adopton of stepson

[anthony2010]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I am a 24 year old man who is married to a woman with a 5 year old son. We have been married since Tyler was 2. Tylers dad is not involved and has never been. He hasnt seen him in four years and pays no support but there is also no court order. My wife has refused to file as she says he will not pay anyway and she wont miss work for court dates that will ultimately accomplish nothing. The father signed an AOp I think its called at birth and tyler carries his last name. I do not wish to bash tylers father here but what i am about to say is just the truth. He dont work lives with his uncle and any money he does make he blows on drugs and beer. The drugs he does depends on what he can afford at that time, sometimes its weed, sometimes its painkillers. other times its harder stuff. I do not think he is addicted to any one thing just has a desire to get messed up on whatever he can get. I love this little boy, I in my heart feel like his dad but I know I am not, Tyler does call me dad and my wife and I have told him that I am his step dad. He really dont understand that but my wife has told him that he is the luckiest little boy alive because he has two daddy's that love him. I am in the military and currently serving my last four months in Iraq. I want to adopt Tyler when I get home. I have consulted the attorneys here but to be honest the guys here have a lot on their plates and I dont feel I was given accurate info. I asked my wife how she felt about adoption and she says that she thinks it would be great but dad will not sign away his rights. The attorneys here said that we dont really have a shot because my wife has refused to call dad and ask him if he wants to see his son, but she did the first year of his life and we once we got married tried to reach an agreement with him to no avail, we gave up. She talks to his sister in law every once in awhile as they went to HS together. The sister in law tells her that he isnt much better, but that is just hear say I guess. What can I do if anything. I will consult an attorney when I get home but my wife is scared that he will be angry if we take him to court. She says and she admits it may be wrong that she feels it may be better to leave him alone, he in her mind obviously doesn't want to be involved but if we push for adoption will if we lose pop in and out of Tylers life just to get back at her. She has said that when they first separated he would call her all the time and call her names but if she said she was hanging up he would say that she had to deal with him forever because he is the dad. At our weeding he called her mom and told her no matter who she married he had a tie to her forever. I read the newbies post and know we are not supposed to share threads but i gave my wife my long in info as I get crazy busy out here and may take a while for me to get back, so if its ok she can answer anymore question or what not. If thats not ok then she will start her own thread, we only want what is best for Tyler. I love this kid more than I can express, cant wait to get home to my little man and my beautiful wife. Hope nothing I said was offensive, really dont wanna get off on the wrong foot here, just looking for helpful advice. Thanks to all, HOOAH!!!

 

[mollymatters]

My son is dealing with a step parent situation and my advice to you is to back off. Boys need their daddys, their real ones and although it is obvious you love him your love dont make you dad. Give dad a real chance, give your step son the choice, wait until he is older I would suggest, then let him decide if he wants you to take his real dads place.

 

[stealth2]

My son is dealing with a step parent situation and my advice to you is to back off. Boys need their daddys, their real ones and although it is obvious you love him your love dont make you dad. Give dad a real chance, give your step son the choice, wait until he is older I would suggest, then let him decide if he wants you to take his real dads place.

I think YOU need to back off, you meddling grandmother of a deadbeat Dad! Sheesh.

Anthony - disregard meddlingmolly. She's on a tear as her son is similar to your stepson's father, although he hasn't bothered with his son for much longer - 6 years. So she has no room to speak.

As to your post. Wait until you get home and have the chance to speak with a few adoption attorneys in your state to see what they say. Then you and your wife can make a decision as to what would be best for the child. {deleted due to poor reading skills!}

Thank you for what you do - come home safely.

 

[ecmst12]

If there is no court order, then dad is under ZERO legal obligation to pay support.

You will not be able to adopt without dad's consent....AND mom's consent, which it sounds like you might not even have.

Mom SHOULD file for support, but if she doesn't want to and is not on any state aid, she can't be forced to. And YOU are way too involved for a step parent - you need to take a dozen steps BACK.

Stealth, child is 5 and OP has been married to mom since he was 2.

 

[stealth2]

Stealth, child is 5 and OP has been married to mom since he was 2.

Thank you! That's what I get for not drinking coffee!

