Moving with child

[childrenRpeople]

Dear lord what a day. This morning I made several phone calls to seek legal advice. Very hard to find someone to talk to right away when I guess Monday is a busy court morning. I finally called the courthouse and was told they have a free resource/advice center so I could talk to someone and find out what my options are.
I loaded up my kids (including two newborn twins) into the car on this very rainy day and headed to the courthouse. On the way, I got a call back from a lawyer. I had a 5 minute conversation with her and she impressed upon me many of the points that you all have here and the urgency with which I should act. She said she was available then if I wanted to come by.
10 minutes later, I'm in her office. She listened to my story and we got started for an emergency motion/court date tomorrow morning right way. Her office assistant called my ex at work to notify him of tomorrow's court date.
The office assistant told me to come back in an hour and a half to review the completed paperwork before it went to the courthouse today.
While I was waiting, my ex called. He said "Next time, give me more than 16 hrs before we go to court".I reminded him that I've been wanting to resolve this on our own all along and did not want to court...but what else could I do? Escrow is closing and I need to know what to do. He gave me some more song and dance and I finally said, "Look, if you want to settle this I still will. I'm out thousands of dollars, but would rather do that. You can meet me here and give me written permission to move. If not I'll see you tomorrow morning." About 2 hrs later, he and I were signing a stipulation and order that allows me to move with our son and enroll him in a new school It was notarized and the law office is filing it with the court tomorrow. No court in the morning!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Congrats on that.

Now, what I would do for dad is to make sure that he gets some virtual parenting time in lieu of the face time he's had. Think phone calls and webcam access.

You have many years to continue co-parenting with him. It is best that the child feels connected with BOTH parents.

 

[Proserpina]

I suppose I'm missing the part where this required an emergency hearing (in CA?) at all?



Sorry - but while Dad's obviously no angel here, the word "snowballed" comes to mind.

 

[childrenRpeople]

Again, my ex just withdrew his support of our move yesterday. For weeks now, he's been supposedly on board. Our escrow closes day after tomorrow. If we couldn't get permission to move at least through the court, we we're going to cut bait on the escrow. And lose our deposit. Because that would have been better than to have to pay a mortgage a house we couldn't move to without my son AND pay rent locally. I think that's an emergency for us.

 

[Proserpina]

Again, my ex just withdrew his support of our move yesterday. For weeks now, he's been supposedly on board. Our escrow closes day after tomorrow. If we couldn't get permission to move at least through the court, we we're going to cut bait on the escrow. And lose our deposit. Because that would have been better than to have to pay a mortgage a house we couldn't move to without my son AND pay rent locally. I think that's an emergency for us.

Not an emergency for the child. It's nobody else's fault if you didn't get it all fixed in court before now.

*shrug*.

Not that it really matters; CA is quite a bit more move-away friendly than most states to begin with. Dad would, generally, need to show why the move shouldn't be allowed.

 

[childrenRpeople]

The way I see it, any situation that may financially burden a family like that will certainly affect its' children in a very bad way.
But I agree. I will never ever ever do anything like this again or change visitation without having everything in writing filed with the court.
I thought that 8 years of calm coparenting and what seemed to be a relationship evolved into some level of friendship turned out to be more of a choreographed game of patty-cake.
I personally will always be polite with him for my son's sake but I will never trust his word again.

 

[Silverplum]

The way I see it, any situation that may financially burden a family like that will certainly affect its' children in a very bad way.
But I agree. I will never ever ever do anything like this again or change visitation without having everything in writing filed with the court.
I thought that 8 years of calm coparenting and what seemed to be a relationship evolved into some level of friendship turned out to be more of a choreographed game of patty-cake.
I personally will always be polite with him for my son's sake but I will never trust his word again.

Do you have the slightest idea of how hateful and selfish you sound?

Dad might well be saying, "I will never ever ever do anything like this again. I had a DAILY relationship with my child, and my X decided to change visitation and move away!!

