2 weeks of agony

[whitedoveh]

What is the name of your state?Ohio
My son recently had a hearing to get temporary visitation, until paternity is established. His name is on the birth certificate, he has been a major part of his son's life since day one. Never contested the child support court order that was filed and never missed a payment. Three months ago the Mom took the child and we just last weekend was able to spend 6 precious hours with him. That's all she would allow. She has so far accused him of molestation, neglect and the list goes on. Her Mom brought him to us the last time with a terrible diaper rash. And when my son took him back he still had it (he had him for 3 days) She disconnected her phone....would not return any of our calls at her work and threatened to call police. You would think she would have had the police all over my son's butt within a week or two after he returned him, if she had any validity to such accusation.

She told my lawyer all of this the day before the hearing. He said she has nothing. And she didn't even mention it at the hearing. But now she has ordered this DNA. From day one she always said "Look how much he looks like you"....."he is definitely your son"........"I wish I had never had a child with you"....etc etc.. Now she's trying to deny he is the father.

So for another week....we sit patiently still waiting to get a regular visitation.
We will then go before the magistrate to establish parenting/custody. Should we go for full custody in hopes of getting joint custody and the visitation every weekend that we want? Or would it be better just to come right out and ask for what we want? We could do the exchange and meet half way, which is only 40 miles for each of us.

Thanks for any help in this matter.

 

[alexandria1957]

response

What is your lawyer suggesting? I hope you get at least joint and every other weekend. Then document every thing every time you see the child, from bumps and bruises to lack of communication on the mothers part, everything. If she was late write it down. If your son was late, write it down so he is accepting responsability also. When you bring the child back, write down time and what clothes were on and when the child ate,,,,everything. Documentation, I have found, is an important tool. I wish you luck. I know its a hard situation. The main concern needs to be the child.

 

[whitedoveh]

Lawyer tells us to be careful what we say and do on exchanges. We get to see him again for 6 hrs on Sat. Last Sat she brought a video recorder and gave us a list of things we could do. From making him take a 2 hr nap...no candy, no pop, she would call every hour (unfortunately for her she did not have our new cell phone #) She called our lawyer after we picked him up and told him we were very rude to her.

After not seeing us for 3 months, he smiled, called us all by name and didn't cry when she walked away. When we brought him back, he cried when she walked away with him from the car.

If and when we do get regular visitation, we have contacted the sheriff's dept. at the halfway mark and they tell us we can do the exchange in their presence.

 

[Ron1347]

I have a question for you out here that are 'in-the-know'. I see it all the time, and have always wondered if in fact it is the way to go. My question is: 'Should you always ask for the MAX, in the hope of getting MORE, even if you don't receive the max', or, should you simply ask for what you really want in the first place'?

 

[stealth2]

You always ask for more than you want, so that you have negotiating room.

 

[Ron1347]

Ahhhh, okay...I see the point. Duh 'me'!

 

[whitedoveh]

This was our theory. If she thought we were going for full custody, she would be more than glad to let us have him every weekend.

 

[stealth2]

One piece of advice here, whitedove... This is your son's child, his visitation order. "We" aren't legally getting anything - he is. You want to watch that when/if you accompany him to court.

 

[whitedoveh]

Thanks, Stealth. Yes, you're right. I tend to over-dominate here. I try not to, but I sit back and see my son hurting so much for no reason. He is working fulltime, is really a good person and when she throws out these allegations and starts destroying my son's character, I can't control my emotions and feel totally involved. But I will try to heed your advice from here on. Yes, we will be at the hearing with our son. She wouldn't let my son have the child without our presence, so I feel it is a "we" situation.