Advice to Give to a 16 Year old

[penelope10]

Pen, this is one of those situations where you and kiddo are going to have to be the ones to take the high road.

Sticking it out for a couple of years will be worth the priceless knowledge that kiddo has learned how to deal with uppity adults who often can't see past their own carbuncles.

She'll be well prepared for the real world

Lol, you're right. And I do try to make suggestions such "Make sure you have your homework done before going to Dad's, or "make sure you have things organized so you can get things done when you're at Dad's." I could tell that when she came home to pick up her clothes she was hoping that I would just say, "Oh honey, you can just stay here." But I told her it was Dad's weekend and that she had to go.

I just need to keep telling myself just 2 more years...and hopefully this will have taught her coping skills when she gets out on her own and has to deal with other people that prove to be sometimes difficult.

 

[penelope10]

I'd wake stepmom up each and everytime. JUST so stepmom would be uncomfortable. But then I have an attitude problem.

Lol, one of my friends suggested that she just leave for school and set off the alarm every morning.(And then state if there were complaints, "Well I tried to wake you up....") While it was fun to fantasize about, it wasn't a suggestion that I passed on.

 

[gr8rn]

Lol, one of my friends suggested that she just leave for school and set off the alarm every morning.(And then state if there were complaints, "Well I tried to wake you up....") While it was fun to fantasize about, it wasn't a suggestion that I passed on.

I like this idea. A lot. That, or Isis' suggestion too. Either one would be more acceptable, in my opinion, to having your daughter have to stay outside in front of school 45 minutes till the doors open. I could see, 10 or 5 minutes, but 45 minutes before? I doubt if there are even any teachers around that long before school starts.

 

[LdiJ]

Lol, you're right. And I do try to make suggestions such "Make sure you have your homework done before going to Dad's, or "make sure you have things organized so you can get things done when you're at Dad's." I could tell that when she came home to pick up her clothes she was hoping that I would just say, "Oh honey, you can just stay here." But I told her it was Dad's weekend and that she had to go.

I just need to keep telling myself just 2 more years...and hopefully this will have taught her coping skills when she gets out on her own and has to deal with other people that prove to be sometimes difficult.

Is Lil bit in counseling herself? If not, it might enhance the coping skills.

 

[milspecgirl]

my kiddos are in the same situation (except they are with dad 50% of the time). They are not allowed to go to dad's house on their off time (like if they need a book or sweater, etc) unless they call first, state exactly what they need, where it is, and then stepmom puts it on the front porch. Stepmom treats them like crap. I have begged, pleaded, etc with ex till I am blue. He states the kids are making his relationship with stepmom strained. We have done all kinds of counseling (kiddos still do).

My oldest daughter can tell you exactly how many days until she turns 18. At that time, she says she will walk out of his house, tell him and stepmom where to go, and they will never see her again. His response when I tell him this- well, it's only my job to get her to 18. So sad, but I cant do anything more than just be there for them

 

[mistoffolees]

my kiddos are in the same situation (except they are with dad 50% of the time). They are not allowed to go to dad's house on their off time (like if they need a book or sweater, etc) unless they call first, state exactly what they need, where it is, and then stepmom puts it on the front porch. Stepmom treats them like crap. I have begged, pleaded, etc with ex till I am blue. He states the kids are making his relationship with stepmom strained. We have done all kinds of counseling (kiddos still do).

My oldest daughter can tell you exactly how many days until she turns 18. At that time, she says she will walk out of his house, tell him and stepmom where to go, and they will never see her again. His response when I tell him this- well, it's only my job to get her to 18. So sad, but I cant do anything more than just be there for them

Unfortunately, sometimes that's the only option.

 

[LdiJ]

Unfortunately, sometimes that's the only option.

Yep, sometimes it is, but it doesn't make it any less sad for the kiddos.

