Visitation with motion pending...

[milmom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

My previous thread was closed but can be found here:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/terminating-overnight-visitation-596293.html

The short of it is, I have filed a motion to suspend overnight visitation from my ex husband in lieu of a gradual parenting plan to reestablish a relationship with our daughter, who he has not seen in 17 months. His last overnight with her was in June of 2011, and he has seen her once for approx 3 hours in my home since that time. He went 10 months (feb 12 - dec 12) with no contact at all, and then again no contact until last week (after I filed my motion and he was served) The deadline for my ex husband to request 6 weeks of summer visitation is April 1st if he wishes to choose the dates, May 15th if he wishes to exercise default dates. The default dates are June 15th - July 27th.

Last night I noticed a deposit to my bank account covering all but $76 dollars of his arrears ($1151 was the payment) and I suspected this was in response to my filing (child support was only mentioned in my motion when I offered to agree to abatement to accommodate a phased-in visitation plan) I understand child support is separate than custody, and I never planned to bring it up at the hearing, but wasn't sure if it was worth mentioning in this post, as an example that he's reacting to my filing.

It appears he has overnight-ed me an envelope, and I received the notice from the post office when I got home from work today. I can only assume that this will be his written request for visitation (tomorrow is the deadline) and that he will be requesting the default dates.

My concern is two fold Since there are no temporary orders in place until our hearing, I assume the original order stands. In which case I am legally bound to honor his visitation request. I am fully aware court orders are not suggestions, but we are set for a hearing 5 days after the default summer visitation is to start. My whole goal of my motion is to require him to have a phased-in plan to reestablish a relationship with our daughter before overnight visitation (we live in separate states). Is there a way for me to request a sooner hearing date, and if my motion is denied then he get his visitation?

Second, our daughter and I are moving from Texas to Maryland when she gets out of school June 7th. I have to report to my next duty station the 14th of June. We traveling by car, and I also have a 12 month old son that will be making the trip with us. I was planning to use all of the days allowed to me to make the drive, so the kids aren't in the car too long. Even if there weren't a hearing pending, I would not be able to accommodate his dates, but our decree doesn't speak to a process for us to work out other dates if one parent can't accommodate. At this point I assume if I were to call him and explain that I can't get her there to him by the 15th that he would assume it's me stalling to make it to the hearing.

This would be the first time in the 5 years we've been separated he's chosen to exercise/request his summer visitation, and I assume it's only in response to my filing, also the sudden payment of child support.

Regardless of his motives, I am aware he followed the requirement for written notice, my question is what options do I have? Is it possible to request a hearing date prior to the visitation start date?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

My previous thread was closed but can be found here:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/terminating-overnight-visitation-596293.html

The short of it is, I have filed a motion to suspend overnight visitation from my ex husband in lieu of a gradual parenting plan to reestablish a relationship with our daughter, who he has not seen in 17 months. His last overnight with her was in June of 2011, and he has seen her once for approx 3 hours in my home since that time. He went 10 months (feb 12 - dec 12) with no contact at all, and then again no contact until last week (after I filed my motion and he was served) The deadline for my ex husband to request 6 weeks of summer visitation is April 1st if he wishes to choose the dates, May 15th if he wishes to exercise default dates. The default dates are June 15th - July 27th.

Last night I noticed a deposit to my bank account covering all but $76 dollars of his arrears ($1151 was the payment) and I suspected this was in response to my filing (child support was only mentioned in my motion when I offered to agree to abatement to accommodate a phased-in visitation plan) I understand child support is separate than custody, and I never planned to bring it up at the hearing, but wasn't sure if it was worth mentioning in this post, as an example that he's reacting to my filing.

It appears he has overnight-ed me an envelope, and I received the notice from the post office when I got home from work today. I can only assume that this will be his written request for visitation (tomorrow is the deadline) and that he will be requesting the default dates.

My concern is two fold Since there are no temporary orders in place until our hearing, I assume the original order stands. In which case I am legally bound to honor his visitation request. I am fully aware court orders are not suggestions, but we are set for a hearing 5 days after the default summer visitation is to start. My whole goal of my motion is to require him to have a phased-in plan to reestablish a relationship with our daughter before overnight visitation (we live in separate states). Is there a way for me to request a sooner hearing date, and if my motion is denied then he get his visitation?

Second, our daughter and I are moving from Texas to Maryland when she gets out of school June 7th. I have to report to my next duty station the 14th of June. We traveling by car, and I also have a 12 month old son that will be making the trip with us. I was planning to use all of the days allowed to me to make the drive, so the kids aren't in the car too long. Even if there weren't a hearing pending, I would not be able to accommodate his dates, but our decree doesn't speak to a process for us to work out other dates if one parent can't accommodate. At this point I assume if I were to call him and explain that I can't get her there to him by the 15th that he would assume it's me stalling to make it to the hearing.

This would be the first time in the 5 years we've been separated he's chosen to exercise/request his summer visitation, and I assume it's only in response to my filing, also the sudden payment of child support.

Regardless of his motives, I am aware he followed the requirement for written notice, my question is what options do I have? Is it possible to request a hearing date prior to the visitation start date?

It was up to you to file in time to have the motion decided before summer. You can't expect the court to jump because it's May and your timetable is looming. It's not a true emergency.

You're correct: the order stands until it is superceded by a new order.

