Holiday Schedule

[Proserpina]

You're writing your own order? Who's going to have 'legal custody'? You can go with your wives plan, but put 'in the event of a disagreement on holiday or summer scheduling, father shall have final say'

Don't tell her your adding that second part, just kinda slip it it with all the other legal custody crap.

Are you offering to pay OP's attorney fees when Mom takes him back to court?

Didn't think so.

OP, please ignore this 'un. He's been banned using several different user names and his agenda quite clearly appears to be one of "Dads should get all the rights, Moms should get none".

YOU on the other hand seem to be trying to do what's best for your child - something completely alien to Custody "Queen to B8 - checkmate".

 

[LdiJ]

Actually in many places THEY ARE near each other date-wise. So you can't say Easter/Spring Break should not be considered the same holiday.

ETA: And ITPG can be helpful. I don't agree with everything in it but it can be helpful.

This is a response to both CJane and OG.

I do realize that Spring Break is different in many school systems and that it may or may not coincide with Easter. However, Easter can be virtually any time in March or April, and in many, if not most states Spring Break is a week sometime in March. Therefore it can cause problems/hassles treating it as one holiday, and problems/hassles treating it as separate holidays. Therefore I guess that the better advice is to be sure how its generally treated in the school system that your child is attending, and make sure that the orders are written in a way that makes sense for those two holidays.

I don't like everything in the ITPG either, because a bit of it is problematic. However, I do think its about the best example out there of a truly comprehensive parenting plan, and any parent who reads it can get very good ideas of not only the kinds of things that need to be addressed, but the commentary I think is invaluable when it comes to learning about good co-parenting, particularly as your child grows older. I honestly think that every parent out there should read the commentary and take it to heart, even if their parenting plan is totally different.

In fact, I think that if NYteacher/custody king would read it, it might do him a whole lot of good...however I could also be hoping for an impossible miracle.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

In your plan, specify by what date uninterrupted summer vacation plans must be in. One parent gets to choose first even years; other parent odd years. Be specific that it must be in 7-day groupings that INCLUDES that parent's weekend. (You'll thank us for that suggestion - can't tell you how many arguments happen when one parent grabs all the weekends.)

If you are going with an EOW, then specify a start date so that you can see if you are off.

Make sure that all of Mother's day weekend goes with the mother; reverse when Father's day. And yes, even if one parent gets all of 3 weekends in a row, it'll even out the next month for those two holidays.

If you want to include Halloween, make sure it accommodates the evening trick or treat time. Same for 4th of July, etc.

 

[longislandguy]

Thank you for recommending the IPTG! On other forums they have either recommend the Texas Expanded or nothing at all, saying follow your states standard plan.

I'm going to look into the Indiana parenting time guidelines right now

 

[longislandguy]

Wow, this is a lot of information! Thank you Tinkerbelle, i'm going to try to respond point by point.

In your plan, specify by what date uninterrupted summer vacation plans must be in. One parent gets to choose first even years; other parent odd years. Be specific that it must be in 7-day groupings that INCLUDES that parent's weekend. (You'll thank us for that suggestion - can't tell you how many arguments happen when one parent grabs all the weekends.).

The current agreed upon summer parenting time plan is:

Vacations: Weekend visitation continues over the summer. The Father shall be entitled to twenty one (21) days of vacation with the child, not to exceed more than Ten (10) uninterrupted days at one time. The father shall use every effort to notify the Mother by June 1st of his intended days of vacation. In the event the father is unable to notify the mother by June 1st the summer visitation shall default to the first 10 days of July and the first 10 days of August.

(we just modified the last part, it hasn't been approved by the lawyers yet. Do you believe that will be ok?

If you are going with an EOW, then specify a start date so that you can see if you are off. .

That is a good idea, i originally suggested a 1st-3rd-5th weekend plan because of that, but decided to work with my ex on a different schedule instead. I'm going to ask my ex if she is ok with setting a start date like that. It will avoid any possible confusion or conflict in the future

Right now the schedule is going to be:
EOW Friday 6pm- Monday 8am & every Tuesday 4pm - Wednesday 8am

I am trying to work with her so i can also include every monday 8am- tuesday 4pm(5-2-2-5 plan)by offering to give up other things, but she doesn't seem to like that idea

Make sure that all of Mother's day weekend goes with the mother; reverse when Father's day. And yes, even if one parent gets all of 3 weekends in a row, it'll even out the next month for those two holidays..

I hadn't thought of including the whole weekends!

This is what we have for fathers and mothers day:

Fathers/Mother’s Day: The Father shall have parenting time on Father’s Day and the Mother shall have parenting time on Mother’s Day.

I now see that maybe too simplistic!

If you want to include Halloween, make sure it accommodates the evening trick or treat time. Same for 4th of July, etc.

Holloween isn't something i thought about adding. I intentionally left the 4th of july and labor day out to keep the whole summer available for summer parenting time.


Thank you for all your help Tinkerbelle, you have given me a lot to think about!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My suggestion is to color-code a year's worth of parenting time (pink and blue) to see how your parenting plan (or mom's) will work.

