Visitation with motion pending...

[single317dad]

There is no new order until the judge signs it. Until then, the old order is in effect. In my case, it has always taken less than a week for my judge to sign off on agreed orders, but that can vary greatly from one place to another.

Congratulations on the mutual agreement. Those are precious and few, enjoy it.

 

[gam]

Is his visitation time in this agreement going to start after the court date you already have?

We are talking 5 days here from the start of the default dates till the actual court date. Perhaps dad and you can agree to hold off on the start until after this court date. You as the filing party can call the circuit court clerk, and explain what is going on and see to if you can get this date moved up so all is done before the default dates. While it is not an emergency, I have seen them do this often when dealing with summer parenting time and an agreed upon, signed agreement.

If you have worked out something that his time actually starts after the court date, then you can still keep this court date. You would file a sitpulation and attach this agreement, both of you would need to sign it. Then you still do the hearing on the day it is. Possible here to for dad to get a phone in on this hearing to, he would need to call and ask for it first though. Hearing would take no time at all, all the Ref is going to do is make sure both parties agree to this new order. They then would send it to the Judge for signature. Would not be a problem to get the Ref to get the Judges signature quickly. My court moves fast, and the Judge normally will sign it that day. However in my Niece's smaller, slower court(st clair), it usually does not take more then 2 weeks to have the Judge sign off of it.

Another option, start leaving messages with your FOC caseworker. Might take many messages to get a call back. Explain to them that you have this agreement, explain to them it involves summer parenting time and you and the ex need to get this done quickly. I would also explain to them your distance situation. They can and often will take this agreement down to the Judge for you. Actually had them do that in my one daughters case, and it did directly concern summer parenting time. FOC did talk to both parties to make sure both were in agreement. They also told them to be on stand by, as the Judge might want to talk to them on the phone quickly to. FOC got the agreement signed that day by the Judge. The Judge can take FOC's word that they talked to both parties and both agreed to it.

 

[milmom]

Is his visitation time in this agreement going to start after the court date you already have?

We are talking 5 days here from the start of the default dates till the actual court date. Perhaps dad and you can agree to hold off on the start until after this court date. You as the filing party can call the circuit court clerk, and explain what is going on and see to if you can get this date moved up so all is done before the default dates. While it is not an emergency, I have seen them do this often when dealing with summer parenting time and an agreed upon, signed agreement.

If you have worked out something that his time actually starts after the court date, then you can still keep this court date. You would file a sitpulation and attach this agreement, both of you would need to sign it. Then you still do the hearing on the day it is. Possible here to for dad to get a phone in on this hearing to, he would need to call and ask for it first though. Hearing would take no time at all, all the Ref is going to do is make sure both parties agree to this new order. They then would send it to the Judge for signature. Would not be a problem to get the Ref to get the Judges signature quickly. My court moves fast, and the Judge normally will sign it that day. However in my Niece's smaller, slower court(st clair), it usually does not take more then 2 weeks to have the Judge sign off of it.

Another option, start leaving messages with your FOC caseworker. Might take many messages to get a call back. Explain to them that you have this agreement, explain to them it involves summer parenting time and you and the ex need to get this done quickly. I would also explain to them your distance situation. They can and often will take this agreement down to the Judge for you. Actually had them do that in my one daughters case, and it did directly concern summer parenting time. FOC did talk to both parties to make sure both were in agreement. They also told them to be on stand by, as the Judge might want to talk to them on the phone quickly to. FOC got the agreement signed that day by the Judge. The Judge can take FOC's word that they talked to both parties and both agreed to it.

Thank you very much for all your additional help! All of that sounds very promising. I'm hoping we can make it through this and continue to remain civil for the sake of our daughter. I only remain very gunshy because of his actions in the past. I've luckily been able to get a hold of an old high school friend that is practicing family law in Ann Arbor, but also practices in Bay County on occasion. So far the advice she's offered is spot on with what you've said in this post.

