Ex hasn't seen kids in 10 years

[Enjoylife]

Hello, we live in AZ and my ex has not seen the kids in 10 years. He also had been in and out of jail and prison a few times. He got deported about 3 years ago but has since contacted me that he is marrying a US citizen who works for the government and is coming back to live in US and will take me to court to see kids. He does not have custody, only visitation rights. About 10 years ago we agreed that he didn't have to pay arrears or future child support if he let us move because he would pay costs to travel to see kids. Since he didn't see kids in past 10 years, he hasn't paid anything, would this be considered not paying child support? He also was court ordered about 6 years ago to repay me lawyer fees as he kept filing bogus things to waste my money. He was ordered to repay me about 10k but has not. Someone once told me that the order can expire, I'm not sure. Honestly, the money isn't the issue, the biggest thing is that my 14 and 16 year old want nothing to do with this man. Last time he spoke with them a few years back, he was rude, made my daughter cry, and continually bad mouthed me, blaming me for his deportation and jail times. It was heart breaking for her as I had to explain to her that he doesn't go to jail or get deported from me, it's his actions. The kids haven't seen him in 10 years and my husband, their step-father, has been their sole provider for past 12 years. I just want to know what the kids rights are and if they have to see him if my ex takes us to court. I know there is always evidence that shows bad parenting, but even with jail, prison, 10 orders of harassment against him by multiple people, and deportation, he is still their biological father and has rights. The kids have wanted my husband to adopt them for years but we knew not to start arguments with my ex, it was better to not talk to him and keep the peace, but if we fought to take away his patenting rights, it would only make him angry. I just don't want to upset the kids as it is always a touchy subject when their biological father comes up and my 16 year old shuts down at the thought of talking to him. A side note, when my 16 year old was 10 years old, his biological father said over the phone that he was done with him, didn't want to talk to him anymore, and hasn't talked to him since. This conversation was knowingly recorded on both sides. He called about 3 times since then to talk to our now 14 year old daughter, but not my son. My daughter hasn't spoken with him in a few years though. Now years later, he wants to again talk to and see both kids, it's mentally exhausting for them as they wouldn't even recognize him if they passed him on the street and they have no desire to see him. For example, last year my ex requested my son to be fb friends, when my son showed me, I said it was up to him and told my son that he lives in another country. My son immediately, on his own hit block person, as he has no desire to talk to this man. The kids have bad memories of him and honestly he is never talked about since my current husband is the only one who has seen kids in past decade and has been the sole provider for them financially. We don't speak bad about my ex in front of kids, we just don't even talk about him as it makes them feel uncomfortable. He just hasn't been part of the children's lives so the kids don't associate him as their father. I know my ex still has parenting rights, even if he hasn't used them in a decade, but I don't want to put my kids through this and want to know what their rights are. I know my ex has no running up lawyer fees just to fight and am not looking forward to this again. To be honest, I don't even know when he is coming back to the US so it's looming over my head. A few years back, I spoke with immigration and they told me once he's deported, he can't come back, but my ex is saying he is, I'm nervous as there was physical abuse (he admitted it in court and it is in court records) and really he is intimidating and will fight me just to fight. Thank you for your time

 

[LdiJ]

