Does anyone have to agree to adoption if man on birthcertificate isnt the father?

[gwoan]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
My husband wants to adopt my 10 year old son, we have been together 7 years and just got married
During my divorce to my ex husband he pulled paternity on my son who was 7.5 at the time and DNA testing through CSED proved that he wasn't the father. My son was then removed from our parenting plan and my ex was allowed to remove him from health insurance and his obligation to pay child support was terminated. He hasn't spoken to my son in years even during our separation.
Even though he isn't the father and isn't obligated to support him, he is still the man that signed my sons birth certificate while we were married
In our divorce papers my ex named a man he claimed I said was the real father but that hasn't been proven or brought up since and I don't have anyone paying support for my son
The real father has never spoken to my son or seen him and said he wants nothing to do with him when he was born

Can I just start adoption proceedings with my husband?
Will my ex husband have to agree to it or does he have no say anymore? He will make things difficult if asked
Will I have to get in touch with the real father or since he isn't on the birth certificate and doesn't want my son can I just leave him out of it?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
My husband wants to adopt my 10 year old son, we have been together 7 years and just got married
During my divorce to my ex husband he pulled paternity on my son who was 7.5 at the time and DNA testing through CSED proved that he wasn't the father. My son was then removed from our parenting plan and my ex was allowed to remove him from health insurance and his obligation to pay child support was terminated. He hasn't spoken to my son in years even during our separation.
Even though he isn't the father and isn't obligated to support him, he is still the man that signed my sons birth certificate while we were married
In our divorce papers my ex named a man he claimed I said was the real father but that hasn't been proven or brought up since and I don't have anyone paying support for my son
The real father has never spoken to my son or seen him and said he wants nothing to do with him when he was born

Can I just start adoption proceedings with my husband?
Will my ex husband have to agree to it or does he have no say anymore? He will make things difficult if asked
Will I have to get in touch with the real father or since he isn't on the birth certificate and doesn't want my son can I just leave him out of it?

The real father should be notified. Nice of you to decide to play musical daddies with no regard for how your son might feel. And your current husband? You had an affair with him while married to your ex husband? Really?

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
My husband wants to adopt my 10 year old son, we have been together 7 years and just got married
During my divorce to my ex husband he pulled paternity on my son who was 7.5 at the time and DNA testing through CSED proved that he wasn't the father. My son was then removed from our parenting plan and my ex was allowed to remove him from health insurance and his obligation to pay child support was terminated. He hasn't spoken to my son in years even during our separation.
Even though he isn't the father and isn't obligated to support him, he is still the man that signed my sons birth certificate while we were married
In our divorce papers my ex named a man he claimed I said was the real father but that hasn't been proven or brought up since and I don't have anyone paying support for my son
The real father has never spoken to my son or seen him and said he wants nothing to do with him when he was born

Can I just start adoption proceedings with my husband?
Will my ex husband have to agree to it or does he have no say anymore? He will make things difficult if asked
Will I have to get in touch with the real father or since he isn't on the birth certificate and doesn't want my son can I just leave him out of it?

While your ex-husband may have been declared the father by virtue of marriage, he successfully disestablished himself as the child's father at the time of the divorce. Once that happened, he essentially terminated any parental rights he may have had to this child that is biologically and now legally a stranger to him.

You clearly knew all along that he wasn't the biological parent to your child. You also clearly know who is. Just because you decided to play musical daddies for the benefit of someone to support you and your child doesn't negate the fact that your child HAS a biological father out there - a father who has the right to be involved in the decision to adopt a child you never told him about.

Since your ex-husband has disestablished paternity, the courts are going to want to know who the child's father is so that he can be involved in the proceedings. If, as you claim, the father has never spoken to, seen, or wanted to have anything to do with your son, then it should be pretty simple to have him agree to the adoption and terminate his parental rights to the child. I'm wondering, however, how much of that is the truth, and how much of this man's lack of involvement in the child's life is as a result of YOUR actions. After all, you seemed to be eager to have SOMEONE take responsibility for the child when he was born.

I would suggest that you get in touch with the father and let him know of the situation, and give him the opportunity to voluntarily terminate his parental rights. The court will require that you make every effort to do so before even considering allowing a stepparent adoption to take place.

 

[Ohiogal]

While your ex-husband may have been declared the father by virtue of marriage, he successfully disestablished himself as the child's father at the time of the divorce. Once that happened, he essentially terminated any parental rights he may have had to this child that is biologically and now legally a stranger to him.

You clearly knew all along that he wasn't the biological parent to your child. You also clearly know who is. Just because you decided to play musical daddies for the benefit of someone to support you and your child doesn't negate the fact that your child HAS a biological father out there - a father who has the right to be involved in the decision to adopt a child you never told him about.

Since your ex-husband has disestablished paternity, the courts are going to want to know who the child's father is so that he can be involved in the proceedings. If, as you claim, the father has never spoken to, seen, or wanted to have anything to do with your son, then it should be pretty simple to have him agree to the adoption and terminate his parental rights to the child. I'm wondering, however, how much of that is the truth, and how much of this man's lack of involvement in the child's life is as a result of YOUR actions. After all, you seemed to be eager to have SOMEONE take responsibility for the child when he was born.

I would suggest that you get in touch with the father and let him know of the situation, and give him the opportunity to voluntarily terminate his parental rights. The court will require that you make every effort to do so before even considering allowing a stepparent adoption to take place.

In addition to all this, based on her history, gotta wonder how long before her current husband becomes her ex husband due to her lack of ability to be faithful (biological father to husband to current husband --= with no clear delineation between relationships). I don't see it long before her current husband is back asking how to reverse any adoption that could take place because OP has divorced him or is shacking up with a new man.

