But, I don't have the right to tell my son's father who my son can and cannot see during HIS time. Our current order does not specify that the "parties" must pick up/ drop off our son, otherwise I would just refuse to allow my son to leave with his grandfather. The judge on my case is familiar with the situtation and hopefully will take into account the "slapping" when he makes a final ruling. I am leaning towards pressing criminal charges.
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abuse or assault
- Thread starter snostar
- Start date
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It is not like you just learned this information yesterday.
Your attorney said to let the forensic psychologist do their job. If they felt your son was in immediate danger they would have petitioned for a protective order or told you to get one.
The court is aware of the information and could have issued a protective order against the grandfather if they felt there was danger.
The grandfather has been confronted and you ex knows.
You have instructed your son re this.
Please consult your attorney before taking any action. If you go down to the courthouse, they are going to look up the other case anyway. The fact that the judge already had this information and didn't issue a protective order and that you and or your attorney didn't ask for a protective order, that will be considered before issuing any order. You don't want to get a reputation for making frivilious complaints or seen as controlling which will detract from your credibility if and or when information is in question.
It is more than a matter of doing everything possible or what you have a right to do, but being reasonible. Your actions now will be considered along with the forensic evaluation and what the psychologist said about you in addition to everything else, how it affects you overall case and ultimetally the welfare of your son.
Your attorney said to let the forensic psychologist do their job. If they felt your son was in immediate danger they would have petitioned for a protective order or told you to get one.
The court is aware of the information and could have issued a protective order against the grandfather if they felt there was danger.
The grandfather has been confronted and you ex knows.
You have instructed your son re this.
Please consult your attorney before taking any action. If you go down to the courthouse, they are going to look up the other case anyway. The fact that the judge already had this information and didn't issue a protective order and that you and or your attorney didn't ask for a protective order, that will be considered before issuing any order. You don't want to get a reputation for making frivilious complaints or seen as controlling which will detract from your credibility if and or when information is in question.
It is more than a matter of doing everything possible or what you have a right to do, but being reasonible. Your actions now will be considered along with the forensic evaluation and what the psychologist said about you in addition to everything else, how it affects you overall case and ultimetally the welfare of your son.
Ms. Cupcake are you getting the wrong impression?
I stated:
I am waiting to speak with my attorney, we've been playing phone tag. I respect his judgement far too much to go ahead with legal action prior to getting his opinion.
I was assured by the psychologist that she would handle it, and my attorney advised me to let her handle it. I only RECENTLY found out that CPS or the police were not informed.
I have no doubt now that this would not be considered child abuse as the psychologist stated, but figured that had to be another legal approach I could take (which BB described).
The judge on my case is familiar with the situtation and hopefully will take into account the "slapping" when he makes a final ruling.
At the time of my son's interview with the psychologist other issues were being addressed in court. In July of 2003 my son's father relocated to MA without notifying me or the court (we were in the middle of a trial at the time), a TRO was put in place and stills stands that the father is NOT to remove our child from the town I live in NY. The psychologist was CERTAIN that the court would order our son to be immediately returned to NY, and therefore out of the care of his Gfather. The father has been in contempt of the TRO over 75x.
Our trial began in 12/2002, we waited 18 months to continue because the judge had a stroke, heart attack, triple-bypass surgery, pneumonia and hip replacement. In 4/2004 a mistrial was declared and a new trial regarding relocation/custody set. This trial ended just recently. I will NOT file a motion in Family Court without my attorney’s advice! The psychologist also testified that the current situation is detrimental to our son’s wellbeing and development; there is only a window of opportunity to reverse the damage done to him by his father’s relocation. It has been my impression that this judge that will not take action unless it is requested by a party to the case.
The reason I ask questions is to better my awareness of the law and my rights. I do not want to regret an absence of legal action on my part especially when it concerns the protection my children (which may very well be the case in this thread). I value multiple perspectives, and will not likely pursue this in Family Court, but follow BlzBrz recommendation if it coincides with my attorney's advice.
rmet4nzkx said:It is not like you just learned this information yesterday.