Hello, we live in AZ and my ex has not seen the kids in 10 years. He also had been in and out of jail and prison a few times. He got deported about 3 years ago but has since contacted me that he is marrying a US citizen who works for the government and is coming back to live in US and will take me to court to see kids. He does not have custody, only visitation rights. About 10 years ago we agreed that he didn't have to pay arrears or future child support if he let us move because he would pay costs to travel to see kids. Since he didn't see kids in past 10 years, he hasn't paid anything, would this be considered not paying child support? He also was court ordered about 6 years ago to repay me lawyer fees as he kept filing bogus things to waste my money. He was ordered to repay me about 10k but has not. Someone once told me that the order can expire, I'm not sure. Honestly, the money isn't the issue, the biggest thing is that my 14 and 16 year old want nothing to do with this man. Last time he spoke with them a few years back, he was rude, made my daughter cry, and continually bad mouthed me, blaming me for his deportation and jail times. It was heart breaking for her as I had to explain to her that he doesn't go to jail or get deported from me, it's his actions. The kids haven't seen him in 10 years and my husband, their step-father, has been their sole provider for past 12 years. I just want to know what the kids rights are and if they have to see him if my ex takes us to court. I know there is always evidence that shows bad parenting, but even with jail, prison, 10 orders of harassment against him by multiple people, and deportation, he is still their biological father and has rights. The kids have wanted my husband to adopt them for years but we knew not to start arguments with my ex, it was better to not talk to him and keep the peace, but if we fought to take away his patenting rights, it would only make him angry. I just don't want to upset the kids as it is always a touchy subject when their biological father comes up and my 16 year old shuts down at the thought of talking to him. A side note, when my 16 year old was 10 years old, his biological father said over the phone that he was done with him, didn't want to talk to him anymore, and hasn't talked to him since. This conversation was knowingly recorded on both sides. He called about 3 times since then to talk to our now 14 year old daughter, but not my son. My daughter hasn't spoken with him in a few years though. Now years later, he wants to again talk to and see both kids, it's mentally exhausting for them as they wouldn't even recognize him if they passed him on the street and they have no desire to see him. For example, last year my ex requested my son to be fb friends, when my son showed me, I said it was up to him and told my son that he lives in another country. My son immediately, on his own hit block person, as he has no desire to talk to this man. The kids have bad memories of him and honestly he is never talked about since my current husband is the only one who has seen kids in past decade and has been the sole provider for them financially. We don't speak bad about my ex in front of kids, we just don't even talk about him as it makes them feel uncomfortable. He just hasn't been part of the children's lives so the kids don't associate him as their father. I know my ex still has parenting rights, even if he hasn't used them in a decade, but I don't want to put my kids through this and want to know what their rights are. I know my ex has no running up lawyer fees just to fight and am not looking forward to this again. To be honest, I don't even know when he is coming back to the US so it's looming over my head. A few years back, I spoke with immigration and they told me once he's deported, he can't come back, but my ex is saying he is, I'm nervous as there was physical abuse (he admitted it in court and it is in court records) and really he is intimidating and will fight me just to fight. Thank you for your time

Are you sure that he isn't just trying to push your buttons? Someone who has been deported is not supposed to be able to come back to the US legally. I cannot imagine any government employee being stupid enough to get involved with someone who has been deported, let alone try to get them back into the US. That would be career suicide...PARTICULARLY right now.

 

[Enjoylife]

Agreed

Yes, that has crossed my mind, but it is scary as he is very intimidating. As I have been to therapy for the abuse, I guess I'm still affected. I really didn't think he could come back after deportation, especially since he appealed his process too and it was denied. I think what person would be stupid enough to sponsor him to be in the US, then I realized I was! He is just an excellent manipulator and I guess he is getting part of what he wants by putting fears back in my head. I have not told the kids yet and probably won't because why worry them if it is not actually confirmed. Thank you for your input, I never thought that he might be bluffing until my husband said that as well so it's nice to hear another opinion on it as I'm just too emotional over the situation and easily threatened by him. I appreciate your comments.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, that has crossed my mind, but it is scary as he is very intimidating. As I have been to therapy for the abuse, I guess I'm still affected. I really didn't think he could come back after deportation, especially since he appealed his process too and it was denied. I think what person would be stupid enough to sponsor him to be in the US, then I realized I was! He is just an excellent manipulator and I guess he is getting part of what he wants by putting fears back in my head. I have not told the kids yet and probably won't because why worry them if it is not actually confirmed. Thank you for your input, I never thought that he might be bluffing until my husband said that as well so it's nice to hear another opinion on it as I'm just too emotional over the situation and easily threatened by him. I appreciate your comments.

If he can still intimidate you from another country, then you really need much more intense therapy. Even if he somehow got back into the US, you have plenty of ammunition to keep him from getting any more than supervised visitation at a visitation center. However, its virtually impossible for him to get back into the country.

 

[oliviasmom]

I would ignore him. He has little chance of getting any unsupervised visits. Stop responding to him

 

[Enjoylife]

Thank you

Thank you for your replies. I have not been in contact with him in about 3 years and have not responded to this email he sent. I do not want to begin a conversation with him as it would never end!!!