Looking for legal advice regarding my rights and options during step parent adoption

[ThrowAway123]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

Preface: I originally posted this in Child Support, but thanks to two crap posters and a crap mod they got my thread closed. So, I guess let me put it in writing: I AM LOOKING FOR LEGAL ADVICE REGARDING MY RIGHTS AND OPTIONS DURING STEP PARENT ADOPTION IN FLORIDA! Keep all anecdotes about how it impacts the kids to yourself, because that is apparently massively offensive to certain misandrist posters. If you are one of the two hijacking trolls, could you PLEASE stay out of my thread so I can get some real answers this time?

I am going to keep it short and bitter.

My ex-wife just got re-married last year. Her and I have an incredibly contentious divorce. I pay my CS on time, $1200 for my two sons, 11 and 6. I have tried to visit (I live in Pensacola, they live in Bonita Springs). When I do visit, she changes plans and I do not get to see the kids, or she ends up just screaming at me in front of them for a multitude or personal and petty reasons that are not really pertinent to my question. It's contentious. I pay on time. You get the drift. I cannot imagine my situation is particularly uncommon. But here's where it gets tricky.

She called me out of the blue today and told me that her new husband wants to adopt our sons. She claims that it will be nice to have a nuclear family again and for the boys grow up without constant fighting.

What will this mean for me? Is there a possibility of an open adoption, and can I keep in touch? Will I be able to continue to buy them presents for their birthday and Christmas? Will their grandparents, my parents, still be able to attend their major life functions? I have a very superficial understanding of this process.

I do not know what to do or say.

Please advise, and try to withhold judgement.

 

[justalayman]

If the step father adopts the children you and your family will be out of the picture unless the mother and new father alllow something different.

Regarding seeing your children;

Is there a parenting/visitation order in place?

If not; why?

If so; what have you done to enforce the order.

 

[ThrowAway123]

If the step father adopts the children you and your family will be out of the picture unless the mother and new father alllow something different.

On the call, she did mention that I will always be the bio father. I also see that grand parents try to purse rights after step parent adoptions. Is this something that would be an option for my parents? Is there a way to add an addendum to the adoption in order to keep me in their lives if they want? As in, they can call me if they want, visit if they want and if me, mom, and step dad agree?

Regarding seeing your children;

Is there a parenting/visitation order in place?

If not; why?

If so; what have you done to enforce the order.

Yes, there is. As of now the order states that I would come to visit once every 3 months as I live 9 hours away, a week in the summer and every other Christmas/Tgiving. I take vacation twice a year incidentally, to where they and my parents live, one week in the summer and one week during the holidays. The holidays have become contentious and just a sad event for the kids as we just fight and she screams at me, and she has "vanished" on some of my quarterly visits. I do not have the money to hire an attorney and I do not have the knowledge to self file. This is all neither here nor there.

I want to know what is the best way to handle this and how to maintain mine and my parent's rights.

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

Preface: I originally posted this in Child Support, but thanks to two crap posters and a crap mod they got my thread closed. So, I guess let me put it in writing: I AM LOOKING FOR LEGAL ADVICE REGARDING MY RIGHTS AND OPTIONS DURING STEP PARENT ADOPTION IN FLORIDA! Keep all anecdotes about how it impacts the kids to yourself, because that is apparently massively offensive to certain misandrist posters. If you are one of the two hijacking trolls, could you PLEASE stay out of my thread so I can get some real answers this time?

I am going to keep it short and bitter.

My ex-wife just got re-married last year. Her and I have an incredibly contentious divorce. I pay my CS on time, $1200 for my two sons, 11 and 6. I have tried to visit (I live in Pensacola, they live in Bonita Springs). When I do visit, she changes plans and I do not get to see the kids, or she ends up just screaming at me in front of them for a multitude or personal and petty reasons that are not really pertinent to my question. It's contentious. I pay on time. You get the drift. I cannot imagine my situation is particularly uncommon. But here's where it gets tricky.

She called me out of the blue today and told me that her new husband wants to adopt our sons. She claims that it will be nice to have a nuclear family again and for the boys grow up without constant fighting.

What will this mean for me? Is there a possibility of an open adoption, and can I keep in touch? Will I be able to continue to buy them presents for their birthday and Christmas? Will their grandparents, my parents, still be able to attend their major life functions? I have a very superficial understanding of this process.

I do not know what to do or say.

Please advise, and try to withhold judgement.

This ^^^ is not the best way to get advice on this forum.

 

[ThrowAway123]

This ^^^ is not the best way to get advice on this forum.

I do not want "advice" from two people who kept spamming my last thread. That's all. Thank you.

 

[quincy]

I do not want "advice" from two people who kept spamming my last thread. That's all. Thank you.

Who responds to your thread is not your choice to make. Any member has the right to respond.