Today is a new day and I'm rested and calm, and have recovered from my emotional meltdown yesterday. Now I'm trying to press forward in drafting the agreement, and going through the steps to get it signed. I again, am hoping very sincerely that this is the time the story he is telling me is honest, and that he plans to remain a part of her life.

 

[CJane]

Thank you very much for all your additional help! All of that sounds very promising. I'm hoping we can make it through this and continue to remain civil for the sake of our daughter. I only remain very gunshy because of his actions in the past. I've luckily been able to get a hold of an old high school friend that is practicing family law in Ann Arbor, but also practices in Bay County on occasion. So far the advice she's offered is spot on with what you've said in this post.

Today is a new day and I'm rested and calm, and have recovered from my emotional meltdown yesterday. Now I'm trying to press forward in drafting the agreement, and going through the steps to get it signed. I again, am hoping very sincerely that this is the time the story he is telling me is honest, and that he plans to remain a part of her life.

Folks, that right there is the very height of depravity. Fo' sho'.

 

[milmom]

Folks, that right there is the very height of depravity. Fo' sho'.

Well, obviously.

Thank you again.

 

[milmom]

"Cell Phone Clause"

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

I'm drafting a new parenting time agreement for my ex-husband and I based on what we've been able to agree on for a phased-in plan and ultimate "normal" parenting time plan for our daughter. I'm trying to save money by drafting as much of the agreement as possible myself, before having it reviewed by an attorney. We both agreed that it would be ok for our daughter to bring a cell phone (at my expense) to her visitation with him to be used for emergencies. I don't plan to make my normal phone calls to her using this phone, but to call his phone as to not interfere with his time. We've never had a problem with allowing liberal phone communication during visits before, so it's not a hot button issue for either of us. I just wanted to allow her the comfort of knowing that she has a way to contact me, or my family in the area in case there is a problem. I don't foresee there being one, but just as a sort of security blanket for her so-to-speak as they are gradually phasing in their time together. I would feel comfortable just relying on him to have a phone during this time, but he uses pre-paid phones (never a land line) and the number has changed, as well as been non-existent multiple times in the past. I don't expect him to not keep up the phone during visitations, but just something I considered.

Is there standard or typical wording that can be placed in our parenting agreement to state that she be allowed to keep this cell phone on her at all times during visitation? If so does anyone have an example? It's the one thing I am caught on while drafting this agreement.

Thanks in advance!

 

[CJane]

I would go with something like "Mother will provide Child with a cell phone (at her expense) for use in emergencies. Access to this phone shall not be prohibited by either party."

 

[milmom]

I would go with something like "Mother will provide Child with a cell phone (at her expense) for use in emergencies. Access to this phone shall not be prohibited by either party."

Perfect! Thanks!

 

[milmom]

Update/New Question...

Figured it'd be best to keep this here (as the board prefers) for ease of background... but to update since last post before asking new questions:

(For further reference, here was my first thread, but it was eventually locked due to some uh, differences in opinion... https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/terminating-overnight-visitation-596293.html)


Ex-Husband and I signed a conditional agreement that was submitted to the referee/court prior to our scheduled referee hearing and was signed by a judge 6/1/2013. At the advice of a family law attorney of mine that practices in Michigan, in our conditional parenting time agreement there was a statement requesting the friend of the court schedule a review in the Spring of 2014 to determine the final parenting time plan. The attorney friend made the point that if we signed an agreement without requesting a review my ex could choose not to follow the "conditional" plan and I may not be able to request a modification because of lack of change in circumstance. (Makes perfect sense) Anyway...

The conditional agreement had stipulations on phone, skype and visits to reestablish a relationship between my ex and our daughter and all the details of travel expenses and such. It was pretty detailed. It also had a statement that if my ex didn't follow the plan his overnight visitation would be suspended until mediation at his expense. He didn't follow it to a tee, but after the number of visits over the summer, and Christmas I have no worries about overnight visitation, and don't wish to split hairs and force mediation. We both agreed that his visitation won't occur at the home he is currently living in. He lives with his parents in a 3ish bedroom home with at least 2 other adults (in addition to him and his parents) and 4 or 5 minors. There just isn't room. Over summer they stayed with a friend of his, and our daughter absolutely loved it. The friend is an older woman with college age children and she was very caring and loving towards our daughter and she's all our little one talked about when she came home. I was very relieved she was in such good hands and felt so comfortable. Anyway... my questions.