Your attorney said to let the forensic psychologist do their job. If they felt your son was in immediate danger they would have petitioned for a protective order or told you to get one.
The court is aware of the information and could have issued a protective order against the grandfather if they felt there was danger.
Please consult your attorney before taking any action.
I stated:
I am waiting to speak with my attorney, we've been playing phone tag. I respect his judgement far too much to go ahead with legal action prior to getting his opinion.
I was assured by the psychologist that she would handle it, and my attorney advised me to let her handle it. I only RECENTLY found out that CPS or the police were not informed.
I have no doubt now that this would not be considered child abuse as the psychologist stated, but figured that had to be another legal approach I could take (which BB described).
The judge on my case is familiar with the situtation and hopefully will take into account the "slapping" when he makes a final ruling.
At the time of my son's interview with the psychologist other issues were being addressed in court. In July of 2003 my son's father relocated to MA without notifying me or the court (we were in the middle of a trial at the time), a TRO was put in place and stills stands that the father is NOT to remove our child from the town I live in NY. The psychologist was CERTAIN that the court would order our son to be immediately returned to NY, and therefore out of the care of his Gfather. The father has been in contempt of the TRO over 75x.
Our trial began in 12/2002, we waited 18 months to continue because the judge had a stroke, heart attack, triple-bypass surgery, pneumonia and hip replacement. In 4/2004 a mistrial was declared and a new trial regarding relocation/custody set. This trial ended just recently. I will NOT file a motion in Family Court without my attorney’s advice! The psychologist also testified that the current situation is detrimental to our son’s wellbeing and development; there is only a window of opportunity to reverse the damage done to him by his father’s relocation. It has been my impression that this judge that will not take action unless it is requested by a party to the case.
The reason I ask questions is to better my awareness of the law and my rights. I do not want to regret an absence of legal action on my part especially when it concerns the protection my children (which may very well be the case in this thread). I value multiple perspectives, and will not likely pursue this in Family Court, but follow BlzBrz recommendation if it coincides with my attorney's advice.
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snostar said:I stated:
I am waiting to speak with my attorney, we've been playing phone tag. I respect his judgement far too much to go ahead with legal action prior to getting his opinion.
I was assured by the psychologist that she would handle it, and my attorney advised me to let her handle it. I only RECENTLY found out that CPS or the police were not informed.
[Again, letting the psychologist handle it doesn't necessiarly mean doing what you want, it menas doing what is required of her in the course of the examination, she is independent and a mandated reported, not your advocate]
I have no doubt now that this would not be considered child abuse as the psychologist stated, but figured that had to be another legal approach I could take (which BB described).
[So you are saying you know it isn't abuse but you have your heart set on this unreasonable course of action because it gives you a feeling of control.]
.... In July of 2003 my son's father relocated to MA without notifying me or the court (we were in the middle of a trial at the time), a TRO was put in place and stills stands that the father is NOT to remove our child from the town I live in NY. The psychologist was CERTAIN that the court would order our son to be immediately returned to NY, and therefore out of the care of his Gfather. The father has been in contempt of the TRO over 75x.
Our trial began in 12/2002, we waited 18 months to continue because the judge had a stroke, heart attack, triple-bypass surgery, pneumonia and hip replacement. In 4/2004 a mistrial was declared and a new trial regarding relocation/custody set. This trial ended just recently. I will NOT file a motion in Family Court without my attorney’s advice! It has been my impression that this judge that will not take action unless it is requested by a party to the case.
[So you didn't get the result you wanted so you are looking for another way. What I said still holds true and your atorney who knows far more than me will tell you the same.]
