Adopting my stepson

[MomandDad2006]

I have a "step son" who turns five in a week. I am looking to adopt him. My wife and I have asked the biological father to allow this but he refuses. He isnt involved in our sons life and pays no support. My wife felt it useless to ever even file because in the 3 years they were together he didnt hold a job over a couple months. The man is 35 and lives with his sisters, alternating between the two because he gets kicked out and taken back in by one when he messes up at the others. He is still unemployed. When I met my wife she was still willing to give him visitation if he agreed to be sober and have it supervised, he would agree then not show up or show up drunk etc. He didnt see him but once, on our sons first b-day we invited him to the party, he came but seemed more concerned with me and her than our child. After about 2 more months she decided to take back her offer told him if he wanted to take her to court. He has been in and out of jail for things like public intoxication & possession. Was on probation while they were together and failed a few drug tests.Im in the military and currently stationed in Italy and want to take action when we get back to the states, we are going to ask his permission one more time before that but do not feel the outcome will be any different than before. That being said what will we need to do to start the process. I love my son and want all the best for him, knowing his biological father is important but the man refuses to grow up and act accordingly so this is what we have decided would be best. I honestly do feel like I am his father, maybe not in the sense of DNA but where it really counts. Do the courts recognize this? Do we have a shoot? What can I do, he calls me dad, I taught him to walk, to speak, to play baseball. Im sorry ive gone on and on, any advice/suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks!!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

 

[Antigone*]

I have a "step son" who turns five in a week. I am looking to adopt him. My wife and I have asked the biological father to allow this but he refuses. He isnt involved in our sons life and pays no support. My wife felt it useless to ever even file because in the 3 years they were together he didnt hold a job over a couple months. The man is 35 and lives with his sisters, alternating between the two because he gets kicked out and taken back in by one when he messes up at the others. He is still unemployed. When I met my wife she was still willing to give him visitation if he agreed to be sober and have it supervised, he would agree then not show up or show up drunk etc. He didnt see him but once, on our sons first b-day we invited him to the party, he came but seemed more concerned with me and her than our child. After about 2 more months she decided to take back her offer told him if he wanted to take her to court. He has been in and out of jail for things like public intoxication & possession. Was on probation while they were together and failed a few drug tests.Im in the military and currently stationed in Italy and want to take action when we get back to the states, we are going to ask his permission one more time before that but do not feel the outcome will be any different than before. That being said what will we need to do to start the process. I love my son and want all the best for him, knowing his biological father is important but the man refuses to grow up and act accordingly so this is what we have decided would be best. I honestly do feel like I am his father, maybe not in the sense of DNA but where it really counts. Do the courts recognize this? Do we have a shoot? What can I do, he calls me dad, I taught him to walk, to speak, to play baseball. Im sorry ive gone on and on, any advice/suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks!!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Not unless dad agrees.

 

[Proserpina]

Are there any current orders addressing visitation and/or support?

Any at all?

(and this is NOT your son. I know you love him like that - but he's not your son)

 

[ecmst12]

Him not paying child support is irrelevent if there's no order for him to pay support.

 

[MomandDad2006]

Wanting to adopt my stepson

I understand that. However does it not speak of his lack of concern for the child. As someone stated this isnt "my son" and before I ever married his mother I wanted to provide financial support simply because she needed help to provide him with all he needed. I know there has to be a way to adopt him, to show the courts that the biological father is unfit. How do I get the process started?

 

[>Charlotte<]

What is your home state?

 

[MomandDad2006]

Texas is our home state.

 

[MomandDad2006]

adopting

Proserpina,

No there are no court orders. Im not sure how much it matters but he signed an Acknowledgment of Paternity when the child was born. From what we have read about that it was his acknowledgment that the child is his and that he has certain rights and responsibility's to the child. I need to know what steps to take first when we get back to the states, part of our thanks to him for signing the consent for a passport was to agree we would make no attempts against his wishes for me to adopt the boy during our tour, we are truly willing to let him be a part of our sons, his sons life if he can get clean and stay that way, or at least make a real effort. Im not trying to push him out of his sons life, I recognize the importance of him being involved and would welcome it if he would just take control of his life. My wife and I do not feel he will change his ways. We are only trying to be as prepared as possible. Thanks again, any insight,advice or knowledge is always appreciated.

