17 year old and DHHR ganging up on us!!!!

[rustyinwv]

What is the name of your state? WV

My problem is with my 17 year old step-daughter who was found by the court system to be incourigible, and was removed from the home for a period of time. Was placed in a group home, ran away for 3 months (worked as a prostitute during that time), was recovered and placed in another group home for 6 months. She was returned to our home in late November 2004, with legal custody being with DHHR and physical custody with us. She has been nothing but a behavior problem since she has been back with us. She is verbally and physically abusive to everyone in the household, especially my 15 year old step-son. I have contacted her social worker numerous times concerning her behavior, and we recently went to court for a MDT meeting. My step-daughter told the entire room that she sleeps on the floor (which is a huge lie), and the social worker wanted her removed due to "poor living conditions". She was not removed. My husband and I are fed up of this situation, we are never given an opportunity to present our side of the situation, we are treated like criminals. My step-daughter plays a good game of "poor, pitiful victim" and all these people buy it. She is currently facing criminal charges pending from breaking and entering and destruction of property (this happened at our home). She is threatening to make up something to report to DHHR to get us to drop the charges against her. We are at our wits end in this situation. DHHR has NEVER done a home study or drug tested her. How can this be happening?

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state? WV

My problem is with my 17 year old step-daughter who was found by the court system to be incourigible, and was removed from the home for a period of time. Was placed in a group home, ran away for 3 months (worked as a prostitute during that time), was recovered and placed in another group home for 6 months. She was returned to our home in late November 2004, with legal custody being with DHHR and physical custody with us. She has been nothing but a behavior problem since she has been back with us. She is verbally and physically abusive to everyone in the household, especially my 15 year old step-son. I have contacted her social worker numerous times concerning her behavior, and we recently went to court for a MDT meeting. My step-daughter told the entire room that she sleeps on the floor (which is a huge lie), and the social worker wanted her removed due to "poor living conditions". She was not removed. My husband and I are fed up of this situation, we are never given an opportunity to present our side of the situation, we are treated like criminals. My step-daughter plays a good game of "poor, pitiful victim" and all these people buy it. She is currently facing criminal charges pending from breaking and entering and destruction of property (this happened at our home). She is threatening to make up something to report to DHHR to get us to drop the charges against her. We are at our wits end in this situation. DHHR has NEVER done a home study or drug tested her. How can this be happening?

Tell the welfare people for them to come and get her 'cause you don't want her no more....

 

[rustyinwv]

That is all well and good, but it would hardly help in this situation. We have made several complaints to the head DHHR office concerning her social worker, and the woman lies as much as my step-daughter. She places all blame on us, and any action she takes is concerning us. We were signed up for parenting classes, counseling, etc... while my step-daughter gets away with her behavior. She is lying, stealing, abusive to all us, and trying to get pregnant. DHHR and the courts do not even acknowledge this, even though we have proof. This child has learned to play the system very well, and has more rights than anyone else in our home. What can be done about this?

 

[djohnson]

As cruel as it sounds, I agree with the other poster. As long as you are complaining about her social worker, she will not try to help you. She is going to make you 'pay' for it. It's a bad situation, but not all that uncommon. The girl is 17, how long before she is 18? If you can live it out, wait until she's 18 and show her tough love. Let her learn the hard way. If not tell them to come get her. Don't let her blackmail you, and don't back down. It will just make her worse.

 

[rustyinwv]

She will be 18 in January, and as high as my blood pressure is, I will have had a major stroke by then. When we went to court, all sides wanted her removed from the home, and the judge did not remove her. Her behavior is the reason we want her removed, and all parties involved fail to see that. They see us as being soooo mean to her. DHHR has legal custody of her, but when it comes down to it, blames us with everything. Hopefully when she is in court over the criminal matter, the judge there will remove her. If not, I am not sure what we are going to do, as DHHR will not remove her. As far as her 18th birthday, if she is still here that day, her father and I intend to tell her to leave and not to let the door hit her in the hind end on the way out.

 

[Laugh_Hard]

These problems don't happen overnight.

You need to get down to the root cause of the behavior.

The funny thing about the black sheep of the family, is that they are usually a window into all the other families problems. They typically are acting, in a very off-hand way, as a catalyst to keep the family together.

Probably not in this case though. It sounds as if the young person has serious issues and needs more love and understanding rather than punishment.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Sounds like you need my patented and copyrighted "Brazil Method" - - real fast!

Want to know more?

IAAL

 

[rustyinwv]

The source of her problem is that she was molested while in the custody of her real mother. "Mommy Dearest" let a convicted child molester babysit her kids even after repeatedly being told by the kids what was happening to them. After all this, this girl loves her mom, throws her up in our faces, wants to be with her (which she cannot--she cannot leave the state, and mom lives in SC). The mother is a drug abuser, and the girl would be free to do whatever she wanted to do. Our home would be a peaceful place if we allowed her to do whatever she wanted to do, but we do not intend to do that. Counseling is not effective for her because all she wants to do is go in and point out problems (real and imaginary) with other people. She tells all kinds of crazy lies to suit her mood: she sleeps in the floor, we are mean to her, we treat her soooo bad.....etc. It is the craziest thing I have ever seen, and these highly educated people buy into it hook, line, and sinker.