 

[frylover]

my kiddos are in the same situation (except they are with dad 50% of the time). They are not allowed to go to dad's house on their off time (like if they need a book or sweater, etc) unless they call first, state exactly what they need, where it is, and then stepmom puts it on the front porch. Stepmom treats them like crap. I have begged, pleaded, etc with ex till I am blue. He states the kids are making his relationship with stepmom strained. We have done all kinds of counseling (kiddos still do).

My oldest daughter can tell you exactly how many days until she turns 18. At that time, she says she will walk out of his house, tell him and stepmom where to go, and they will never see her again. His response when I tell him this- well, it's only my job to get her to 18. So sad, but I cant do anything more than just be there for them

A good friend of mine has a brother and sister in law like this. They have worked it out so that their respective children are gone at the same time, and have told their exes that they don't want to hear from the kids..the kids aren't their problem at those times.

 

[LdiJ]

I will never, ever understand how a parent can allow a new spouse or significant other to control their relationship with their children. I will never understand how the relationship with their new significant other is more important than their relationship with their children.

Of course, one of the reasons why I chose not to seriously date or remarry was because I did NOT want to deal with stepparent issues.

I have a good friend who is a really wonderful person in all ways but one. She was a really BAD stepparent. She had all kinds of truly ridiculous rules. I honestly think that she would have ended up divorced far sooner than she was if I hadn't had some serious discussions with her about her rules.

They eventually ended up divorced anyway because of her rules, but she still doesn't truly understand that she wasn't reasonable.

 

[frylover]

Yeah, LD,this particular mom is a doozy. If I were married to someone who treated my kids they way she treats his, I would have kicked him to the curb LONG ago. But, she has money......BIG money....and sadly, I think that's go a lot to do with it.

 

[penelope10]

Sorry guys been out getting ready for the holidays. Thanks for all of your replies. It is incredibly sad that some people marry a partner with children and don't realize that it's a package deal. And that there are parents who will put up with a spouse treating their children poorly. Personally, I lay the blame on the partner who is the parent.

Sadly for Lil Bit, in this instance I don't think Oz will kick this person to the curb. The best I can do is teach her to keep on keeping on. And she does seem to be a happy, healthy teenager. She has a lot of consistency and love at my house.

The other day Hallmark was advertising books that record the voice of the person reading the story. At 16, Lil Bit asked for me to buy her one of these books and to record my voice. She said that she can take the book with her to college. listen to the book, and then not feel far from home. I, of course, was very touched.

My holiday wish for Thanksgiving is that those parents who do not have a good relationship with their children do some reflecting. Realize that being a parent is one of the most rewarding things that one can do with their life. And don't wait until it is too late to make amends with your child. It is the greatest gift that you can give to your child and to yourself.

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry guys been out getting ready for the holidays. Thanks for all of your replies. It is incredibly sad that some people marry a partner with children and don't realize that it's a package deal. And that there are parents who will put up with a spouse treating their children poorly. Personally, I lay the blame on the partner who is the parent.

Sadly for Lil Bit, in this instance I don't think Oz will kick this person to the curb. The best I can do is teach her to keep on keeping on. And she does seem to be a happy, healthy teenager. She has a lot of consistency and love at my house.

The other day Hallmark was advertising books that record the voice of the person reading the story. At 16, Lil Bit asked for me to buy her one of these books and to record my voice. She said that she can take the book with her to college. listen to the book, and then not feel far from home. I, of course, was very touched.

My holiday wish for Thanksgiving is that those parents who do not have a good relationship with their children do some reflecting. Realize that being a parent is one of the most rewarding things that one can do with their life. And don't wait until it is too late to make amends with your child. It is the greatest gift that you can give to your child and to yourself.

Well said Pen...

 

[stealth2]

My holiday wish for Thanksgiving is that those parents who do not have a good relationship with their children do some reflecting. Realize that being a parent is one of the most rewarding things that one can do with their life. And don't wait until it is too late to make amends with your child. It is the greatest gift that you can give to your child and to yourself.

This. Let those with ears, hear.