Alcohol to Alcoholic

[JasonKal]

Nope. She's not a professional caregiver. Retired Gov. Employee. I'm shocked at the lack of recourse available. I have to sit back 2,000 miles away and listen to him slowly die over the phone and there is nothing I can do about it. Because of the drinking, he had the hiccups for three weeks straight! It was impossible to carry a conversation. He's had professional caregivers and nurses live with him. He see's doctors on a regular basis. Everyone's hands are tied? Unbelievable considering all the stupid laws that still exist.

 

[cbg]

The part you are failing to grasp is that the law cannot take away your father's right of choice.

 

[CdwJava]

Nope. She's not a professional caregiver. Retired Gov. Employee. I'm shocked at the lack of recourse available.

You can always try to go to court and argue for a conservatorship or some form of PoA that might give you the right to change caregivers ... but, I suspect that's a long shot.

I have to sit back 2,000 miles away and listen to him slowly die over the phone and there is nothing I can do about it. Because of the drinking, he had the hiccups for three weeks straight! It was impossible to carry a conversation. He's had professional caregivers and nurses live with him. He see's doctors on a regular basis. Everyone's hands are tied? Unbelievable considering all the stupid laws that still exist.

The laws are designed to give people freedom ... yes, that even means the freedom to commit acts of self-destruction. Until or unless he makes an overt threat or takes action to try and kill himself, the authorities cannot force him to seek treatment or change his self-destructive ways. In fact, there are states now that have passed laws permitting euthanasia and assisted suicide, so expect limitations on self-destructive behavior to be even further loosened in the years to come.

 

[Eekamouse]

Nope. She's not a professional caregiver. Retired Gov. Employee. I'm shocked at the lack of recourse available. I have to sit back 2,000 miles away and listen to him slowly die over the phone and there is nothing I can do about it. Because of the drinking, he had the hiccups for three weeks straight! It was impossible to carry a conversation. He's had professional caregivers and nurses live with him. He see's doctors on a regular basis. Everyone's hands are tied? Unbelievable considering all the stupid laws that still exist.

If you are 2,000 miles away, how in the world do you know for a fact that it is she who is providing him with alcohol and not himself? You don't know. You are assuming.

 

[anearthw]

This person sounds like a girlfriend/companion, not caregiver. Your father is clearly a long-term, severe alcoholic -as tempting as it may be for you to blame others, it is he who chooses to continue this path. Yes, some go so far there is no "turning back", but again, that's a choice he has made. We have the freedom to choose our paths. There are something like 15-25 million alcoholics in this country (I can't recall the exact figure), there is simply no provision for holding enablers responsible. If incompetant or a minor, that's different. Perhaps al-anon for families would benefit you.

 

[JasonKal]

His 1st stroke, which happened a number of years ago left him paralyzed on one side of his body. He cannot drive. The only way he can get the alcohol is if someone brings it to him. He was recovering nicely when he left asst living in my area 6mo ago. As predicted, his health deteriorated quickly since moving to his house in FL.

 

[commentator]

Maybe you should try attending Al-Anon meetings in your area. They may give you some ideas about dealing with your father's behavior and some valid information about alcoholism. You desperately want somebody else to intervene, to FORCE your father not to kill himself with alcohol which might be painful to you.

But did you ever consider that if he were refused alcohol, if you or someone else were to shut him up to where he was not able to get the alcohol, he might kill himself for that reason, or die of the stresses that involuntary detoxification might place upon his system and then you've not achieved anything any better as far as results goes? I've seen cases of where someone was placed in a care facility or penal facility, thus quickly detoxed cold turkey, and it wasn't good at all for them.

 

[Proserpina]

He is STILL allowed to ask his girlfriend to buy him his liquor. And there is STILL no law against her complying with his wishes.

Cold turkey is absolutely not in his best interests at this point in time; the risk of death in a cirrhotic patient is dramatically higher. If he wants to quit, there are safer ways of doing it and in his case the best option would be as an inpatient where he will monitored pretty much continuously.

 

[cbg]

Look.

If he chooses to drink, that is HIS decision and HIS choice.

I am not unsympathetic, trust me. But the law is not going to step in here, and they shouldn't. It is not the law's function to control someone's behavior within legal bounds. Drinking is legal. Therefore, no matter how bad it is for him, the law does not have the right to force him to stop drinking, or to criminalize his girlfriend for giving it to him.

Do you want the law deciding what legal behaviors YOU'RE allowed to participate in?

 

[xylene]

Rich people, even poor people, pay people to bring them all kinds of things, including alcoholic beverages.

I think you are overstating how critical his girlfriend is to his continued drinking.

Have you considered that she may even be substantially pacing, rationing and controlling his drinking?

No, you see her as a some kind of succubus. That may be true, but he's the addict.