 

[Zigner]

And, once the visitation starts, the question is largely moot. Kiddo will have had 5 days to "adjust"

 

[milmom]

It was up to you to file in time to have the motion decided before summer. You can't expect the court to jump because it's May and your timetable is looming. It's not a true emergency.

You're correct: the order stands until it is superceded by a new order.

Thank you for your response. I had no reason to file sooner, he has never requested his summer visitation in the 5 years we've been separated. There was nothing indicating he would request it this year either.

I never stated it was an emergency, I know it isn't.

Thanks again.

 

[milmom]

And, once the visitation starts, the question is largely moot. Kiddo will have had 5 days to "adjust"

The best I could hope for is that it's moot, and she does adjust. Not much else I can do but hope that she warms up to strangers quickly.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you for your response. I had no reason to file sooner, he has never requested his summer visitation in the 5 years we've been separated. There was nothing indicating he would request it this year either.

I never stated it was an emergency, I know it isn't.

Thanks again.

You're welcome.

I forgot to address this: You do have to meet his dates, regardless of the other plans you've made. Whatever your court order states. If you have to put the child on an airplane to meet her Dad on the 15th, that's what you have to do.

 

[milmom]

You're welcome.

I forgot to address this: You do have to meet his dates, regardless of the other plans you've made. Whatever your court order states. If you have to put the child on an airplane to meet her Dad on the 15th, that's what you have to do.

I am aware, thank you. Our transportation statement says we meet half way driving, so I don't have to put her on a plane. Just make a detour.

 

[CJane]

Take a deep breath. Wait and see if, in fact, that's what he sent you. And then let us know.

While it's correct that your motion is unlikely to be heard sooner because of summer visits, there may be other options - and Dad might be perfectly reasonable. Who knows - maybe he sent you an alternative plan that includes phased in visits.

 

[milmom]

Thanks

I'm trying to stay cam, I promise. He texted me just now and told me that's what it was.

I don't want to keep her from him, I just don't want her to be scared and overwhelmed.

I don't want to violate our order, and I'm trying not to get emotional. But I would hate to find out I'm right while she's 10 hours away.

 

[CJane]

Ok. So you've got a month to prepare her, right?

You're in the military, and have moved a fair bit, right? So she is used to coping with new situations - at least in theory.

You CAN do a lot in the next month to get her ready to go stay with Dad. Sure, she might have a hard time adjusting. But he also might change his mind at the last minute, once he realizes that HE doesn't really know KIDDO. Yanno?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Why are you still attempting to disenfranchise dad? As I said before, unless it was for selfish reasons, you are doing it for your own interests. You may get away with these games while your child is young, however, when she is older, she will learn to hate you for it. Deleting my posts only shows the depth of depravity you are willing to lower yourself to.

I'm trying to stay cam, I promise. He texted me just now and told me that's what it was.

I don't want to keep her from him, I just don't want her to be scared and overwhelmed.

I don't want to violate our order, and I'm trying not to get emotional. But I would hate to find out I'm right while she's 10 hours away.

 

[Proserpina]

Why are you still attempting to disenfranchise dad? As I said before, unless it was for selfish reasons, you are doing it for your own interests. You may get away with these games while your child is young, however, when she is older, she will learn to hate you for it. Deleting my posts only shows the depth of depravity you are willing to lower yourself to.

OP wasn't deleting your posts.

 

[LdiJ]

Why are you still attempting to disenfranchise dad? As I said before, unless it was for selfish reasons, you are doing it for your own interests. You may get away with these games while your child is young, however, when she is older, she will learn to hate you for it. Deleting my posts only shows the depth of depravity you are willing to lower yourself to.

Oh give me a freaking break. A newbie isn't going to figure out how to delete posts. You know full well it was far more likely to have been one of the regulars.

 

[Proserpina]

Oh give me a freaking break. A newbie isn't going to figure out how to delete posts. You know full well it was far more likely to have been one of the regulars.

And for good reason.

 

[milmom]

Can't express my appreciation enough

Thanks again to everyone on this thread, and the previous one that have offered advice and support. It's amazing that strangers will take their own time to help someone out whether they agree with their situation or not. I understand that as an active duty military parent I am extremely lucky to have primary custody of our daughter.

I went out on a limb and pleaded with my ex. I made it clear that I was not intending to eliminate him from our daughter's life, just looking out for her best interests. He gave me the same story he has numerous times about why he's been absent and the guilt he feels. We were able to come to an amicable agreement on a phased-in visitation schedule for the summer. This includes a minimum number of phone calls AND Skype sessions over the next month. We've agreed that he must complete each part of the phase process before our original parenting plan will go back into affect. We've agreed to include a statement that if he at any time discontinues contact for a time period greater than 1 month, that overnight visitation will be terminated and only reinstated after mediation. We've even agreed on travel arrangements.

I can't explain the feeling I have after being able to carry on a conversation with him regarding our daughter that doesn't involve a fight. He agreed that what is best for her is to reestablish their relationship in a structured manner. He seems willing to do whatever he can to be part of her life again. I hope this sticks, she deserves it.

I told him only after we both sign the agreement and submit it to the court will I withdraw my motion.

Should I wait for a judge to sign it? I assume until he/she does, the old order is binding. How much notice must I give to withdraw my motion? We have submitted a parenting agreement one other time for entrance as an order, but I can't remember how long after sending the judge signed it. Does anyone have an idea of how long this usually takes?