 

[anthony2010]

Hi ok this is the wife, i didn't see if anyone had an issue with me using Anthonys post, if so please just ask me to start my own and it is no problem, this way just keeps us from in a way double posting. I am ok with my husband adopting my son, as he said dad isn't around and no I don't think he should take a dozen steps back, he isn't doing anything but trying to be informed. ecmst12 thank you for your input, that is why we are here so no disrespect intended. However I feel you are mistaken by stating that dad is under zero obligation. he signed an Acknowledgment of Paternity the day our son was born, according to the Attorney Generals website that is as good as a paternity test and clearly stated that he has rights and responsibility's to our son. But then again you guys are the experts so I am not arguing just trying to get the whole truth. I am not on any state aid but was before I married but just medicaid for a year and a half. Dad is a mess right now, he was a mess when I was with him but I was just plain stupid, the pregnancy was unplanned and well birth control isnt 100 percent. I want a real father for my son, a man that will love him and be there for him and to help me rasie him up as good man and my husband is willing to be just that. What would be some helpful sites I could visit, I have been all over the internet but there is so much out there and some of it differs greatly. I read that dads actions could be considered alienation and then I read it is considered abandonment. Which one is it if either? Would my husband being in the military look badly because of the ever present possibility of moving? Just looking for advice and or suggestions. As I said before if it is a problem me posting here than I will start a new thread i would like to keep this one as my husband can read what was said to me and what I asked, we get to talk some but not a lot and dont want him to miss any valuable info, thanks again

 

[mommyof4]

Hi ok this is the wife, i didn't see if anyone had an issue with me using Anthonys post, if so please just ask me to start my own and it is no problem, this way just keeps us from in a way double posting. I am ok with my husband adopting my son, as he said dad isn't around and no I don't think he should take a dozen steps back, he isn't doing anything but trying to be informed. ecmst12 thank you for your input, that is why we are here so no disrespect intended. However I feel you are mistaken by stating that dad is under zero obligation. he signed an Acknowledgment of Paternity the day our son was born, according to the Attorney Generals website that is as good as a paternity test and clearly stated that he has rights and responsibility's to our son. But then again you guys are the experts so I am not arguing just trying to get the whole truth. I am not on any state aid but was before I married but just medicaid for a year and a half. Dad is a mess right now, he was a mess when I was with him but I was just plain stupid, the pregnancy was unplanned and well birth control isnt 100 percent. I want a real father for my son, a man that will love him and be there for him and to help me rasie him up as good man and my husband is willing to be just that. What would be some helpful sites I could visit, I have been all over the internet but there is so much out there and some of it differs greatly. I read that dads actions could be considered alienation and then I read it is considered abandonment. Which one is it if either? Would my husband being in the military look badly because of the ever present possibility of moving? Just looking for advice and or suggestions. As I said before if it is a problem me posting here than I will start a new thread i would like to keep this one as my husband can read what was said to me and what I asked, we get to talk some but not a lot and dont want him to miss any valuable info, thanks again

Dad has ZERO legal obligation to pay child support because there is no court order for him to do so. You need to understand that moral responsibility and legal responsibility are not one and the same.

Seriously? At this point in time, there is nothing that can be done. Y'all will need to wait for your husband to return home (SAFELY!!!!!) and get a consult with a local atty who can sit down with y'all and go over everything.

I can tell you that TX is a bit different than most other states when it comes to TPR.

 

[garrula lingua]

Well, I hate to say it, but many situations like yours are resolved through strong-arm negotiation.
Mom has several options:
1. Mom has the right to file a child support case against Dad (she can use the Attorney General's child support division) asking for child support from birth. Retroactive child support for four years is considered 'reasonable' under the Tx Family Code, but you can go to birth if Dad knew he was Dad & offered no support.

When 'Dad' is faced with a sudden financial responsibility of at least 211. month c/s & usually 57. month medical support, and a potential very large retroactive child support award, he is usually eager to sign away his rights.

When you get home, your local County Bar Association usually offers low-cost legal consultation (usu. $20. for 1/2 hr). They can also refer you to a local attorney (best is board-certified in family law, but they're more expensive) who can do the negotiation and the adoption for you.

The 'AOP" is an Acknowledgment of Paternity, and it is on file with the Bureau of Vital Statistics. By signing that, he was adjudicated to be the father.
'Dad' has to either voluntarily relinquish his rights, or Mom can proceed without Dad's agreement (but he has to be served) - she can file to terminate his rights.

2. I believe if the adjudicated 'Dad' has abandoned the child for three years, in Texas, Mom can proceed with a termination of rights action. Adoption by you can be done in the same proceeding. In this case, you don't have to negotiate, you just have to be able to serve 'Dad". The Court may appoint an Amicus attorney for the child (you pay) and a home study is usually done. Courts, in Texas, frequently approve those terminations. Again, hire an attorney - you can't do this pro se.