1st time visitation

[mama01]

What is the name of your state? Alaska

Hello,

I just asked a question on here less than a week ago about me ex signing over his rights to my 3 year old since he doesn't want to pay child support and they have never met. Well now my ex, out of the blue, wants to meet my son. We have set up an appointment for this weekend. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we should go about doing this? We are meeting for lunch at a restaraunt. He is bringing his mom and son who I am still close with and I am bringing my pastor. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Also, he says he is going to want to take my son to his place, 2 hours away, for the weekend once they meet a couple times. Our divorce papers are not very clear on this. They state that he will pay all travel to see my son. When we did up the papers I didn't have an attorney but my Ex didn't want anything to do with my son at the time so what I was wanting the papers to say was that if my ex wanted contact with my son he could visit him in his home town. My ex is claiming that he can take him for a weekend if he wants. How would a judge see this and can I legally keep my son from going to my ex's for a weekend. My ex's mom lives in the same town as me so I wouldn't mind my son spending the night there with my ex I just don't want him leaving town with him.

Any help at all would be great.

Thank you

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the exact wording of the visitation order, post that here then we can offer advice. That is the order you follow until there is another one.

 

[Chelle0511]

What is the name of your state? Alaska

Hello,

I just asked a question on here less than a week ago about me ex signing over his rights to my 3 year old since he doesn't want to pay child support and they have never met. Well now my ex, out of the blue, wants to meet my son. We have set up an appointment for this weekend. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we should go about doing this? We are meeting for lunch at a restaraunt. He is bringing his mom and son who I am still close with and I am bringing my pastor. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Also, he says he is going to want to take my son to his place, 2 hours away, for the weekend once they meet a couple times. Our divorce papers are not very clear on this. They state that he will pay all travel to see my son. When we did up the papers I didn't have an attorney but my Ex didn't want anything to do with my son at the time so what I was wanting the papers to say was that if my ex wanted contact with my son he could visit him in his home town. My ex is claiming that he can take him for a weekend if he wants. How would a judge see this and can I legally keep my son from going to my ex's for a weekend. My ex's mom lives in the same town as me so I wouldn't mind my son spending the night there with my ex I just don't want him leaving town with him.

Any help at all would be great.

Thank you

~More than likely once the bond between father and son is created a judge will see it fair for the father to continue his parenting in the comfort of his own home!

 

[stealth2]

Why are you against Dad having the child in his own home, once they've become aquainted?

 

[Chelle0511]

Why are you against Dad having the child in his own home, once they've become aquainted?

~Control!?!?!

 

[mama01]

The papers say the the dad may come to the childs home town to visit him. Below that it states that the dad will pay for all travel expenses to see the child.


The reason I am apprehensive about letting my son travel 125 miles to spend the weekend with my ex is that when I was 41/2 months pregnant my ex said I should have an abortion to make things "easier". Then the day after the finalization of our divorce I recieved a nasty call from him where, among other things, he told me that he shouldn't have to pay child support just because I chose not to have an abortion. I would just feel a little safer if my son was in my town while my ex visits with him. This may just be a scare tactic which doesn't last very long anyway. I'm just sorry my son has to suffer for my bad marrage.

Does anyone have any advise on this first visitation that we have scheduled for this weekend?

Thank You for your help!

 

[LdiJ]

The papers say the the dad may come to the childs home town to visit him. Below that it states that the dad will pay for all travel expenses to see the child.


The reason I am apprehensive about letting my son travel 125 miles to spend the weekend with my ex is that when I was 41/2 months pregnant my ex said I should have an abortion to make things "easier". Then the day after the finalization of our divorce I recieved a nasty call from him where, among other things, he told me that he shouldn't have to pay child support just because I chose not to have an abortion. I would just feel a little safer if my son was in my town while my ex visits with him. This may just be a scare tactic which doesn't last very long anyway. I'm just sorry my son has to suffer for my bad marrage.

Does anyone have any advise on this first visitation that we have scheduled for this weekend?

Thank You for your help!

Actually what you were asked to do was quote the order verbatim, rather than paraphrasing it. However, if you paraphrased it accurately, then no, the father doesn't have the option to take him to his home for a weekend under the current orders. Nor would it be appropriate until they get acquainted.