The reason I ask questions is to better my awareness of the law and my rights. I do not want to regret an absence of legal action on my part especially when it concerns the protection my children (which may very well be the case in this thread). I value multiple perspectives, and will not likely pursue this in Family Court, but follow BlzBrz recommendation if it coincides with my attorney's advice.
I understand you are getting frustrated but you were ready to go down to the court house yesterday and filing to get a protective order and you had already said your attorney was out of town, I don't think BB realized that and also thought there was some immediate danger, not something that has been known for some time. Your impression of what the judge may do is just that, your impression. If there was an immediate danger the judge would have issued a protective order without asking and even if it were so, then your attorney should have asked for one, but they didn't. You are still looking for some way to get the upper hand and are looking for any excuse to exercise control.
Your ex moved. Maybe he needed some space or had to because of work reasons, whatever, he has a right to move. Why do you want him to stay in your town? You have given no reason that your healthy 4 year old child shouldn't be removed from your town, children have visitation traveling hundreds of miles and there are places in New York State farther away than MA. He has not moved so far that it has hindered visitation by the fact that you have allowed 75 visitations without enforcing the TRO, many fathers would just let it go, but your ex is involved with his child as he should be, you don't want that, it has nothing to do with a "slap".
Under these circumstances I find it questionable that the psychologist, knowing all of this, would as you state:" The psychologist also testified that the current situation is detrimental to our son’s wellbeing and development; there is only a window of opportunity to reverse the damage done to him by his father’s relocation." AS A FORENSICPSYCHOLOGIST all my antenea are telling me something isn't right. I have the impression it is not your ex's relocation that is the issue, but the issue it has become for you, that is the detrament to your son and you are going to any length to feed it! I hope this doesn't spill over onto your child. When your son has visitation, why don't you do something good for yourself? Let your son and his father have their relationship, he is lucky to have a father who is able and wants to, so many don't.
I calls them as I see them.
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You are wise to get legal advice but you certainly don't have to have it. Our
great-grandson's mom has obtained two orders of protection against family
members with lies to back her up....and then more lies to the judge. We now
have legal representation but she never did to bring her charges. Good luck.
That child does need protection. Even if the grandfather had good reason to
discipline the child the face isn't the place to slap. I prefer "time outs".
great-grandson's mom has obtained two orders of protection against family
members with lies to back her up....and then more lies to the judge. We now
have legal representation but she never did to bring her charges. Good luck.
That child does need protection. Even if the grandfather had good reason to
discipline the child the face isn't the place to slap. I prefer "time outs".
I understand you are getting frustrated but you were ready to go down to the court house yesterday and filing to get a protective order
WRONG, I stated I would go down to the court house, I did not state I would file the papers. You came to this assumption because I questioned if it was possible to fill out the papers and get an OOP in the same day without my attorney. I ask many questions simply because I am interested in the legal process.
BlzBrz ANSWERED my question. He knows far more about my case than anyone on this forum because he has helped me throughout its development for over a year now. He also knows that I pursue information regarding ALL legal avenues. Remember, I nor he brought up the OOP, You Are Giulty brought it up. I simply wanted more information. I wanted to see the actual papers and know more about the processes involved in the event I can benefit from it in the future or provide help for others. Now, what is wrong with that?I don't think BB realized that and also thought there was some immediate danger, not something that has been known for some time.
You are still looking for some way to get the upper hand and are looking for any excuse to exercise control.
Upper hand? That’s strange considering I was the one willing to bend over backwards to settle this case with 50/50 everything. He is the one that filed for sole custody. Control? What control? The father has had temporary custody for two years now because of a false allegation (which I proved false 3 separate ways) and an uncontrollable delay in the case. He moved and didn’t notify the court or I, then registered him in school, did not tell me, and didn’t bother to tell the school I existed. Same goes for his Dr.’s. I’ve had no control to exercise, PERIOD. Your attempt to label me as a control freak is way off, the only things I can control are my thinking, actions, reactions, and positive changes in MYSELF.
