Emergency Hearing

[bigql83]

My son has been doing well in public school, he was an A/B honor roll student most of the time. I don't know exactly hows she planning on homeschooling our son. I know that she downloaded an application for Grace home school association on Aug 8th, their deadline for enrollment was Aug 1st according to their website. I know this because my son's phone is the only acess to the internet.

I only brought up the tax dependency issue to show that if I wanted to be nasty with her that I could, she did the same thing two years ago and all I wanted her to do was file an amended tax return. The judge ordered her to pay the difference on my tax return or 6 months in jail. And I know this is not related to the current issue but if I'm hiring a lawyer I'd have them take care of that aswell.

 

[CTU]

My son has been doing well in public school, he was an A/B honor roll student most of the time. I don't know exactly hows she planning on homeschooling our son. I know that she downloaded an application for Grace home school association on Aug 8th, their deadline for enrollment was Aug 1st according to their website. I know this because my son's phone is the only acess to the internet.

I only brought up the tax dependency issue to show that if I wanted to be nasty with her that I could, she did the same thing two years ago and all I wanted her to do was file an amended tax return. The judge ordered her to pay the difference on my tax return or 6 months in jail. And I know this is not related to the current issue but if I'm hiring a lawyer I'd have them take care of that aswell.

No. You mentioned the tax issue because you want to paint her as the bad guy. You're trying to tell us that "Yeah but look at what she did!". Well, can I let you into a little secret?

You don't change or win custody by painting the other side as the devil. You win or change custody by making the judge's decision an easy one - by showing why you're SuperDad (or SuperMom) and kiddo would be better off with you. THAT is how you do it.

Walk into court with the family court equivalent of a hit list and you'll walk back out much worse off ... and likely paying Mom's legal fees on top of it all.

You need to get smart here. Change your tactics - because they won't work.

 

[bigql83]

No. You mentioned the tax issue because you want to paint her as the bad guy. You're trying to tell us that "Yeah but look at what she did!". Well, can I let you into a little secret?

You don't change or win custody by painting the other side as the devil. You win or change custody by making the judge's decision an easy one - by showing why you're SuperDad (or SuperMom) and kiddo would be better off with you. THAT is how you do it.

Walk into court with the family court equivalent of a hit list and you'll walk back out much worse off ... and likely paying Mom's legal fees on top of it all.

You need to get smart here. Change your tactics - because they won't work.

So you're saying that even though she violating a court order that she already violated once, that I should let it slide. What's the point of having court orders if they're not being followed. That's not the only one she violated, she's ordered to send him with clothes, she never does. During the summer she's ordered to meet me at Zaxbys(halfway) she never does.

I overlook alot of things so that we can get along, for his sake.

 

[CJane]

So you're saying that even though she violating a court order that she already violated once, that I should let it slide. What's the point of having court orders if they're not being followed. That's not the only one she violated, she's ordered to send him with clothes, she never does. During the summer she's ordered to meet me at Zaxbys(halfway) she never does.

I overlook alot of things so that we can get along, for his sake.

Some of this stuff DOES put us in no win situations. If you take her back to court for every little violation of the order, you look petty and controlling. If you ignore them for the sake of having less conflict in your life, you are tacitly agreeing that it's fine, and bringing it up later as a "Darn it, now I really am done with this!" makes your motives seem hinky.

Honestly? Let things that don't directly impact the welfare of your child go. So she doesn't send clothes. Big deal. Buy him some basketball shorts and a bunch of tshirts and he'll be happy as a clam, and you're out like $40. She doesn't meet where y'all are supposed to? Well, does it mean you have to drive 5 hours, or 20 minutes out of your way?

Overlooking things is what probably made y'all hookup to begin with, and it's what will make you be able to co-parent together for the remainder of kiddo's childhood.

Since most of what you describe - Mom's income instability, not meeting at the right place, not sending clothes, etc - has been going on for awhile, if not the whole time, none of those are changes in the circumstances of the child. Hence, none of them are triggers to have custody reevaluated.

Now, could you do it anyway? Again, yes. If she doesn't have the wherewithal to fight you, you could very well end up with custody. But would it be a win? I just don't know.

 

[LdiJ]

So you're saying that even though she violating a court order that she already violated once, that I should let it slide. What's the point of having court orders if they're not being followed. That's not the only one she violated, she's ordered to send him with clothes, she never does. During the summer she's ordered to meet me at Zaxbys(halfway) she never does.

I overlook alot of things so that we can get along, for his sake.

That is not what she is saying. You certainly can and should file for contempt for mom not honoring the court orders. However, you should not hang your custody hat on those violations. For that you need to be overwhelmingly proving that the child would be better off with you.