 

[Eekamouse]

I like this wording "pulled paternity on my son." Gee, sounds like OP tried to play off like the child was her ex-husband's for 7.5 years but I imagine by then the child was old enough that the ex could plainly see no resemblance to himself.

 

[sandyclaus]

I like this wording "pulled paternity on my son." Gee, sounds like OP tried to play off like the child was her ex-husband's for 7.5 years but I imagine by then the child was old enough that the ex could plainly see no resemblance to himself.

Exactly!!! I mean, she already KNEW this guy wasn't the child's father. How DARE he actually question her when he realizes he's been used as her and her child's meal ticket, right? The NERVE!

Who wants to bet that this is one of the very reasons - if not THE reason - that this is now her EX? When you plan with a person's heart just to get at their wallet, this is often what happens. Sad and pathetic, really. Poor kid, actually. Wonder how he feels, playing mom's meal ticket to get her paid? Wonder if the new husband realizes exactly what he's there for? And if he's sucker enough to adopt the kid, when he realizes what his intended role was all along, he'll be forever ties to this woman with no escape route. I get it now, why some adoptive dads get so angry at being taken for a ride simply because the moms decide they need someone else to foot the bill to support their kids...

 

[CJane]

Exactly!!! I mean, she already KNEW this guy wasn't the child's father. How DARE he actually question her when he realizes he's been used as her and her child's meal ticket, right? The NERVE!

Who wants to bet that this is one of the very reasons - if not THE reason - that this is now her EX? When you plan with a person's heart just to get at their wallet, this is often what happens.

Of course, it's entirely possible that the HUSBAND KNEW all along that he couldn't possibly be the father to this child, and only when it came time to pay support for the child he FRAUDULENTLY laid claim to via a sworn affidavit, did he regret his decision to assist in the lie that was being told to this child.

Regardless, if he's still on the BC, he's still seen as the legal father to the child - the child simply wasn't included in the divorce as a "child of the marriage".

Mom needs an attorney to sort out the legalities of the parentage of the child before she can change said parentage.

 

[Zigner]

Poor kid

 

[Ohiogal]

Of course, it's entirely possible that the HUSBAND KNEW all along that he couldn't possibly be the father to this child, and only when it came time to pay support for the child he FRAUDULENTLY laid claim to via a sworn affidavit, did he regret his decision to assist in the lie that was being told to this child.

Regardless, if he's still on the BC, he's still seen as the legal father to the child - the child simply wasn't included in the divorce as a "child of the marriage".

Mom needs an attorney to sort out the legalities of the parentage of the child before she can change said parentage.

They were married when husband was put on the birth certificate. No affidavit necessary. The marital presumption was enough to put him on the birth certificate. That is what OP states is that they were married when child was born -- as well as:

During my divorce to my ex husband he pulled paternity on my son who was 7.5 at the time and DNA testing through CSED proved that he wasn't the father.

So paternity was disestablished by paternity testing during the divorce.
I think you misread her first post.

 

[CJane]

They were married when husband was put on the birth certificate. No affidavit necessary. The marital presumption was enough to put him on the birth certificate. That is what OP states is that they were married when child was born -- as well as:


So paternity was disestablished by paternity testing during the divorce.
I think you misread her first post.

I did misread, thank you.

HOWEVER, that doesn't change the fact that he very well COULD HAVE KNOWN that this was not his child, and did not dispute paternity until it was going to affect his wallet.

 

[Ohiogal]

I did misread, thank you.

HOWEVER, that doesn't change the fact that he very well COULD HAVE KNOWN that this was not his child, and did not dispute paternity until it was going to affect his wallet.

He disputed it at the appropriate time which was the divorce. That was the last moment he could have disputed it. So he did that properly. Could he have known? Yes. But he isn't here to question. Mom is and she is the one screwed this up to no end and appears to want to continue messing with her child's life. Somehow though she thinks she is the victim in all this.

I do agree though if he knew he wasn't the father, he should not have allowed such a deception to occur to the child. The child is the one who is harmed by mom's shenanigans.

 

[CJane]

He disputed it at the appropriate time which was the divorce. That was the last moment he could have disputed it. So he did that properly. Could he have known? Yes. But he isn't here to question. Mom is and she is the one screwed this up to no end and appears to want to continue messing with her child's life. Somehow though she thinks she is the victim in all this.

I do agree though if he knew he wasn't the father, he should not have allowed such a deception to occur to the child. The child is the one who is harmed by mom's shenanigans.

All I'm saying is that Mom isn't the ONLY ONE who screwed this up. My response was directed specifically at sandyclaus, and aimed at pointing out that Mom was not necessarily the ONLY one deceiving people about the paternity of the child.

The accusation that Mom was simply "looking for a wallet", while ignoring the fact that "Dad" only disputed paternity when his wallet was involved is disingenuous.

 

[Eekamouse]

Maybe but her wording "pulled paternity" makes it sound like OP is mad that she was caught in her lie. I don't know. I guess it could be interpreted either way. Whatever the truth, OP is definitely a "musical daddies" kind of gal.

 

[Ohiogal]

All I'm saying is that Mom isn't the ONLY ONE who screwed this up. My response was directed specifically at sandyclaus, and aimed at pointing out that Mom was not necessarily the ONLY one deceiving people about the paternity of the child.

The accusation that Mom was simply "looking for a wallet", while ignoring the fact that "Dad" only disputed paternity when his wallet was involved is disingenuous.

Point taken. But we do know that mom deceived the child and now wants to know how to continue with the charade at least as far as the child is concerned and keeping the other man from being involved.

 

[CJane]

I will say that I do not understand step-parent adoptions. At. All. It has never made a bit of sense to me.