I thought that 8 years of calm coparenting and what seemed to be a relationship evolved into some level of friendship turned out to be more of HER choreographed game of patty-cake. She got herself a new family and now she is removing our child from my DAILY interactions with him -- as if I am not my child's family, or of far less importance!!

I personally will always be polite with her for my son's sake but I will never trust her word again."

 

[childrenRpeople]

Whatever.
A few days ago, this same man was telling me he'd love to see me ruined, didn't care about me or my kids...only him and his son mattered to him. I am his son's mother. If he'd be happy to see me and his son's family and little brothers go down in a flaming heap, that says something. I'd never want that to happen to him, it would devastate my son.
Before he signed yesterday, he kept wanting me to promise that I'd never take him to court to request more child support.
For 8 years, he's paid me $200 a month.
I've never requested more. Just wanted the peace. I suppose that's selfish of me.
Glad there are lots of lawyers in this forum and not judges.

 

[Silverplum]

Whatever.

All anyone needed to hear.

ongoing pointless bitter blather

 

[MichaCA]

Whatever.
A few days ago, this same man was telling me he'd love to see me ruined, didn't care about me or my kids...only him and his son mattered to him. I am his son's mother. If he'd be happy to see me and his son's family and little brothers go down in a flaming heap, that says something. I'd never want that to happen to him, it would devastate my son.
Before he signed yesterday, he kept wanting me to promise that I'd never take him to court to request more child support.
For 8 years, he's paid me $200 a month.
I've never requested more. Just wanted the peace. I suppose that's selfish of me.
Glad there are lots of lawyers in this forum and not judges.

Maybe you can rebuild a coparenting relationship with dad again. Just make sure when changes are made from the court order in the future, you and dad put your agreements in writing.

 

[ecmst12]

She's moving an hour away, not 1000 miles away. It is going to be affecting dad's parenting time since he's been seeing them every day, and that stinks, but he's still going to have significant contact and will still be able to talk to them every day if he wants to. And he didn't even want primary custody, which would have been the only real point to him going to court over this, since no judge is going to tell mom she can't move the children if dad doesn't want to take them. He was doing this solely to make things hard for mom and personally, I say good for her for not letting him push her around. I do not understand why people are making her out to be the bad guy here.

 

[Silverplum]

She's moving an hour away, not 1000 miles away. It is going to be affecting dad's parenting time since he's been seeing them every day, and that stinks, but he's still going to have significant contact and will still be able to talk to them every day if he wants to. And he didn't even want primary custody, which would have been the only real point to him going to court over this, since no judge is going to tell mom she can't move the children if dad doesn't want to take them. He was doing this solely to make things hard for mom and personally, I say good for her for not letting him push her around. I do not understand why people are making her out to be the bad guy here.

I certainly don't expect you to understand anything.

 

[childrenRpeople]

All anyone needed to hear.

[/QUOTE

Whatever.

 

[tuffbrk]

All anyone needed to hear.

[/QUOTE

Whatever.

This is from a Mother of four. Enough said.

Glad that it worked out for you considering you didn't bother to obtain court approval in advance of making plans, locating and bidding on a home and creating an emergency situation for yourself.

 

[michele2377]

She's moving an hour away, not 1000 miles away. It is going to be affecting dad's parenting time since he's been seeing them every day, and that stinks, but he's still going to have significant contact and will still be able to talk to them every day if he wants to. And he didn't even want primary custody, which would have been the only real point to him going to court over this, since no judge is going to tell mom she can't move the children if dad doesn't want to take them. He was doing this solely to make things hard for mom and personally, I say good for her for not letting him push her around. I do not understand why people are making her out to be the bad guy here.

exactly, I think she's been more than giving and patient. I guess some posters think that others should be push overs and allow themselves to get run over for the sake of "their children" When sometimes showing your kids that you are strong and able to stand up for what you think is right is also a good life lesson every now and then. I think just the gesture of allowing him EVERY weekend visitation as well as gas money for a move that is only an hour away is above and beyond fostering a good relationship and doing what is right for your child and the relationship with the other parent.