10 years no father now wants visits

[aculbert]

What is the name of your state? Alabama

My son is now 10 years old. His father has never seen him nor ever tried to. He was ordered to pay child support 5 or 6 years ago. By default he was considered the father because he didn't show up for court. He is not on the birth certificate. He was finally caught 2 years ago and forced to start paying. Now he wants to see my son. What are his rights? He has never been a part of my sons life, and only been paying for 2 years. Please help!!!

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state? Alabama

My son is now 10 years old. His father has never seen him nor ever tried to. He was ordered to pay child support 5 or 6 years ago. By default he was considered the father because he didn't show up for court. He is not on the birth certificate. He was finally caught 2 years ago and forced to start paying. Now he wants to see my son. What are his rights? He has never been a part of my sons life, and only been paying for 2 years. Please help!!!

If he is paying child support, he certainly has the right to see his son.

There are some states that require that such a parent go through parenting classes, etc. because he has not seen the kid in such a long time.

Check with your child support agency to see if he will have to do this.

 

[spanbabygirl]

In the state where i live after 6 months without seeing or contacting your child, you loose legal rights. I would go to court and fight it all the way. I am not sure what your state does. Just push for what u want. Iam going through it with my daughters father now. Just keep your head up

 

[seniorjudge]

In the state where i live after 6 months without seeing or contacting your child, you loose legal rights. I would go to court and fight it all the way. I am not sure what your state does. Just push for what u want. Iam going through it with my daughters father now. Just keep your head up

You're confused.

OP's ex still has parental rights and is paying child support.

What you mention is relevant only in a termination of parental rights.

 

[aculbert]

I received a call from the child support worker just now. She said since a custody order had never been established that neither of us had legal custody. She said that really, if his father wanted to come get him he could and I could do nothing. Is this true?

 

[seniorjudge]

I received a call from the child support worker just now. She said since a custody order had never been established that neither of us had legal custody. She said that really, if his father wanted to come get him he could and I could do nothing. Is this true?

Yes; both y'all have equal rights to the child.

 

[aculbert]

So in other words: I must hire a lawyer and get custody of my own child who I gave birth to , and raised for 10 years?

 

[seniorjudge]

So in other words: I must hire a lawyer and get custody of my own child who I gave birth to , and raised for 10 years?

No.

You have actual custody of the child.

Legal custody (through a court) has not been established.

You and the dad both have equal rights to the child.

 

[pypercat]

I'm confused

Is he the father? I know you said he's not on the certificate, but is he the biological father?
Why was he pursued for child support in the first place? You said he was "finally caught" and forced to start paying. If I were in his shoes I would want to know my child. Seems to me like every time I wrote out the check my curiosity would grow. He does have the right. And yes, without a specific custody order, he could take his child and you could have a battle getting him back. I made the mistake of not getting a specific visitation schedule and three times my ex has refused to release the kids when I go to pick them up. Law enforcement can't help because the order is not specific... so we're in court on Monday, again!
I hope you can get this resolved peacefully, for your son's sake. Good luck.

 

[aculbert]

Ok, here's the story. I was 16 and the father was 19 when we started seeing each other. I got pregnant right away. We spilt up when I was 3 months pregnant. I called him to let him know I was having a boy, and I never heard from him again. So when my son was born prematurely, he was informed of it, but I never heard from him. When I finally decided to file for child support my son was 4. The papers were served, but the father, of course, didn't show up for court. So by default, meaning he did not come forward to deny my child, paternity was established. I never had the birth certificate changed for my own reasons. But, yes unfortuately, this loser is his biodad. He chose on his own to stay away for ten years. I have lived in the same town the entire time, as well as my family that he knows. Also a few other known facts about him:

1. He has 4 other boys that he doesn't see, Ages 13, 10 1/2, and twins age 7

2. Only started paying support on 4 out of 5 when he was arrested for not paying and put on work release. Still not paying on the oldest.

3. I received support for 3 months a few years ago from Michigan. Come to find out he had sold his ID and SS card to a Hispanic man.

4. He has to have the support taken out of his paychecks weekly by his employer.

His girlfriend, who I had never met, recognized me in walmart and confronted me. Saying 'he paid his money every month, he deserves to see his son'. If that is all its about is the money, 2 years out of 10, how is that deserving. He ran from my child for 8 years. He chose to stay away, I didn't keep him away. I guess I've vented enough. Sorry!