When the order was signed by the judge, the referee hearing was cancelled and the signed order was sent to us both with a letter from the secretary of the friend of the court. It states "Dear Parties: Enclosed for your records please find a copy of the Recommendation and Order Re: Custody signed by Judge XXXX on June 01, 2013. Please be advised I have scheduled a meeting with you on Thursday April 17, 2014 at 2:30pm. Sincerely, XXX Secretary - FOC"

I plan to call the court this week for further clarification, but just looking for some help in the mean time if anyone familiar with Michigan courts can help (Gam, Tink, etc). I'm just curious who the meeting should be with. I assume it's not actually with the secretary, and the letter itself has the Director and Assistant Director of the FOC on it, and the letterhead is listed as the Circuit Court - Family Division. I'm thinking maybe the meeting is with a FOC coordinator? Until I pulled the letter out I for some reason believed it was a status hearing with a referee or judge. I'm guessing a quick call to the FOC will answer this question, but just curious if anyone had any insight. Luckily this is during kiddos spring break (it's my year for spring break) so a trip home to visit family will coincide with the meeting.

Further, I'm curious what I should expect, and how to prepare. I know the end goal of the meeting is to finalize a parenting time agreement, and as stated in the original order, to review the conditional plan. Should I just prepare some parenting time plans for suggestion to bring to the meeting? In the conditional agreement there was a "long term" parenting agreement included that was to start after the completion of the phased-in plan, and would work going forward. Should I retain an attorney for the parenting plan? Is it customary to bring them to these types of meetings? I think it was Tinkerbellluvr that suggested the wording "reasonable visitation as agreed upon...." and I'm thinking she was right that might fit our situation well. Just not sure what I should have with me for this meeting or what to expect.

Lastly, I'd just like to thank the board for letting me lurk over the last 6 months. There are a lot of things I've learned as far as the actual legalities involved when dealing with a not-so-involved NCP. I keep trying to remain positive that my ex has turned over a new leaf and is going to maintain a relationship with our kiddo, but I also realize if he doesn't I can't enforce visitation, nor request it taken away if he doesn't use it. For the most part things have gone well over the last few months, although we haven't heard from him since kiddo got back from Christmas, and I can't seem to get hold of him either. But kiddo is happy, had a great Christmas, loves flying by herself and all that good stuff. Sorry for the rambling.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Figured it'd be best to keep this here (as the board prefers) for ease of background... but to update since last post before asking new questions:

(For further reference, here was my first thread, but it was eventually locked due to some uh, differences in opinion... https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/terminating-overnight-visitation-596293.html)


Ex-Husband and I signed a conditional agreement that was submitted to the referee/court prior to our scheduled referee hearing and was signed by a judge 6/1/2013. At the advice of a family law attorney of mine that practices in Michigan, in our conditional parenting time agreement there was a statement requesting the friend of the court schedule a review in the Spring of 2014 to determine the final parenting time plan. The attorney friend made the point that if we signed an agreement without requesting a review my ex could choose not to follow the "conditional" plan and I may not be able to request a modification because of lack of change in circumstance. (Makes perfect sense) Anyway...

The conditional agreement had stipulations on phone, skype and visits to reestablish a relationship between my ex and our daughter and all the details of travel expenses and such. It was pretty detailed. It also had a statement that if my ex didn't follow the plan his overnight visitation would be suspended until mediation at his expense. He didn't follow it to a tee, but after the number of visits over the summer, and Christmas I have no worries about overnight visitation, and don't wish to split hairs and force mediation. We both agreed that his visitation won't occur at the home he is currently living in. He lives with his parents in a 3ish bedroom home with at least 2 other adults (in addition to him and his parents) and 4 or 5 minors. There just isn't room. Over summer they stayed with a friend of his, and our daughter absolutely loved it. The friend is an older woman with college age children and she was very caring and loving towards our daughter and she's all our little one talked about when she came home. I was very relieved she was in such good hands and felt so comfortable. Anyway... my questions.