 

[>Charlotte<]

This link will take you to the Texas statute outlining the requirements for involuntary termination of a parent/child relationship.

http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/DocViewer.aspx?K2DocKey=odbc%3a%2f%2fSOTW%2fASUPUBLIC.dbo.vwSOTW%2fFA%2fS%2fFA.161%40SOTW&QueryText=parent%3cOR%3etermination&HighlightType=1

This link will take you to the Texas statute explaining the process of adoption, including adoption by a stepparent.

http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/DocViewer.aspx?K2DocKey=odbc%3a%2f%2fSOTW%2fASUPUBLIC.dbo.vwSOTW%2fFA%2fS%2fFA.162%40SOTW&QueryText=adopt%3cOR%3echild%3cOR%3eparent&HighlightType=1

Even if your case meets these requirements, don't expect it to be a slam-dunk. You're going to need an attorney.

Get out of the habit of calling him "your" son until (and if) he is your son. The state places supreme importance on the father's right to be a parent, and calling him your son implies your intent to deprive him of that right. At this point, the child has two parents and you're not one of them. Even if he's a lousy father, he's still his father.

 

[goddessoflubboc]

My husband and I adopted my granddaughter here in Texas. The biodad voluntarily signed off.

Mom however, was another story. Despite being the poster child of unfit parenting (we had a CPS safety plan that prevented her from seeing the child until she contacted them which she never did) we had a rough go of it. Since she then moved out of state it was nearly impossible to prove her unfit despite the dichotomy that she abandoned her child and made no effort of contact or ever a dime of financial help.

So, no, if dad wants to be in kiddoes life at all and isn't a serial killer, you've got an uphill battle.

(We did finally get the adoption completed.)

 

[Seanscott]

Our case in Indiana was very similar to yours. We finally just went ahead and filed a petition to adopt. That started the ball rolling toward termination of parental rights.
In our case the biological father, when faced with the expenses of child support and legal fees, decided not to fight the adoption. It was more important to him to have money for drugs & alcohol.
I bet your stepson's fathere will do the same.

 

[ecmst12]

Him not paying child support doesn't speak to ANYTHING. He isn't required to pay. She never asked him (through a court order) to pay. If she'd filed for child support and he'd never paid despite being ordered to do so, THAT would say something.

She could certainly file for child support NOW, if he refuses to consent to the adoption. That could start the clock on abandonment, if he refuses to pay, or it could encourage him to sign the consent papers.

 

[dannyt]

you are not dad

I have a "step son" who turns five in a week. I am looking to adopt him. My wife and I have asked the biological father to allow this but he refuses. He isnt involved in our sons life and pays no support. My wife felt it useless to ever even file because in the 3 years they were together he didnt hold a job over a couple months. The man is 35 and lives with his sisters, alternating between the two because he gets kicked out and taken back in by one when he messes up at the others. He is still unemployed. When I met my wife she was still willing to give him visitation if he agreed to be sober and have it supervised, he would agree then not show up or show up drunk etc. He didnt see him but once, on our sons first b-day we invited him to the party, he came but seemed more concerned with me and her than our child. After about 2 more months she decided to take back her offer told him if he wanted to take her to court. He has been in and out of jail for things like public intoxication & possession. Was on probation while they were together and failed a few drug tests.Im in the military and currently stationed in Italy and want to take action when we get back to the states, we are going to ask his permission one more time before that but do not feel the outcome will be any different than before. That being said what will we need to do to start the process. I love my son and want all the best for him, knowing his biological father is important but the man refuses to grow up and act accordingly so this is what we have decided would be best. I honestly do feel like I am his father, maybe not in the sense of DNA but where it really counts. Do the courts recognize this? Do we have a shoot? What can I do, he calls me dad, I taught him to walk, to speak, to play baseball. Im sorry ive gone on and on, any advice/suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks!!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

marrying mom did not make her son yours, or give you any rights, say or standing. you may love him and take care of him, but in the eyes of the law, you are a legal stranger, not dad. and if dad finds out his son is calling you dad, it could cause your wife to be stripped of custody for parental alienation. judges seriously frown on that.

 

[ecmst12]

if dad finds out his son is calling you dad, it could cause your wife to be stripped of custody for parental alienation.

There is no evidence that such a thing could happen here. Stop fear-mongering.

 

[MomandDad2006]

Seriously

I have just read that my step son cant call me dad because it could cause my wife to lose her rights, which sounds ridiculous, but is there any truth to that.