I suggest that you include that you have some verbiage that deviation from the scheduled parenting schedule be in writing and signed by both parties. For instance, you are doing EOW. Someone needs a trade. You have it in writing that you will trade weekend X for weekend Y. Even if you agree to a switch telephonically, email the agreement to the other party so that the agreement in writing is what was agreed upon.

I have seen where there are divisions of the Winter holiday say that in Year 1, parent 1 gets the start of the holiday until Christmas (you fill in the time) and then the balance goes to the other parent. The following year, it switches. Many ways to handle that.

I'm in a long distance plan. One school year, dad gets Thanksgiving/ Spring break and I get Christmas break in its entirety. It switches for the following school year.

Look at any plan that you make and see if YOU were the other parent, could YOU live with it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If you are going with EOW, address Monday holidays. Obviously, this only really matters if the school system takes advantage of them. My daughter really only gets Veterans' Day and MLK day.

I suggest going through old threads here to see where the sticking points have been.

I'm also going to say that not all relationships are totally acrimonious. My first husband and I had "reasonable rights of visitation." That's it. We worked it out because he worked swing shift. Second husband had to be spelled out because we have files that are 18 inches thick.

 

[longislandguy]

EOW was mention a couple of times and all over the internet that is attacked as 'evil'. But isn't every custody plan EOW? It wouldn't be fair to either parent if one got every single weekend and the other got none. Even 1-3-5 is basically a EOW plan, so is week on-week off. So why does everyone hate it so much?

 

[Ohiogal]

EOW was mention a couple of times and all over the internet that is attacked as 'evil'. But isn't every custody plan EOW? It wouldn't be fair to either parent if one got every single weekend and the other got none. Even 1-3-5 is basically a EOW plan, so is week on-week off. So why does everyone hate it so much?

Everyone doesn't. Some people do because they probably think they "deserve" or are "entitled" to more.

 

[TheGeekess]

EOW was mention a couple of times and all over the internet that is attacked as 'evil'. But isn't every custody plan EOW? It wouldn't be fair to either parent if one got every single weekend and the other got none. Even 1-3-5 is basically a EOW plan, so is week on-week off. So why does everyone hate it so much?

Which lays out everything neatly and nobody is mis-counting weekends.

 

[LdiJ]

EOW was mention a couple of times and all over the internet that is attacked as 'evil'. But isn't every custody plan EOW? It wouldn't be fair to either parent if one got every single weekend and the other got none. Even 1-3-5 is basically a EOW plan, so is week on-week off. So why does everyone hate it so much?

To be honest, I have no idea why everyone hates it so much. Some people feel that 1-3-5 is better because it is more specific, and less open to interpretation, but I disagree because I have seen more disagreement about what defines the start of 1-3-5 weekends than EOW. Some ncps have a psychological preference for 1-3-5 because it gives them two extra weekends a year, but I still don't think its worth the hassle, myself.

 

[CSO286]

EOW was mention a couple of times and all over the internet that is attacked as 'evil'. But isn't every custody plan EOW? It wouldn't be fair to either parent if one got every single weekend and the other got none. Even 1-3-5 is basically a EOW plan, so is week on-week off. So why does everyone hate it so much?

They hate the term EOW becasue it may not be well defined in their order.

If the parties are contentious, then EOW is unenforceable without a beginning date.

An example: If Mom keeps the child through Dad's weekend and the Deputy Dan comes by to try and help enforce the order, how is he to know whether or not the EOW weekend is Mom's or Dad's? Now if there is a start date, then Deputy Dan can [hopefully] follow the schedule out to know whose weekend it actully is. (Of course, this assume we're living in the fantasy world where LEOs help enforce these orders--which they sometimes do in smaller areas....)

You could always ask for the 1st-3rd-5th, and then outline when the weekend officially begins (Friday evening at 4pm, or Saturday morning at 9 am).

Really, the more detail you need correlates directly to the level of animosity between you and mom. Higher the emotions run, the more specific your order should be.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I personally loved EOW, but that's just me. I found a color-coded calendar very clear.

If you do go with 1-3-5th weekends, DEFINE what constitutes those weekends and color code those. It will make it very clear.

Address 3 day weekends and holidays so that it is clear to BOTH parties.

 

[TheGeekess]

To be honest, I have no idea why everyone hates it so much. Some people feel that 1-3-5 is better because it is more specific, and less open to interpretation, but I disagree because I have seen more disagreement about what defines the start of 1-3-5 weekends than EOW. Some ncps have a psychological preference for 1-3-5 because it gives them two extra weekends a year, but I still don't think its worth the hassle, myself.

If Saturday is the 1st of the month, that's the first weekend. If the last day of the month falls on Saturday, it isn't the first weekend of the month.

 

[longislandguy]

Everyone doesn't. Some people do because they probably think they "deserve" or are "entitled" to more.

But that's the thing. Eow is just part of a full parenting plan. Mine will be eow but I'm going to have close to 40% Other plans like week on - week off are 50/50 plans but still eow. Maybe there is just a misconception about it?