When the order was signed by the judge, the referee hearing was cancelled and the signed order was sent to us both with a letter from the secretary of the friend of the court. It states "Dear Parties: Enclosed for your records please find a copy of the Recommendation and Order Re: Custody signed by Judge XXXX on June 01, 2013. Please be advised I have scheduled a meeting with you on Thursday April 17, 2014 at 2:30pm. Sincerely, XXX Secretary - FOC"

I plan to call the court this week for further clarification, but just looking for some help in the mean time if anyone familiar with Michigan courts can help (Gam, Tink, etc). I'm just curious who the meeting should be with. I assume it's not actually with the secretary, and the letter itself has the Director and Assistant Director of the FOC on it, and the letterhead is listed as the Circuit Court - Family Division. I'm thinking maybe the meeting is with a FOC coordinator? Until I pulled the letter out I for some reason believed it was a status hearing with a referee or judge. I'm guessing a quick call to the FOC will answer this question, but just curious if anyone had any insight. Luckily this is during kiddos spring break (it's my year for spring break) so a trip home to visit family will coincide with the meeting.

Further, I'm curious what I should expect, and how to prepare. I know the end goal of the meeting is to finalize a parenting time agreement, and as stated in the original order, to review the conditional plan. Should I just prepare some parenting time plans for suggestion to bring to the meeting? In the conditional agreement there was a "long term" parenting agreement included that was to start after the completion of the phased-in plan, and would work going forward. Should I retain an attorney for the parenting plan? Is it customary to bring them to these types of meetings? I think it was Tinkerbellluvr that suggested the wording "reasonable visitation as agreed upon...." and I'm thinking she was right that might fit our situation well. Just not sure what I should have with me for this meeting or what to expect.

Lastly, I'd just like to thank the board for letting me lurk over the last 6 months. There are a lot of things I've learned as far as the actual legalities involved when dealing with a not-so-involved NCP. I keep trying to remain positive that my ex has turned over a new leaf and is going to maintain a relationship with our kiddo, but I also realize if he doesn't I can't enforce visitation, nor request it taken away if he doesn't use it. For the most part things have gone well over the last few months, although we haven't heard from him since kiddo got back from Christmas, and I can't seem to get hold of him either. But kiddo is happy, had a great Christmas, loves flying by herself and all that good stuff. Sorry for the rambling.

That wording of "Reasonable" worked very well with my first husband. He worked swing shift with rotating days off. No set plan would have worked. That wording would NEVER EVER work with husband #2.

You can include a "default" dates if the parties cannot agree.

I would make sure that it is in there what the minimum contact should be when the child is with the other parent.

Address who is responsible for the fees they charge for unaccompanied minors. Now my X made stupid tickets. If your X doesn't, fine. Otherwise address what hours are reasonable.

 

[gam]

I suspect the meeting is with a FOC caseworker, parenting coordinator or the million other names they seem to use at FOC. Those names often change to depending on the county. Your best bet is to see who it is with. I'm sure this is just for the review you mentioned. You prepare by coming up with some kind of plan to go forward with. You should suspect that the goal of whoever this is from FOC is to get a plan signed by both of you, that is FOC's function to get you to sign a recommendation or agreed plan. Just keep in mind you don't have to sign anything your not comfortable with, you can object to any recommendations.