He moved simply because he wanted to be closer to where he grew up (according to his testimony). Of course he has the right to move, but he did not have the right to move our child’s residence outside the jurisdiction of the court in the middle of proceedings without permission from the court. Because of this, the judge found reason to issue the TRO at my request.Your ex moved. Maybe he needed some space or had to because of work reasons, whatever, he has a right to move. Why do you want him to stay in your town? You have given no reason that your healthy 4 year old child shouldn't be removed from your town,
He has not moved so far that it has hindered visitation by the fact that you have allowed 75 visitations without enforcing the TRO, many fathers would just let it go, but your ex is involved with his child as he should be, you don't want that.
Are children normally required to travel such distances 1-4x per week? NO. As to the TRO and me allowing visits, I have no idea how you came to that conclusion, it is not my place to allow visits. The delay in contempt charges was a tactic by my lawyer. I don’t want him in his life? That is why after each time he returned after abandoning our son and stating he wanted nothing to do with him I gave him immediate access and 50/50 time with our son, even when our son barely knew who he was because he was not a part of his life. I have gone way out of my way, above and beyond to promote their relationship and will always do so regardless of his lack of willingness to return the same courtesy.
Under these circumstances I find it questionable that the psychologist, knowing all of this, would as you state:" The psychologist also testified that the current situation is detrimental to our son’s wellbeing and development; there is only a window of opportunity to reverse the damage done to him by his father’s relocation." AS A FORENSICPSYCHOLOGIST all my antenea are telling me something isn't right.
Our son has had to travel 10-20 hrs. per week in a car for visitations – this went on for 10 months (because his father didn’t feel like changing the visitation order and no judge would hear a modification motion). Do you think this in a child’s best interest? There are far too many issues to list here which the psychologist took into account to come to this conclusion, one being PAS. If you really are a forensic psychologist you would realize that of course.
I have the impression it is not your ex's relocation that is the issue, but the issue it has become for you, that is the detrament to your son and you are going to any length to feed it! I hope this doesn't spill over onto your child. When your son has visitation, why don't you do something good for yourself? Let your son and his father have their relationship, he is lucky to have a father who is able and wants to, so many don't.
I really could care less if he moved to the moon, but our son’s relationship with me and his half brother should not deteriorate because of his actions.
I hope this doesn't spill over onto your child. When your son has visitation, why don't you do something good for yourself? Let your son and his father have their relationship, he is lucky to have a father who is able and wants to, so many don't.
I calls them as I see them.
The only things that spill over onto my children are my unconditional love, sense of morality, thirst for knowledge and ambitious drive. I treat myself very well all the time, because I deserve it, and my children need to see it. I have NEVER told his father that he could not see him if he wanted to, EVER. I went 6 weeks without seeing our son, then 5 months only seeing him for 3 hrs a week, then 8 months only seeing him for 8hrs a week. I just hope you are able to see the repercussions of making assumptions. You obviously have not read through my previous posts on these forums because if you had you would know where I stand concerning father’s rights and a child’s need to have BOTH parents in their life. Try to remember this is a LEGAL forum, not a shrink’s office. Making calls without the whole picture is not a beneficial quality for a psychologist. For the rest of the story you’ll have to buy the book.
BelizeBreeze
Senior Member
I don't think BB realized that and also thought there was some immediate danger, not something that has been known for some time.
RM, I have left your responses to this thread and others alone because, although you have not given completely false legal advice under the guise of knowing what you are talking about, you have from time to time imparted relevant personal advice.
Until now. I have no idea where you have jumped from an adult hitting a child in the face to the poster using the incident for 'control'. It is not relevant to the issues and even if this were the case, the law is very specific on the solutions to an adult striking a child.
I would suggest, in the future, at a minimum, you do no ASSUME anything about me or my intentions or understandings. In fact, leave the assumptions at the office door. It does this forum no good and only serves to make any contribution you could have made or have made, seem self-serving and biased.