Modification of parenting plan

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Montana

So, I have a court date set in September for a contempt hearing against the Ex. He hasn't paid 1/2 of the out of pocket medical expenses. Originally, I though that amounted to $25, however, in going through my files, it actually had been over 2 years and came to around $450.

In his response, he requested that the judge modify the parenting plan to require that I provide at least 7 days notice PRIOR to any Drs. appt. (and he was very specific as to ANY appt.) As well as providing him copies of all the medical records from any appt. after the fact. Now, while I do not know if the judge will entertain his request to modify the parenting plan, I have come up with a compromise of my own regarding a modification.
*Modify the parenting plan to where I am the sole parent to make decisions regarding health care, education, spiritual/religious education. And that will relieve him of any obligation to provide health insurance (he hasn't done that since we divorced) and will relieve him of any obligation to pay any out-of-pocket expenses incurred from medical treatment and/or education expenses. That would also mean, that I would be the only one able to claim the children on taxes.

Assuming that the judge entertains his request: Is my compromise reasonable?

One more issue: Ex, in his answer, stated that he has is "own" family now, and can't pay the sum he owes related to his biological children (he has a stepson with his current wife). Is that a legitimate argument that the judge has to entertain?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Montana

So, I have a court date set in September for a contempt hearing against the Ex. He hasn't paid 1/2 of the out of pocket medical expenses. Originally, I though that amounted to $25, however, in going through my files, it actually had been over 2 years and came to around $450.

In his response, he requested that the judge modify the parenting plan to require that I provide at least 7 days notice PRIOR to any Drs. appt. (and he was very specific as to ANY appt.) As well as providing him copies of all the medical records from any appt. after the fact. Now, while I do not know if the judge will entertain his request to modify the parenting plan, I have come up with a compromise of my own regarding a modification.
*Modify the parenting plan to where I am the sole parent to make decisions regarding health care, education, spiritual/religious education. And that will relieve him of any obligation to provide health insurance (he hasn't done that since we divorced) and will relieve him of any obligation to pay any out-of-pocket expenses incurred from medical treatment and/or education expenses. That would also mean, that I would be the only one able to claim the children on taxes.

Assuming that the judge entertains his request: Is my compromise reasonable?

One more issue: Ex, in his answer, stated that he has is "own" family now, and can't pay the sum he owes related to his biological children (he has a stepson with his current wife). Is that a legitimate argument that the judge has to entertain?

If he was really foolish enough to say that, using those words, then not only is it totally unlikely that a judge would entertain that, its VERY likely that the judge will rip him a new one for saying that.

Your compromise isn't a bad one, but it might not be reasonable (in the eyes of the judge) to deny him alternating tax exemptions for the children if he is paying child support.

 

[stealth2]

If you were MY ex? I'd tell you to pound sand.

 

[Ladyback1]

If you were MY ex? I'd tell you to pound sand.

OK....for which part?
Because I filed for contempt?
Or the compromise?

As to his wanting notification request of 7 days notice: That is unreasonable in some cases---my oldest has issues w/ sinus and ear infections, they aren't planned or scheduled. I don't have a problem letting the Ex know that kid is sick and has gone to the Dr., what the diagnosis was and what the treatment recommendations were. And that has been what I have done. Send him an email telling him "XXXX" went to the Dr. with an ear infection, dr. prescribed antibiotics, steroid pack and ear drops. And I attach a copy of the receipt from office visit, and pharmacy (with a copy of the actual prescription label showing the price).

One bill he is arguing (for example): Last August, I got notice that the 12 y/o needed his TdAP vaccine before school started. Our Co. Health Unit provides a walk-in shot clinic. I took the kid that day for his shot, the charge was $5 (sliding fee schedule). He's arguing that he shouldn't have to pay 1/2 of that because I did not get his permission to take the kiddo in for his shot (it should be noted that Ex was not anti-vaccine when the kids required the plethora of vaccines in the first couple of years of their lives...)

One more thing: He has chosen not to exercise his visitation, or be in contact with the children for the last two years. And I have tried to facilitate a visitation. His current wife verbally and physically assaulted the oldest in Dec. 2010. And both refuse to go and spend time at his house w/ her there. Per our parenting plan, all overnite visitation is at my discretion, thus I have not forced them to go to spend the nite. (it is 4 hrs. away, he moved shortly after the divorce). The children have expressed a desire to visit with their father as long as she is not there, or if they could meet him somewhere 1/2 way, or if he would come to our city. He adamantly refuses, because, and I quote "I'm not leaving her to visit the kids. They can either deal with her, or they won't see me." He was abusive in our marriage to me, physically and mentally---unfortunately the kids saw and heard more than I realized, they are a bit afraid of him, and certainly don't respect him.
I have never met the new wife. I do know that she has sent me some very angry and odd emails, and on the rare occasions that the Ex calls me---she is always in the background offering her two cents to me and telling him what to say. The children do not like her, they don't respect her and certainly are a little afraid of her

 

[ecmst12]

How many new threads are you going to start? 2 in 24 hours when you have plenty of others to choose from. You know the rules.

 

[Ladyback1]

How many new threads are you going to start? 2 in 24 hours when you have plenty of others to choose from. You know the rules.

One was a more general question regarding service of the complaint/court date (that could have applied to ANY civil service, not just contempt).

Would it have been appropriate to ask that question here?