 

[tigger22472]

In the state where i live after 6 months without seeing or contacting your child, you loose legal rights. I would go to court and fight it all the way. I am not sure what your state does. Just push for what u want. Iam going through it with my daughters father now. Just keep your head up

Please refrain from giving advice as such. The only way to 'lose' rights is through court. You can't just lose rights as simply as this is made out to state in your post. Since you didn't state what state you live in I cannot search for the appropriate statute that you seem to be miss interpreting.

 

[Gracie3787]

You have 2 choices:

1. Wait for ex to file for visitation or custody.

2. File yourself to establish LEGAL custody, ex will most likely file for visitation, so ask for parenting classes, and supervised vistations until father and HIS child get to know each other.

 

[mehr]

That's terrible. The guy does sound like a loser. I can only tell you that when you established child support, you established his rights to visitation....

If he's only been paying for 2 years, but it's been established for 5-6, then he still OWES you that money in backpay. Is it included as a part of your checks now? It is in my state.

Let him see his child, if you don't fight him, he may not take you to court to get court mandated visitation which may be every other weekend and every other holiday. Wouldn't it be easier to just agree to let him see him so he doesn't take you to court?

 

[aculbert]

That's terrible. The guy does sound like a loser. I can only tell you that when you established child support, you established his rights to visitation....

If he's only been paying for 2 years, but it's been established for 5-6, then he still OWES you that money in backpay. Is it included as a part of your checks now? It is in my state.

Let him see his child, if you don't fight him, he may not take you to court to get court mandated visitation which may be every other weekend and every other holiday. Wouldn't it be easier to just agree to let him see him so he doesn't take you to court?

I thought the same thing at first until everyone started telling me we have equal rights to my son. If I were to let him go he could keep him, and I would have to fight to get him back. I also was never around my biodad or his family,he passed away when I was young, but as I got older was given the chance to meet his family and come to my own conclusions about why they stayed away. Come to find out, they weren't the kind of people I wanted to be around, so I've stayed away for 9 years. All they wanted to do was put my mom down, which my mom never did to them. And in saying that he has already told his girlfriend a pack of lies about me. It was not her place at all to confront me especially in walmart. I don't know what he expects to get out of this. My son is not at all talkative, has never meet this man ever, and has health problems, due to being premature. What does he think he's gonna do take him camping and fishing. My son already has someone he thinks of as a father. My husband of 5 years.

 

[Gracie3787]

I thought the same thing at first until everyone started telling me we have equal rights to my son. If I were to let him go he could keep him, and I would have to fight to get him back. I also was never around my biodad or his family,he passed away when I was young, but as I got older was given the chance to meet his family and come to my own conclusions about why they stayed away. Come to find out, they weren't the kind of people I wanted to be around, so I've stayed away for 9 years. All they wanted to do was put my mom down, which my mom never did to them. And in saying that he has already told his girlfriend a pack of lies about me. It was not her place at all to confront me especially in walmart. I don't know what he expects to get out of this. My son is not at all talkative, has never meet this man ever, and has health problems, due to being premature. What does he think he's gonna do take him camping and fishing. My son already has someone he thinks of as a father. My husband of 5 years.

Maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I'm just cranky, but lady, mothers like you make me sick. You go on and on using phrases like "...everyone started telling me that we have equal rights to MY son." Well, congratulations- what you are claiming hasn't been done for centuries- YOU DID NOT CREATE THIS CHILD ALL BY YOURSELF! "your" son has a father- a LEGAL BIOLOGICAL father. That father does have rights- GET USED TO IT!

AND guess what- after a period of time has passed- he will have the right to take HIS SON camping and fishing. What kind of mother are you, think about it- your son's REAL father wants to be a part of his life AND YOU ARE COMPLAINING? I feel very sorry for your son, actually I feel sorry for every child whose mother (or father) is so hateful and selfish that they deliberately keep thier child's other parent away.

You have already been given the legal advice. IF your ex files for visitation you can ask for supervised visits for a very short time, to allow father and son to get to know each other. I pray that I'm wrong, but my hunch is that if and when a CO for visitation is given, you will be in contempt because you come across as someone who will do everything she can to keep her own son from having the opportunity to have the greatest gift a child can have- BOTH parents in thier life. For your son's sake- I hope you change your attitude real fast.
Gracie