AngryDad86 deleted threads

[AngryDad86]

I'm not sure I agree with Pro that Mom should have to pay for a visitation center if no one in her family is willing to supervise. It is not her fault that your supervisor (the regular or the other option) is unavailable. Unless your order puts it on her to make other arrangements should your cousin bail for whatever reason, Mom is under no obligation to do so. Had we been in a similar situation, I can assure you no one in my family would be willing to spend five hours with my ex.

I am assuming that Mom called the cops to give them a heads up that she would not be bringing the child as the supervisor was unavailable, per your information - and forestall your calling them that she's denying your visitation.

I don't think that she should have to pay, but in our initial court date, we named several options of supervisors (she offered her mom, a mutual friend, and my cousin). We settled on my cousin because she had already stated that she would be willing to do it. When I gave up my visitation for her vacation, she said that we would be able to work something out for when our supervisor was on vacation. I know that she's not really under any obligation to do anything that isn't in the court order, which is why I wanted to double check to be sure that I didn't really have any options. I would not have contacted the police as I knew I couldn't have my daughter without supervision. I'm just very frustrated by the whole thing. I did contact our caseworker as Pro suggested. If supervision is extended past the next court date, I will make sure that something is written in about alternate arrangements.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not sure I agree with Pro that Mom should have to pay for a visitation center if no one in her family is willing to supervise. It is not her fault that your supervisor (the regular or the other option) is unavailable. Unless your order puts it on her to make other arrangements should your cousin bail for whatever reason, Mom is under no obligation to do so. Had we been in a similar situation, I can assure you no one in my family would be willing to spend five hours with my ex.

I am assuming that Mom called the cops to give them a heads up that she would not be bringing the child as the supervisor was unavailable, per your information - and forestall your calling them that she's denying your visitation.

I admit to reading too much between the lines here. I actually MISSED some of it. I have no excuse, so all I can do is apologize to OP.

Dad - ignore my post please (I can't delete it). I focused only on Mom's seemingly odd phone calls.

Sorry. Though calling the caseworker is still solid advice.

 

[stealth2]

Sorry. Though calling the caseworker is still solid advice.

Absolutely. CYA and all that.

I do think this is a Dad who may benefit from the boys' strategic/game plan advice.

 

[AngryDad86]

Absolutely. CYA and all that.

I do think this is a Dad who may benefit from the boys' strategic/game plan advice.

I really have no idea how to strategize any of this. Her mother and I have been broken up for six years but she has told me on several occasions that SHE is not ready to have to deal with me and that SHE is not over our break up (even though we've both clearly moved on). She did state in court that our daughter looked forward to the visits and was adjusting well, but that she did not want me to have more than 2 hours a week and privately told me that I would never have her for a weekend, overnight, or holiday. I could probably use some help outside of just legal advice in how to deal with her behavior.

I admit to reading too much between the lines here. I actually MISSED some of it. I have no excuse, so all I can do is apologize to OP.

Dad - ignore my post please (I can't delete it). I focused only on Mom's seemingly odd phone calls.

Sorry. Though calling the caseworker is still solid advice.

No need to apologize, thank you for advising me to call the caseworker (seems obvious, but I was hung up on the cop-calling) and for bothering to respond to my Friday night post

 

[AngryDad86]

Should I Keep My Lawyer?

