Advice for parent with sole/legal custody

[Oneday@atime]

What is the name of your state? California

I have sole/legal custody of my 9 year old daughter. Her father married a woman she does not get along with. They live in a two bedroom condo of which one room is my daughers. I just found out that her stepmoms 17 year old son is moving in with them. They are moving him into her room and moved all her things in the closet. I'm concerned how this is going to impact my daughter emotionally. I'm also concerned, because the son has been into drugs, smokes and has been in trouble with the law. I'm not comfortable with my daughter being around him. I can't talk to my daughters father without his wife present. His wife won't allow it and he goes along with it. Is there anything I can do? What are my rights as the parent with sole/legal custody?

 

[Inquiry123]

Other forms of communication?

Are you worried that this conversation would become heated if his wife were present? Would it help if you had a friend/witness present during the conversation?

Can't you communicate this by phone? Email? Mail?

I would suggest that you address the issue immediately in the most non-confrontational method possible. Prepare...write out how you feel about the situation, what you think could happen, and what you want the resolution to be. Then communicate those things in that order to your ex. Tell him that you want to discuss the matter and reach the best solution cooperatively.

Ultimately, he should be required to have seperate bedrooms for children of different genders. And the adults need to have a seperate bedroom as well. If he cannot meet these requirements, the living arrangements would not be suitable for overnight visitation at his home.

Others who have encountered this situation will have better advice. Good luck.

 

[gretchensanders]

nosy wife

ny-tell the wife to butt out-any discussion about YOUR daughter is NONE of HER business.this is between you and her ex,and she doesnt have a damm thing to say about it.yes,i agree,the kids should have their own rooms,and if not,there amy have to be different arrangements.9 yr olds should not be sleeping with 17 yr old boys.tell your ex to grow some b****,and tell his wife to keep her mouth shut.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California

I have sole/legal custody of my 9 year old daughter. Her father married a woman she does not get along with. They live in a two bedroom condo of which one room is my daughers. I just found out that her stepmoms 17 year old son is moving in with them. They are moving him into her room and moved all her things in the closet. I'm concerned how this is going to impact my daughter emotionally. I'm also concerned, because the son has been into drugs, smokes and has been in trouble with the law. I'm not comfortable with my daughter being around him. I can't talk to my daughters father without his wife present. His wife won't allow it and he goes along with it. Is there anything I can do? What are my rights as the parent with sole/legal custody?

You have every right to be concerned however there may not be much that you can do about the situation.

What is the visitation schedule? If dad only has every other weekend, then it may not be absolutely necessary for him to have a separate bedroom for the child. While she absolutely shouldn't sleep in the same room as the 17 year old boy....a judge may see it as acceptable for either she or the boy to sleep on the couch during visitation weekends. If he has more than every other weekend...or extended summer/holiday visits that may be much more of an issue.

The boy's past history is a factor that might influence a judge...but again the judge is likely to trust that dad can adequately supervise the situation.

You really do need to thoroughly discuss this with dad...and without his wife being a part of the equation. You need to insist that you and he meet somewhere neutral to discuss things, and you need to insist that his wife not be present.

 

[haiku]

I think the big question is how much visitation does your ex get?

I don't think it is feasable in all cases for non custodial parents to have bedrooms, for children who do not live with them.

This boy is living with them, so he should get the extra room.

hopefully dad will handle the new arrangements in a nice way.

I have 3 steps and my own child, and we have never provided them with thier own rooms, even now, I only have one extra bedroom. visitation time is usally a big campout in the living room.

 

[blendedfamily]

Call the dad at work if you have too!!!!

 

[stealth2]

When my ex remarried, our kids' bedrooms (they each had their own at his house) had to be shared with their step-sibs. Well, actually, since ours aren't there but once a month and summers - their bedrooms were no longer their bedrooms. It really only makes sense that the kid(s) living there get the room(s). I'm sure Dad isn't going to make your 9yo sleep in the same room as the 17yo. Perhaps it would be worth simply asking Dad what the plan is, should you send a sleeping bag, etc.