I personally would hold off on an attorney(unless you got money to spare), because as I said you can object to any recommendation from FOC and you don't have to agree to a plan you are not happy with. If you do need to object, that would be the time to get the attorney. That is just my opinion though with Mi courts because we do have the FOC and Refs and we can object to their recommendations. I have seen many Judges disagree also with FOC and Ref recommendations. You have a right to bring an attorney to every single meeting within that court system, that includes any and all with FOC, choice is yours. Really everyone I know bases this decision on if they feel the other parent is going to cause huge problems with agreeing to anything, sometimes a lawyer can argue and whoever is doing the meeting will listen better and get it across to the other party. But again you don't have to sign anything and you can object to any recommendation.

As Tink said reasonable depends on who your dealing with and her suggestion of have a default in case you guys can't agree to reasonable as back up is great. That I'm basing on the fact that dad is not all that good about staying on top of all of this. Also anytime you have a long distance situation, you really should have something with default dates. In my one daughters case, the court has pretty much left it up to them to do dates and times, she fought to have the default in there as he will not communicate with her at all. The court would not at the time, wanted them to grow up and work it out themselves. But if 1 person chooses not to grow up, really hard to work anything out with them and this has caused huge issues in every single one of his long distance parenting times over the past year since this order was done.

So my suggestion is to ask for everything you can to make the order clear and cover everything. You might get it, you might not, but it would have been much better had the court put in some of these things in my daughters case, cause the problems are there that she told the court would be there. Now to get it fixed she has to file another motion and try the arguments again. So get what you can now.

I'm also going to say as I did before, good for you, you are still on track, your not being petty, your focus has been to get dad more in the child's life. While he may not still be involved exactly how you would like, your giving him credit and you want to progress the plan moving forward.

 

[milmom]

Thanks to both of you, yet again.

Again after lurking on the board I'm definitely seeing the benefit to having a very clearly written order for everyone involved. My lawyer friend was gracious enough to take some time out of her schedule to give me a "free consultation" and offered lots of pointers and reviewed my draft agreement that my ex, and the judge ultimately signed. She actually made a call to the referee we were to meet as well to get some clarification for me. There were a number of things she made a point to clearly detail in the order. Our travel is very specifically spelled out to include the times, who pays what, what specific airports, the unaccompanied minor rules as well as the minimum number of days in advance the tickets must be purchased. She made me add a Hague Signatory statement that has apparently been made standard in MI since our divorce. I dug through the county's standard parenting plan for wording, scrubbed some online resources for wording on phone/skype type contact, etc. Actually the order we have attached to the conditional order is extremely detailed and spelled out. There's tons of stuff in it. I'll probably use that going forward as well. I just wasn't sure if I should be prepared with a number of options for the actual time split.Being that we're in a long distance situation it's clear that the standard is alternating holidays (splitting Christmas break), and the majority of the summer to him. We even have in there once a month visit here in Maryland or Michigan if he foots the costs for his transportation. Really the only thing I think we'd have any argument over is the length of time in the summer. I'm assuming again the standard will be the majority of the summer to him, and I'm trying not to be too selfish in this regard. Just not sure if I should ask for the moon and settle for less, or just go in ready to agree to the standard 42 days in the summer. :/ But gam, I will probably take your advice and save off on the lawyer until/if I really need one. I could afford one, but would rather not waste the money if it isn't needed.

Even after our reintroduction plan, he hasn't had her for more than 2 weeks at any one time since we separated. She's a pretty self sufficient 7 year old so I'm definitely not worried about her surviving any longer than that, I'm just not sure the extent of the accommodation that nice friend of his would offer this summer or summers to come. From the sounds of it this friend (who I again am extremely thankful for) did all the heavy lifting over the summer visit he did have. Preparing all the meals, even helping wash kiddos hair (quite a freak out moment for me), etc. Geez, I'm rambling again.

Anyway, thank you all again for your help. I'll toot my own horn and say I've done a pretty good job with kiddo. She's smart, strong, very adaptive to change and I've learned over this last summer that I didn't give her enough credit when trying to protect her in this situation. The one good thing, at this point, is she's used to him being inconsistent, to her this is normal. I know that doesn't sound positive, but at least she doesn't seem bothered by the situation. She knows he loves her, and she loves him as well. She's done a fine job at managing her own expectations and at least for now doesn't seem to mind the way things are/have been.