My state is Ohio.
Just as an update--the caseworker emailed me back and informed me that she never heard from my ex. Apparently the whole thing was fabricated, I should have known. This is the second time in two weeks that she's threatened to call the police--the first was when I asked if I could come to my daughter's open house at school. She told me she would be calling the principal and telling them I was not allowed to be there and that she would inform the police as well. I emailed my lawyer on Saturday, and while I didn't expect to hear back from him on the weekend, it's now been two business days with no response. He often ignores emails, sometimes ones with simple questions that are time sensitive, and I will have to email him once a week for several weeks to get a response. He frequently gets facts confused and I'm just not sure that he's really invested in my case. I'm really tired of not being answered. He also recently changed firms, and asked me for another retainer. I originally gave him $1,000, and the last bill that I received had about $500 left on the retainer. While I'm assuming we've used most of that up with the two intervening court dates, when I asked him if I owed him a balance at that time and his response was "I don't know, probably" and I've seen no documentation since. I have heard that judges do not like it when you switch attorneys, but our next court date will be with a new judge. Our county is restructuring cases, so this will be our first time in the court room with this judge. Do you think my expectations are too high? If I choose to retain counsel from somewhere else, what kind of procedure should I follow? Do I find alternate counsel elsewhere and then let him know in writing that his services won't be needed any more? I don't want to be rash, but I'm very frustrated.

ETA: I am editing this to ask one more question--is it normal practice to advertise a free consult, and then charge for the consult once someone has agreed to your services? I was under the impression that free meant, well, free, but I could very well be wrong. Thanks!

Thanks again for your help.

 

[AngryDad86]

Advice for Non-Responsive Lawyer?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OHIO

FULL DISCLOSURE: I originally posted my own thread for this question, but Zigner asked me to keep them all together, so I deleted that one to repost it here. I apologize, I thought that since it was a separate question entirely, it should have it's own thread. My mistake.

Good morning everyone. I wasn't sure if this post should go in this category, but as this is the type of legal situation I'm currently in, I wanted to leave it in here.

I hired a lawyer in May of 2015 to help with my visitation case. We have been to court three times since then and my lawyer has become less and less responsive. I have had three very bad weeks in a row with my ex, one of which ended with her dragging our daughter through the parking lot and screaming at me about child support. I have remained fairly emotionless during each of her tirades. I have reached out to my lawyer weekly for the last month and have received only one email back, where he requested that I call him instead of emailing. We were also recommended in court to have a session of family counseling, but the order is vague and he had some good recommendations that I need from him. I scheduled a phone appointment last week on Wednesday, however, when I called he was out of the office and never returned my call. I rescheduled the appointment for today at 9:00, this time he was supposed to call me. Again, nothing.

I really don't know how to proceed at this point. He switched firms halfway through our case, and at the last court hearing, he asked me for another retainer. When I asked him if I had a balance due, he responded with "I don't know, probably." I told him I would mail him a check by today, and at this point, I'm VERY reluctant to send it. I also called the old firm and found out that there was still money left on the retainer when he left there. They wouldn't tell me how much, but I'm sure it was probably enough to cover the one court date that we had in the intervening time.

I can't afford to hire another attorney--at least not one with a crazy retainer fee. Every single attorney I've called has wanted somewhere between $2500-$5000 when I can, in actuality, probably afford closer to $750-$1000.

What should I do? Send a certified letter stating that I am unhappy with his service and that we need to meet to discuss things? If I call the bar association, will they be able to recommend attorneys with certain retainer requirements? Should I just keep calling until his receptionist puts me through? I really have no idea where to go from here. He came highly recommended by a family friend, and now I feel trapped with him.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OHIO

FULL DISCLOSURE: I originally posted my own thread for this question, but Zigner asked me to keep them all together, so I deleted that one to repost it here. I apologize, I thought that since it was a separate question entirely, it should have it's own thread. My mistake.

Good morning everyone. I wasn't sure if this post should go in this category, but as this is the type of legal situation I'm currently in, I wanted to leave it in here.

I hired a lawyer in May of 2015 to help with my visitation case. We have been to court three times since then and my lawyer has become less and less responsive. I have had three very bad weeks in a row with my ex, one of which ended with her dragging our daughter through the parking lot and screaming at me about child support. I have remained fairly emotionless during each of her tirades. I have reached out to my lawyer weekly for the last month and have received only one email back, where he requested that I call him instead of emailing. We were also recommended in court to have a session of family counseling, but the order is vague and he had some good recommendations that I need from him. I scheduled a phone appointment last week on Wednesday, however, when I called he was out of the office and never returned my call. I rescheduled the appointment for today at 9:00, this time he was supposed to call me. Again, nothing.

