lovemytwinsplus said:
I have been totally misunderstood by alot of you. Let me give a a summary of what my marriage is like and you tell me if you would honestly keep your children in this enviorment. My husband does provide the bare minimum for his family always imposing upon God taking care of family. Yes I fully believe God does provide! He give the birds worms but doesn not cram them down thier throat. My husband does not have any motivation to better himself. He does not provide a stable enviorment finacally( we are always behind) He has a passion to do art but no motivation. He has a bad additude about working a manual labor job and makes me feel as, we his family, are a burden..not a joy. (like we are keeping him from his dream) So I have gotten a full time job just recently because we are so strapped. Just so you all know I am ready and capable of working. We live on two separate planets. I am a doer.... he is a thinker and dreamer. He wants...I make it happen. He is lazy where things are concerned about the upkeep of our home...I am the one always picking up the pieces. He is not a leader...again I take up the slack. He gets angry, manipulative with guilt...and then an hour later is begging for my forgivness. Which leaves me in a never ending emotional roller coaster ride so much that I have become numb. He and I are in constant battles and he always thinks I am attacking him when I am simply asking him to be the husband as promised. He is a good father and I have NO intentions of pulling his children away from him. I would not do that because I have been there. I am ready for him to wake up and grow up! I have opted to stay in our home with the children and ask him to leave... but it will prove no change. He will just go back to his parents that will coddle him. I figured I would stay with my mother two hours away and give our relationship a breather period. Thus the reasoning for my question which was blown out of proportion and totally misunderstood. I do not want my children to see two parents miserable and the lesser of two evils would be to see both parents happy even though not living together (if that is what it takes)So please do not make assumptions and get the wholw story before gving judgements. This forum is to post legal questions and get answers...not condemnation
So lets get it right; you have taken all these years and children to figure out he is 'useless' and it is not your fault and that therefore you want to know how to run away from him and amputate him from the childrens lives (Because living 2 hours away you will)
Now instead of crying 'victim', citing you are not to blame and seeking a legal way of hiding /fixing your 'man' problems why don't you go see a counsellor and give this guy the biggest kick up the arse going and in the process find out what you are doing wrong and take responsibility for your part in the relationship and thus give yourself a big kick up the arse in the process.
Because unless you get to understanding of your part that you play then you will simply make the same mistake in the next relationship - assuming you find someone that wants to take on somebody elses three children!
Because lady understand this:- when we walk into relationships there are two people involved both of whom have responsibilities and expectations.
I am sorry to be so candid (actually I am not!) you obviously had feelings for your husband otherwise procreation would not have occurred so many times.
You are running away my dear! Go look in a mirror and start being honest with yourself. This guy, you were in love with once -stop and think about that! You may feel resentful (And probably with justification) and that you do not love him now but believe me with the right kind of help that could turn around.
So yes your husband probably needs that kick up the arse but by punishing him in moving away you are punishing your children and in the process painting the worse possible picture of yourself to others on this forum.
Incidentally you are right:- this is a free advice centre...my advice I do not charge for!...and in fact my advice could save you, your husband and your children a lot of heartache, pain, misery and yes money!
Stop running (do not think you need a trial seperation -they hardly ever work) Start facing up to this and in the process help (Not get) him to face up to his responsibilities...and in doing so stop playing the 'victim'. Your posts smack of arrogance and 'Oh I am not to blame' - remember we only see one side of the coin on this forum (what would he have to say about his de-motivation? -maybe you in hen-pecking him have pushed him into this psyche). Get counselling and continue counselling and in doing so understand that he has a perspective too.
So get rid of the denial and go work on the happiness...
Love and happiness is not a divine right and if you are religous go ask God I am sure he would agree with me.