And just as an aside (albeit a non-legal related aside), although I had hoped his intentions were genuine, I thought maybe he had someone encouraging him to pop back in after not talking to me/kiddo for almost a year. I think I hoped it was his own motivation because at least then the chance that he'd stick with it would be greater. The first part of the reintroduction was him coming to Maryland and spending an extended weekend with her. His brother had already planned a trip to take his boys camping and touring Wash DC and just brought ex along and swung by to grab kiddo to take with them. When they dropped her off ex-brother-in-law took me aside and let me know HE was the one that told ex to push for visitation, and if not for him I probably wouldn't have heard from him. I'm just hoping ex finds his own motivation to continue seeing kiddo, as in the end it will probably mean more to her. She's a pretty cool likeable kid, hopefully these visits helped show him just how important they are to each other.

 

[gam]

Thanks to both of you, yet again.

Again after lurking on the board I'm definitely seeing the benefit to having a very clearly written order for everyone involved. My lawyer friend was gracious enough to take some time out of her schedule to give me a "free consultation" and offered lots of pointers and reviewed my draft agreement that my ex, and the judge ultimately signed. She actually made a call to the referee we were to meet as well to get some clarification for me. There were a number of things she made a point to clearly detail in the order. Our travel is very specifically spelled out to include the times, who pays what, what specific airports, the unaccompanied minor rules as well as the minimum number of days in advance the tickets must be purchased. She made me add a Hague Signatory statement that has apparently been made standard in MI since our divorce. I dug through the county's standard parenting plan for wording, scrubbed some online resources for wording on phone/skype type contact, etc. Actually the order we have attached to the conditional order is extremely detailed and spelled out. There's tons of stuff in it. I'll probably use that going forward as well. I just wasn't sure if I should be prepared with a number of options for the actual time split.Being that we're in a long distance situation it's clear that the standard is alternating holidays (splitting Christmas break), and the majority of the summer to him. We even have in there once a month visit here in Maryland or Michigan if he foots the costs for his transportation. Really the only thing I think we'd have any argument over is the length of time in the summer. I'm assuming again the standard will be the majority of the summer to him, and I'm trying to to be too selfish in this regard. Just not sure if I should ask for the moon and settle for less, or just go in ready to agree to the standard 42 days in the summer. :/ But gam, I will probably take your advice and save off on the lawyer until/if I really need one. I could afford one, but would rather not waste the money if it isn't needed.

Even after our reintroduction plan, he hasn't had her for more than 2 weeks at any one time since we separated. She's a pretty self sufficient 7 year old so I'm definitely not worried about her surviving any longer than that, I'm just not sure the extent of the accommodation that nice friend of his would offer this summer or summers to come. From the sounds of it this friend (who I again am extremely thankful for) did all the heavy lifting over the summer visit he did have. Preparing all the meals, even helping wash kiddos hair (quite a freak out moment for me), etc. Geez, I'm rambling again.

Anyway, thank you all again for your help. I'll toot my own horn and say I've done a pretty good job with kiddo. She's smart, strong, very adaptive to change and I've learned over this last summer that I didn't give her enough credit when trying to protect her in this situation. The one good thing, at this point, is she's used to him being inconsistent, to her this is normal. I know that doesn't sound positive, but at least she doesn't seem bothered by the situation. She knows he loves her, and she loves him as well. She's done a fine job at managing her own expectations and at least for now doesn't seem to mind the way things are/have been.

And just as an aside (albeit a non-legal related aside), although I had hoped his intentions were genuine, I thought maybe he had someone encouraging him to pop back in after not talking to me/kiddo for almost a year. I think I hoped it was his own motivation because at least then the chance that he'd stick with it would be greater. The first part of the reintroduction was him coming to Maryland and spending an extended weekend with her. His brother had already planned a trip to take his boys camping and touring Wash DC and just brought ex along and swung by to grab kiddo to take with them. When they dropped her off ex-brother-in-law took me aside and let me know HE was the one that told ex to push for visitation, and if not for him I probably wouldn't have heard from him. I'm just hoping ex finds his own motivation to continue seeing kiddo, as in the end it will probably mean more to her. She's a pretty cool likeable kid, hopefully these visits helped show him just how important they are to each other.