I really don't know how to proceed at this point. He switched firms halfway through our case, and at the last court hearing, he asked me for another retainer. When I asked him if I had a balance due, he responded with "I don't know, probably." I told him I would mail him a check by today, and at this point, I'm VERY reluctant to send it. I also called the old firm and found out that there was still money left on the retainer when he left there. They wouldn't tell me how much, but I'm sure it was probably enough to cover the one court date that we had in the intervening time.

I can't afford to hire another attorney--at least not one with a crazy retainer fee. Every single attorney I've called has wanted somewhere between $2500-$5000 when I can, in actuality, probably afford closer to $750-$1000.

What should I do? Send a certified letter stating that I am unhappy with his service and that we need to meet to discuss things? If I call the bar association, will they be able to recommend attorneys with certain retainer requirements? Should I just keep calling until his receptionist puts me through? I really have no idea where to go from here. He came highly recommended by a family friend, and now I feel trapped with him.

Send a certified letter asking him to withdraw and then call the bar for a referral.

 

[torimac]

I wanted to mention something that has not been brought up at this point. Mom's boyfriend should not be called "Dad" and Mom should not be encouraging this. You can ask the courts to stop this but it might be worth it to continue to work on your relationship with your child. Eventually your relationship will grow and she may become accustomed to calling you Dad. At that point, she may drop the boyfriend's title or change it.
Regardless of what she calls you-be her Dad. Talk, visit, spend time with her. It's the small things-talking about school, sharing a meal, etc. that will add up and build your relationship.

 

[AngryDad86]

Will Filing A Child Support Appeal Hurt My Visitation Case?

State: Still in Ohio

Just as an update on how things have progressed, for those who might be interested. This is not relevant to the question at hand, so if you want to skip the next two paragraphs, feel free.

At the last court date (we have only had one since the last time I posted), the supervision was removed, and I was given one additional hour each week. She was also ordered to share transportation with me, participate in a settlement conference, and allow one overnight which was supposed to take place on a certain date and time. There was also a conversation that took place with all of us (my lawyer, myself, my ex, and the judge) regarding visitation on the day after Thanksgiving, to which she agreed to allow me a full day with my daughter in lieu of me requesting time on Thanksgiving. The judge did NOT write this in the order (which I realize makes it unenforceable), which the lawyer did not notice until after we left the courtroom. The judge asked her several times why she was fighting visitation--she admitted that our daughter enjoys the visits, but that she doesn't want me to see her because I was not around for so long. The judge then told her that he did not want to hear anything about her manipulating the situation and that she had better not do anything that would make our daughter think that spending time with me was a bad idea.

Things have been confrontational since then. She cancelled our overnight visit as my daughter was invited to her first sleepover party--this caused a huge battle between us as she did not consult me and I did not agree (it would have been fine if she would have approached me and had a conversation with me. Instead she texted me the day before and basically was like 'this isn't happening this weekend. she chose her friends and she gets to make the decision'. It took a lot of strong convincing on my part, but we agreed that if she emailed my lawyer and put the next weekend in writing as the day of the sleepover, that I would switch the day. The best part of this is that instead of emailing the lawyer herself, she had her boyfriend (the same one that she taught my daughter to call daddy) email the lawyer and tell him that it was in our daughter's best interest not to have the sleepover that weekend and that it would be moved . The sleepover went great, although my daughter spent the three weeks leading up to it telling me that her mom did not want her to spend the night and that her mom was very nervous about the situation. She cried when her mom left, just for a few minutes, and then I managed to get her mind off of it, and we had a really fun time together--honestly she did not even mention her mom once. When we were discussing changing the overnight, I was very calm and tried not to engage--she kept telling me that she was not legally obligated to let me see my daughter--ever. I told her that she did not have a right to change the court ordered date without an agreement from me, and that if I did not have it in writing to both myself and my lawyer that I would be guaranteed the next weekend then I would be coming over at the appointed time to pick up our daughter. She told the lawyer that I had verbally abused her (and literally, what I wrote here is what I wrote to her, with verb tenses changed) and refused to allow me the day after Thanksgiving. We had our court ordered mediation attempt, which went literally no where, as she refused extended visitation, weekends, overnights, or anything else (she also said that our daughter does not ever want to spend the night at my house again...which I know is a lie because we really did have such a great time). I have tallied it up, and she has cancelled 1/4 of the court ordered visits since July and has refused me any makeup time with the exception of one two hour mid-week visit. SO, yes, things with her are going terribly, but things with my daughter are going really well.

