absent father...what should i do?

[tsuggababy]

What is the name of your state? south carolina
i am a single mother who had a child out of wedlock. the father left me when i was 2months pregnant and has only seen my son once, when he was 5months old. he is now going on 11months. i have tried to contact him so that he could see his son, but he never "has time". he has my home number, work number, and pager number;so there is no problem trying to get in touch with me, he just doesn't do it. i need to get some financial help. i was wondering if i filed for child support if he could come and take my son whenever he wanted. he, the father, parties a lot and smokes marajuna. i don't want my son around that, but i was told that if i file for child support that he has to be able to see his son. i don't want that but i need help. what can i do and are there loopholes to prevent him getting my son? (also, the father's name is not on the birth certificate, only mine...i don't know if that helps my case any)

 

[Grace_Adler]

If he didn't sign an Affadavit of Paternity when your child was born then he is not considered the legal father. If you go file for child support they will notify and he will have a chance to deny paternity. If he does this, they will tell him he needs to do a paternity test. If he does and it shows he's the father, he will have to pay for it. If he doesn't take it, I *think* how it works is that you will win by default.

Once all that happens, no, technically you still don't have to let him see the child, or do anything he says but you could let him visit while you and a witness are present. However, once he's legally declared the father, he has the same rights as you which are to file for custody and visitation.

Now, it is possible that you request supervised visitation and drug testing. I don't know how likely you are to get it.

It always helps in a custody case to try to show you have the child's best interests at heart. You can tell the judge how the child would benefit best with you but no mudslinging.

You can read up more about it at www.deltabravo.net

Also do a search on your state's laws by going to the link above in the yellow that says "state resources" and go to www.childsupportguidelines.com.

 

[stealth2]

What Grace said. The other thing to bear in mind is how you would answer the questions (which a judge is likely to ask you) "Were you aware at the time you were dating (father) that he was a partier and smoked pot?" and "Why was (father)'s lifestyle acceptable to you at the time of conception, yet you do not find him an appropriate force in the child's life?"

If you knew what he was like, yet you slept with him anyway, you'll be hard-pressed to use his lifestyle as a way of reducing visitation.

 

[sprtsystmsux]

Child support and Visitation are two different situations in many, many states. GET THAT CHILD SUPPORT!!!!!

 

[craftymom]

GET THAT CHILD SUPPORT!!!!!

Oh, that's nice!


Just keep in mind, that when you go "GET THAT CHILD SUPPORT", and the father is found to be the legal father, he can turn around and petition for visitation, joint custody, and even full custody.

 

[withonel]

A father is financially responsible for any child he is responsible for creating. Yes, get that child support and just because he petitions for full custody doesn't mean he'd get it...don't let that scare you. Additionally, the child deserves the opportunity to foster a relationship with his father, supervised visits may be the way to start considering your concerns and his lack of interest thus far. Contact your local Child Support Enforcement office, they can help you start the support issue. You should also work on a custody and visitation order with an attorney or you're local courts may offer family law assistance.
Your son has two parents and you shouldn't have to bear the financial responsiblity on your own.

 

[craftymom]

A father is financially responsible for any child he is responsible for creating.

So is a mother.....

 

[VeronicaGia]

So is a mother.....

Ditto, hopefully the mother HAS A JOB! (no offense to our original poster)

 

[tsuggababy]

i appreciate everyone's inputs. i do have a job. i work any where between 45-60 hours a week so that i can support myself and my child. i have my grandfather to watch him when i work at nights or the weekends. but it is still hard to try to get ahead. i didn't know of his lifestyle while we were together. he kept that stuff pretty well hid from me.