How would I go about putting my teen up for adoption?

[CDaugherty]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I am the parent to a child with multiple mental disabilities including Bipolar disorder. She is abusive to the family and refuses to take medications. I have arthritis and can no longer physically restrain her. Florida child protective services has stated that if it were the child being abused that they could remove the child, but that the only way they can remove an abusive child is if formal charges have been pressed against her. We have not pressed charges against her, but she has been baker acted close to 40 times in the past 3 years including an 8 month stay at a psychiatric hospital. She also lived with a family member until a point when she became very violent and destructive and the family member said she could no longer stay there. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. She can no longer stay here because my other two children are afraid of her. She was baker acted again last night because she shoved me and tried to leave the home and had to be restrained. She has a history of self harm (cutting and trying to strangle herself) and attempting to harm others. (She tried to stab her sister with a box cutter and beat her brother up on the bus on the way to school.)

Please help.

 

[commentator]

I have to ask, who do you think would adopt her? It is possible you can arrange to put her in foster care system and cover her expenses yourself for her stay in a residential facility of some type. Why in the world would you not want to press charges?

 

[cbg]

The answer to your subject heading question is, you don't.

I'm not saying you have no options, but having her adopted is NOT one of them.

If you are willing to accept that adoption is not going to happen and that any options you have will not include being released from being this child's parents, we can have a rational discussion about what options you DO have. If you are going to argue with us that there has to be a way to have her adopted, please let us know now so we can respond accordingly.

This is not personal - this is simply based on how threads of this kind generally go.

 

[justalayman]

Why in the world would you not want to press charges?

Well, some people do not like to press charges on close relatives, even if what they are doing might be considered illegal, especially if there is an underlying issue that criminal charges would not address in any way (mental issues) but simply cause some punitive action to be enforced.

I always see criminal charges as a means of last resort. OP may be there though given the facts given. Otherwise, OP may have an issue with CPS for allowing the other children to be endangered.

 

[commentator]

Exactly. In a situation where she does not have control over this person, physically endangering not only herself but the other children in the household, I do not see why on earth this OP would have reservations about having charges pressed. It sounds like this child has already had the benefit of the doubt and been let off the hook a lot. I see charges and the juvenile system as another way of controlling this behavior and determining how much of it is excuses for being a jerk. I don't see allowing a minor to "refuses to take her medications." I don't know that I've seen this many serious mental health issues attributed to a child under 18 without the judicial system being involved in some way. By the way, what is the child's age?

 

[single317dad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I am the parent to a child with multiple mental disabilities including Bipolar disorder. She is abusive to the family and refuses to take medications. I have arthritis and can no longer physically restrain her. Florida child protective services has stated that if it were the child being abused that they could remove the child, but that the only way they can remove an abusive child is if formal charges have been pressed against her. We have not pressed charges against her, but she has been baker acted close to 40 times in the past 3 years including an 8 month stay at a psychiatric hospital. She also lived with a family member until a point when she became very violent and destructive and the family member said she could no longer stay there. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. She can no longer stay here because my other two children are afraid of her. She was baker acted again last night because she shoved me and tried to leave the home and had to be restrained. She has a history of self harm (cutting and trying to strangle herself) and attempting to harm others. (She tried to stab her sister with a box cutter and beat her brother up on the bus on the way to school.)

Please help.

Why was she released from the psychiatric hospital?

Was she ordered by the court to be in the hospital, then released by the court? If so, what further orders did the court make (such as medication, attending therapy, etc.?)

If she's involuntary institutionalized every 3 weeks or so, why was she never committed any other time? What have you done toward accomplishing further forced hospitalization?

If this continues to escalate, there will come a point where you won't have to be the one to make a complaint against her for an arrest and charges to proceed; an officer seeing evidence of the crime will be sufficient to arrest and charge her with felony domestic battery under 784.041, for example. All things considered, it might be easier for her to get back on the right track and get her life in order at some future time if you moved forward with some lesser charge now than allow it to continue until she gets herself in real trouble later.

 

[longislandguy]

Is her father around? I was a troubled youth...I was expelled from school and was very disrespectful to my parents in my teen years, i experimented with any drug i could get my hands on, but eventually my father realized tough love was the way to straighten me out, i grew out of it quick after that. Many of my friends followed the same path, looking back I had 2 friends who were completely out of control who 'went to live with their fathers' for some of part of middle school and part of high school...One in Texas, the other, i *think* Oregon, they both came back and were model citizens....

If her father isn't around, maybe it's time your daughter was sent off to dad's house to learn some discipline. If he is, i'd look into the advice the other posters gave.

 

[ecmst12]

"Tough love" is not a treatment for mental illness.

 

[commentator]

No, but when someone young has a legitimate diagnosis of mental illness and meds to take, there is usually more involvement of other authorities. I've seen a trend lately for parents to try to diagnose their children's "bi-polar" and depressive issues without really wanting anything to happen otherwise. If I were the other parent in this situation, I think I'd be out there trying to get the child (and the obviously broken family system and other children) lots of on going legitimate help. But I don't hear that in this situation. Shoving a parent and attempting to leave the house does not sound to me like a manifestation of a mental illness, and it sounds like the child has go this baker act business down and deals with it without changing her behavior in any way.