I did take OHIOGAL's suggestion and ask the bar for a referral for a lawyer on the lowest side of the hourly rate scale. I went to a consult and their retainer was also in the 2k ballpark. At this point I feel stuck with my lawyer, but I feel like I am better off than representing myself--but I do not trust him. I know that asking questions when you have representation is looked down upon, but I really need some sound advice here. I had my child support hearing two weeks ago, and as some predicted, I was imputed minimum wage at 40 hours per week. Interestingly enough, she quit her job, where she has worked for the last seven years just a few weeks before our hearing to stay at home with her kids (who are in school). I would like to appeal the support order based on the fact that I received a letter from my doctor stating that I can't work more than 25 hours a week. In all actuality, I don't work at all, I haven't been able to for quite some time due to my intractable epilepsy, though my doctor says that I COULD work if I could find a job where I can work very specific hours, just a few hours a day, with no heavy machinery and where I would be allowed unlimited absences when I have a seizure...without a doctor's note. If you know where I can find a job like THAT, please let me know. Additionally, I am having a temporal lobectomy on the 14th in the hopes that it will offer seizure relief, but we will see. I am not trying to get out of paying support, but I would like the hourly wage to be lowered to the 25 hours a week that my doctor advised. However, when I brought this up to my lawyer, he told me that by contesting the support, I would likely harm my chances of getting more time with my daughter.

This seems to go against everything that I have read on this site regarding the separation between support and visitation. I am planning on paying the ordered amount in fact, I already have made the first payment. I know that no one here is a mind reader, but is there any precendence of a judge denying visitation or restricting time for simply filing an appeal? Since my fiance is the only one who works, I do not want this to be an unfair burden on her especially when she struggles so much just to make ends meet. I have an open disability case, and I also have the potential for a better future with this surgery, at which point I would be fine with increasing the amount. Does anyone have any suggestions here? I do not want to ruin my case by appealing the ruling, but I also don't understand how I could be penalized for filing an appeal.

As always, I appreciate your help.

 

[stealth2]

State: Still in Ohio

Just as an update on how things have progressed, for those who might be interested. This is not relevant to the question at hand, so if you want to skip the next two paragraphs, feel free.

At the last court date (we have only had one since the last time I posted), the supervision was removed, and I was given one additional hour each week. She was also ordered to share transportation with me, participate in a settlement conference, and allow one overnight which was supposed to take place on a certain date and time. There was also a conversation that took place with all of us (my lawyer, myself, my ex, and the judge) regarding visitation on the day after Thanksgiving, to which she agreed to allow me a full day with my daughter in lieu of me requesting time on Thanksgiving. The judge did NOT write this in the order (which I realize makes it unenforceable), which the lawyer did not notice until after we left the courtroom. The judge asked her several times why she was fighting visitation--she admitted that our daughter enjoys the visits, but that she doesn't want me to see her because I was not around for so long. The judge then told her that he did not want to hear anything about her manipulating the situation and that she had better not do anything that would make our daughter think that spending time with me was a bad idea.