Accept the advice and information you find helpful (if anything) and ignore what you find unhelpful.

Being rude to the volunteers on this site, however, rarely works out well for a poster.

 

[justalayman]

I reiterate;

You will lose all legal rights to do anything with the children unless mom and dad allow something.

I'll add;
Your parents will no longer be legally related to the children and will have the same rights as you; none



You can either accept it or not.

 

[ThrowAway123]

Who responds to your thread is not your choice to make. Any member has the right to respond.

Accept the advice and information you find helpful (if anything) and ignore what you find unhelpful.

Being rude to the volunteers on this site, however, rarely works out well for a poster.

I understand what you are saying, but they went as far as personally insulting me due to my thread on someone else's thread (CTU going as far as telling me I am abandoning my kids, that I am a deadbeat, and making fun of my username, just to name a few. Unfortunately some mod conveniently edited her those posts for her ). Her and Zigner then proceeded to harass me on my own thread about how I was not actually seeking legal advice... after CTU made a point to personally insult me. So yeah, forgive me if I feel it right to call out "volunteers" for harassing me. She then proceeded to tell me that my legal advice was not as legitimate as hers, despite my citing of an attorney in the state of the OP. Unless someone with a bar number is posting, I am pretty sure we are all in the same boat.

And honestly, her finding this thread in another sub forum, and posting her snarky reply after I specifically asked her not to, should show you she is harassing me, not vice versa. I did not hunt down her thread and post the asinine reply after being asked not to.

So yeah. That's where my disgust comes from. Just looking for some answers.

 

[ThrowAway123]

I reiterate;

You will lose all legal rights to do anything with the children unless mom and dad allow something.

I'll add;
Your parents will no longer be legally related to the children and will have the same rights as you; none



You can either accept it or not.

Ok. I believe that mom and step dad will allow something though. Do I need to get that in writing? Does an attorney generally handle something of that nature? Or is it something her and I can file with the courts?

I have heard of grand parents suing for visitation in cases like this, but it sounds like you do not believe that that would be feasible.

Should they divorce down the line, will I be able to reprise my role? Or will he officially have NCP status?

 

[justalayman]

Ok. I believe that mom and step dad will allow something though. Do I need to get that in writing? Does an attorney generally handle something of that nature? Or is it something her and I can file with the courts?

I have heard of grand parents suing for visitation in cases like this, but it sounds like you do not believe that that would be feasible.

Should they divorce down the line, will I be able to reprise my role? Or will he officially have NCP status?

He could end up being custodial parent should they be divorced. You would still be a legal stranger with no rights.


If the mother and new father won't agree to some sort of contact by you with the childen a court will not override the parents wishes.

 

[ThrowAway123]

He could end up being custodial parent should they be divorced. You would still be a legal stranger with no rights.


If the mother and new father won't agree to some sort of contact by you with the childen a court will not override the parents wishes.

OK. That is very good to know as I would hate for my kids to have to have visitation with him especially since I would want to reprise that role myself.

I just read in another thread that courts want a year or two of ex-wife and step dad being married before stripping me of my rights. Is this true? They got married late last year.

 

[not2cleverRed]

My answers remain the same. The law hasn't magically changed just because the sun set.

No, you will not be able to maintain contact. She wants to rewrite history and edit you out. You do not have to cater to her whims. If you do not want to terminate your parental rights and abandon your kids, then don't.

Child support is not a ticket to see the kids. What you should do is repeated attempt to exercise your court ordered visitation, document your attempts, and take her back to court and ask that the judge find her in contempt.


and

If you agree to the adoption, you and your family will be completely excised from your kids' lives.

I strongly suggest that you look up other options for communicating with your ex, such as Our Family Wizard, and petition the court for a modification of your court orders requiring that you two communicate that way whenever feasible.

One of the ways you can use it is to document her behavior. For example, suppose your court order states you can call the boys for 1/2 hour on alternate Thursdays when the moon is full. You send a message on OFW, "I will be exercising my time to talk to the boys at ** ." You then make your attempt. She intercepts the call and yells at you, so you hang up. You go back OFW and send her a message, "I tried to call the boys, but there seems to be something wrong with the line at your end. Please have t he boys contact me at *****." The advantage... A judge will know you tried. And if she's stupid enough to send on a message on OFW like, "There is nothing wrong with my phone you $%^&$#. I don't want you talking to the boys," the judge will know her # as well.

Grow a spine. Assert your rights under the court order.


I am frustrated because I have answered your question more than once, and was even feeling initially sympathetic, but you keep asking variations of it.

I suspect others have become frustrated with you for the same reason.

If I repeat justalayman's last two posts 10 times in all caps, bold faced, and underlined, it still won't penetrate that thick skull of yours.

So instead, I offer this thought for you to ponder: I have never met you. I read your initial post sympathetically. Based on your subsequent posts, I am no longer sympathetic.