2 new questions preparing for evaluations

[SITLYNNE]

Update: The school left a message on dads answering machine yesterday stating the business administrator has looked over the paperwork dad asked for and is requesting dads attorney send a letter requesting such information. So, whoever answered my original question, you were correct. Because moms financial info is included on the paperwork, the school is not able to give it to dad. They did say he was welcome to any and all of their sons school records that did not include moms financial info. I'm still looking for infor on the HIPAA laws since mom thinks they protect the daughters school discipline records even though she has turned 18.

 

[casa]

Update: The school left a message on dads answering machine yesterday stating the business administrator has looked over the paperwork dad asked for and is requesting dads attorney send a letter requesting such information. So, whoever answered my original question, you were correct. Because moms financial info is included on the paperwork, the school is not able to give it to dad. They did say he was welcome to any and all of their sons school records that did not include moms financial info. I'm still looking for infor on the HIPAA laws since mom thinks they protect the daughters school discipline records even though she has turned 18.

Even if the child is an adult...you and Dad have no right to access her records- since neither of you are her parent. Since that child is 18, she could request her own records- but it would be up to her if she wanted to provide you with that information.

Get the son's records, those are the important ones.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Update: The school left a message on dads answering machine yesterday stating the business administrator has looked over the paperwork dad asked for and is requesting dads attorney send a letter requesting such information. So, whoever answered my original question, you were correct. Because moms financial info is included on the paperwork, the school is not able to give it to dad. They did say he was welcome to any and all of their sons school records that did not include moms financial info. I'm still looking for infor on the HIPAA laws since mom thinks they protect the daughters school discipline records even though she has turned 18.

The school is correct to withhold mom's financial information without subpoena.
As to mom's 18 yo adult daughter, your boyfriend has no standing to request school records for that child or to sign waivers to get them. While HIPPA does not apply to school records, the rules of confidentiality do and the holder of privilege is the 18 yo adult daughter, not her mother. While she may be interviewed as a member of the household, the the evaluator can ask the daughter for a waiver if they feel the records are needed and request them.
As I said before, your boy friend needs to focus on the best interest of the child and not trying to use the evaluation as a vehicle of vengence against mom.

 

[casa]

Casa, the original split happened in 1997. She is now 18 and already planning her life on her own, maybe even before graduating. Dad tried, but was not her bio father, so he lost that custody battle. I do not think she ever had any counseling, but would think it could've helped her, but how is that my boyfriends fault? He is considered a legal stranger to her. Yes, he was there when all this started and would have loved for things to go differently for her and cares very much for her. His only legal obligation is to the son. Considering she tells her brother such things as she hates him and wishes he would die, I don't really think she'll be too harmed if dad gains custody. The dad on many occassions has called to speak with the mother about the way the son is treated by his sister, she is often very verbal and physical with him, I have witnessed this first hand. When the mother blows it off, the dad will call the girl herself, she is old enough to know what she is doing, and the incidents seem to stop for a while. Besides, at the rate this is going, she'll probably be married with children of her own by then. I'm certain if I would be posting questions about how dad wants to obtain custody of this girl I would be getting bombarded with responses like, she has a mother, she has a father, he is not bio dad-they never married, he is a legal stranger, why does he want to take the girl from her mother, and so on. Instead, you're bashing him for not being "her father and taking away her brother" when they seperated 8 years ago. Yes, dad has concerns for the girl, but can do nothing about it. He can only change things with their son.

I'm not bashing him...I'm saying he contributed. He could have legally adopted her when they were together- he could have fought to establish himself as de facto father, etc.

It's true that at this point, he can only change things for his son. And that is where his focus should be.

 

[SITLYNNE]

Even if the child is an adult...you and Dad have no right to access her records- since neither of you are her parent. Since that child is 18, she could request her own records- but it would be up to her if she wanted to provide you with that information.

Get the son's records, those are the important ones.

Dad didn't want to request the daughters records, he simply wanted to know if the evaluator thought the incident was important, could the child/mother be questioned. Mom stated to the dad that anything her daughter does it not the evaluators business and she is protected by the HIPAA law. That was my question, is she protected by the HIPAA law as far as the evaluation is concerned?

Dad has already retrieved all of his sons records from the school. They have been very cooperative so far.

 

[SITLYNNE]

I'm not bashing him...I'm saying he contributed. He could have legally adopted her when they were together- he could have fought to establish himself as de facto father, etc.

It's true that at this point, he can only change things for his son. And that is where his focus should be.

