Another threat

[Steve Hill]

I'm in Florida, she's in Colorado.
Since our divorce in 1996 I've endured multiple threats from my X, always with our three kids as ammunition. Our divorce occurred in Iowa and immediately after, she moved, with the kids, to Denver. Also, in the decree, she was able to get an order that stated that if she and I lived more than 200 miles apart, she wasn't responsible for any transportation costs. I ultimately ended up in Florida for work. The current threat is that she is now going to send the kids to me because she can't cope with them, and is having difficulties with work and her personal life, and that I've not been "there" for the kids and that I haven't supported her during this difficult time. She is mad that I didn't see the kids last summer, (work constraints), and it goes on. The fact is she has given the kids a very comfortable lifestyle, they have been given all they want, never told no, have a lovely home, a mother that earns more than me, I've always been with them at Christmas, and they have spent time with me during the summers, while still paying full child support, sometimes for 10 weeks. And, because they are now all teens and being difficult to handle wants to pass the buck and hold me responsible for all of their behavior. I have always supported her in her disciplining of the kids, when it occured. Me, I don't even own my own home, can not come close to offering what she can and my work takes me out of town for a weekend as much as twice a month on a regular basis, and sometimes for a week at a time. How strong is her case to be able to do this? I've always supported her with the kids, even when I didn't necessarily think her decisions were right. This recent threat is worrying as I have no idea what I'd do during the times I have to go away and how I could afford to maintain their lifestyle. All three are teenagers now, one will be a senior in high school in the fall and the second one is 15 and they have been in their world for so long, I don't know them that well. Does she have the ability to make changes as drastic as this?

 

[stealth2]

Huh. I don't think I've ever seen an NCP refer to the possibility of the CP turning over custody as a "threat". Nice.

 

[MominNJ]

re

If you can't care for them, you can't care for them. What else is there to say? I have to admit, I was mildly amused by your post, as I have never heard anything like it either.
Looking at it from both sides, I guess she just needs you to be there for them more than you are. Teenagers are a pain in the a$$. LOL She's probably losing control of them and I guess she figures you would be able to whip them into shape.
i wouldn't look at it like a threat, though. Try to meet her halfway. If you honestly are unable to have them live with you, try making arrangements to spend extended periods of time with them. I know the air fare is a lot, but hey if she really wants them out of her hair, maybe you could convince her to split the cost with you.
It's worth a shot. Good Luck!

 

[stepmom&mom]

So are you saying that you are NOT wanting your children to come live with you? Sounds like you and your ex need to get with the program and quit putting yourselves before your children. Get a job that doesn't take you all over the country.

 

[mikeleslie87]

untitled

let her send them to you-then if she wants them back all of a sudden,it will be hard for her to convince a judge that she can suddenly "cope" with them.its not your fault her life is screwed up,she needs to grow up and get her life together.maybe its best if they do live with you untill she gets her life straightened out,the kids need stability.

 

[casa]

I'm in Florida, she's in Colorado.
Since our divorce in 1996 I've endured multiple threats from my X, always with our three kids as ammunition. Our divorce occurred in Iowa and immediately after, she moved, with the kids, to Denver. Also, in the decree, she was able to get an order that stated that if she and I lived more than 200 miles apart, she wasn't responsible for any transportation costs. I ultimately ended up in Florida for work. The current threat is that she is now going to send the kids to me because she can't cope with them, and is having difficulties with work and her personal life, and that I've not been "there" for the kids and that I haven't supported her during this difficult time. She is mad that I didn't see the kids last summer, (work constraints), and it goes on. The fact is she has given the kids a very comfortable lifestyle, they have been given all they want, never told no, have a lovely home, a mother that earns more than me, I've always been with them at Christmas, and they have spent time with me during the summers, while still paying full child support, sometimes for 10 weeks. And, because they are now all teens and being difficult to handle wants to pass the buck and hold me responsible for all of their behavior. I have always supported her in her disciplining of the kids, when it occured. Me, I don't even own my own home, can not come close to offering what she can and my work takes me out of town for a weekend as much as twice a month on a regular basis, and sometimes for a week at a time. How strong is her case to be able to do this? I've always supported her with the kids, even when I didn't necessarily think her decisions were right. This recent threat is worrying as I have no idea what I'd do during the times I have to go away and how I could afford to maintain their lifestyle. All three are teenagers now, one will be a senior in high school in the fall and the second one is 15 and they have been in their world for so long, I don't know them that well. Does she have the ability to make changes as drastic as this?

Tell her to put it in the court order. Then file for child support and she can help you support the children. Do you have friends/family where you are? Maybe they can help when you are out of town...or you can do what every one else does who doesn't have family to help care for the kids, tell your job you can't travel that much- or get another job.

 

[ENASNI]

Tis Sad

Tis a sad sad situation.


I am pulling my hair out thinking of my daughter going away to college.

I can think of me of the typical empty nester... whiling away the time, by the phone... waiting between college breaks. Wanting to die when I hear when she says... OH... no I am not coming home this Spring break... I am going to da da dah...

And these people aren't sure who wants these children in the last few years they are actually going to be around??
Tis sad.
I don't like the mother's idea of breaking up what they know, and I don't like the fathers attitude of not wanting to share any lasting time before they disappear into the great unknown...
My daughter's father gave up great oppurtunites in other states to stay close to her and me, to not break up her routine...
I won't say what I have sacrificied... any good father and mother has done the same.
I am not saying we are martyrs... I am saying we are PARENTS!


I am going to go hug my kid now (if she lets me... teenagers...they can be tough... but boy oh boy...they are great)

 

[LdiJ]

Tis a sad sad situation.


I am pulling my hair out thinking of my daughter going away to college.

I can think of me of the typical empty nester... whiling away the time, by the phone... waiting between college breaks. Wanting to die when I hear when she says... OH... no I am not coming home this Spring break... I am going to da da dah...

And these people aren't sure who wants these children in the last few years they are actually going to be around??
Tis sad.
I don't like the mother's idea of breaking up what they know, and I don't like the fathers attitude of not wanting to share any lasting time before they disappear into the great unknown...
My daughter's father gave up great oppurtunites in other states to stay close to her and me, to not break up her routine...
I won't say what I have sacrificied... any good father and mother has done the same.
I am not saying we are martyrs... I am saying we are PARENTS!


I am going to go hug my kid now (if she lets me... teenagers...they can be tough... but boy oh boy...they are great)

Despite the fact that I am no more impressed with these parents than anyone else is....sigh....I am still going to answer the question that that he asked, that no one here has answered.

No, mom cannot FORCE dad to take custody. I think that dad is a real jerk for not wanting custody of his kids....and mom is a real jerk for wanting to give them up....but heck...I don't know the dynamics.

 

[ENASNI]

Up Yup

Despite the fact that I am no more impressed with these parents than anyone else is....sigh....I am still going to answer the question that that he asked, that no one here has answered.

No, mom cannot FORCE dad to take custody. I think that dad is a real jerk for not wanting custody of his kids....and mom is a real jerk for wanting to give them up....but heck...I don't know the dynamics.

Dang it... Where was I?
Shoot I forgot.. dis here be LEGAL advice.. LdiJ is right... I would like to see here going to court trying to reverse the papers on the NCP CP on this.
WHOA... I mean it I would like to see that.
It is a groundless threat, and probably a call for help.