 

[Ladyback1]

Is her father around? I was a troubled youth...I was expelled from school and was very disrespectful to my parents in my teen years, i experimented with any drug i could get my hands on, but eventually my father realized tough love was the way to straighten me out, i grew out of it quick after that. Many of my friends followed the same path, looking back I had 2 friends who were completely out of control who 'went to live with their fathers' for some of part of middle school and part of high school...One in Texas, the other, i *think* Oregon, they both came back and were model citizens....

If her father isn't around, maybe it's time your daughter was sent off to dad's house to learn some discipline. If he is, i'd look into the advice the other posters gave.

If the child is truly BiPolar (or schizophrenic, or any other number of mental illness diagnoses), Dad's "tough love" and "discipline" can't cure it, can't fix it.
Do you know ANYTHING about serious mental illness diagnoses?

Assuming that the child has a verifiable mental illness diagnoses, and is violent, out of control and/or a threat to herself and/or others then she needs in-patient psychiatric admission. She needs to be on psych meds, she need intensive therapy and counseling, she needs to be taught about her illness and how to cope with said illness. The family needs counseling and learn how to cope with the illness.

Here's the deal: Some people with mental illness stop taking the meds that are prescribed. There are a variety of reasons. Very few instances allow that person to be forced to take the meds. Involuntary commit of a juvenile can allow for the meds to be forced

 

[longislandguy]

If the child is truly BiPolar (or schizophrenic, or any other number of mental illness diagnoses), Dad's "tough love" and "discipline" can't cure it, can't fix it.
Do you know ANYTHING about serious mental illness diagnoses?

I think you'd be amazed at what a strong, effective parent can do. Getting the child to stop hitting other, quit sneaking out and take medicine, through tough discipline and punishment is one of those things fathers excel at. OP mentioned her medical history being a detriment to her being able to parent. As Commentator said, shoving and sneaking out aren't really signs of mental illness any more then signs of being a troubled youth. A strong, effective parent can shut those behaviors down FAST.

Sure, it doesn't cure mental illness, but the coping skills she will learn will help her deal with it for the rest of her life

 

[stealth2]

I think you'd be amazed at what a strong, effective parent can do. Getting the child to stop hitting other, quit sneaking out and take medicine, through tough discipline and punishment is one of those things fathers excel at. OP mentioned her medical history being a detriment to her being able to parent. As Commentator said, shoving and sneaking out aren't really signs of mental illness any more then signs of being a troubled youth. A strong, effective parent can shut those behaviors down FAST.

Sure, it doesn't cure mental illness, but the coping skills she will learn will help her deal with it for the rest of her life

And you're simply ignorant. Just because you were a jerk as a teen and your Dad knocked sense into you does not mean that will work for a child with mental illness.

Educate yourself before you try to help again.

 

[Ladyback1]

I think you'd be amazed at what a strong, effective parent can do. Getting the child to stop hitting other, quit sneaking out and take medicine, through tough discipline and punishment is one of those things fathers excel at. OP mentioned her medical history being a detriment to her being able to parent. As Commentator said, shoving and sneaking out aren't really signs of mental illness any more then signs of being a troubled youth. A strong, effective parent can shut those behaviors down FAST.
Sure, it doesn't cure mental illness, but the coping skills she will learn will help her deal with it for the rest of her life

You know NOTHING about mental illness. You need to hush now, and go watch some football, eat pork rinds and drink some Schlitz!

 

[commentator]

I can't help but feel that we're calling "mental illness" in and trying to involve the mental health professionals and medicate at an earlier and earlier age, and for sometimes behavior that is just plain old undisciplined awfulness in general. If there is absolutely no one around who cares enough and has the power and will and ability to stop you when you're out of your own control, and who will keep you from harming yourself and others around you, no wonder you're scared and desperate. This may or may not be related to true chemical and hereditary mental malfunction.

True mental illness tends to demonstrate itself in the late teens and early twenties, just a function of growth, age and maturity levels. This child has had "mental illness" diagnoses all over the place, sounds like from a very early age, yet no serious action has been taken to make sure she takes meds. A lot of what is being described is nothing except some very obnoxious behavior, such as beating up her brother on the bus, threatening her parent with a knife, cutting herself, trying to choke herself????(I must admit, this one sounds very strange and dramatic to me, and I've seen a lot!) But we can't sit far away from this situation and try to figure out anything until the OP comes back, if ever, and provides more information. We're already firm on that she can't put her child up for adoption.

 

[longislandguy]

Commentator, this same opinion from me got me told to Hush and me called ignorant....I wish you luck

I can't help but feel that we're calling "mental illness" in and trying to involve the mental health professionals and medicate at an earlier and earlier age, and for sometimes behavior that is just plain old undisciplined awfulness in general. If there is absolutely no one around who cares enough and has the power and will and ability to stop you when you're out of your own control, and who will keep you from harming yourself and others around you, no wonder you're scared and desperate. This may or may not be related to true chemical and hereditary mental malfunction.

True mental illness tends to demonstrate itself in the late teens and early twenties, just a function of growth, age and maturity levels. This child has had "mental illness" diagnoses all over the place, sounds like from a very early age, yet no serious action has been taken to make sure she takes meds. A lot of what is being described is nothing except some very obnoxious behavior, such as beating up her brother on the bus, threatening her parent with a knife, cutting herself, trying to choke herself????(I must admit, this one sounds very strange and dramatic to me, and I've seen a lot!) But we can't sit far away from this situation and try to figure out anything until the OP comes back, if ever, and provides more information. We're already firm on that she can't put her child up for adoption.