He was never married to the mother, therefore could not legally adopt the daughter. Her mother called off the engagement when she became interested in another man. I don't know what de facto father means. Could you explain please?
He is focusing on changing things for his son that is why the evaluations are taking place.

 

[SITLYNNE]

The school is correct to withhold mom's financial information without subpoena.
As to mom's 18 yo adult daughter, your boyfriend has no standing to request school records for that child or to sign waivers to get them. While HIPPA does not apply to school records, the rules of confidentiality do and the holder of privilege is the 18 yo adult daughter, not her mother. While she may be interviewed as a member of the household, the the evaluator can ask the daughter for a waiver if they feel the records are needed and request them.
As I said before, your boy friend needs to focus on the best interest of the child and not trying to use the evaluation as a vehicle of vengence against mom.

Wouldn't you agree, with everything I have posted so far, that dad is trying to focus on the best interest of the child? If dad shouldn't bring up any of moms "mistakes", why does everything I have read so far on preparing for evaluations suggest how to present proof/evidence of your concerns for the other parent?

 

[casa]

Dad didn't want to request the daughters records, he simply wanted to know if the evaluator thought the incident was important, could the child/mother be questioned. Mom stated to the dad that anything her daughter does it not the evaluators business and she is protected by the HIPAA law. That was my question, is she protected by the HIPAA law as far as the evaluation is concerned?

Dad has already retrieved all of his sons records from the school. They have been very cooperative so far.

Dad definately should present his concern that his son might not have adequate academic guidance...bc of the problems the mother's other/older child had.

But Dad needs to remember that just bashing the Mom will only leave a bad taste in the evaluator's mouth. He can focus on his son, his concern for his son, the stability he proposes he can provide for the son.

Mom's past issues should definately be addressed.

Overall SITLYNNE~ Just try to relax. All the 'normal' things will be addressed by the GAL in relation to Dad. That the house is safe, clean and child-friendly- that Dad is committed to providing care, support and guidance for his son. (medically, academically, emotionally).

Remember GALs do this for a living...they are fairly well trained in what to look for and what to focus on etc.

 

[casa]

He was never married to the mother, therefore could not legally adopt the daughter. Her mother called off the engagement when she became interested in another man. I don't know what de facto father means. Could you explain please?
He is focusing on changing things for his son that is why the evaluations are taking place.

de facto father is when the bio father has no contact &/or support for a period of time outlined in ea. state's law. Then, the father 'figure' can file in court to establish himself as the de facto father...meaning he has acted as the father, raised the child as if she was his own and was/is the only 'father' the child has/had. It is difficult, but it happens in situations similar to this. (ie; if, when they split he continued contact/support of the older daughter- he could have filed to be given rights as the de facto father).

I'm sure my explanation isn't doing justice to the term...look up the exact guidelines per your state to give you a better understanding. It's too late for that now since the child is 18, but it was an option back in 1998

 

[SITLYNNE]

Dad definately should present his concern that his son might not have adequate academic guidance...bc of the problems the mother's other/older child had.

But Dad needs to remember that just bashing the Mom will only leave a bad taste in the evaluator's mouth. He can focus on his son, his concern for his son, the stability he proposes he can provide for the son.

Mom's past issues should definately be addressed.

Overall SITLYNNE~ Just try to relax. All the 'normal' things will be addressed by the GAL in relation to Dad. That the house is safe, clean and child-friendly- that Dad is committed to providing care, support and guidance for his son. (medically, academically, emotionally).

Remember GALs do this for a living...they are fairly well trained in what to look for and what to focus on etc.

There is no GAL in this case. Rmet did suggest one should be appointed, though. I seriously doubt either parent wants that expense added to everything else. I know dad just wants evaluations to happen and go back to the mediator and hopefully he and mom can come to the best agreement without involving a GAL or adding to the cost, which neither can afford.

Thanks for telling me moms past issues should be addressed. I was starting to think they shouldn't be.
Most of the items dad wants to present are focusing on how he has and can provide for their son in the future. He only has one folder which has moms "issues" included and about 10 times that many proof/evidence items showing why he is making such a request for change of physical custody.
Another question: Is it important to the evaluator for dad to list his strengths and weaknesses as I have read is helpful?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Wouldn't you agree, with everything I have posted so far, that dad is trying to focus on the best interest of the child? If dad shouldn't bring up any of moms "mistakes", why does everything I have read so far on preparing for evaluations suggest how to present proof/evidence of your concerns for the other parent?

You are like a pit bull, you dig your teeth into something and you won't let go, even if it is a paperbag.

