Some people do not deserve their parental rights. Having a child is alife long commitment the second you find out you are pregnant. It is not something that you should be able to pick and choose when you want to do it. If the father is sincere about being a dad now, then hopefully everything will work out for the both of you. It is really sad that it took him 10 years to do that.
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10 years no father now wants visits
- Thread starter aculbert
- Start date
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Gracie3787 said:Maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I'm just cranky, but lady, mothers like you make me sick. You go on and on using phrases like "...everyone started telling me that we have equal rights to MY son." Well, congratulations- what you are claiming hasn't been done for centuries- YOU DID NOT CREATE THIS CHILD ALL BY YOURSELF! "your" son has a father- a LEGAL BIOLOGICAL father. That father does have rights- GET USED TO IT!
AND guess what- after a period of time has passed- he will have the right to take HIS SON camping and fishing. What kind of mother are you, think about it- your son's REAL father wants to be a part of his life AND YOU ARE COMPLAINING? I feel very sorry for your son, actually I feel sorry for every child whose mother (or father) is so hateful and selfish that they deliberately keep thier child's other parent away.
You have already been given the legal advice. IF your ex files for visitation you can ask for supervised visits for a very short time, to allow father and son to get to know each other. I pray that I'm wrong, but my hunch is that if and when a CO for visitation is given, you will be in contempt because you come across as someone who will do everything she can to keep her own son from having the opportunity to have the greatest gift a child can have- BOTH parents in thier life. For your son's sake- I hope you change your attitude real fast.
Gracie
That is not at all what I said, you turned every thing around. Yes, I did say 'my son' because for all of his life I am all he has had, and although I didn't create him all by myself I have raised him all by myself. And as I said earlier he has health problems due to being premature, he can't do what other children do like camping and fishing. And I also said that his father stayed away on his own. He has never tried to contact us. Never have I ran, as he did to keep from paying support. I planned on contacting him to set up visits without having to go to court until my cs worker said he could take him and not bring him back, and advised me not to allow him to take him without an order. I'm not the one with the attitude lady, you are. I want him to know his father for the right reasons. Not just because he is paying the money, but because he really wants to see him. Read the facts before you try to judge me.
WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.
--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Feeny511 said:It is not something that you should be able to pick and choose when you want to do it.
Why should something so important be left to chance?
Why shouldn't we parents make a concerted effort to pick and choose when, and with whom, we allow ourselves to become parents? That is the RESPONSIBLE thing to do. My parents CHOSE when to start their family (5 years AFTER marriage, when they were both more financially secure). MOST people I know, including myself CHOSE to start a family only after we finished college, got financially settled, and were in a better position to provide and were more emotionally mature.
MORE women should be proactive about picking an choosing with whom they become a parent and when. Putting oneself at-risk of getting pregnant IS something that we should be able to pick and choose when we want to do it.
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You are absolutely right. With my second child I was able to do just that. Get married, settle down, buy a home, And plan for her. But I was 16 and my sons father was 19. Where I'm from, 10 years ago, before the law changed, that contituted statutory rape.( by the way, he got lucky my parents did not pursue). I was young and stupid. I made the mistake of picking someone verbally and mentally abusive. We split up when he ran off with my female cousin, and ODed on Crystal Meth. I had a choice: keep this child, give him up, or get an abortion. The last 2 choices were what my parents wanted, but I fought them all the way. I continued with school, went to college. I am still standing tall today, for all I've accomplished.nextwife said:Why should something so important be left to chance?
Why shouldn't we parents make a concerted effort to pick and choose when, and with whom, we allow ourselves to become parents? That is the RESPONSIBLE thing to do. My parents CHOSE when to start their family (5 years AFTER marriage, when they were both more financially secure). MOST people I know, including myself CHOSE to start a family only after we finished college, got financially settled, and were in a better position to provide and were more emotionally mature.
MORE women should be proactive about picking an choosing with whom they become a parent and when. Putting oneself at-risk of getting pregnant IS something that we should be able to pick and choose when we want to do it.
J
jmac3
Guest
Gracie3787 said:Maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I'm just cranky, but lady, mothers like you make me sick. You go on and on using phrases like "...everyone started telling me that we have equal rights to MY son." Well, congratulations- what you are claiming hasn't been done for centuries- YOU DID NOT CREATE THIS CHILD ALL BY YOURSELF! "your" son has a father- a LEGAL BIOLOGICAL father. That father does have rights- GET USED TO IT!
AND guess what- after a period of time has passed- he will have the right to take HIS SON camping and fishing. What kind of mother are you, think about it- your son's REAL father wants to be a part of his life AND YOU ARE COMPLAINING? I feel very sorry for your son, actually I feel sorry for every child whose mother (or father) is so hateful and selfish that they deliberately keep thier child's other parent away.
You have already been given the legal advice. IF your ex files for visitation you can ask for supervised visits for a very short time, to allow father and son to get to know each other. I pray that I'm wrong, but my hunch is that if and when a CO for visitation is given, you will be in contempt because you come across as someone who will do everything she can to keep her own son from having the opportunity to have the greatest gift a child can have- BOTH parents in thier life. For your son's sake- I hope you change your attitude real fast.
Gracie
Just because he wants visitation doesn't mean it's in the best interest of the child. Obviously as many different children he has he's probably one of those guys who gets them pregnant and leaves. I wouldn't worry about it until I had a court summons then I would get a lawyer and fight it. Make sure you keep documentation of everything from this point on. After 10 years of not seeing the child or supporting him how can anyone think that he is a worthy father.