Things have been confrontational since then. She cancelled our overnight visit as my daughter was invited to her first sleepover party--this caused a huge battle between us as she did not consult me and I did not agree (it would have been fine if she would have approached me and had a conversation with me. Instead she texted me the day before and basically was like 'this isn't happening this weekend. she chose her friends and she gets to make the decision'. It took a lot of strong convincing on my part, but we agreed that if she emailed my lawyer and put the next weekend in writing as the day of the sleepover, that I would switch the day. The best part of this is that instead of emailing the lawyer herself, she had her boyfriend (the same one that she taught my daughter to call daddy) email the lawyer and tell him that it was in our daughter's best interest not to have the sleepover that weekend and that it would be moved . The sleepover went great, although my daughter spent the three weeks leading up to it telling me that her mom did not want her to spend the night and that her mom was very nervous about the situation. She cried when her mom left, just for a few minutes, and then I managed to get her mind off of it, and we had a really fun time together--honestly she did not even mention her mom once. When we were discussing changing the overnight, I was very calm and tried not to engage--she kept telling me that she was not legally obligated to let me see my daughter--ever. I told her that she did not have a right to change the court ordered date without an agreement from me, and that if I did not have it in writing to both myself and my lawyer that I would be guaranteed the next weekend then I would be coming over at the appointed time to pick up our daughter. She told the lawyer that I had verbally abused her (and literally, what I wrote here is what I wrote to her, with verb tenses changed) and refused to allow me the day after Thanksgiving. We had our court ordered mediation attempt, which went literally no where, as she refused extended visitation, weekends, overnights, or anything else (she also said that our daughter does not ever want to spend the night at my house again...which I know is a lie because we really did have such a great time). I have tallied it up, and she has cancelled 1/4 of the court ordered visits since July and has refused me any makeup time with the exception of one two hour mid-week visit. SO, yes, things with her are going terribly, but things with my daughter are going really well.

I did take OHIOGAL's suggestion and ask the bar for a referral for a lawyer on the lowest side of the hourly rate scale. I went to a consult and their retainer was also in the 2k ballpark. At this point I feel stuck with my lawyer, but I feel like I am better off than representing myself--but I do not trust him. I know that asking questions when you have representation is looked down upon, but I really need some sound advice here. I had my child support hearing two weeks ago, and as some predicted, I was imputed minimum wage at 40 hours per week. Interestingly enough, she quit her job, where she has worked for the last seven years just a few weeks before our hearing to stay at home with her kids (who are in school). I would like to appeal the support order based on the fact that I received a letter from my doctor stating that I can't work more than 25 hours a week. In all actuality, I don't work at all, I haven't been able to for quite some time due to my intractable epilepsy, though my doctor says that I COULD work if I could find a job where I can work very specific hours, just a few hours a day, with no heavy machinery and where I would be allowed unlimited absences when I have a seizure...without a doctor's note. If you know where I can find a job like THAT, please let me know. Additionally, I am having a temporal lobectomy on the 14th in the hopes that it will offer seizure relief, but we will see. I am not trying to get out of paying support, but I would like the hourly wage to be lowered to the 25 hours a week that my doctor advised. However, when I brought this up to my lawyer, he told me that by contesting the support, I would likely harm my chances of getting more time with my daughter.

This seems to go against everything that I have read on this site regarding the separation between support and visitation. I am planning on paying the ordered amount in fact, I already have made the first payment. I know that no one here is a mind reader, but is there any precendence of a judge denying visitation or restricting time for simply filing an appeal? Since my fiance is the only one who works, I do not want this to be an unfair burden on her especially when she struggles so much just to make ends meet. I have an open disability case, and I also have the potential for a better future with this surgery, at which point I would be fine with increasing the amount. Does anyone have any suggestions here? I do not want to ruin my case by appealing the ruling, but I also don't understand how I could be penalized for filing an appeal.

As always, I appreciate your help.

Q4P in case you decide to delete this, too. Hope, for your sake, someone bothers reading your novel. I saw no point.

