise visitation" and you said no, not at all, and then the judge finds out Dad DOES visit the child, the judge might be a bit cranky with you because you "lied", no matter what your intent was. I think now that you understand what the spirit of a visitation order is that you now understand that.

I do understand what you mean about people sometimes exaggerate to make their case look better, but I am not doing that. If I don't make myself clear when asking a question i will gladly clarify anything i have said. Thank you again.

 

[mistoffolees]

Absolutely!

The bottom line is, your divorce is only very recently final. The court isn't going to be happy changing things so soon after the initial decree was ordered.

If Dad is still pulling the "15 minutes every month" (or whatever it was) in a year's time? That's the time to go back to court and have it modified.

I would recommend against trying to change it even he's only exercising visitation for 15 minutes twice a month for a year. What possible benefit is there? Even if she gets the court to agree to reduce the order on 15 minutes twice a month (which isn't likely), it wouldn't be anything different than what she has now, so it would be a waste of time and money.

AND, it would prevent him from becoming more of a Dad later if he chooses to.

I really don't appreciate you saying I'm lying. That is very not very nice. Since you do not understand what i was trying to say let me try again,he has never exercised hid visitation rights because he has never picked up our daughter and kept her overnight as it's ordered in the decree. the decree does not say come visit for 15 min and go on about your business, it says he is to have her with him two weekends a month and one day overnight per week. He has not even bothered to buy a carseat. If he is uncomfortable with a young child then he should not have asked for two weekends a month and one overnight period per week in our divorce mediation. he asked for this and he got it.. You don't even know the whole story so please ask before you call me a lie. Anything you wanted or needed to know I will tell you. This is totally uncalled for. Im not making the statement under oath I am simply looking for some help from people who know about the law. I did not post the question to be called a lie.I'm not trying to be a butt about this, but you were not right for calling me a lie. It's bad enough I've gone through this awful divorce and its aftermath, and I come here to get help and get dumped on by you. Thanks a lot.

Geez. Even after I chastised you, you're continuing to lie. It is incorrect to say that he has never exercised his visitation rights. He is exercising some of his rights. He does not need to exercise all of it. When he does not exercise ALL of his visitation, it is wrong for you to say that he doesn't exercise any.

 

[ladynothappy]

I would recommend against trying to change it even he's only exercising visitation for 15 minutes twice a month for a year. What possible benefit is there? Even if she gets the court to agree to reduce the order on 15 minutes twice a month (which isn't likely), it wouldn't be anything different than what she has now, so it would be a waste of time and money.

AND, it would prevent him from becoming more of a Dad later if he chooses to.



Geez. Even after I chastised you, you're continuing to lie. It is incorrect to say that he has never exercised his visitation rights. He is exercising some of his rights. He does not need to exercise all of it. When he does not exercise ALL of his visitation, it is wrong for you to say that he doesn't exercise any.[/QUOTE

 

[Just Blue]

Please just don't answer anything else you're not helping you're just calling me a lie which i don't appreciate, i need help not your insensitive comments and assumptions.

Are you READING Misto post???? Do you not get that the way you phrase your alligations is LEGALLY considered lying?

ETA: I posted before OP editted out her comment.

 

[not2cleverRed]

And by the way, if Dad is still doing this a year from now, and you consider going to court to do something about it, rather than asking the court to reduce his parenting time, just ask that he be required to notify you in advance of when/if he'll be arriving.

 

[mistoffolees]

And by the way, if Dad is still doing this a year from now, and you consider going to court to do something about it, rather than asking the court to reduce his parenting time, just ask that he be required to notify you in advance of when/if he'll be arriving.

I think that's a MUCH better suggestion than trying to reduce Dad's parenting time. It gives Dad time to grow up and become a real father.

I still suspect that it's simply a case of a young father not having any idea what to do with an infant, nor the confidence to do so (possibly compounded by a Mom saying "you're not holding him/her right" or whatever). When the child gets older, Dad may well exercise a lot more of his parenting time.

 

[LdiJ]

I think that's a MUCH better suggestion than trying to reduce Dad's parenting time. It gives Dad time to grow up and become a real father.

I still suspect that it's simply a case of a young father not having any idea what to do with an infant, nor the confidence to do so (possibly compounded by a Mom saying "you're not holding him/her right" or whatever). When the child gets older, Dad may well exercise a lot more of his parenting time.

How about instead of telling her that she is lying, we offer her an example of how to word it so that she won't be contradicting herself?

Op, here is a better example of how to word it.

"Dad is not exercising visitation rights as they are outlined in the court order. Instead, he is coming by my house for 15 minutes a couple of times a month. In the court order he is supposed to be exercising unsupervised, overnight visitation."

Or,

"Instead of exercising his full visitation rights to unsupervised and overnight time with our child, dad is only coming by my house for 15 minutes a couple of times a month."

 

[Ohiogal]

How about instead of telling her that she is lying, we offer her an example of how to word it so that she won't be contradicting herself?

Op, here is a better example of how to word it.

"Dad is not exercising visitation rights as they are outlined in the court order. Instead, he is coming by my house for 15 minutes a couple of times a month. In the court order he is supposed to be exercising unsupervised, overnight visitation."

Or,

"Instead of exercising his full visitation rights to unsupervised and overnight time with our child, dad is only coming by my house for 15 minutes a couple of times a month."

Ummm, or how about you just understand that she is LYING. She is NOT telling the truth about dad exercising his visitation. He is but not to the full minimum allowed by the court order. Since when do we have to tell parents HOW to post down to the wording? I would think she would have a brain and would be able to comprehend what others are telling her.

 

[Proserpina]

Ummm, or how about you just understand that she is LYING. She is NOT telling the truth about dad exercising his visitation. He is but not to the full minimum allowed by the court order. Since when do we have to tell parents HOW to post down to the wording? I would think she would have a brain and would be able to comprehend what others are telling her.

She was told - VERY early on. Do we REALLY have to keep harping on at her?

For crying out loud people.

She GETS it. She spoke incorrectly. LET IT GO. This crap is NOT helping her.

 

[Nevergrowup]

She was told - VERY early on. Do we REALLY have to keep harping on at her?

For crying out loud people.

She GETS it. She spoke incorrectly. LET IT GO. This crap is NOT helping her.

I would agree, except for one thing...she did say it AGAIN, when Misto pointed it out again. I'm just not convinced she really gets it...she said, again, "he has never excercised visitation rights". Personally, I don't think she is lying...I think she just didn't understand how that would come accross. To her, he wasn't excercising, because he didn't take it as ordered. Hopefully now she understands that is not the case, but since she repeated herself, well, I just don't know if it is registering. She really needs to understand the difference, otherwise it will be considered lying.