8 year old - i guess you're daddy now

[denverb]

What is the name of your state? mother and child in wisconsin. father in minnesota.



ok. i've already told him to contact a lawyer but in the mean time just wondering if he can get a little perspective from you guys first.

guy A was living with girlfriend. she was cheating on him but he didn't know it. she says, i'm pregnant, it's guy B's child and i'm leaving. never heard from her again.

8 years later...

girlfriends says kid is his - not guy B's. guy B's name is on birth certificate, kid named after him and raised child as his own for almost 8 years. apparently they broke up now. guy A takes paternity test (not sure if it was court ordered or voluntary) and sure enough, it's his kid.

Guy A is married and has 4 kids of his own with wife. now looking to get slapped with a child support order for a child that has been denied his for 8 years. as far as he knows mom has not been on state aid or anything like that. (she may be trying to get on it now).

questions are these:

guy A had 4 kids not knowing he had a child out there with someone else. because mom waited 8 years will his kids he has now (ages 1 month - 3 yrs.) be considered first when it comes to calculating child support? or not since he's not divorced?

guy B is on the birth certificate (which i'm assuming means he signed an rop since they were not married) and raised kid for 8 years. shouldn't it be too late for him to get out of child support? or not since the dna test proved it's not his? (just wondering how it works in wisconsin if anyone knows - DON'T FREAK! i am in mn - i am the legal father of a child but not the paternal father - got married b/c girlfriend said she was pregnant. raised kid - got divorced. took paternity test and kid not mine - lawyer said it was too late because once 3 years has gone by you're basically out of luck because i'd been "acting" as father - just don't want to get ripped on for trying to get out of obligations because i'm not like that. just wondering how the courts might look at it.)

 

[king sol]

I hate to break this to you but it sure sounds like you are "like that"!

A man should be more responsible when it comes to sex! When you have sex, regardless of protection, men choose to forget that sex is just as much about "makin' babies" as it is with "makin' love".

It is a man's responsibility to ensure that every time he puts his thingy in a women that he keep tabs for nine months after. You had the opportunity to question paternity way back when.

The saddest part of you query is that you seem to have no concern for your child. Regardless of circumstance, you have five children and this child deserves to have the love, relationship and support of DAD.

Support is based on your current living situation/finances. You will receive credit for your other dependents.

The best legal advice.........exercise your right to be a father. Learn to look at your child as a gift from God and not simply a debt. If you can, you will realize that there is no cost to great when what you get in return is something you treasure.

 

[stealth2]

So you're Guy B?

 

[denverb]

no. i'm neither guy A nor guy B. i'm asking for a relative. i have my own situation where i pay my child support and exercise my visitation for a child that i have raised but whom i later found out was not biologically mine. this is an entirely different situation from my own - i just not want people to barge in and accusing me exactly like king sol did.

 

[colson111]

Your situation is different

You were married when the child was born. That is why you are the one responsible for child support. In MN you are automatically considered the father when you are married.

 

[newlywed03]

Were Guy "B" and the mother married?

 

[losingalot]

I just want to say that I feel for your relative. My hubby is going thru a situation to where this kid was an unknown. He had no idea. Now, this "mother" claims him to be the father. We are so upset over what this woman wants after 12 years of total silence. How can she get away with it? I am all for supporting a child~my mother raised me and my siblings without any child support from our father, so I am not on "his" side!! I just think that each person's situation needs to be looked at individually and not as a "general rule". I know of s who have said they were on birth control and their main objective was to get pregnant. Said that the unlucky man had to believe and trust her and not use "protection". It is an unfair and unjust world that we live in. I know that our children and I will suffer is my hubby turns out to be the father. How is it fair when the man has no idea???????

 

[newlywed03]

What I'm wondering - how does Guy "B" feel about possibly losing the emotional bond he must have with this child? Child support is just a small issue - this kid is going to be confused to find out that the man he calls Daddy isn't his bio father - THAT'S what everyone needs to be the most concerned with, not how it's going to affect the wallet.

 

[AHA]

If more men would take the time for a biology class, they would know that if a woman has been having sex with muliple partners around the time of conception(women are fertile for a few days every month), there is NO WAY she can know who the father is!!!! There isn't a bell that goes off in the woman's body and an inner voice says "This is so and so's baby for sure". So to insist on a paternity test as soon as the baby is born would eliminate future problems. Her words "The baby isn't yours" is most likely something she WANTS to believe is true at the time and because some men are easily fooled because they don't know biology and conception, she probably chooses to think the "best" guy of the lot is the father.
If a woman becomes pregnant is in as much the guy's interest to find out who the baby belongs to.
Education is always a good thing and could prevent this kind of surprise to happen over and over.

 

[nextwife]

If more men would take the time for a biology class, they would know that if a woman has been having sex with muliple partners around the time of conception(women are fertile for a few days every month), there is NO WAY she can know who the father is!!!!

Let's get real. Not all guys are aware that their lady - or their WIFE - is spreading her legs for the entire football squad.

 

[AHA]

Let's get real. Not all guys are aware that their lady - or their WIFE - is spreading her legs for the entire football squad.

This guy did, she told him that she had slept with others during their relationship. So by that news alone, he would have had a 50/50 chance of being the father which should have been more than enough for him to follow up and find out for sure when the baby was born.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Let's get real. Not all guys are aware that their lady - or their WIFE - is spreading her legs for the entire football squad.

That's why I've always used the Rhythm method.
A little Johnny Mathis
A little candlelight
A little scream in the middle of the night

 

[nextwife]

You old romantic. I GET MISTY just thinking about it.

 

[denverb]

i don't have enough details to answer much. i have no idea about anything with guy b. don't know if he wants to be around or if he's trying like heck to get out of it. my relative and his wife are supposed to be talking to an attorney asap. the dna test was positive and then right away the county sends an ROP to be signed within 7 days. yeah right! how about some time to think things through. i feel bad for the 8 year old getting jerked around too. anyways, they'll be getting their info from an attorney. thanks anyways. just curious if anyone knew anything ahead of time.

although i must say guyA was a naive 22 year old at the time. your live-in girlfriend all of a sudden says she pregnant by someone else and she's leaving - most guys at that point have not been exposed to the type of reality that you and i all know now. i wouldn't have had a clue (and i didn't at the time) if i were him either. most people don't know this stuff or the consequences of whatever until you screw it up and it's too late. certainly he could have handled things differently but so could have the mother. too late now.

ps. to colson 111 - not relevant, but as for my situation - i was not married when the child was born. we married 6 months later because of it. then the divorce came. lawyer said i could MAYBE fight the paternity thing but then i'd never be able to see my child again - who by that point was my child because i raised her as my own since birth. it was too late for me to give her up. plus it would have been so tramatic for a 3 year old to find out the only stability in her life was no longer going to be there - basically that she was being abandoned. so now i pay the b'tch and get on with life as dad

 

[BelizeBreeze]

You old romantic. I GET MISTY just thinking about it.

A cold shower might help