This question is specific to a parenting plan modification. Should I have asked that question in the other post?

I'm not trying to be argumentative. I honestly didn't think the two were necessarily appropriate to post together.
Apparently, I am wrong, and do apologize.

 

[LdiJ]

One was a more general question regarding service of the complaint/court date (that could have applied to ANY civil service, not just contempt).

Would it have been appropriate to ask that question here?

This question is specific to a parenting plan modification. Should I have asked that question in the other post?

I'm not trying to be argumentative. I honestly didn't think the two were necessarily appropriate to post together.
Apparently, I am wrong, and do apologize.

Actually, I am going to apologize to you. Your assumptions weren't inaccurate in general, they are just inaccurate for this particular forum.

This forum has a set up where you can view the most recent posts, to all forums, within a page or two or three. Therefore most of the senior members read pretty much all of the posts to all of the forums on a daily basis. As a result, most of us prefer not to see multiple forum posts for the same poster. We prefer to see their whole situation in one thread and to deal with it accordingly. In other words, if you keep everything to one thread, you are going to get advice from everybody, no matter what the area of their expertise is...You won't get ignored on a tax issue regarding the children, for example, if it gets brought up in your custody thread.

Much of the time that doesn't matter, because much of the topics are very specific and you are only going to get advice from people who are experienced in those topics. However, family law tends to blend into other topics, so its actually easier for us to give good advice if a poster keeps to one thread. We are better able to see the whole story and the whole situation when it comes to family law issues....and, the whole story tends to be very relevant.

I hope that helps.

 

[ecmst12]

Same parents, same set of kids, everything should be kept in one thread. Or as few as possible, so that everyone has the background info easily available and don't have to go hunting through your post history to find it. You have been here long enough to know better.

 

[Ladyback1]

Same parents, same set of kids, everything should be kept in one thread. Or as few as possible, so that everyone has the background info easily available and don't have to go hunting through your post history to find it. You have been here long enough to know better.

I do apologize.
I saw the issues as two separate problems. That is my mistake
And after looking at it, I agree, it would have been best to keep it in one thread. Unfortunately, I don't think I can combine the two now.

So, any advice or critique regarding the situation would be helpful and appreciated.

 

[Bgood2me]

I wish that this was my biggest worry.

Count your blessings.

 

[Ladyback1]

I wish that this was my biggest worry.

Count your blessings.

You have no idea what my biggest worry is....this is the worry I choose to deal with right now.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I do apologize.
I saw the issues as two separate problems. That is my mistake
And after looking at it, I agree, it would have been best to keep it in one thread. Unfortunately, I don't think I can combine the two now.

So, any advice or critique regarding the situation would be helpful and appreciated.

I think based on dad's responses he's got a lot a splain'in to do.

 

[gam]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Montana

So, I have a court date set in September for a contempt hearing against the Ex. He hasn't paid 1/2 of the out of pocket medical expenses. Originally, I though that amounted to $25, however, in going through my files, it actually had been over 2 years and came to around $450.

In his response, he requested that the judge modify the parenting plan to require that I provide at least 7 days notice PRIOR to any Drs. appt. (and he was very specific as to ANY appt.) As well as providing him copies of all the medical records from any appt. after the fact. Now, while I do not know if the judge will entertain his request to modify the parenting plan, I have come up with a compromise of my own regarding a modification.
*Modify the parenting plan to where I am the sole parent to make decisions regarding health care, education, spiritual/religious education. And that will relieve him of any obligation to provide health insurance (he hasn't done that since we divorced) and will relieve him of any obligation to pay any out-of-pocket expenses incurred from medical treatment and/or education expenses. That would also mean, that I would be the only one able to claim the children on taxes.

Assuming that the judge entertains his request: Is my compromise reasonable?

One more issue: Ex, in his answer, stated that he has is "own" family now, and can't pay the sum he owes related to his biological children (he has a stepson with his current wife). Is that a legitimate argument that the judge has to entertain?

Any known medical appt should be forwarded to the other parent when made. If they show they show, if not then you send them the email update on what went on. I would argue getting all appts included, as many are for sick visits and you often have little notification yourself. But you still have the ability to let him know, Jr is sick, appt for illness today at whatever time it is.

I would also argue against you providing him the medical records, that is BS. Dad has the ability to get any medical records he wants for his children. He can contact the Dr office and get them himself. My daughters ex just asked for both of these, and he was told to pound sand by the court.

Now your compromise, highly unlikely your ex is going to agree to giving you sole legal custody, he would be a fool(then again maybe he is). You having sole custody would not relieve him of his responsibility to provide health insurance or pay his share of uncovered medical expenses. Perhaps dad will agree to it, however the court might not, I've seen them when it comes to the money portion not sign off and stick to whatever the states formula and rules are on this.

As for his new family, check your state formula and see if they include a deduction for other children and see if that includes stepchildren. But I would argue this is not his child, so he should not get a deduction, that child has 2 parents that should be supporting him. The kids he had with you were first, they come first and he should have thought of them before taking on another family. His obligation is to support those kids first and if someone gets short changed because money is tight, that would be the new ones he decided to support.

 

[stealth2]

OK....for which part?
Because I filed for contempt?
Or the compromise?

The "compromise". Which isn't a compromise at all.

 

[Ladyback1]

The "compromise". Which isn't a compromise at all.

Fair enough...
I just don't know, or can't think of any other compromise to try and make the Ex placated.