However, as one of the other poster's told you, once they have developed a bond, then if he petitions for visitation in his home...he will get visitation in his home. It may not happen quickly...but its going to happen and you need to be prepared to let go and live with that.

 

[stealth2]

You may as well get used to the idea that your ex is going to be allowed to take the kid to his home at some point in the relatively near future should he ask a court for a visitation order. Your reasons aren't going to be adequate to stop that.

As for this w/e's visit..... I dunno that lunch out with a myriad of "support personnel" is a great idea. You, Dad and kid at Mcdonald's would be a better plan, IMO. Unless I'm envisioning lunch as a sit-down place. And....... I'm not sure what role your pastor plays.

 

[LdiJ]

You may as well get used to the idea that your ex is going to be allowed to take the kid to his home at some point in the relatively near future should he ask a court for a visitation order. Your reasons aren't going to be adequate to stop that.

As for this w/e's visit..... I dunno that lunch out with a myriad of "support personnel" is a great idea. You, Dad and kid at Mcdonald's would be a better plan, IMO. Unless I'm envisioning lunch as a sit-down place. And....... I'm not sure what role your pastor plays.

Well, he is bringing along his mom and son, and obviously is coming from out of town...I don't think its wrong for her to want another adult along as "support"...maybe her pastor is the only person she has.

 

[Chelle0511]

You may as well get used to the idea that your ex is going to be allowed to take the kid to his home at some point in the relatively near future should he ask a court for a visitation order. Your reasons aren't going to be adequate to stop that.

As for this w/e's visit..... I dunno that lunch out with a myriad of "support personnel" is a great idea. You, Dad and kid at Mcdonald's would be a better plan, IMO. Unless I'm envisioning lunch as a sit-down place. And....... I'm not sure what role your pastor plays.

~I agree. Your child would probably be more comfortable. Do you have a Chucky Cheese... kids always love that place. Also, although a pastor may offer good support this just doesn't seem to be the appropriate time. In conclusion, remember your child NEEDS BOTH PARENTS! Regardless their past, people do change. And as many other posters will state... if he was so bad then why did you choose to have a child with him?

 

[stealth2]

Well, he is bringing along his mom and son, and obviously is coming from out of town...I don't think its wrong for her to want another adult along as "support"...maybe her pastor is the only person she has.

From her other thread:

My son is in a wonderful home with loving family all around

I don't think it serves the CHILD well to make this into such a production. Other son? Sure, I can see that. Mother, pastor, etc? Not so much. Time for these people to grow up and deal with one another.

 

[mama01]

Thank you to those of you who gave constructive comments. Even if it is hard for me to hear it is good to know where this all stands. As for those of you who are trying to make me feel worse about this than I already do (chelle0511) If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

Thank You!!!

 

[Chelle0511]

Thank you to those of you who gave constructive comments. Even if it is hard for me to hear it is good to know where this all stands. As for those of you who are trying to make me feel worse about this than I already do (chelle0511) If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

Thank You!!!

~I'm not trying to make you feel bad at all! I'm simply trying to open your eyes. Having children requires life long contact with the other parent, regardless the situation. I understand that it is hard, but this is a decision that you made, so remember this if you plan on having more children. I just hate seeing children raised between two parents that can not simply be civil to one another for the sake of their child(ren). I do hope that this works out for you and your child, and always keep in mind that in no way is this problem the fault of the child.

 

[rm1759]

I can speak from personal experience, my situation was (somewhat) similar to your. I was unaware of my daughter until she was 3 1/2. Once I found out, we started spending small amounts of time together (a few hours every sunday). BM was ok with this at the time, and we got along very well. I began asking for more time (weekends, holidays) and that is when it all went to hell. I had to take her to court just to get to spend overnights with my daughter, and that did not get settled until she was 7. Needless to say, 3 years of fighting over, now BM and I do not get along at all.

My advice would be for you to encourage the relationship between father and child as much as you can, and be prepared to let him go on overnight visits. It will be hard on you, but it will be good for your son.

 

[stealth2]

I thought it was actually quite a restrained thread, all things considered. It was downright nice, by comparison to some!