 

[AngryDad86]

Q4P in case you decide to delete this, too. Hope, for your sake, someone bothers reading your novel. I saw no point.

I have been using this thread actively since July, and I have apologized profusely for deleting my original post. My question could be answered from the title alone, I think, and I did say that the first few paragraphs were just a recap of the past few months. Thanks anyway.

 

[CJane]

I don't think the issue you're going to have is because the judge would "punish" you for seeking a reduction in support by reducing your time with the child. I think what you'll run into is that if you say "I can't work more than 25 hours/week, and that's in an extremely controlled environment", you risk the judge saying "Then how the bleep do you intend to care for a child without supervision/assistance?"

 

[Ohiogal]

The other thing is where are you going to get the 2-4k for an appeal?

 

[AngryDad86]

I don't think the issue you're going to have is because the judge would "punish" you for seeking a reduction in support by reducing your time with the child. I think what you'll run into is that if you say "I can't work more than 25 hours/week, and that's in an extremely controlled environment", you risk the judge saying "Then how the bleep do you intend to care for a child without supervision/assistance?"

That's kind of what I thought after discussing things with my family. To be honest, I will probably never be completely alone with my daughter, at least not for more than an hour or so at a time. My fiance is always at least somewhere in the house when my daughter is there, and since I can't drive, she makes sure she is always home so that we can actually go and do activities from time to time. I wish I knew what it was about an actual work environment that triggers my seizures--I am not lazy by any means, in fact I am probably one of the hardest workers you would ever meet. I used to walk four miles each way to my job when I was still able to work part time. I think it has something to do with the constant stress of having to perform a task under pressure --I've tried everything to help alleviate that, meditation, more medication, etc. My seizures will be reasonably controlled and I will think that I can start working, and then after a week or two at a new job, they kick off again. I think if I were able to stick it out for a period of time for my body to adjust, it might even out, but unfortunately most employers are not sympathetic to that situation. It is worthwhile to note that I have not had a single seizure or aura in the presence of my daughter since we started visits six months ago.

I am having a temporal lobectomy next Monday, the 14th. If I am lucky, within a year or so of the surgery I will be able to be weaned off of my medication, and then I might actually be able to work full time. There is a 70-90% chance that will happen. If it does, then great! I will happily update the child support office and pay whatever the new ordered amount is. There is also a chance that the surgery will be unsuccessful and that my pending disability claim will go through, in which case--fine! I can pay the ordered amount then as well. But in the third scenario, the surgery is unsuccessful and the disability claim is rejected again, then what will I do? My fiance is already paying my support for me (which is perhaps the most emasculating thing I have ever had happen), if I don't file an appeal now, then she will have to continue paying this amount for the next three years until I could file for an adjustment. I'm just trying to think everything through since there are so many possible alternatives in the very near future.

The other issue in the order that has me concerned is that it states I am ordered to get a job. Won't I be in contempt unless I appeal this?. It stated that I had to upload my resume on the OhioMeansJobs website and do something else in regards to the job backpack and career planner--I can update with exact wording later. This is my other major concern.

The other thing is where are you going to get the 2-4k for an appeal?

I was planning on appealing pro-se, since I have had so many issues with my lawyer, he just told me his opinion after our settlement conference when I asked him about it. Will it cost that much if I do it on my own? I have been going through the visitation case for the last year, and my fiance has only had to pay the lawyer $1500 (her tax return), and I believe I still have a few hundred dollars on the retainer. I don't know anything about child support court ...I have had five hearings over the visitation case with a sixth scheduled, and then I believe the seventh it will actually be set for trial because we could not come to an agreement in mediation. Is that a reasonable number of hearings to expect for support court as well?

I appreciate your comments, thank you for your help.

 

[janM]

A lady who works in my office was having seizures, and it was determined that the flourescent lights were triggering them. It was the normally unseen high-speed flickers that caused them. She was moved to her own office, from the open cubicle area, with a small light, and I assume she's better. Might be worth looking into.