Summer for long distance really does vary through out different Mi courts. If any do give the whole summer the week after school ends and the week before school begins are given to the CP, so even then it is not the entire summer. In my area the common for the courts is 6-8 weeks out of a 12 week summer.
Bit different for you because your childs summer will be determined by the district your child lives in which is not in Mi. Not sure how long it is. I would not go in there and say hey he can have the whole summer, let him throw out a time frame, he may not want the whole summer. The FOC worker is going to have their own idea on that time frame to. Between the 3 of you, you can work out a decent time frame that fits your situation. Because FOC sometimes will look at the factors(Some of them are great and some not so great).

If I remember your county name correctly I am positive that they have a long distance plan online, go see if you can find that and see what the suggestion is for summer. The thing is, based on all of dads lack up to this point, giving him the farm may bite you down the road. On the other hand if dad is going to stay involved, there is no reason that you can't at any time give more then the order states.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Keep in mind that as children get older, they may be involved in activities that will need them in their school districts earlier than a week before school starts in the summer. Allow yourself some time during the summer for vacations. You can always add time but cannot take away court ordered time.

 

[milmom]

Summer for long distance really does vary through out different Mi courts. If any do give the whole summer the week after school ends and the week before school begins are given to the CP, so even then it is not the entire summer. In my area the common for the courts is 6-8 weeks out of a 12 week summer.
Bit different for you because your childs summer will be determined by the district your child lives in which is not in Mi. Not sure how long it is. I would not go in there and say hey he can have the whole summer, let him throw out a time frame, he may not want the whole summer. The FOC worker is going to have their own idea on that time frame to. Between the 3 of you, you can work out a decent time frame that fits your situation. Because FOC sometimes will look at the factors(Some of them are great and some not so great).

If I remember your county name correctly I am positive that they have a long distance plan online, go see if you can find that and see what the suggestion is for summer. The thing is, based on all of dads lack up to this point, giving him the farm may bite you down the road. On the other hand if dad is going to stay involved, there is no reason that you can't at any time give more then the order states.

Thanks gam. I looked up the long distance plan for my county states the following:

The NCP shall have the first half of the summer-school vacation in even numbered years and the second half of the summer in odd numbered years. Summer vacation is defined as 9 am two days after school recesses for the year until 6 pm two days before the new school year resumes.

The school she goes to here ends the 17th of June, and starts up again 15 August, so just a couple days over 9 weeks. (Man that seems short!) I guess when you take the two days off either end it's just at 9 weeks. I guess for ease of transition and getting her ready for school I would probably ask that the two days at the end of the summer be more like a week. Knowing that her summer is only 9 weeks long I definitely won't be walking in wanting to agree to the 42 days our original order speaks to. In fact our original order (and what was attached to the conditional agreement) has a set of dates as default dates if dad didn't get written notification in by a certain time. The default dates are 15 June + 42 days. That definitely wouldn't work now. If him and I lived closer, and if I lived near my family, or my husband's family it probably wouldn't be as big an issue. But being military we rarely take our vacations at any time other than the summer, and generally our vacations take us somewhere out of state on a plane. My husband also has children from a previous marriage and gets them for a good chunk of the summer. We've always just taken it for granted that we have all the kiddos and plan our trips when we have his and looking at giving up 6 of 9 weeks is daunting.

She's not really on a year-round schedule, but they have a lot of oddly timed days off/breaks/long weekends throughout the year (probably why summer is so short) so I can always offer a couple of those up as well. The only problem with that is adding up all the costs of transportation. I'll definitely be sitting down drafting up some ideas to bring to the table.

Thanks!