The evaluator wants dad's concerns and facts, many of which may not be of current interest and the evaluator will decide what they need more informaiton on. By best interst of the child I mean just that, focus on what positive things dad provides for his child, you don't want him to be speachless when the evaluator says, " Let's not talk about mom so much, I will interview her also, please tell me about you and your son. What is your relationship like....?"

 

[SITLYNNE]

de facto father is when the bio father has no contact &/or support for a period of time outlined in ea. state's law. Then, the father 'figure' can file in court to establish himself as the de facto father...meaning he has acted as the father, raised the child as if she was his own and was/is the only 'father' the child has/had. It is difficult, but it happens in situations similar to this. (ie; if, when they split he continued contact/support of the older daughter- he could have filed to be given rights as the de facto father).

I'm sure my explanation isn't doing justice to the term...look up the exact guidelines per your state to give you a better understanding. It's too late for that now since the child is 18, but it was an option back in 1998

Understood Casa. Dad wishes he had known a lot of the things he knows now way back then. He was in her life for about 5 or 6 years, and very important years. Even her mom agrees that the girl had and still has more respect for the dad then she ever did or will for the mom simply because dad was the primary care giver to both children (admitted by mom) and also the disciplinary figure as well as the teacher/peer for both children. Mom still calls to this day asking dad to get on the phone with the son because she can't handle him and still complains that the daughter just won't listen to her, would he please talk to her? This has happened at least 3 times since I'm in their lives- March 2004.

 

[casa]

There is no GAL in this case. Rmet did suggest one should be appointed, though. I seriously doubt either parent wants that expense added to everything else. I know dad just wants evaluations to happen and go back to the mediator and hopefully he and mom can come to the best agreement without involving a GAL or adding to the cost, which neither can afford.

Thanks for telling me moms past issues should be addressed. I was starting to think they shouldn't be.
Most of the items dad wants to present are focusing on how he has and can provide for their son in the future. He only has one folder which has moms "issues" included and about 10 times that many proof/evidence items showing why he is making such a request for change of physical custody.
Another question: Is it important to the evaluator for dad to list his strengths and weaknesses as I have read is helpful?

I personally believe GALs are very helpful...and evaluations are 'typically' more expensive than a GAL. I assumed there was a GAL. Who is the evaluator? (PhD, SW??)

www.deltabravo.net has a few articles re; parenting evaluations and helpful points/information.

My opinion (others may or may not agree) is that Dad should follow the evaluator'ss direction. Have any relevant documents/files/affidavits/declarations filed prior to any hearings. Anything above/beyond that, the evaluator will ask for specifically. Some evaluators do parenting surveys etc. which will address the Dad's strengths/weakness', or the evaluator will just ask Dad at one of their meetings. What the evaluator will do, depends on what their credentials are and what the state guidelines require for them to be a custody evaluator. Different specifications depending on what their training/degree is.

 

[casa]

Understood Casa. Dad wishes he had known a lot of the things he knows now way back then. He was in her life for about 5 or 6 years, and very important years. Even her mom agrees that the girl had and still has more respect for the dad then she ever did or will for the mom simply because dad was the primary care giver to both children (admitted by mom) and also the disciplinary figure as well as the teacher/peer for both children. Mom still calls to this day asking dad to get on the phone with the son because she can't handle him and still complains that the daughter just won't listen to her, would he please talk to her? This has happened at least 3 times since I'm in their lives- March 2004.

And it's not too late for Dad to salvage a relationship with this girl...in fact, sounds like she needs support now more than ever. I hope he isn't giving up on her- regardless of the legal rights he does or does not have re; her as his 'daughter'.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

There is no GAL in this case. Rmet did suggest one should be appointed, though. I seriously doubt either parent wants that expense added to everything else. I know dad just wants evaluations to happen and go back to the mediator and hopefully he and mom can come to the best agreement without involving a GAL or adding to the cost, which neither can afford.

Thanks for telling me moms past issues should be addressed. I was starting to think they shouldn't be.
Most of the items dad wants to present are focusing on how he has and can provide for their son in the future. He only has one folder which has moms "issues" included and about 10 times that many proof/evidence items showing why he is making such a request for change of physical custody.
Another question: Is it important to the evaluator for dad to list his strengths and weaknesses as I have read is helpful?

I suggested a GAL because it would have more expeditiously addressed the best interest of the child than an evaluation. It appears that your intent with the evaluation is to bash mom 1st and then something about the best welfare of the child after that. The GAL represents the child. How cold is it there now. What have you done? What has dad done about that? A GAL would have already addressed that. See the difference? What is the evaluator going to ask when dad brings up the fact that the hurricane damage is not repaired and he has done nothing? What you are directing at mom can also bite dad.