Thank you very much for the support and the kind words. Some people here can be soooo rude. Without even knowing the entire story. They claim this place as about advice not opinions, but most people here can only throw out their bad opinions about others.jmac3 said:Just because he wants visitation doesn't mean it's in the best interest of the child. Obviously as many different children he has he's probably one of those guys who gets them pregnant and leaves. I wouldn't worry about it until I had a court summons then I would get a lawyer and fight it. Make sure you keep documentation of everything from this point on. After 10 years of not seeing the child or supporting him how can anyone think that he is a worthy father.
J
jmac3
Guest
aculbert said:Thank you very much for the support and the kind words. Some people here can be soooo rude. Without even knowing the entire story. They claim this place as about advice not opinions, but most people here can only throw out their bad opinions about others.
No problem I have three biracial chilren and have had people down talk me for a long time and I decided shortly after it started that I would not stand for it. Chances are that he doesn't have the money to get a private attorney and he has so many other children to care for. Unless you know that he has alot of money I really wouldn't worry about it because everytime my husband has talked to legal aid about helping with his situation they tell him they don't handle custody issues unless it involves domestic violence. Besides you have been his mother for 10 years without help and he has health problems. You deserve a pat on the back not a kick in the face. Just keep looking out for your child and ignore the negativity.
You are right about the money thing. According to his girlfriend, that confronted me in Walmart, after CS he only brings home $90 a week. Boo Hoo he should have thought about that before he ran around with his pants down for 6 years. I myself have a sneaking suspicion that he has more kids out there.jmac3 said:No problem I have three biracial chilren and have had people down talk me for a long time and I decided shortly after it started that I would not stand for it. Chances are that he doesn't have the money to get a private attorney and he has so many other children to care for. Unless you know that he has alot of money I really wouldn't worry about it because everytime my husband has talked to legal aid about helping with his situation they tell him they don't handle custody issues unless it involves domestic violence. Besides you have been his mother for 10 years without help and he has health problems. You deserve a pat on the back not a kick in the face. Just keep looking out for your child and ignore the negativity.
J
jmac3
Guest
Sounds all to familiar. I wouldn't worry about it. Most of the time these kind of dads like to scare moms away from pursuing child support. But always keep your eyes and ears open and one step ahead.
re absent father
just a little feedback for you.. I went through this not to long ago, and I came here for advice.. You can look back through the threads and read what went on... My ex was absent 9 years and was ordered to pay cs in 96, didnt pay much I have the total listed in my other thread.. He too made the choice not to be involved with his son..
I think its hard for alot on here to understand that this absent parent crap can happen to even the ones who finished college,have bought homes, who were commited to there relationships.. We all make poor judgement sometimes. doesnt matter what side of the tracks your on..there is no excuse for a man or a woman to play the absent parent act...
Yes they can come back when they want and even though life has moved on without them they still have rights.. stinks huh??
best of luck to you
look back through the threads I think you will find it pretty right on the money.It really helped me know kind of what to expect.
Shari
just a little feedback for you.. I went through this not to long ago, and I came here for advice.. You can look back through the threads and read what went on... My ex was absent 9 years and was ordered to pay cs in 96, didnt pay much I have the total listed in my other thread.. He too made the choice not to be involved with his son..
I think its hard for alot on here to understand that this absent parent crap can happen to even the ones who finished college,have bought homes, who were commited to there relationships.. We all make poor judgement sometimes. doesnt matter what side of the tracks your on..there is no excuse for a man or a woman to play the absent parent act...
Yes they can come back when they want and even though life has moved on without them they still have rights.. stinks huh??
best of luck to you
look back through the threads I think you will find it pretty right on the money.It really helped me know kind of what to expect.
Shari
MomIsWorried
Member
because you come across as someone who will do everything she can to keep her own son from having the opportunity to have the greatest gift a child can have- BOTH parents in thier life. For your son's sake- I hope you change your attitude real fast.
...
the greatest gift a child can have- BOTH parents in thier life
I have to respectfully (and strongly) disagree with that statement. Although my father put my mother through hell for almost 5 years, and although he never paid a dime in child support after they were divorced, she still allowed him to see me ... I wish she hadn't. Living on opposite coasts (he on the west coast, me on the east coast) I only got to see him every other summer for 2 months ... which was too much. I spent more time with my grandparents and other relatives because my father was off playing house with his "wife du jour" or shooting/snorting cocaine. Just 3 years ago, while having a conversation with him, I asked him "Didn't you ever feel bad for not sending mom child support to help raise me?" ... the man chuckled and said "Nah, I knew your grandpa would make sure you had what you needed. Hell, I coined the phrase 'dead beat dad'!" He was proud of the fact that he never paid a dime in child support and got away with it.
Laying down and making a child does not automatically make you a good parent...or even a worthy one. The greatest gift I had in my life ... actually there were 2... 1) A mother who loves me and worked her @$$ off every day to give me everything I needed and 2) A (step) dad who also loves me and who has been there for me when I needed him for the past 24 years.
AMEN to that!!MomIsWorried said:Laying down and making a child does not automatically make you a good parent...or even a worthy one. The greatest gift I had in my life ... actually there were 2... 1) A mother who loves me and worked her @$$ off every day to give me everything I needed and 2) A (step) dad who also loves me and who has been there for me when I needed him for the past 24 years.