3rd party pickup

[mariquitaperez]

What is the name of your state? California

Hello,

How do I add in a 3rd party pickup for my son in our visitation agreement? My ex and I do not get along and I want someone else to be there for drop off and picking up of my son. My ex has already said no way so I did not include it in our visitation papers. But now, I have decided it is best for everyone involved. Do I have to go to mediation first for this or can I just file a child visitation modification? My ex keeps missing his mediation appointments and I fear it is on purpose to avoid handling this. He only wants to deal with me coming by for our son. He wants me to answer the door when he picks him up at my home. I am uncomfortable with this since we have had a rocky past relationship. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you so much and have a sweet day.

 

[hexeliebe]

You will need to file for a modification of the visitation agreement and unless you have a good, verifiable reason (spelled PROOF) that your current arrangement isn't healthy for the child, it's not going to happen.

 

[mariquitaperez]

That is sad to hear but I guess that's the way it is. Thank you for responding anyway. I appreciate it. bye.

 

[jez51]

What is the name of your state? California

Hello,

How do I add in a 3rd party pickup for my son in our visitation agreement? My ex and I do not get along and I want someone else to be there for drop off and picking up of my son. My ex has already said no way so I did not include it in our visitation papers. But now, I have decided it is best for everyone involved. Do I have to go to mediation first for this or can I just file a child visitation modification? My ex keeps missing his mediation appointments and I fear it is on purpose to avoid handling this. He only wants to deal with me coming by for our son. He wants me to answer the door when he picks him up at my home. I am uncomfortable with this since we have had a rocky past relationship. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you so much and have a sweet day.

I can understand why he's going to be difficult about who picks the child up at his home, but I don't see how he can dictate to you as to who answers your door when he comes to your home,
UNLESS, your court order says you have to answer your own door. sounds silly doesn't it. If you don't feel safe, have someone sit in the car watching when you pick your child up, and someone standing nearby, when he does the picking up.

 

[Boxcarbill]

You will need to file for a modification of the visitation agreement and unless you have a good, verifiable reason (spelled PROOF) that your current arrangement isn't healthy for the child, it's not going to happen.

And here in Texas the following is standard broiler plate language in a decree or order which involves children and is located under the paragraph entitled

General Terms and Conditions:

4. Designation of Competent Adult Either parent may designate any competent adult to pick up and return the child, as applicable; a parent or a designated competent adult shall be present when the child is picked up or returned.


Edit: I did mention that Texas orders dealing with children cover everything except the number of squares of tiolet tissue to be used to wipe the child's butt and which parent is to wipe the butt and the age at which the child is considered old enough to wipe its own butt. This may come down with the next Texas legislative session.

But desingnated competent adults prevents the parents from having to be present for pick up or deliver. Now as you might of guessed the ex's raise hell about new spouses, new significant others, in laws etc. from picking them up but the burden of proof to establish that the other parents designated competent adult is either not an adult or not competent and no the designation can vary from visitation to visitation.

 

[mariquitaperez]

Thank you guys-all of you for your oh so needed information! And you are right, the ex never likes the new spouse. I am going through that right now but you brought up a good point. I don't have to answer the door so that makes things a little bit easier for my husband and I. California is very strict when it comes to children and unless it is on the court order, it means nothing. I can't get my ex to change how he feels so I am stuck having to deal with him everytime I go and pick up my son. It is frustrating but I have had worse so I will deal with it until my son is 18.
Thank you again guys. You all are wonderful!

 

[withonel]

You didn't mention how old your son is, I suspect he's very young, just a word of encouragement, it should get easier as he gets older. My kids are both school age, we pretty much pick them up or drop them off at school, like I take them in the morning and he picks them up on his evenings, there isn't much house-to-house transport. When that does occur, I give them a call from my cell phone when I get close and they come outside...same when he picks them up at my house. It's not that I'm afraid of him but I prefer not to see him and I suspect he feels the same.
Hang in there!