The more important thing right now however seems to be the need to prove to the judge that the child is better off going to school.

 

[stealth2]

Note this requires 180 days of instruction and on about 5 topical areas ....so just how does Mom do all this if she has child only about 60% of the time ?

How does a teacher do it when s/he has the child for less than 24%? Seriously, HRZ - THINK.

 

[bigql83]

My son is with me for the weekend and he told me that his younger sister who is in the 4th grade still goes to school. She started school on Thursday like he was supposed to. So his mom decided that he should only be homeschooled.

This what I know, my son and his sister attended the same school last year, which is located directly across the street from where they live. Last year that school offered classed from grades k to 8th. This year that school is only offering classes from grades k to 5th. The closest middle school to her is about 30 minutes away and there is a bus stop nearby that she could have walked to in about ten minutes.

I'm thinking that she wants to home school him just because it's more convenient for her. It doesnt make sense to leave the younger child in regular school.

 

[CTU]

That is not what she is saying. You certainly can and should file for contempt for mom not honoring the court orders. However, you should not hang your custody hat on those violations. For that you need to be overwhelmingly proving that the child would be better off with you.

The more important thing right now however seems to be the need to prove to the judge that the child is better off going to school.

Thanks, L.

OP really needs to think about this. Sure, he could "win" custody ... but what do the kids "win"?

 

[bigql83]

I wouldn't have to file for custody if my son was in school, honestly all I want is for him to have the best. Me and his mom have been having issues since we split when he was 1 yr old. The reason I have court orders is because she didn't want me to see him.

She has been spiteful ever since and she comes up with any way possible to keep him away. We have a long history in family court of her doing things like this. I still have 6 yrs left to deal with her, I can fight to have her enroll my kid in school, but how long will that last before she does something else.

My son said his Mom is going to start his home schooling next week, he said shes waiting on books, meanwhile his sister started school yesterday. I'm tired of fighting her, but I won't let her ruin my son

 

[CTU]

I wouldn't have to file for custody if my son was in school, honestly all I want is for him to have the best. Me and his mom have been having issues since we split when he was 1 yr old. The reason I have court orders is because she didn't want me to see him.

She has been spiteful ever since and she comes up with any way possible to keep him away. We have a long history in family court of her doing things like this. I still have 6 yrs left to deal with her, I can fight to have her enroll my kid in school, but how long will that last before she does something else.

My son said his Mom is going to start his home schooling next week, he said shes waiting on books, meanwhile his sister started school yesterday. I'm tired of fighting her, but I won't let her ruin my son

She'll "ruin" your son?

You are broadcasting an agenda which doesn't look good on you and, worse, hurts your children.

 

[CJane]

I wouldn't have to file for custody if my son was in school, honestly all I want is for him to have the best.

Homeschooling, in and of itself, isn't going to meet the standard of a material change in circumstances.

 

[stealth2]

So..... let's assume for now that nothing will change wrt custody, okay? What are you going to do when he is with you to help make sure he is on track academically?

 

[bigql83]

So..... let's assume for now that nothing will change wrt custody, okay? What are you going to do when he is with you to help make sure he is on track academically?

If I cant get him into regular school, then I'll have to sign him up for online classes that he can take whiles he's with me so that he can keep up with his grade level.

My son is a smart kid, but his mother motivates him to isolate himself, telling him things like he doesnt need friends, and that the ones that he does have are only there because of what he has.

His only has social interaction with kids his age while he was in school or at my house, he has friends in my neighborhood. While hes with his mom, hes sheltered in the house, they live in a rough area, so he seldomly goes outside.

He doesn't act like a 12 yr old boy sometimes, and I think that's the reason why. That is why I'm against her home schooling him, I think that would make him worse.

 

[CJane]

If I cant get him into regular school, then I'll have to sign him up for online classes that he can take whiles he's with me so that he can keep up with his grade level.

My son is a smart kid, but his mother motivates him to isolate himself, telling him things like he doesnt need friends, and that the ones that he does have are only there because of what he has.

His only has social interaction with kids his age while he was in school or at my house, he has friends in my neighborhood. While hes with his mom, hes sheltered in the house, they live in a rough area, so he seldomly goes outside.

He doesn't act like a 12 yr old boy sometimes, and I think that's the reason why. That is why I'm against her home schooling him, I think that would make him worse.

Again. None of that is a material change in circumstances, and that is what the state REQUIRES in order to modify placement.

But out of curiosity, how does a 12 year old boy act?

 

[bigql83]

Again. None of that is a material change in circumstances, and that is what the state REQUIRES in order to modify placement.

But out of curiosity, how does a 12 year old boy act?

So if she fails a drug test, is that a change of circumstance? Or what about if she has no power in her home, is that a change of circumstance?