A technical question

[Lowkey]

What is the name of your state? Tennessee but case in Illinois

I have a question for someone more versed in legaleese than I. My ex and I have been battling over custody modifications for some time now...nearly 3 years. One of the primary sticking points is that she is trying to get "sole" custody. At the moment, we have "joint legal custody" with primary physical custody being with my ex. My question is this: Does it make a difference if she has the particular term "sole" custody or not? Is it important for me to retain "joint legal custody" like I have right now, or is it better to let her have it say "sole" custody, but spell out her obligations such as allowing me access to information such as speaking with doctors and educators?

I could really use some help on this.

Thanks a million.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Do not give up your legal custody. Sole custody for her, would mean no Legal custody for you.

You need to keep that legal custody whether she has physical or not.

 

[Fatherof4]

I don't answer many questions on this board, but I believe I may be able to help you out here.

It is my understanding that any parent has the legal right to access their children's medical, dental, and school records and speak to doctors/teachers regardless of the type of custody that person has, as long as he/she has been legally established as parent (marriage, court order, etc) and access to those records has not been specifically denied in a court order.

If you have joint legal custody, then technically you should both have equal say in making decisions concerning your child. If she has sole custody then she is the sole decision-maker.

I have also found out through personal experience that it is harder to get a child's records if the other parent has sole custody, because the individuals who maintain those records are not familiar with the law and they do whatever the custodial parent says in direct relation the the word "sole."

 

[mom2three]

On what grounds is the X wanting sole custody? It takes ALOT to change custody.

 

[jennifer6219]

if you love your child and want to stay in the childs life do not give up your joint custody. she may have other motives that you are not aware of yet. i have sole custody of my child because the father does not care and he has absolutley no say over i child he bends to our wants and needs and avalability and thats only once or twice a year good luck

 

[Lowkey]

It is my understanding that any parent has the legal right to access their children's medical, dental, and school records and speak to doctors/teachers regardless of the type of custody that person has, as long as he/she has been legally established as parent (marriage, court order, etc) and access to those records has not been specifically denied in a court order

Actually, from what I am reading in the Illinois state statutes, it seems that no doctor or educator has any obligation to speak to me unless I have the consent of the Custodial parent...UNLESS I share joint legal custody. My attorney has said that as long as I spell out in the modification that I am privy to this info, I would be okay....but I just don't know what my ex's motive for insisting on SOLE custody is. I just know there is more to it than meets the eye.

On what grounds is the X wanting sole custody? It takes ALOT to change custody.

Her contention is that because of the distance involved, I should be cut out of the decision making process. As to her reasoning, she states that since they moved her to Illinois, (with no notice to me and lots of legal expense to try to staighten out visitation)...my child is alleged to have become clinically depressed "as the result of a visitation schedule that is overly burdensome to her" and that an alleged therapist suggests a change in custody structure (this is untrue, but alleged none the less)...that my daughter "suffers from allergies, yet Respondent cancelled his insurance so that child could no longer get allergy shots" - also untrue.....and that my "child is lactose intolerant"...(I have yet to see any record from any physician making this diagnosis) and that I allegedly REQUIRE her to have two cups of milk a day...also not at all true. and finally "Respondent screamed at, and used guilt to manipulate, the minor child for calling her new steptather "Daddy"." --also untrue.

so, this is what has been the catalyst for 3 years of litigation and HUGE legal bills to the tune of nearly $40K

 

[LdiJ]

[QUOTE}Her contention is that because of the distance involved, I should be cut out of the decision making process. As to her reasoning, she states that since they moved her to Illinois, (with no notice to me and lots of legal expense to try to staighten out visitation)...my child is alleged to have become clinically depressed "as the result of a visitation schedule that is overly burdensome to her" and that an alleged therapist suggests a change in custody structure (this is untrue, but alleged none the less)...that my daughter "suffers from allergies, yet Respondent cancelled his insurance so that child could no longer get allergy shots" - also untrue.....and that my "child is lactose intolerant"...(I have yet to see any record from any physician making this diagnosis) and that I allegedly REQUIRE her to have two cups of milk a day...also not at all true. and finally "Respondent screamed at, and used guilt to manipulate, the minor child for calling her new steptather "Daddy"." --also untrue.

so, this is what has been the catalyst for 3 years of litigation and HUGE legal bills to the tune of nearly $40K[/QUOTE]



Did you in any way cause insurance complications that made it difficult for the child to get her allergy shots?...like not give mom an insurance card? Did you continue to give the child milk or dairy products even after mom told you the child was lactose intolerant? (a wise parent would have refrained while waiting for verification). Did you in any way, even minor, express displeasure at the fact that the child was calling the new stepfather "Daddy".

If your answer to any of those questions is yes...then mom isn't lying. She may be exaggerating but not lying. Be careful.